they always say that it's not a fantastic idea to put in one hundred percent, in all aspects, all angles.
you fulfill all the criteria, the conditions, and you excel in it.

but because of the dedication that you threw in, you allowed it to become a major part of your life. and like towards yourself, you begin to desire certain expectations and rewards.

and that's where the trouble starts. there aint no such thing as unconditional, granted, but the danger of sadness, heavily masked by outward resentment, begins to creep in, pointing a mocking finger along the way.

and then you have to exercise control, that when you give something, you give it as a present. and you certainly dont expect the other person to return a present just because you gave them one right?

definitely it is not that such simple execution, but it's a good guideline to go by, just a little reminder to tell us what is truly important.

they say when you give yourself, sometimes your benefits may not be so obvious, but you will be rewarded, just open your eyes and heart, sometimes, your present is right there.

we forget sometimes. but it's ok. as long as you come right back on track, derailments are fine, as long as they dont get too out of hand, so that the number of casualties become fatalities.

totally random and loving it.

1. i have this insatiable urge to play mahjong. but no one wants to play with me. haha am i tugging at your heart strings?? i always cant see to find 4 people who are (a) free (b) wants to play.

2. my nose has not been running-- it's been sprinting-- recently, and there are traces of blood, and when i breathe in, the smell of blood is intoxicating.

3. my mummy was walking and she picked up at ez link card with $40 value.

4. duey has been extremely naughty recently. (geral and jo: yes tt's duey when he was young. i agree he was so cute then. haha he's been climbing up to places i never thought he could reach just to steal the biscuits i bought him. he's smart gotta give him that. but in his quest, he kicks and drops everything off the table. grr. shall i cook him and we have him for dinner?? ahaa)

5. i want to go to riders lodge.

6. i need a job~! i can make coffee..tea.. whatever... sort of.. i can massage u.. i can.. do.. u know... everything. HIRE ME PLEASE!

7. i am going to watch superman later and eat sakae sushi.

8. i feel like getting high and dancing madly.

9. maumau is home!

10. i left some newspapers on the floor and duey bit and tore the whole entire set into tiny pieces and they are all scattered all over my floor. and you know you cant sweep bits of paper up cause they'll just end up flying again.

11. i am preparing my pot to cook duey.

12. hehehehe :)

piano exam tomorrow. no matter how hard i wish, they are still not playing the way that is needed to be played!

i feel so overloaded with so many things.

arg. no wonder my mood is unbelievably foul.

many things are like circles.

you dont know where it begins. and you dont know where it ends.
sometimes, just when you think you are beginning, it actually ends.
and when you heave a sigh and think it has ended, it's just the mark of a beginning.

its the uncertainty that grips us, its unpredictability that surges the energy through us, that keeps us searching for the certainty that we never seem to find.

that's the ugliness, and the beauty of it all.

happy ending. now tell me, is that an oxymoron, or not?

------------------------
i finished 'marley and me', and teared at the end when marley breathed his last. just like how i teared over 8 below. have i gone soft??
nah... only soft where dogs are concerned.

reminds me of my pete almost 10 years back.
shall not reveal what exactly happened, but let's just say that 26 november 1996 was a day where once again, i caught a glimpse of what maturity is like.

then and there, i grew up. just a little more.

how can something which makes you so happy also make you so sad?
simple. that's called living a life.
if it means that much to you, it has the power to make or/and break.

plus we are all schizophrenics in our own weird ways.
our violent reactions, or our apathy, are just alter-egos stepping in to replace us for the time being.

many of us punch the mirror as we look into it. sometimes we gaze wistfully at what could have been, and wail dismailly at what it is now.
when it comes to looks, contentment is hardly an issue. after all, it is a condition that is never met. i guess it all boils to esteem.
it's great to improve, but if you start getting obsessive, you become blind to your traits. and in your fervent quest to annihiliate your external flaws, you forget to nourish the good, you neglect it.

so your bad becomes good, but your good becomes bad. vicious cycle!

please dont forget you are a fragile, to be handled with care. even if you are embarking with good intentions, dont let your overzealousness ruin what pervious good you have already done ok?

piano dip this thurs. my past few days have been all about ... THAT INSTRUMENT. it even irritates me to say its name now. haha yes dramatic jem.
my kids' exams are coming too. sometimes, i wonder why i panic so much when they dont even realise the seriousness of it. i dont blame them, (well only a little) but i wish that i'm not such a worry wart.

but anyway, bottom line is, i'm stressed over my exam. yes mr cool dont give a shit is actually quite stressed. the criteria to pass is so damn difficult!! boo hoo hoo. and my fingers aint doing what i am telling them. double boo hoo hoo...

:(
:,,,,,,,(

england v ecuador. expected england to win, but thought ecuador would at least score 1. poor things!

caught scary movie 4 at 1.30am last night. it's supposed to be a comedy right?
but there was one really scary part that made me jump out of my seat in fright la!

it's the ju-on kid i swear. even in a stupid comedy he still looks creepy.

anyway the movie was lame, silly. but it's okay for a little bit of unwinding and relaxation.

bought the book 'marley and me'. 40 dollars for one book! anyway it's based on a true story of a family and their dog. i love animal stories, esp true ones. they're so heartwarming.
i'm waiting for duey to do something heroic too.

maybe i shall faint and he can give me mouth to mouth.

cool.

oh wait. duey is a hero already.

;)
my precious duey!

it's one of those nights when drift into melancholy...
and you begin to reminise, with a smile.. sometimes a tear..

i remember the journeys, the walks, the paths..

life is good. because your hand fits mine.

you are my proof, that dreams do come true. if you work hard, and more importantly, if you believe.

i'll always believe, for the rest of my life. you have reminded me of the importance of faith, and you have shown me the gifts one receives when you love whole heartedly.

the good. the bad.
i'm taking every single step with you.

Late at night when all the world is sleeping
I stay up and think of you
And I still can't believe that
You came up to me and said I love you
I love you too

I'll be dreaming with you tonight
'Til tomorrow and for all of my life
And there's nowhere in the world l'd rather be
Than here in my room dreaming with you endlessly

a thousand times. thank you.

it's all very well to be intellectual and rational. but every once in a while, you need to let some craziness seep in a little. just dont let it take over.

sometimes all you need is a little thing, to figure out something big.

at times, you feel fear, you look around and you get afraid. you're frightened of what could have been, and what may be. it's insecuity talking about the uncertainty of the future.

people always say they dont know where they are headed to, and they are scared.

sometimes, people get a little obsessed too.

and it isnt about the tangible things either. the materialistic issues such as where am i headed career wise.. etc.

it's just the many insignificant things which should remain insignificant but unfortunately you allowed them to grow until they threaten to take over your life.

and then it leads to anger, impatience, all directed at yourself

and then you become sad.

it's a vicious cycle. which few will understand.

but sometimes if you dont understand, just try a little patience.

there are events which happened in that person's life, to shape the person into who he is now, how he thinks and he works.
these events contribute to the person's character, both the good, and the bad.

the person has a lovely and an admirable side, and also his faults and flaws.

why is everyone always so ready to embrace the good, but yet do not have the forgiveness, and are so quick to turn against the bad?

are you ready to accept that person as part of your life?
are you ready to let go of the past and look to the future together?

you say you are.
but dont be too quick to answer.

you say you are.
but are you really?

sometimes one chance isnt enough for some people. some people need several tries before they get it right.
but yes, sometimes you only get that one chance.
are you the sort that slams the door, or are you the sort who closes it, but maybe you wont lock it for a while...

so i'm back....... from outer space....

the plane ride back gave me an additional motivation to earn big bucks., so next time i will buy business class tickets instead of settling for economy, but of course depending on the airline.

just use your imagination. i am an average size asian female, in terms of chest height, weight etc.
and it was already so gawd damn uncomfortable!! my legs suffered permanent cramping. i cant imagine pizza-hamburger-fries-american sitting in there. or peter crouch! *snigger* only the petite prevails here.

well, it was a nice getaway. now reality comes crashing. so let me divulge in my sulks for a little while. *snarls*

random updates

it's a sign that i've gone soft, when i watched '8 below' for the second time and was sniffing during the ending.
hey jem doesnt tear for movies! to me it's only fiction but my defence is that i love dogs and this is based on a true story anyway. :)

it was a little embarrassing, because there i was on the plane and i was so paranoid the air stewardess will come whilst i was in the midst of drying my eyes.

4.5 hours doesnt seem that long, but i couldnt sleep, the seat was too small, too uncomfy and now i ache everywhere.

but what matters is that i have arrived safely. :)

so czech lost yesterday. being the fair minded person that i am, ghana did a great job. czech's defence seemed to have too many loopholes.
sigh.

taiwan has so many shops! it's like bugis village, far east, pasar malam, orchard etc all rolled into one. it's a shopping haven. even me, a non-shopper, was really overwhelmed. k and i have been walking and walking for so many hours straight and we're gonna continue later.

everyone walks their dogs here. all shapes and sizes. haha

there's this part where there were many puppies, many little dueys, tortoises, lizards, spiders (!!) basically a huge huge pet shop, or a mini pet farm. and i saw a chow chow puppy!! so cute! but still so gigantic. :)

and i saw a piglet!!!
IVE ALWAYS WANTED A PET PIG.

do u know in germany, they had pig as a drug sniffer because their sense of smell is keener but there were many people protesting against it because they claimed it was not good for the image.

only goes to show how people get so stuck in their own thinking box and dont have the open-mindedness to give other thoughts a try.

but ok fine we're all guilty of that sometime or the other.

but yes, let me repeat.
I WANT A PET PIG!!

and when it grows old, i'll have it for breakfast. bacon.. yum yum. haha kidding!

alright, zai jian everyone.

take care and remember, you are all loved by
ME.

dear God, please bless my family, my duey, my socks, my friends, my k, and me. :)

GO CZECH GO!

win,
and i will support u forever.

haha.

please win.

please please please please please please please please please please

sometimes you say i love you, you say it slowly and mean every word, and pray to God that he will respond.

just like sometimes you nestle in someone's arms, so you can feel the protection of his arms around you.

or you kiss him, so you feel the tenderness in the touch of his lips.

expectations? conditonal love? maybe. but every now and then, we all need a little affection.

faith and trust. the legacy of love. but how quickly it can be forgotton.

i deleted my last post, because in light of the recent changing circumstances, i decided it was wayyy to inappropriate. haha

why?

because i am going to taiwan! wheee~~~~~!

after countless hours of deliberation, i decided to just heck and go. i spent good few minutes in the agency wondering out loud 'to go or not to go' and i finally convinced myself.

many many millions of thank yous to k.

and i'm glad, because i am HAPPY.

anyway, to those interested, i will be leaving sun early morning, returning wed late night.

i realise that i've been dreaming frequently about crocodiles(or is it alligators) recently.
upon checking the dream dictionary, (haha) this is what i found:

To see a crocodile in your dream, forewarns of hidden danger. Someone near you is giving you bad advice and is trying to sway you into poor decisions. The crocodile may be an aspect of yourself and your aggressive and "snappy" attitude. Or maybe it reveals that you have displayed some false emotions and shedding "crocodile tears".

To see an alligator in your dream, symbolizes treachery, deceit, and hidden instincts. It may be a signal for you to take a new perspective on a situation. It may also represent your ability to move between the material world of waking life and the emotional, repressed world of the unconscious. Alternatively, the alligator represents healing powers and qualities.
To dream that you are running away from the alligator, indicates that you are unwilling to confront some painful and disturbing aspect of your unconscious. There is some potentially destructive emotion that you are refusing to acknowledge andowning up to.

:O

*shrugs*

i'll probably never know but who cares.

england V trinidad this midnight. i am really tempted to put my money on trinidad because england is giving 2 balls. i highly doubt they will win trinidad by 3-0.
but then, i decided to give it a miss, because i dont have the money to play with currently.

speaking of money, where is my fairy godmother?

i really want to join k in taiwan but darn the ticket pricing is not worth it for just staying for about 3 days, returning on the 4th.
if i were rich, i wouldnt hesistate man.. who would. ok but that's envy talking so let's get it out of the way.

so i was saying, k is leaving for taiwan tmr and returning next wed.

so.. anyone up for some fun?? *cheeky laugh* haha just kidding. i'll be too busy preparing for my piano exam. which i still am perfectly certain my chances of making it are just so slim! arg. how frustrating.

but anyway i am joining louey at 'the red club' this saturday. interested let me know.

looking forward to shopping with dele tmr!

i think it's highly amazing that the world has many billion people, but all you need are a selected few and life is good!

only goes to show how many people you know does not depict how meaningful your life is.

the words that i preach about, i dont always practise. my beliefs do not rule me, because we have rebellious streaks in us and we tend to break the rules. but they are there to guide me. and i can only write because i understand, because ive been through it. of course as i have always said, empathy only goes that far. but my entries are about the things that i have been through, and the things that i have learnt. my wisdom may not always be spot on, but then, all my thoughts, written down or otherwise, make up who i am today. i have so many more things to understand, to learn, to be taught. thank you for your trust, and your patience.

we learn new things everyday, big and/or small.

ponderings and conclusions.

forgiveness is an art. to some, it comes naturally. to others, they require time to nurture and grow. time is its essence, but it doesnt make you any bigger or any lesser. *nods*

when something hits you really hard, it's easy to get angry. sometimes, it escalates up to the scale of hatred, and they leave their marks in the existence of bitterness and grudges. you go around with the swollen soul, an agitated mind, and then nothing seems right or perfect anymore because you now look at the world with tainted eyes.

it isnt about how judgemental you are either. if you feel it, you feel it. whether if affects you directly, or indirectly isnt the issue anymore.

when is it time to let go?

they say when you hate, the other person whom you hate either doesnt give a damn, or even if he does, it isnt enough for him to stop doing whatever he did to garner your hate in the first place.
so what's the point?

the point is, there isnt any. because, let's repeat, if you feel it you feel it.

there's nothing wrong.

just be mindful that sometimes it's a pity. because hate destroys not other people, but ourselves. sometimes it's better to look at other things that give you love, instead of the thing that brings you hate.

dont sow the seeds of hate. because they are weeds, they arent meant to be grown but to be pulled out.

but darn it's difficult. because it's hating comes so rapidly. and sometimes, you feel like you have nothing else to feel but that.

but at the end of the day, give your troubles, you negativities all up to Him. pray for his guidance and blessing.

and take the time to realise, that sometimes it isnt necessary anymore, it's time to let go.

hate is an ugly word.
dont let it conquer you.

why do so many people waste time trying to get rich, when they are already millionaires in so many different ways?
why do people look at yesterday with too much regret, so that the value of today becomes lost.?
why do people take the phrase ' dont wait till it's too late' for granted, until they experience it for themselves and they get shocked into living by that mantra but by by that time it really is too late.
why do people invest so much energy in hating people, but refuse to give the same for loving people?
why do people miss each other only after they are gone?
why do people wish for so many things, yet do/did nothing to make their wishes come true.
why do people get so cynical, they allow themselves to destroy any ounces of faith and hope that they might previously have?
why do people never believe other people when they tell them that they are beautiful?
why do people let life control them, instead of controlling their life?
why do people never realise that they have more power than they ever imagined?
why do people belittle love , yet magnify hate?
why do people never take notice of the little things?

i said it before, and i'll say it again.
we humans can be plain weird.
we are conformists in this sense.

it's such a pity.
because for many things, you get multiple choices.

but in living, sometimes you only get that one shot.

yet we smartly shoot ourselves in the head and we think we are so great.

-----------------------------
totally random.

hopes dashed in a matter of minutes.

I CANT BELIEVE JAPAN LOST!

ok fine kudos to the aussies for their fighting spirit. gotta give them that.

BUT STILL! JAPAN LOST!
I WAS SO CONVINCED THEY WOULD WIN!

oh man i'm not gonna trust my judgement anymore.

grr.

is it better to be in a relationship which is governed by minimal emotions? which means the 2 of you simply exist in an almost sort of stupor.
there's happiness, sadness, yes. but not to its extremities.
so thus the joy you feel is limited, but wont feel much anger either.

or do you prefer one where you can feel so wonderfully euphoric, that you laugh with abandon, yo drop all defences and you just have fun and everything is so happy.
yet it comes with the price of heartaches, wrenching sobs...

well, i guess every once in a while you long for the former. because you get tired of the energy needed to invest in the latter.
but what's life and love? it's when you really feel something wholly. isnt it?

that's what i believe.

with every smile, you must know that you sacrificed a tear.
but with every tear, a smile awaits you too.

we need the 2, they live for each other, and with each other.

ive never felt such happiness, nor have i ever felt such sadness.

but the greatest thing is, happiness lasts forever, and sadness is short-lived.

and every unfortunate episode has its story to tell.

and you know what? with all its ups and downs, ive never felt so blessed and contented.

happy 6 mths k. i love u. whee~~~!!!
quick everyone wish us.

we feel inferior because the power of the materialistic world has conquered us.

dont be taken in by it. it's just a clown, masquerading, but underneath all the hype, there is nothing of value.

which we definitely are not.

no one is little.

we are all big. and if the world thinks otherwise, it's only because their eyes are just too gawd damn small.

---------------------------------------------------------
germany vs costa rica.
opening match, home ground plus international expectations. the germans should be psychologically ready.
current score is 2-1 in favour of the germans. hmm.

i didnt place a bet though. didnt get round to doing it.

went to watch 'slither' at lido just now. i dont like the seats at lido, unless it's theatre 1.
anyway the show is about some worm like slugs who get into people's brain and make them think they are hungry all the time so they eat and they eat and they eat and obviously they blow up.
and they become zombies too.
and the mastermind of it all, some meteor that fell to earth, was some fat man who got fatter and fatter because all the zombified people merge with him to become bigger and bigger.

well. description done.
go figure.

k's parents went to shanghai for 8 days. so ive been planting myself there most of the nights. i just go home to feed duey and spend time with him. now all i do is close my room door so he can have free run of the room and he's been pretty good surprisingly. :)

it's really so blissful to wake up together, laze together, cook together..
all you couples who live together, i know it's not all that fun, but hey! people like us really want it so appreciate it too.

k's room is my second home. haha

k is coming to pick me from my house to drive me to work tmr. yay! we agreed to a pick up time of 730am so that we can go for breakfast. haha will update and let you all know if it was successful.

i guess in that case, i'd better k.o. right away.

have a lovely weekend. may God's blessings be with you so you'll have nothing but smiles and happiness this weekend!

'when you are sad, i am sad too.'
perhaps when you see that these are words and not the mere formation of alphabets, you will be able to nurture the reflective side of yourselves and appreciate the true nature of this.

and then perhaps you all will understand what ive been trying to put through all this while.

humans beings are sad creatures.
make that, mad, bad, and sad.

sometimes, other feelings act as a shield or a mask. not as a form of protection, but just simply to hide true feelings that one does not want to display, or is incapable of.

how many of us can boast to have the true capacity to tell the world that what you see is what you get.

as i have reiterated many times, we judge too quickly. sometimes, underneath all that bravado, is just someone waiting to be brought home. yet, dont blame others for assuming, it's only natural to do so especially when you have been potraying it all the while too.

sigh. why do we live in such a complicated world.

so many crazy ideas, too many insane thoughts.
the worst part to this is that you cant even talk about it, because there are certain issues and situations in life where you need to stand on your own two feet, and not stamp on someone else's toes to do it. YOU ARE ALONE.

there are moments, albeit fleeting moments, when you have to distinguish the line between solitude and loneliness.

you only have yourself. to deal with all the pain, the anger, the memories, the bewilderment, the shame, the humiliation.
all of which, some of it you deal with the knowledge you brought it upon yourself.

and you dont wish to share. because of the embarrassment of such thoughts and feelings.

i understand this, more than anyone thinks that i do.

because maybe i go through these times, more often than you think i do too.

i'm not crazy i'm just a little unwell.

tell me. is ignorance bliss?

i feel great waves of sorrow washing over me, and times like this i wish it rained all the time so that no one will be able to differentiate tears from the raindrops.

there's just too much unhappiness in this world. simply because its presence is unnecessary. dont you just feel an overwhelming sense of pity when this truth hits you?

when one is hurt, the ones around them hurt as well. unfortunately, we always choose to share our happiness, but not our sadness. we keep the latter tucked away, where it slowly consumes us, until it's built to a proportion where we feel so ashamed that we dont want to let anyone in to look at it. so the rest of us have to content ourselves in being outsiders, desperately wanting a way in but never succeeding. so we soothe the outside, but internally is the one that counts.

do we actually know what love is? do you read into love, or do you merely recite?
why do we never let the essence of love triumph over everything else?
are you so ignorant, so naive, so caught up that you have belittled it, scoff at the remedy it may provide, or just fear what you have never really gave or been given before?

does the power scare you?

i feel so sad.

well, i hope every now and then, you will remember me, the things i wrote, then maybe one day you will give me a call and say ' i understand what you were trying to tell me all along'

even if it would mean you understood, because someone else was better at explaining than me.

everyone is entitled to bouts of moodiness, crankiness and grumpiness once in a while.

and though it's not a valid reason, it gives us perfect excuses for going into the sulks and throwing the tantrums.

simply because we are not angels!

i am no princess, where my every movement must be executed with poise and grace, and my behaviour monitored by the blue blood and whatever colour blood everywhere.

in fact, i am a student. therefore, the proportions and the above entitlements are duly heightened and upscaled, and even more so the night before a major exam.

hell, i am no angel.
heaven, i am no saint.

ooooh the luxuries of being a student. yet the damnnest of it as well.

give me my coupons of entitlements now. Now. NOW!
this, my dear fellow weirdos, is only the beginning.

the rest of the coupons are yet to be redeemed!

ps: every weirdo is entitled to be weird as well. every weirdo student is bound to get a little hysterical and insane. where's the antidote? where's the cure?

to be collected thurs 8th june 1pm.

in the meantime, get ready for all the wails and sobs and incoherent hysterical whines!

ooooo.... OOOOO..OOOOOO...OOOOOOOO!
ahhh.... AHHHH.. AHHHH..AHHHHH......... (CHOO! HEHEHE) OMG EVEN IN THE MIDST OF STRESS I STILL CAN BE LAME... YOU GO JEM! A MASTER NEVER LOSES HIS TOUCH.

pss: the above are not in any way an imitation of the noises emitted while having sex!! not in this entry anyway. haha

Put up with me, all you mere mortals.
good luck! to me, to you, and to every other weirdo and non-weirdo on earth and everywhere else.

be thankful for the little things.

sometimes, arguments, being controlled, etc. all the negativities in the relationship which we get so tired of only point to one thing. you are being loved enough for someone to feel this way.

and you know, you belong somewhere. you are able to lie in the arms of someone who loves you, despite all the shit that lie around.

do you know how many people love from afar?

of course, please dont quote my words. too much of a good thing is not good and too much of a bad thing is always bad.

:)

what the world needs now is love, sweet love. it's the only thing that's just too little of.?

yeah, right.

i thought that was it too. that the reason we dont show love enough because there isnt enough to go round. but no, love is everywhere. it's omnipresent, it's bountiful!

dont blame the quantity of love. it's infinite. blame humans and our shortcomings.

because we have the greatest memories, but ironically we forget the most important things that ought to be remembered.

they say that anger is the devil. it must be true, because it destroys the angered one, and the one who bore the brunt of it. and all it leaves behind is one huge mess. and underneath the destruction lies the golden core of love, but since it's buried within, and since we are too lazy to sift through the debris, it just lies forlornly, and slowly forgotton.

we are able to go through piles of work. yet we cant take the effort to sort through the mess created in each others' hearts.

'god is dwelling in our hearts?' yeah.. He did, until we smartly kicked Him out.

why are humans just so damn silly at times? or just plain stupid?

ulcers... should be respelt and repronounced as owww-cers.

hell, their existence should just be erased permanently.

*rubs cheek tenderly*

i was just sitting and thinking about my circle of friends which have grown with me since our secondary school days. and it hit me that the word 'grown' is so appropriate that no other adjective can do ample justice to what we have gone through.

we leadour lives independantly, but consciously and also somewhere in our subconscious we are aware that we do depend on each other someway or another.

how far we have come. looking at our lives now, they are so different yet similar to those that we led then. we 've changed, yet retained a lot of who we were before as well.

my vips. i get wistful just thinking of them. and im so proud of what they have achieved, not only materialistically, but their character, personality, just personal growth has shaped them into the fantastic individuals that they are now.

i read your blogs, and share your ideas and your thoughts. it makes me feel closer somehow, because at times it's always easier to write than to speak.

and it's written black and white proof of the above written in blue.
im impressed by some of your entries. i really am.

i had all these noble ambitions of waking up at 6am to study for my paper in the afternoon. i didnt want to study the night before because i was tired so i reasoned that it's better to rest adequately in order to have more brain cells when i wake up. ps: it is no excuse. it is logic and common sense!

anyhow, i think i should get rid of my bed during this period. it' s just so darn comfortable that whatever morning aspirations i have just exist only in my dreamland.

i still woke up relatively early and rushed some work, which successfully killed several brain cells due to all that panicked cramming so therefore even if i studied the night before there wouldnt have been any difference.

grr.

i work best under pressure aka yes yes last minute. but whatever minute work i did, i really pray i can scrape through. pray pray pray pray pray

gosh i always become extra pious and religious and suddenly i'm all in tune with my spiritual awakenings during the exams. how hypocritical. god forgive me. :S

alright. off to get slaughtered!

tsk tsk. ok wrong mentality.

alright. off to ace the gawd damn bloody shit paper!