laugh in amusement or wince in pain. and then you think, maybe there isnt much of a difference between the two after all.

it's damning to be a mere spectator, when you want to get down and dirty on the playing field.

---
serious hardcore drinking beckons. but i only turn to its direction.
let's see if we really do end up walking towards it.

it's time for relaxation.

let's see where the booze leads us to.

different worlds exist, and doesnt look set to collide.

you sing 'ive been watching your world from afar'.

but you'll always be on the outside looking in.

ive been plauged by nightmares, and it's no fun waking up after a sleep feeling like you havent slept a wink, and the memory of the nightmare is still fresh and vivid.

perhaps ive been thinking too much lately, although my thoughts have no link to my nightmare -- far from it in fact. anyway, ive been evaluation many aspects of my life. you know how we always need to do that once in a while to keep things in perspective? anyway, they keep me sane and practical, but at the same time they leave me anxious and depressed. but yet there are the little things which make me smile too.

we probably go through these periods in our life occassionally. periods where we wished circumstances would just shift a little to our advantage, to help us with whatever tight spot we got ourselves into.

i just read the case about the US shooting. yes i am a bit slow, i would say shoot me but i dont think it's appropriate as yet.
but how awful!
the promising futures that ended with one movement of the arm.
and the asian ethnics, the fear of revenge instilled? after the shooting, they were 'conspicuously absent'
the parents, the siblings, the friends, and the strangers.

:(

i dont think i'm a judgemental person, but even i cant find it in my heart to justify an inch of what he did.

but i do wonder how his parents and sister are coping.

:(


what a tragedy.

i hope God helps all involved.

the trouble with dreaming is that you have to wake up.
and a series of dreams can only lead to a rude awakening.

you find yourself sucked deeper into the ironic abyss of sweetness, you revel in each second, you taste it with sharpened senses, but alas, it only all gives rise to a deeper meaning to the word bittersweet.

arent we all too familiar with that?

is that a sign of discontent, or unsatisfaction? or is it our selfish beings acting up again?

so you drive along the highway with all these thoughts, and you find yourself drawn into those unpleasantly pleasant daydreams you know are getting out of hand.

karma. this is seriously karma.

k, you know, i do love you. very much. but because of your ridiculous suggestion of mary, ive been receiving lots of flak.

the newest one to update.


//. gastric flu .\\ says:
hahahahah

//. gastric flu .\\ says:
*falls over laughing at mary goH Round* ..thank goodness.. you're not fat Jamie.. !

//. gastric flu .\\ says:
of it'll be so totally your name!

//. gastric flu .\\ says:
Mary-me?

:S

MY NAME IS NOT MARY!

'you turned on your charm and i fell hard. now i realise that flirting is just a way of life with you.'

interesting, aint it? let's make it even more complex.

what happens when 2 such people collide? does the game get even more complicated because you have rather experienced players in the field and it's not strictly restricted to amateurs any longer.

so the right words are said, the moves executed perfectly.

i guess the only difference is that they are immune, perhaps recognising that these are just tricks of the trade that every old dog knows.

is it really a case of may the best man win? and does triumph seem even sweeted because you conquered a more difficult prey, as bastard as this sounds.

so i posed this question to jo and hl,who are both on msn now. their responses?

hl: boy i wonder what will happen if i trip and let you in says:
say they'll fall in love

--Because ur mine, i walk the line-- ™ says:
i dont know they both prob like each other and cant believe they are falling for each other

my personal verdict is, if they fall in love, it's based wholly on feelings, and not because they were bowled over by each other's smooth talking ways.

hl brought up an interesting point to validate my stand.

hl: boy i wonder what will happen if i trip and let you in says:
but i think its cause for once someone can see past through the whole game and know what you're thinking

hl: boy i wonder what will happen if i trip and let you in says:
so u cant try your tricks and start being vulnerable by being yourself

but jo and hl are so idealistic! no let's call them hopeless romantics. haha.oops.
i never even thought of love being in the equation at all, because a trademark of smooth talkers is that they are generally cynics at heart.

anyway, this has been a different conversation. it was just a random thought i decided to bring up.
im satisfied.

just a totally random thought.

thank goodness i am not obese. and thank goodnes k's suggestion of mary didnt materialise.

if not, i would be Mary Goh right?

what are the odds people would poke fun at me and call me Mary Goh ROUND.

i didnt know that when christians go through water baptism, they can choose a baptism name, just like how catholics have their confirmation names.
anyway i guess it's preferably meant for those with only chinese names to pick a name, but what the hell! my mummy asked me to choose.

of course i had my beloved ignatius. i love that name!

had a time persuading her it was not too masculine sounding. st theresa's convent girls, thank god you had a principal by the name of sister ignatius. haha

she suggested suzanne, what the hell! suzanne is a nice name (ever the diplomat here) but come on, do i honestly look like a suzanne?

k suggested mary.
mary go. marigold?merry go?

let's not even go there!

all hail ignatius. a next tattoo maybe? grinz

we all know that there are some things you shouldnt do, and some places you shouldnt go to. because no matter which angle you look at it, it just spells wrong with a capital w. but being the sado masichist that we are, we will never ever factor in our future welfare, and we jump headlong into the fire with a gleeful grin upon the face.

only to get sizzled halfway through. and sometimes you get third degree burns, and boy, do we all know the scars are hard to heal.

so we all know its theory so well, we can recite it perfectly, but we are never able to carry it out. sometimes anyway.

but dont we all know that already?

so what are we left with? to monitor and exercise the utmost discipline because we know it's not good for us should be tread on dangerous grounds, or follow the mantra of living on the edge and risk what could be the greatest fall of your life.

choices.
arent we back to the same old thing.

is she the answer to your search for lifelong happiness and eternal love?
i guess the question will reply itself in time to come.

when you like someone, the initial stages are thought to be the honeymoon stages. because that's when you usually do not factor in realism and its complications. and when you exist in such a state of constant euphoria because it is now that you are in attention of all the little things, you are made to believe that what you are experiencing now will become the base for any future obstacles.

times makes a person weary. you cant escape from that. and when your strength diminishes, the overwhelming pleasures which swept you away in the beginnings are no longer enough reason.

and at the end of the day, every situation varies. some have their fairy tale ending, some begin new chapters in their lives.

anyway, to answer you, i whole heartedly believe in whatever you said.
when you do like someone, just being with that person, however ephemeral, is worth it.

but sometimes, you gotta make sure that person is worth it too.

but us being senseless idiots most of the time, we usually err in our judgement because well, it has already been explained in the beginning of this entry.

suggestions for escapism?
easy.

just close your eyes and daydream.