Our real blessings often appear to usin the shapes of pains, losses and disappointments; but let us have patience, and we soon shall see them in their proper figures. Joseph Addison

Behind every tragedy, there's a star waiting to be ignited.

But everytime it happens, we somehow manage to convince ourselves that darkness is permanent. We are certain that the brighter day is a long way ahead and you simply do not have the faith to trudge there. But maybe we should all learn to have a little hope.

Things happen for a reason. Sometimes, behind a fall, a bigger reason is out there for us. You have to be strong and wait for that reason to come to you simply because it's the best thing for you to do. You cant dwell over your setback forever right?
But these are just words. You have to turn them into action and the only way to do that is to believe.

Vision: the art of seeing things invisible. Jonathan Swift

The power of hope, faith and soul.

it's durian-man!
it's papaya-man!
it's banana-man!
ringringringringring... banana phone..

If Bullshitting is not an art, it is a skill, to be perfected over practice.

I am the shifu of bullshitting.

But even with my masterful and top-notch applications, it is a sobering fact that credit of passing my examinations is not due to hard work, bullshitting or any other self factor.

*clears throat* It's speech time!
I'd like to thank God for giving me this second chance. I really do not think I deserve it, not one bit. Lord knows what type of student Ive been this year, ok fine, as always. But I will try now! I definitely wont be the model student, might have a little bit of truancy but I'll make sure that consisitency will be the key this year 2! He saved my mummy a great deal of money and heartache. I think He did it for her actually.

I'd also like to thank God for my Joeybro! She hasnt been going through the easiest time, but things have been picking up and she's happy now. And when she's happy, I'm happy too!All the way bro! :)

Jem's Update
Chinablack last night. It started off harshfully, painfully, lots of tension.
but thankfully it all worked out.
And we all worked out.

haha how lame! get it get it? Work out=dancing. get it!?

hurhur.

thank you God thank you god thank you God thank you God thank you God thank you God thank you god thank you God thank you God thank you God thank you God thank you God thank you God thank you God thank you God thank you God thank you God

I PASSED MY EXAMS! I PASSED I PASSED I PASSED!

Hallelujah.

Call me: Jem Goh. Jamie Goh.
Age: 19+
Height: 163cm
Weight: 47kg
Hair Color: Dark brown. But maybe I should do something about it. Maybe streak it metallic green?
.Eye Color: Dark brown
Where im at?: Home sweet home.

HAVE YOU EVER??
Peed in ur pants?: Haha I suppose when I was a kid. My piano student's kid who's 4, peed in his pants, took out his wet pants and tried squeezing it on the piano. Is that gross or what.
Fallen off da bed?: Not that I can recall.
Fallen for a relative: Havent seen one that I fancy. haha but no way.
Failed a grade?: yes...
Broke someone's heart?: Uh.. I guess. But well I bet it's mended by now. *defensive*
Had ur heart broken?: yeah but then, I suppose I have a heart of stone. Haha
Cheated on a test?: yeah.. when it didnt really seem very serious whether cheating was damaging your integrity or whatsoever. But sometimes you cant think that far right?

CURRENTLY...
Wearing: CJ T-shirt( it's really comfy) plus nike shorts
Eating: Just done with my bbq flavoured prawn crackers and kinder bueno
Feeling: Tired cause of the thought of having to go to Clementi to give piano
Reading: A married man by Catherine Alliot
Chatting with: Not applicable
Watching: not applicable
Should really: erm.. go shower cause I'm running late as it is?

DO YOU...
Brush ur teeth?: *rolls eyes* Come on we live in Singapore not some tribe
Like anyone?: Non-romantically yes.
Have any piercings?: Erm.. ears? One at each ear.. you know the really sweet kind. *angelic smile*
Drive?: I'm taking lessons now, I know how to drive so does that count?
Love GOD?: Definitely. He helped me through a couple of tight spots.
Ever get off the damn computer?: Yes. Eyes get tired easily.

FRIENDS
Who ARE your best? Yun and Louey and all my VIPs. MaumauJane, Dele, Gwenniepoo, Crys, Su, Joeybro!,Zen, Zi, JoanneWeeGeokBay, Kos, and of course Cher
Who is the cutest?: Louey would win hands down. Haha
Who is the prettiest?: Hmm.. Mau? gee this is tough. They all are tied.
Who is the loudest?: gwennie! haha
Who is the hottest?: Everyone is. Not to mention Cheryl too. :)
Who laughs the most?: Er... I really dont know.
Who do You trust the Most?: All the ones mentioned above.
Who is more mature?: Maumau. BUT that's not saying the rest arent!
Do u hang out with the opposite sex?: hang out no. Go out a rare few at rare times. Some ex CJ classmates and some stray ones here and there.
Do u consider yourself popular?: Er.. not anymore. My prime days are over. Hahahah
Do u trust ur friends?: yes. Why would I call them my friends otherwise??
Are you a good friend?: I hope so.!

LAST PERSON YOU...
Hugged:Cher
Talked to on da phone: My driving instructor. He asked me to buy mooncake. Ha
Yelled at: Er.. Cher I guess few days back.
Tripped: I'm not so evil!
Turned down: My driving instructor? I told him I will think about it. How ambiguous. Haha

PERSONAL
What do you want to be when you grow up?: I have absolutely no idea at all.I'm drifting....driftin...drifting.....
What was the worst day of ur life?: I dont wanna think about it.I dont know really.
What has been the best day of ur life?: I dont know either. Ok this sounds pathetic. But I have had many best days or worst days. There just isnt any particular day.
What comes first in ur life?: Let's see.. Mummy,gf, all my close friends.. Just a matter of balance.
What do u usually think of before u go to be bed?: Hmm my day, prayers..

DO YOU
Like to give hugs?: Not really. I prefer to hold than to hug but holding is rather intimate.
Like to walk in the rain: yes.. unless it's a thunderstorm.
Prefer black or blue pens?: No preference.
Dress up for halloween?: Nah... even if singapore did practise the custom, I dont know if I would.
Have a job?: Not exactly. Just giving piano lessons.
smoke?: No.
Like to travel?: Definitely. Was telling my parents last night, I have several dream destinations. Disneyland.. Africa.. Hot air balloon.. Water rafting.. Sky diving..
Sleep on your side, tummy or back?: Tummy. It's supposed to mean insecurity. Hmm. No wait.. not tummy it's STOMACH!!
Want to marry? Shrug. Not at the moment.
Have stuffed animalz?: yes my beloved Paunchy!

WHAT DO U THINK ABOUT WHEN YOU FIRST HEAR THE WORD
Abortion: It happens. Everyone has their personal reason.
.Bill Clinton: Oh him. Haha
Summer: Archie comics. Dont ask me why I dont know
Tattoos: Uh.. I have 2? And Jaws. My tattoo artist. Supposed to see him sometime soon to do a touch up.
Piercing: Ouch
Drinking: Coke. mighty thirsty.

Scenario: Weird sound heard when talking to Cher on the telephone

Jem: What's that sound!?
Cher: I'm scratching my bolster. ( she pronounced it ball-ster!but she was unaware)

Jem laughs hysterically.

Cher: What!?
Jem: You sounded as though you said you were scratching your balls!
Jem: Is there something you wanna tell me?

Caught the semi finals match of Li Jiawei and her Korean opponent.
Very close match. Disappointed over the outcome, but full of admiration for Li Jiawei.

I AM OFFICIALLY A LI JIAWEI SUPPORTER.

She's so calm and composed. If it were me, I would have gone to pieces and succumbed under the pressure. but she's so steady! Taking it one ball at a time.

I AM OFFICIALLY A LI JIAWEI SUPPORTER.

*faints in admiration*

Star Struck.

Results have been delayed.

I'm mightily irritated.

I.R.R.I.T.A.T.E.D.

Bad Mood.

Have to string the stupid feeling of foreboding over the weekend. Yes I know it's all a matter of attitude. But hey, this isnt some normal exam. This actually concerns my next path. So shoot me for worrying my head off.

oh man I'M SO F.U.C.K.I.N.G. P.I.S.S.E.D. right now. Because of this and because of everything. Arh.

W.H.A.T.E.V.E.R.

I should be receiving my law results today.
But it isnt in the post yet.

*crosses fingers*

M.I.S.E.R.A.B.L.E.

I've got butterflies, and dragonflies, birds, bees, bats and all other flying things in my stomach now. And they arent fluttering. They are zooming around.

M.I.S.E.R.A.B.L.E.

Classic Moment

Topic of discusiion: Childhood reads (Roald Dahl)

Jem: I have the BFG, the twits.. and James and the giant... pumpkin.
Cher: It's James and the giant peach.

Jem's Update

Awoke this morning( or afternoon more like it) to a throbbing pain in my tummy! *ouch* Perhaps it's gastric, gathering that I didnt have my usual supper last night. Ha. Actually, I dont know what it is, it's like gastric cum heartburn. Hmm let's see it's a rather constant pain at the gastric area, plus shooting pains of heartburn. Owww...

Supposed to meet dear Louey this evening to go to Johnny 2 Thumbs to do a touch up on my tattoo.. Sorry Louey! Friday yeah?

Awaiting my piano tuner to arrive now..

Didnt go to school.. again. But hey I went yesterday.

Sigh. Shall rest.

An arrow through the heart...

Through experiences I have grasped that heart ache does not only exist in its figurative form, but its literal pain is as real as it can get.

A heart break is supposed to be a metaphor, so someone please explain why its effects of acute discomfort are so tangible and physically felt.

"I never knew until that moment how bad it could hurt to lose something you never really had." When you read something like that, especially if you had direct relation, the pang is right there, short but sharp.

Or even reading or hearing about peoples' passing on, it can really strike you.

Makes me wonder if it occurs because you sympathise or empathise. Or perhaps it is both.

ps: Not that I'm heartbroken at the moment..
but yes I'm really curious as to why we feel a literal pain? What causes it? Emotions that make your blood pressure soar, inflammation of tissues and somehow cause your heart to constrict? Perhaps at that moment somehow there was a brain activity from those wild emotions that causes heartburn hence the pain.
Hey that's a thought.

Highly Recommended: Heaven (911 tribute)
Go download the song, or request a songfile transfer from me if you see me on msn. Really touching must listen!!

It's been a year daddy I really really miss you
mummy says you're safe now in a beautiful place called heaven
Oh - thinkin' about all our younger years
There was only you and me we had your favourite dinner tonight
We were young and wild and free And I ate it all up even though I dont like carrots
Now nothin' can take you away from me I learnt how to swim this summer
We've been down that road before I can even open my eyes when I'm underwater
But that's over now
You keep me comin' back for more cant you see me?

Baby you're all that I want
When you're lyin' here in my arms
I'm findin' it hard to believe We're in heaven I started kindergaten this year..
And love is all that I need And I found it there in your heart
It isn't too hard to see We're in heaven

I carry a picture of us..

Oh - once in your life you find someone You are the greatest daddy..
Who will turn your world around
Bring you up when you're feelin' down
Ya - nothin' could change what you mean to me I can swing on the swing by myself
Oh there's lots that I could say But just hold me now even though i miss you pushing me..
Cause our love will light the way cant you see me?

Baby you're all that I want
When you're lyin' here in my arms
I'm findin' it hard to believe We're in heaven I miss how you used to tickle me..
And love is all that I need tickle my belly
And I found it there in your heart my belly hurts..
It isn't too hard to see We're in heaven I try not to cry

I've been waitin' for so long mummy says it's ok..
For somethin' to arrive For love to come along I know you dont like it when I cry..
Now our dreams are comin' true
Through the good times and the bad now I need you to be there...
Yea I'll be standing there by you..

I try daddy but it hurts..

Baby you're all that I want cause actually you're not coming home
When you're lyin' here in my arms Maybe one day
I'm findin' it hard to believe I can visit you in heaven ok..
We're in heaven
And love is all that I need And I found it there in your heart It isn't too hard to see
We're in heaven

So I'm gonna go to bed now
... Just in case you come home and kiss me good night
I love you so much..
I miss you daddy

I think the lyrics are enough reason to go download it.

History, despite its wrenching pain, cannot be unlived, but if faced with courage, need not be lived again.- Mary Angelou

This struck me as an appropriate quote for those who carry excess baggage, for those who relieve their past only to experience a momentary euphoria, only to be overtaken by the disappointment that reality of the present serves.

Each stage or phase in life that we go through leaves us with memories of ups and downs, and although everyone says there is simply no purpose of dwelling in your past, many do it anyway. I feel that remembrance is inevitable, it's an innate state of mind, but grieving over it and ultimately it starts to take control and ruin you, it is then you start to lose your purpose in life. We must think anew and act anew, with those memories to serve as lessons to guide, and that it perhaps the art of emotional progress.

Hmm.

Jem's Update
Have to admit I was initally rather reluctant to club, but Louey's excitement was contagious and yeah, it was a pretty good night. Tiring though, never knew I would have the stamina to dance for 3 over hours straight. My legs cant move today.
*sits down*
Sigh.

Ramble.....rambling........

History was on my side when it mattered but my ignorance got in the way. Now that all's been said and done, history is not on my side anymore. You get trapped in its irreversibility.

I should just ward myself in the cardiology department of the hospital.
Symptoms: B***** H****ed ouch.
Diagnosis: Confusion at its deepest degree.

Cant live with, yet cant live without. You get caught in a tug of war like that, its a lose-lose situation.

The best things come disguised, and sometimes you get so intoxicated with inferior complexities that you never really searched for answers, and dont we all know that the universal rule is that we dont often see what is right in front of our faces? And when we finally do, the time you took to let it sink in, that's what happens, it remains sunken.

And havent we always questioned ourselves with the suffering 'what I should do is not what I want to do'. You have to make that decision, but sometimes the decision has already been made a very long time ago. But myopic me, or disillusioned me, never really had to worry over it until now, when series of incidents or words make you snap and wake up.

oh whatever. I shall just inject myself with anesthetic and let my mind perform the operation.

Rambled.

Jungle adventures of Tarzan and Jane

Mau: Please order a McChicken Meal for me please.
Jem: Sure
Mau: McChicken ah!

10 minutes later....

Jem: Mau why are you eating my fillet o fish?

Tarzan and Jane plays tennis..

Thanks for the wonderful day Maumau! Haha sorry man my serving cannot make it. ;p Let's do it again sometime soon while we have the chance to do so.

Chants: We are young and fit.... we are young and fit......

Aching.

Many blame comparison

Do not compare, for Comparison....

leads to envy.

leads to bitterness.

leads to resentment.

So who needs it.

But you realise that envy, bitterness and resentment are all brought upon by yourself. Comparison did not tell you to feel all those.

Do not blame comparison

for without comparison,

how much will the value of happiness be worth?

how will we know when the light shines after a dark day?

how will we enjoy warmth?

Comparison is innocent. We are the agents that has the power of choice of its application.

We are always so quick to blame others when things go wrong, yet credit ourselves when things go right.

Expecting the world to treat you fairly
because you are a good person
is a little like expecting the bull not to attack you
because you are a vegetarian.-Dennis wholey

Inside, you live all alone. Do the right thing for yourself.

Happy Birthday Singapore
I am happy that I am a citizen, for generally we do live quite a good life. No wars, no natural disasters, no unstable politics. The things that we take for granted. Caught the parade on tv.
Nice. Applaud the organisors. the participants, and most of all the effort put in.
Singapore Idol after that. Well... it's only the premiere. Let's cross our fingers for better ones to come around.

Long overdue clearance
There is something immensely satisfying about disposing belongings from the past. Cleared my cupboards and drawers today, throwing those that I do not need anymore. Glad I went through with the task. Now my room feels free, as strange as this sounds.

Sigh.

"I have nothing to declare except my genius." - Oscar Wilde
;p

Jem's Update

Mission: To pick 6 live crabs with limbs all intact for a chilli crab dinner at Joeybro's place.
Agents: Animals lovers Jem and Zen. ok so crabs are crustaceans but yes you get the drift.
Steps: Pick the crabs who do not stare accusingly at us, or those that we look away guility.
Conclusion: Mission accomplised. 6 of Sebastian's relatives in our tummies by the end of the night.

The 4 of us (Jem, Zen, Bro and Zi) attempted to go ktv-ing but all the rooms were full, even those sleazy ones with uncles wanting to buy us drinks could not do anything to fulfill the wishes us 4 fresh-faced beauties (haha) who brought some sparkling youth into the lounge usually filled with ah peks and...er... aunties? ah mas?

Thus we headed to East Coast., talked... wind got to cold, and finally we settled down at my place. And you 3 Thank you! It was such a great night with just us 4, it felt like....er... CJ times. Ok, maybe not. It was way better. :)

Jem is contented.

My faith has wavered but has saved me."Helen Hayes

Others cause you to have stages of wavering faith, moments of sunken hope, but the key of pulling through is the affirmation that the presence of faith and hope places their existence entirely in your hands.

You yearn for those not within your reach
To understand that it is not to be
And so these lessons your mind you teach
Are the ones who set your heart free

But day after day we dream of dreams
That someday may come true
Faith and hope they play their parts
So that miracles, we dream them too. -Jem

Testing. Testing. testing. Testing. Cool.....

HOPE EVERYONE CAN READ MY ENTRIES NOW WITHOUT INTERRUPTION.

OK. ENOUGH TESTING.

tested.

Hmm. Seems like some of you have problems reading myy full entry. :( But hey!! Go through my archive it'll be there. :)

Please take the time to read. Courtesy of Pearlyn Chow. Even if you are an atheist, this is still one of the most meaningful conversations ever.

God: "Hello. Did you call me?"

Me: "Called you? No... who's this?"

God: "This is GOD. I heard your prayers. So I thought we'll chat."

Me: "I do pray. Just makes me feel good. I'm actually busy now. I'm in the midst of something."

God: "What are you busy at?"

Me: "Don't know. But I can't find free time. Life has become hectic. It's rush hour all the time."

God: "Sure. Activity gets you busy. But productivity gets you results. Activity consumes time. Productivity frees it."

Me: "I understand. But I still can't figure out. By the way, I was not expecting YOU to buzz me."

God: "Well, I wanted to resolve your fight for time, by giving you some clarity. In this 21st century era, I wanted to reach you through the medium you are comfortable with."

Me: "Tell me, why has life become complicated now?"

God: "Stop analyzing life. Just live it. Analysis is what makes it complicated."

Me: "Why are we then constantly unhappy?"

God: "Your today is the tomorrow that you worried about yesterday. You are worrying because you are analyzing. ."Worrying has become your habit. That's why you are not happy.

Me: "But how can we not worry when there is so much uncertainty?"

God: "Uncertainty is inevitable, but worrying is optional."

Me: "But then, there is so much pain due to uncertainty..."

God: "Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional."

Me: "If suffering is optional, why do good people always suffer?"

God: "Diamond cannot be polished without friction. Gold cannot bepurified without fire. Good people go through trials, but don't suffer. With that experience their lives become better, not bitter."

Me: "You mean to say such experience is useful?"

God: "Yes. Experience is a hard teacher. She gives the test first and the lessons afterwards."

Me: "But still, why should we go through such tests? Why can't we be free from problems?"

God: "Problems are Purposeful Roadblocks Offering Beneficial Lessons (to) Enhance Mental Strength. Inner strength comes from struggle and endurance, not when you are free from problems."

Me: "Frankly, in the midst of so many problems, we don't know where we are heading..."

God: "If you look outside you will not know where you are heading. Look inside. Looking outside, you dream. Looking inside, you awaken. Eyes provide sight. Heart provides insight."

Me: "Sometimes, not succeeding fast seems to hurt more than moving in the right direction. What should I do?"

God: "Success is a measure as decided by others. Satisfaction is a measure as decided by you. Knowing the road ahead is more satisfying than knowing you rode ahead. You work with the compass. Let others work with the clock."

Me: "In tough times, how do you stay motivated?"

God: "Always look at how far you have come rather than how far you have to go. Always count your blessing, not what you are missing."

Me: "What surprises you about people?"

God: "When they suffer they ask, 'Why me?' When they prosper, they never ask 'Why me?' Everyone wishes to have truth on his or her side, but few want to be on the side of the truth."

Me: "Sometimes I ask, who am I? Why am I here? I can't get theanswer."

God: "Seek not to find who you are, but to determine who you want to be. Stop looking for a purpose as to why you are here. Create it. Life is not a process of discovery but a process of creation."

Me: "How can I get the best out of life?"

God: "Face your past without regret. Handle your present with confidence. Prepare for the future without fear."

Me: "One last question. Sometimes I feel my prayers are not answered."

God: "There are no unanswered prayers. At times, the answer is NO."

Me: "Thank you for this wonderful chat. I am so happy to start the NewDay with a new sense of inspiration."

God: "Well. Keep the faith and drop the fear. Don't believe your doubtsand doubt your beliefs. Life is a mystery to solve, not a problem to resolve. Trust me. Life is wonderful if you know how to live."

Beautiful.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY MUMMY!!!

:D happy birthday ... happy brithday....... happy birthday to MY mummy.. the best mum in the world!

Behind those eyes, everyone has a story to tell. ..

Questions embedded and burn deep in our hearts are the ones we ponder over the most, but ultimately ignored, until a time of solitude nudges us into relieving those steps of musing that we plodded on not so long ago. Strangely, --or perhaps not-- , those times do not fall within our periods of comfort zone but in fact it is emotional pain that pushes us, forces us to interrogate our sources and demanding explanations for certain courses of actions.

At times, in those melancholic train of thoughts, intentionally and subconsciously we rarely look at the good points of our lives. How many of you have these thoughts manifested with pests -- the dark emotions such as fears, insecurity, stress, feeling useless, despair-- they override us, and end up feeling overwhelmed and sense of helplessness, and perhaps touches of self-betrayal.
In the end, self reflection results in self tormenting and break down of the soul.

But what many of us fail to realise that internally somewhere we have what I call a pest buster. And one of its best remedies is the mantra of 'It could have been worse'. Others include "I've been through this before, and I got out fine." and " It cant stay this way forever" Being a pest buster means you know these sort of emotions are inevitable, but you dont allow them to become your master.

"You are the God-being that is here to create life, to breathe soul into your body, to walk this world as your own source of power, love, worth and life."

Remember, your inner self is your only true compass. You have the decision to choose which emotional direction to take, exercise your self love and be at peace with yourself.

God Bless you all.