come on open your eyes
live a little more each day

we're a mighty fortunate country amongst a very messed up region.

maybe we should try to rid ourselves of angst and appreciate.

a little digression here...but not really.

we have to much to be thankful for. it is time to learn that some things take priority over others. it is time to absorb the fact that the past is definitely not the top of the list.
release that built up anger.
welcome the trying and the happiness.
look around you.
look at what you have today.
not what was lost yesterday.

let it go.. you just got to let all that go...

everyday is a new beginning only if you allow it to be.

focus. just focus on what's important.
then you'll know you're on the right track.

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yun: sweetie i know i replied you tags on your blog but decided to do more here anyway. sometimes i feel so sorry that we're continents apart and accessibility isnt exactly very easy. but hey, I AM VISITING YOU IN JULY SO START SCRUBBING AND PREPARING THAT RED CARPET! :> we only have the phone now, but at least we have the phone right? you can hear my voice anytime you want to..

maumaujane: hey how's my jungle otherhalf? getting stressed? dont forget mau, you just went over you still need time to adjust to studying. and hey you really have a good brain dont you ever forget that! i wont say dont be so pressurized cause i know you already are but i hope you'll take comfort that you have the whole group of us behind you all the way! wait for me ok? i'm still halfway on my whale coming over... ;p

dele: I MISS YOU LA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! meeet meet meet meet!! ok i'm going to message you now.

jem brings you some fun

say these over 8 times!

seventy-seven benevolent elephants.

round and round the rugged rock the ragged rascal ran.

the great greek grape growers grow great greek grapes.

she sells sea shells by the sea shore

there was a fisherman named Fisher
who fished for some fish in a fissure
till a fish with a grin
pulled the fisherman in
now they're fishing the fissure for Fisher

six sleek swans swam swiftly southwards

went to the doctor's on thurs to pick up some vasican for my throat congestion. it's a pill that dissolves the mucus and phlegm that accumulates at the back of your throat because of gawd knows reason why.

and today i found out the reason!

i was too exhausted to go to work today so had to go to another doctor to get mc. decided to use the excuse of diarrhoea cause it cant exactly be proven right? so anyway, this doctor is so good!
the minute i stepped into the examination room, he asked if i had a history of asthma because my breathing didnt sound regular. he told me " there's a tightening in your airway of about 15%, as compared to asthmatics whose ariways tighten by about 20%, hence you cant hear any visible wheezing. do you feel your throat has nasal congestion?'

and i was like wow! yes!

anyway i told him i went to the doctor blah blah blah.

the interesting part came where he reached a verdict when i described some symtoms which i thought was due to the throat congestion but he said no.

and he told me, that i have anxiety.

and i was like, no i'm happy.

he said that's not the point.

and he went on to describe if i had feelings of a certain kind recently. and ok i couldnt deny that over the past few months i wasnt exactly feeling over the top or whatever.

so verdict: i have an anxious dispositon.

:-{

that done, he examined my stomach. (i had diarrhoea remember? haha) and he said, i have too much acids in my stomach.

so, instead of going to pick up an mc and some diarrhoea pills, i ended up with the pills, acid pills, and..... anti stress tablets!

:?

but his fees are so reasonable.

and ok la, at least if that;s really the case i can curb it once and for all.

that's it. strictly no more alcohol.

i shall now declare:

JEM WILL BE IN ABSTINENCE FROM ALCOHOL

I shall not drink until the next time I drink.

;p

haha what a cheater. but hey, i need to give myself loopholes you know?

my head hurts.

you learn new things everyday.

and ive been learning quite a lot.
about myself.

thought about things that i never thought i would ever think.

scrutinized every fraction of myself and forced to admit all my flaws.

searched my memories critically and examined how it may have affected my being all these years, no matter how i have always denied it.

it was, and is, one of the most difficult things i have ever done.

because it changes me. and change is well, either good or bad.

of course the good side is that ive taken the first step in recognition.

bad side is that.. i'm not exactly very sure of myself. and the feeling of displacement is always very hard to deal with.

but well, there's nothing in the world time cant help.

I like this! I think we look so nice!!

Anna and Jas! we went to ktv and they sing v well!

this wasnt intentional!! cool huh? :D


Jo and gerrri!

JO with her nicely gelled hair!


gone with the gel! haha tt's her present!

i tried to forward this email to everyone but something went wrong with my hotmail so thought i'd post it up here and share. maybe some of you may have read it before but hey read it again!
have a nice day.

A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8
year olds, "What does love mean?"

The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have
imagined. See what you think:

"When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her
toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even
when his hands got arthritis too That's love."
Rebecca - age 8

"When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You
know that your name is safe in their mouth."
Billy - age 4

"Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne
and they go out and smell each other."
Karl - age 5

"Love is what makes you smile when you're tired."
Terri - age 4

"Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK."
Danny - age 7

"Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of
kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy and
Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss"
Emily - age 8

"Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening
presents and listen,"
Bobby - age 7 (Wow!)

"If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who
you hate,"
Nikka - age 6

"There are two kinds of love. Our love. God's love. But God makes
both kinds of them."
Jenny - age 8

"Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it every
day.
Noelle - age 7

"Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still
friends even after they know each other so well."
Tommy - age 6

"During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared.
I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and
smiling.
He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore,"
Cindy - age 8

"My mommy loves me more than anybody. You don't see anyone else kissing
me to sleep at night."
Clare - age 6

"Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken."
Elaine-age 5

"Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is
handsomer than Robert Redford."
Chris - age 7

"Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone
all day."
Mary Ann - age 4

"I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old
clothes and has to go out and buy new ones."
Lauren - age 4

"When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars
come out of you."
Karen - age 7

"Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it's
gross." Mark - age 6

"You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it.
But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget,"
Jessica - age 8

And the final one -- Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once talked about
a contest he was asked to judge. The purpose of the contest was to find
the most caring child.

The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an
elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife. Upon seeing the man
cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his
lap, and just sat there. When his Mother asked him what he had said to
the neighbor, the little boy said, "Nothing, I just helped him cry"

sigh. the answers are so innocent yet so real.
but how quickly we all forget.

courtesy of gen's photoshop skills

have you ever felt a time where you're stuck within 2 contrasting emotions? and then you get so angry about being caught in such a situation that you tear yourself away and chuck both aside.

that's what everyone experiences all the time.

but instead of focusing on one like what everyone else does, i choose neither.
i refuse to entertain either, because of the emotional burden that i am adamantly unwilling to undertake.

unfortunately, you may shoot it but you cant gun it down.

i strive for simplicity. doesnt everyone? and most of times, of course things are such because of your choices. and we all have a tendency to blow everything out or proportion. i wonder why? is it innate? that we make things difficult for ourselves when in actual fact nothing is really that complicated.

people are weird.

and i happen to be part of these weird human species.

and why do people engage in the sin of greed? why are we not content with what we have?
maybe because what we have in our hands, we are unable to use it, therefore we throw it down and take somemore. the trouble starts when you dont know what you're willing to throw down and then you start forgetting you only have 10 fingers.

everyone looks towards the rainbow.
everyone wants all its 7 colours.
we have about 3 or 4 colours in our lives.
it's great to want the rest,
but we havent even started appreciating the colours that we already have.

life is strange.
because of lives like mine.
and weird people like me.

at least i know i have camaraderie from many.

Name: Jem Goh
Date: 16 march 2005

composition: A Day at the Zoo

It was a bright and sunny day. (it was freakkking humid!) my friends Gen joan and i decided to go to the zoo. we took bus 138 from amk interchange. (it was a freakkking long journey!)

*thinks*

we saw many animals, such as tigers (the white tiger was gorgeous) , butterflies (gen dragged us to the butterfly kingdom and it was scary! i hv a phobia for flying stuff and so does joan), er.. polar bears, monkeys, elephants and so on.

we went to the children's zoo! where we fed the goats and donkeys. we met a moo-ing cow too.
(i have no idea why she was bellowing her lungs out. singing i think.)
i think the children's playpool doesnt look very clean.

we wanted to take a cab back to amk but the queue was too long so we decided to take the bus, where i had to stand for the whole journey cause i didnt have a seat.
my legs were very tired. (they almost gave way!)

the 3 of us then went to the hawker centre where we ate and talked.

i went home feeling very happy.

it was a very fun day.
(hell it was great!!)

marks: 10/10

:D
a day at the zoo.. it really sounds like a primary sch composition title doesnt it? *grinz*
i couldnt resist.

anyway, thanks gen and joan.
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for viewing pleasures, pls copy and paste on browser:

http://share.shutterfly.com/osi.jsp?i=EeEMmThi0ctXAA

it's sickening how you may experience something that can bring on a torrent of conflicting emotions at once which serves to complicate your mind matters even further.

it's a classic case of not knowing exactly what you are feeling.
i dont like it when it's neither black or white!
grey areas.

ironic seeing that law revolves around that colour.

speaking about law, i decided not to take my exams, open book or otherwise.
I shall however, WILL have group discussions and get the answers and read through the answers from my lecturer.
see.. not that a hopeless cause after all right?

..................................................................................................................................................
i am 45 minutes late but HAPPY 21st BIRTHDAY TO MY BUDDY JOANNE!!
like what i exclaimed today when i saw her.... you can watch RA!!!
not that i'm dying for my birthday to come so i can do that of course. im not sex-oriented!
unlike another certain 'jo' i know off. :>

anyway, JO! hope this year brings you great happiness and success. in every aspect. i cant wait for us to go for your birthday dinner!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
bessy! i shall try the clearwhite and then we can compare and exchange info ok??
here's to a set of super duper white teeth
cheers.
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to: the vips
louey's condition is good. diagnosis was actually food poisoning which led to severe dehydrations and low glucose count therefore she has to be put on a drip!
she's one helluva difficult patient though... pestering the nurses to let her go for a walk... (she cant go for a walk with that drip!) in the end the nurses relented and took her off e drip for 10 mins but she has to sit in a wheelchair!
which was damn funny cause she made her friend wheel her all over...
and she kept asking the nurses whether she can eat! which of course she cant cause she's on a drip!
and she kept asking when she can be discharged.
basically, when louey acts like that, you know she's well and dandy!
:>

anyone knows if the teeth whitening products sold in pharmacies actually work?
maybe i should try the 'clearwhite' sylvestor is endorsing.
;-)

i want to have brilliant white teeth!
i want to dazzle everyone with my smile!
i want my teeth to sparkle like 10-carat diamonds!

i'm also going to highlight my hair. just simple highlighting.
lime green? metallic silver?
haha mummy will faint.

i'm feeling proud of myself again! *feels proud looks proud*
i am going to purchase the sony cybershot t3 this week! yippee!
ok no that's not why i'm proud.
i'm proud because this is the first expensive item that i am paying all by myself.
paying my instalments. haha if i pay one shot... wait. i cant. cause i dont have money to pay it at one go.

yay!

highlights and camera...
-jem is feeling happy!-

the greater the physical exhaustion, the more delirious the mind gets.
and that's when it starts playing all its crazy games.
and i conclude that depiste the urgency for reprieve, it still remains unrelenting.

so it may be a little to early for typical meloncholy, but the mind knows not the time.

i decided not to club, and turn in early instead. but i was transported to a time not so very long ago, and unexpectedly faced a confrontation of denials that i have previously turned away from.

so i was expelled to that time frame which i shut and bolted and marked XXX all over it. but tonight, i opened it, albeit a tad cautiously, and forced myself to face the shadows rationally.

i pride myself in having no regrets in life, but of course there are a few which i would have done differently could i reverse time, and this is one of them.
perhaps one day, i can look back and say 'ok what happened was shit but without it i would never be the person i am now and im glad it happened in a way.'
but for now, all i say is,
'it involved a certain person, who to this day, i wish i had never known.'

i shant go into detail, but i lived my days in darkness, and experienced what it was like to live in a world full of lies and fear.
whenever i tried to talk about it, or mention it, a gloom overcasts and i hv to put in many stern reprimands to myself before i could shake it off.

in fact,all this time i told others what happened, it was always a gloss over, as if i was afraid of the repercussions if i ever were to tell someone what exactly happened. so i just touch on the subject and change it.

anyway, the person did me wrong.

maybe critics out there may reprove and say i am in no place to judge what is right or wrong.
maybe. but in this instance, i dont care.

there were many theories following me after this episode. some said this was what changed me. some said the minute anyone else did anything similarly wrong i would run forever.

maybe.

but im not ready to think about it now.

change has its pros and cons though. because i view things in different perspectives now.

i learnt that what you may feel so intensely at that point in time, may only last for that point in time, and thus it is very important not to get carried away.

though it may sound a little cynical. shrugs...

anyway.. somewhere inside tonight, the hard side of me melted a little.
every once in a while, that happens. when i find in me a little courage to let go of what happened.
and i did.
a little bit more.

i even allowed myself to think a little about the good times, where before i would shudder and grimace in disbelief.
maybe i grew a little, and i know that in spite of all that happened, there were good times.

and in my bid to be fair, i gain...

and then i am a little bit more at peace.

forgiveness really helps the soul.
cheers.

so ive lost this game and there's no second round, but when i pause to think about what ive gained, maybe i'm a winner after all. ..

i made an important choice just now. * feels important looks important*
ok maybe because it seemed like a long time since i actually came to a decision which matters.
anyway, ive decided not to take my piano dip this june, and take it in nov instead.
simply because my london exam date and this date clashes.
haha ok so maybe it was more of like no choice but still.

i feel more relaxed though. at least some pressure is being taken off.

ive decided that i shall go to school next week and take the exams anyhow.
but i'll let myself do it open-book.
i dont think my lecturers will care anyway. they'll prob be so happy that i even put in an attendance.
no point in doing close book cause i know the only thing ill write is my name.
so at least when i do the questions, im studying. and absorbing.
that's jem's logic but it worked for me all this while!

i cant wait for next week though! joanne's birthday dinner to look forward to, and a crazy night on fri with louey!! cause we both end exams and the best part is i have no teaching on sat! so i can stay out without having worrying about waking up the next day.

i have no idea where we're gonna go, only what
we're gonna be drinking dancing drinking dancin drinking dancing drinking dancing. yippee!

maybe we'll both pick someone up, no? haha kidding.

louey and i will prob stay at each others' hse so we can look after each other. though of course my vips will know very well who will be taking care of who. damn man... i need u guys! haha

and i negotiated with my mummy, and i'll get my electric guitar next month! yippee..
i'll prob spend hours in my room tryin to do guns and roses impersonation. haha
i'm no rocker, but no harm playing right? no audience to witness anyway.

it might seem sad that only clubbing seems to bring on a high right now, but it's not clubbing, it's the company and the fun.
it's good to have fun.
and i'm happy when i'm having fun.
and we must all seek happinesS!

ok sorry crazy now.
sigh.
off to school now....

if you want to be a player, you gotta know the rules of the game.

we all get so tangled up in our webs of lies that we carefully wove. we lure delusion, we entrap illusions.
we blindfold ourselves to reality and sink into a drunken stupor of hallucinations.
and all those dreams were mere mirages which our hearts conjured up.
because that very web of lies was designed to fool no one but yourself, and one of the worst gifts to bestow upon yourself is deceit.

we tell ourselves stories every other day, we lose ourselves in those carefully planned fantasies.

we pretend.

but reality always catches up with you.

when you reached a dead end in that certain road and you know you must turn around and go, you do it...

but every now and then, you just cant help but turn your head and look at what you left behind.

*sings* it started out just another day.....

had my piano lesson... then went to give tuition... (oh i'm giving tuition to this pri 4 kid called randall who is so adorable... and his 1 yr old brother is even cuter.. he offered to share his ice cream with me today!)

headed to town to meet gen and joan next.. where i coaxed them to eat at phin's steakhouse.. my fav... and after that.. as it was wed... plus ladies' night.. plus free flow.. we headed to china black.. where coincidentally, we bumped into sherisse and gang.. hmmm..

anywayyyyy, gen and joan are bullies! we were playing crazy games... you know those kind of games where the loser has to drink .. and oh my what a surprise i lost almost every round.. and i was made to drink... glass after glass after glass after glass...
am i bad or am i bad?

joan and gen were discussing lesbianism during dinner, and they decided to find a girl! lol.. and if any guys were to approach they would say they are not into guys.. but as usual they attracted all the guys... including 30+ yr old people... . waved off a few by saying i am joan's gf.. haha...

so gen and i were half high.. and joan was not.. because she kept winning... but joan and i went for supper at bishan and that sobered me up.. plus the walking her home... nothing like fresh air to wake u up...

hmmm my first time going out alone with gen and joan after years of knowing them and we're like from the same clique and stuff..
but it was great! i had fun!

:>

jem is happy.....

off to catch my 40 winks.. sch tmr.. exams next wk! damnnnnnnnnnnnnn

im tired.
tired of always playing the bad guy, tired of being the one who feels less, tired of being the one making the choices.
but then again, it doesnt really matter anymore.

People that you don't know, why let their criticisms get to you? If they call me a bastard, maybe in their eyes I appear to be one. If people call me a jerk, that's their opinion.
Do you live by your own morals and principles or by other's standards of you? We all should learn to be like the weather, even with the criticisms and abuse, it doesn't change. It doesn't care. And I don't.

love takes the blame when a relationship doesnt work out. or more accurately, lack of love.
' you dont love me enough to............'

common accusation.

poor love.

is it really love's fault?

let's not go into that roundabout debate on what love is.

let's talk about infedelity! there's just some discussion going on at the moment so yeah..

infedelity in general. let's uh.. leave me out of this at the moment.

how would you react if your partner cheated on you?

ok let's make this easier. cheating as in physical. not mentally cheating, cause like attraction or thinking about someone else is cheating too right? and let's face it, i dont think absolute monogamy really exists.

ok well that's what i think anyway. you can differ, up to you.

so back to the question.

would you forgive him?

people asks 'do you love him enough to forgive him?'
and if you dont forgive him, oh no! you dont love him enough. and why should you ever be made out to be the guilty party????

forgiveness is a very big issue. think about all the people in this world who needs to be forgiven. leave out relationships at the moment.
think about the one who drank and drove and killed a child.
or the one who accidentally hit someone.
or the murderer in a crime of passion.

the affected ones, they need to forgive right? and obviously you cant use the theory of 'love them and forgive them'
it's more of finding a conclusion to the internal bitterness and letting go. nothing to do with love of the other person right?

so isnt it similar?

ok granted, it's different somewhat.
but you cant blackmail love and push the responsibility to love. not fair isnt it.

forgiveness depends on many factors. and maybe love is just a portion but not everything.

SO. would you forgive?

interestingly, there's an Infedelity Anonymous Support group. not in spore. think it's in the us. but anyway what i found a little amusing was that they said 'whatever your role in the love triangle, there's a group format for you!'

haha i think it was the usage of the words love triangle. so apt. well.. at least it's not square...

oh yes and tt reminds me.

-edited-
JEM: they played retro that night.
GEN: retro?? oh yeah.. what's that song... SQUARE ROOF!
JEM: square roof??? er.. no! sqaure ROOM!
GEN: oh.. sorry la.. im a nerd la..
JEM: then luckily you never say square root...

ps: gen? nerd? ......... yeah... and so am i. ;p

warning: rambling rambles!

we have been placed in a world where our identity is created by an intuition recognition of ourselves in other people.

social animals.

the world at large becomes a metric by which we measure ourselves.

you see, our level of self knowledge is incomplete. and in attempting to increase even a minimal fraction to it, we succumb to seeking that addition from others-- and dissenting from the norms automatically puts you in a different cateogry which serves to defeat your original purpose altogether. because you want to, or maybe the people want you to--whichever, you're expected to-- resemble everyone else.

social animals.

but you know, being a social animal isnt all that bad. after all, relationship bonds inspire mutual welfare, and this affects us in the positive way.

all about balance isnt it?

so perhaps that's why people adhere to the rules. maybe because they dont wish to make themselves more vulnerable then they already are. perhaps they dont wish to lose even more of the identity that they have created.

and that seems to be what is happening with me.

but then, i thought. there's always all this talk about losing oneself and findin oneself and knowing oneself.
there are several perfected theoratical solutions out there.
but the truth is, is it that important? because so many who seek to find themselves end up losing their way.

so why find the answer? let it come to you, and if it doesnt....well.. then.. it matters.. but does it really have to.?

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i love my song! it's super meaningful!

and i know how to put songs on my blog without relying on any music website now! i just realised all u need is the url!

i'm sorry.. i just feel smart.

:>

casino rage debate....
ashamed to say i'm rather indifferent to this matter.
i dont seem to have an argumentative side anymore.

:-[
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i'm addicted to this song.
meaningful lyrics.
i'm also in love with marc anthony's 'how could I.' it's merely a typical love song. no striking lyrics, but just the way he sings it.
i admire people who really sing. not just be in tune.

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my mind's a blank. yet it's swarming with issues that i cant exactly put a finger to.
have you ever felt that way before?

you have a thousands things to say but no words.

thus, it just remain unspoken.

i think i dont know how to communicate anymore.

which is scary, cause it means that on my boulevard of broken dreams, i really am walking alone.

CHIJ@LL was such an eye opener!

i thought it was an ij event.. but it was actually only a chij toa payoh event!
anyway, met some teachers... mag low!! jo teo... she whacked me!

brother paul was there too!! we said hi to each other... and he said my hair was so long.. cause the last time i saw him.. 2 years back.. my hair was the shortest ever...

he danced too. wow.

i think i was happiest when my pri 2 teacher recognised me..

anyway, seeing the teachers jive.. woo.. although it was to retro.. but still...

i felt so at home there.

saw my seniors... juniors.. sigh..table tennis once more.. miss the team...

the event ended abt 11.30.. louey and i got cheated... thought zouk would remain open and we could stay there... but turned out zouk doesnt open on thurs..

so.. louey and i.. plus sherisse and gang.. headed to rouge....

and it was loads of fun.

louey and i.. crazy as usual on the dancefloor.

ok.. i'm happy.

:~>

back to the real world...

stayed over at joey's hostel last night, hoping that a change of atmosphere would motivate me to do my work. and I did one full chapter! ok it's definitely minimal and to catch up I need to spur myself to cover more but it's a start! *sings* always look on the bright side of life..... da da... da da da da da da....

the last time joey stayed over my place, i woke up in the middle of the night to find her on the floor! no.. i did not kick her off.. she just felt i wasnt exactly the best zzz-ing partner..
therefore, i was a bit apprehensive about last night but surprise we both stayed in bed and had a pretty good sleep. only i was a bit cold at night but didnt hv the heart to pull the blanket away from here. (and the next morning she tells me that she was actually feeling hot )

21 is approaching soon..
sigh.. i dont deny i'm worried about my very existence in life.. especially erm.. sexual orientation! i just dont have that chemistry with guys.. i have guy friends but none of them come close to being called a good friend, let alone boyfriend material. just the thought of it.......
*cringes* haha
maybe the right guy hasnt come yet?
it's so easy to fall back on that excuse huh? i kinda guess it's overused.
so many have said that maybe i just dont open my heart because i feel the idea of me being with a guy is absurd. but no i beg to differ, i dont feel that way at all! i dont close my heart to someone just cause he's a guy.
and also, it's not cause i can relate better to girls blah blah blah.

it's a simple reason as... the feeling is just not there.

maybe i should just accept the possibility. but then, the implications are so burdensome...

oh well. let's leave it to Him.

ps: erm, jon ure the only family member that has access to my blog so shush about anything u read here ok? too private to have anything revealed to anyone called family... thanks!

CHANGE SUBJECT!

going to zouk later for CHIJLL@ZOUK event. it'll be interesting to see who turns up. i think the only time i really felt comfortable being myself was at IJ. After that, everything just seemed to go downhill. ok wait we're supposed to change the subject.

one night away from duey and i missed her!

-edited-

Seeing a gun in your dream , symbolizes aggression, anger, and potential danger. You may be dealing with issues of passiveness/aggressiveness and authority/dependence.
Dreaming that someone is shooting you with a gun, suggests that you are experiencing some confrontation in your waking life. You may feel victimized in some situation.

Dreaming that you are seeing the doctor may signal your need for emotional and spiritual healing.

....er.. right.
well.. maybe.

No one knows what it's like
To be the bad man
To be the sad man
Behind blue eyes

And no one knows
What it's like to be hated
To be fated to telling only lies

But my dreams they aren't as empty
As my conscience seems to be
I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance
That's never free

No one knows what its like
To feel these feelings
Like i do, and i blame you
No one bites back as hard
On their anger
None of my pain and woe
Can show through

No one knows what its like
To be mistreated, to be defeated
Behind blue eyes
No one knows how to say
That they're sorry and don't worry
I'm not telling lies

No one knows what its like
To be the bad man,
to be the sad man
Behind blue eyes.