i cant believe im awake at this time.
yes fine, it's not unbelievably early but it is an uncharacteristically unworldy hour for me!

i did sleep by the way. it's not a case of playing the whole night and going without sleep.

it's waking up!! i slept and woke up at 8.15am!

i was supposed to teach today.
but i didnt. ok obvious.

my night was not spent wisely at all. what was supposed to be sleep was replaced by multiple tosses and many short dreams which jerked me awake at the end of each. so therefore, the number of times i woke up in addition to incessant turnings led me to declare i didnt want to work today.

not that i ever needed much excuse or reason. ;p

so whyyy am i blogging when i should be sound asleep?

because i cant go back to sleep at all!

7-8.15 is duey's most active hour. he demands to be let out of his cage and if i dont, he makes a helluva noise that it is impossible to get any sleep.
not like there's much difference after you let him out because he jumps onto your sleeping figure and demands attention.

but now, at 9am, is usually a time where he sleeps.
a perfect time for undisturbed sleep.

but im awwwwaaakkkeeee!

someone sing me a lullaby.

When I was then.....
folding hearts from bus tickets, with name written. putting chocolates in a locker.
attempts at poetry. waking up early to just to accompany her on the walk to school. sweets in a bottle.
ah. puppy love.

then i progressed to......
you know what is interesting to note? we think that age comes with depth. the feelings felt are on a higher level than before. you love someone deeper at 18 than at 15 because you matured emotionally, not because you really love the person more.
your writings get more intense because you have an expanded vocabulary and increased writing flair, not because passion spurs you to write flawlessly.
not to mention that a criteria for being a teenager is that you tend to get caught up in a situation very easily.

and now....
cheesy dedication days are gone. there isnt a need for daily declarations of love because experience has told me it is best you tread carefully and not be swept up in the swirling vortex of emotions we equate to as love.
because with age, comes responsibilties. it isnt a teenager or high school relationship where being in a relationship is just part of growth.
it's at a point where you have to consider your consequences.

it's safe to say that emotions are deeper, not only because of age but also experiences you came through over time, which taught valuable lessons to aid your current state of mind.

practicality takes priority. but yes, sweetness is important too. i'll remember that.

but for now,
take me for the person i am and the things i do now,
instead of the person i was and the things i did then.

yay new layout.

am i allowed to say that i think it's very nice?

:D

anyway, my tagboard colour is supposed to have undergone a change too.
but i dont know why it's still green.

:D
:D
:D

ok, as you can see, im happy with this.

is it nice!? DO YOU ALL THINK IT'S NICE!?

I await my delivery boy to arrive with my mushroom minced pork noodles.....

*salivates*

hehe thank you bro.

if you do something repetitively, you implicate yourself to the world of stereotyping.
it is not up to others to see you in a different light, but for you to rearrange the image that you played a major part in creating.

a case of give a dog a bad name and hang him?

from a certain angle maybe, but definitely not entirely so.

people may not jump to conclusions, but the apprehension exits.
only time and respect earned changes that.

maybe it's a case of give a dog a bad name and think about hanging him?

a little digression ..

what contributes to the longevity of a relationship?
love,respect, attention, bonding (not bondage, mind!), commitment, trust, faith, goodwill..

and forgiveness.

for when all else fails, it really comes in handy.

for the power to forgive is perhaps one of the greatest acts of love.

not laziness, nor lethargy.

neither the sin of sloth.

it's just fatigue. pure plain fatigue.

the lines between them are almost difficult to define.

refrain from judgement.

mine is puzzling.
because it appears to stem from nothing at all.

reason has been left unfound for almost half a dozen months.

you say maybe im just physically weak?

:-O

the atrocity of the statement!
what sardonic humour you possess.

i know its roots arent from issues family, friends, love, school or work.

*shakes head*

i reiterate that it's not any of the above, that i can vouch for.

dont analyse. because forming an opinionated statement would bring forward the implication that you know me better than i do myself.

which is gross audacity in my terms.
i do reflection often and sternly pointed out many areas of my being that need major refurbishing.

dont guess either.
because it would be a shame that i cant give you an answer.

finally the weekend has come.

it's not that i have been running about all week, but it's more like i feel i have been running about all week.

i wonder why.?

it's update time!

*ahem* I wanted to say i failed my driving prac, but let's just say i didnt pass. haha. basically, i had an immediate failure because i nearly ran into one of those big shit that resembles a cement mixer.
MY DEFENCE: it was not supposed to be parked there in the first place! and it stationed itself after the bend. i couldnt anticipate!
*testor's irritating voice in the background* it's a bend! you're supposed to go slow!
MY DEFENCE: i did....
*testor's voice becomes more irritating* AND IT'S RAINING!
*my voice in my head* oh shut up you're so unfair.

ok so i wished i had said the last line out loud but i dont think i have the guts to. ha. hey no one would have ok! but fine, i grudgingly admit that perhaps i had a hand in it. ok fine. big hand. whatever.
haha.
pity though, i was looking forward to getting my licence. :< and my circuit went well. i really thought i was gonna pass until i met that .... thing.
:<

Royal Plaza's buffet dinner was sooo fantastic! took cher there on her birthday. and no, it wasnt planned. we stepped into royal plaza thinking it was holiday inn dont ask us how. haha and we only realised our mistake when the bill came!
but it didnt matter whether it was holiday inn or royal plaza because the food was so delicious!
go try when you have the chance.

met dele louey and gwen on fri night. yippeee~~! missed you dele.

and mau's coming back in june! and no maumau gwen and i havent booked our tickets. we cant until gwen is confirmed. i cant seem to tag your board!

and ' The Pacifier' was quite cute. nothing beats ms congeniality though.

sigh. im tired. off to more sleep.

ps: I finally found a bit of time to being on da vinci's code! have you guys read angels and demons yet?? read it!! i insist!

we can never run from memories.
it could be that special song, or that special dance. or just a favourite food of his/hers.
or just simply anything.

but can the feelings associated with those memories ever leave?

you might have moved on, you might love someone else, but every once in a while you may come cross something which makes you think of her.

that's normal.

the big question comes whether you feel the ouch. the pang in your heart that comes with the memories. or your heart invariably softens. or just a little smile.

or do you feel nothing.

it is only when memories do nothing for you can you really say you love someone unconditionally. let's not define love as something that is hand in hand with responsibility and blah blah blah. let's just look at love as the pure emotional feeling right now.

i think this comes with time. because as the day goes on, the presence of that someone else fades, while the love for your current one grows to become overriding and powerful.

and at the end of the day,
there is such a thing as unconditional love after all.

let's get random.

the end of april is approaching. come may, i will study. it's a promise i made to myself.
ok wait let me rephrase, i will study more.
haha

and another rephrase, i will study my ass off. (how did that phrase come abt anyway!?) ok i will study till my ears drop?

let's get random again!
my msn nick is now 'i am jealous of that guitar player!'
for more details, go to http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/video/guitar.php.
i dont care if you say you're not interested. I ABSOULTELY INSIST!
my friend maryann(*wink) gave me the link.
and we're gonna work towards that standard! haha

last random!
i watched some ch8 7pm show for a couple of minutes just now because there was this minor philo conversation.

guy: if you had to go into the jungle, with a tiger, elephant, dog, and a peacock, who would you choose to let go first?
girl: the peacock. tiger last.! the tiger can protect me! the peacock cant do anything!
guy: well, i would let go of the tiger first. then the peacock.
girl: why!!?
guy: because the peacock needs me more than anyone else to get through the dangerous jungle.

.................... so wow right!
im ashamed to say that i thought of letting go of the peacock first. but the dog last.

anyway the conversation is edited cause i cant remember but this is the gist.

sigh.
i think we all need reminders like that every once in a while.

to view pics, please go to yahoo photos and view the album cause i dont know how to put the link up. my sign in name is jemgohqy and the password is 280984. (psst. that's my bday btw)

Highlight of the night!


:D
see that big smile? i'm satisfied with how cher's 21st birthday rouge celebration went.
in fact, im very satisfied.
very very satisfied!

i hope you enjoyed it darling. (i think you did!)
i love you very much. let's work this out ok?

and to all who went, thank you! hope there were enough drinks to go round and hey, the music was good right! hope you guys had fun. ( i think you all did!)

Comfortable seats, great company, good music, what more can anyone ask for while clubbing?

needless to say, guess who got drunk!
LOUEY! WHY DIDNT YOU WAIT TILL THE END TO CONK OUT!
louey was wasted before we even went onto the dancefloor, so we left her on the sofa.
*defensive* we did make sure she was safe!

anyway, i had a blast and i hope the feelings are mutual.
to all who came, you helped to make it what it is and really thank you.

some personal thank yous:

to gen: thanks for making an appearance and getting some drinks! joan! wasted you couldnt come. anyway birdpark soon k?

louey and gwen: you guys are the best, what more can i say!

bro: *grinz* for the exchange of martinis. haha! and helping me out with the management!

paul (zennie's bf): for that additional knowledge of alcohol, telling me which mixers go with which bottle!



anyway this is a bit random but..
i taught duey to play the piano. he can jingle to the tune of hoppity hoppity hop.
am i a good teacher or what?
haha ok he's just a genius. woo! prodigy!

you normally run and hide from things or people you dislike.

or people you like too much.

Although this appears illogical at first glance, it makes a hell lot of sense. And no, it's not because of the overrated fear of rejection either.

People say that when you like someone, you treat the person well. But it's not that simple.
You tend to treat the person better when you own her, or about to own. Im sorry I use the word own here, I know this makes people sound like material possessions, but in a certain sense, it is about owning right?

And sometimes when you know that person is no longer in your reach, you tend to back off. Suddenly your pride looms up and beckons.
And it's not about protecting yourself. (ie that fear of rejection thing again)

it's about ego.
it's all about acting cool.

and that's reality.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I havent been attending school for sometime.
soon i shall have to reassess my priorities when my exams approach.
I need a financial planner too. or an accountant. someone, or something to help me keep track of where all that money fly to.
THAT'S AN IDEA! maybe i shld invest in one. is there such a thing??

just received a message from dele saying she missed me. I MISS YOU TOO! looking forward to our dinner date next week. *sings* just the 2 of us......

Zen: ehhhh!! haha i never knew until i read your blog you know! anyway, i think it wld be more of 'first like' rather than the other cause i dunno... the duration? or age? hahaa but yes i am honoured thank you very much. i would like to thank ij for holding a lit class, er... for when i didnt bring my lit book....for you sitting alone...and ok la for regine's help. hahahahah!

Looking forward to Cher's birthday celebration on Sat! May we all have loads of fun and dont worry i'll ask the DJ to wish you k? haha love u.

im so f*** (toot toot toot!) irritated that my song on my blog cannot play.

anyway it's 'my grown up christmas list' very soothing, very nice. there are several versions. go listen.

are you bored? Let jem entertain you with these fun facts.

An annoyed camel will spit at a person. !! is that why they always look so cross? hmmm hey zen next time you go to the zoo can you irritate the camel and prove this for me? haha

The heart of a blue whale is the size of a small car. oh it must be so loving then! :> (pte joke: mau i shall go see if this is true ok?)

The giant squid has the biggest eyes of any animal: its eyes measure 40 cm (16 in) in diameter.
EH why you stare at me?!!

Hiccups happen when the diaphragm, the muscle that controls our breathing, becomes irritated and start to spasm and contract uncontrollably. With each contraction, air is pulled into the lungs very quickly, passes through the voice box, and then the epiglottis closes behind the rush of air, shaking the vocal chords, causing the "hic" sound. The irritation can be caused by rapid eating, emotional stress and even some diseases. The best cure? Breathing into a paper bag. This calms the diaphragm by increasing the amount of carbon dioxide in your bloodstream.
so next time stop holding your breath or stop trying to scare your friend! just get a paper bag.

On average a hiccup lasts 5 minutes.
ok if you dont have a paper bag, just wait for 5 mins!

The world's oldest existing eatery opened in Kai-Feng, China in 1153. pretty miraculous that it's still around... wow...

Three quarters of fish caught are eaten - the rest is used to make things such as glue, soap, margarine and fertilizer. all these are from fish??? fish!!???fish!!! smells fishy to me. haha well this sure is one hell of a fishy business.

ok i ran out of fish lame comments. next!

The can opener was invented 48 years after cans were introduced. so how were they opened before? knives? so dangerous... all hail mr can opener inventor...

When Alexander Graham Bell passed away in 1922, every telephone served by the Bell system in the USA and Canada was silent for one minute. talk about respect. that was such a sweet gesture.

An exocannibal eats only enemies. An indocannibal eats only friends. why would you want to eat friends? own up u guys.. are any of you out there indocannibals??
if you are either of the above.....er... actually.. we arent very good friends right? but we're not enemies either... er... we'er acquaintaces.. so i dont fall under any cateogry... so i cannot be eaten..... TOO BAD! haha

no but seriously i thought this is kinda interesting

In 1958 the US sent two mice called Laska and Benjy into space. oh.. initially i read it as laksa.. haha

ok that's it for now. hope you guys found it entertaining.

my stomach is how my stomach used to be when i suck it in.

i have a......a.....*stammers*........ tummy.........

there. ive said the forbidden word and admitted the truth.

i blame the boy who first brewed beer.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
life is short, and there's nothing like looking at the tombstones of you loved ones to give you that reality check, because you end up reminising, end up drowning in nostalgia, and ultimately get gripped by paranoia that the something similiar could occur. or rather, would occur.
the fear lies in the fact that tomorrow is not promised to anyone.

but then, i think it's quite impossible to live everyday as though it is your last because although death is very real, doing this ironically isnt realistic. because if that's really the case, no one would work, no one would go to school. they would just shedule the entire day dedicated to what they want to do because what they need to do is of minimal importance anymore.

priorities shift.

unfortunately, nostradamus predicted the end of the world, but he didnt predict the end of each individual lives.

at the end of the day, you just have to carry out your responsibilities but yet never let go of what is important.

god bless everyone.

and your families.

1. Name: Jamie
2. Nicknames: Jem
3. Race: Hua Ren
4. Nationality: Xin jia po ren
5. Age : er shi. going to er shi yi. ok stop it jem.
6. Email (friendster): jem_goh@hotmail.com
7. Email (msn): same as above
8. Eye color: dark brown
9. Hair color: i like to match my eyes, and so thus. matching idiosyncrasy came after my blonde streaks. im not saying i want blonde eyes. scary!
10. Ear Piercings or tattoos: one on each ear such a sweet little girl. ;p and 2 of the latter. not so sweet anymore.
11. How many fingers: i thank god for little mercies like having all intact.
12. Siblings: shaun. anyone wants him? take him! haha i'm just kidding cant live without him really. im the younger one.
13. stupidest thing while drunk: oh man.. walking into the door of the club with a really loud bang. that's classic. it was when i still couldnt really hold my drinking. and it was years ago!
14. Cheated: cheated? erm. in all aspects yes i guess so. not that im proud of it. i am changed! i have seen the light. ;p
15. Missed school: let's not talk about it.
16. Set any body part on fire for nothin: do people actually do that? well im not one of them.
17. Had a secret from everyone: yes of course.
18. Had an imaginary friend: i dont think so.. *speaks to person next to me* psst.. are you a figment of my imagination? haha
19. Wanted to hook up with: im already hooked. and i didnt need a bait. nor do i want to get free. :)
20. Smacked or grabbed a guys/girls ass: in passionate lust?? haha
21. Had a crush on a teacher: yes. one in sec sch and one in jc. and none in uni. haha
22. Ever thought of animated characters: hmm... what do you mean think? they're just there. dont really put much thought into them.
23. Ever owned a 'New Kids on the block' CD: no but i have some of their songs on mp3 and i like them! *defensive* listen to their version of 'happy birthday'
24. Ever prank called someone?: lol no the thought was there though. in sec sch. that technician in our sec school who smoked all the time. cant remember his name.
25. Been on stage: school stage? i was director of a class play in sec2, because no one wanted to be and because i was class prefect i had to resume the role. it was such a bad production that the tragedy we were supposed to enact turned into a comedy. ( we did animal farm. it was the scene where boxster the horse was going to be put down. how sad is that! but the horse and everyone else were laughing! what so funny about euthanasia! and ure about to die u stupid horse)
26. Cried: er. yeah of course.
27. Kicked gerls most important part: !!?? who came up with this.
28. Been mean: *ashamed* yes....
29. Met someone new: hmm we meet new people all the time right? unfortunately im a little anti social.
30. Talk to someone u have a crush on now: unfortunately the person i have a crush on is in hollywood. so. yes.
31. who are your friends: im darn sure they know who they are
32. best friend: 2. yunnie and louey!
33. Fought w/ parent(s): hardly anymore. im all done with the teenage angst.
34. Wished upon a star: oh.. this made my heart go ouch cause i realised it's been a long time since i did it. pity. i should start.
35. Laughed until u cried: yes. when i tell my oh so very funny jokes! by the way i came up with one more! *clears throat* what did the cigarette say to the ash tray. EH WHY YOU TOUCH MY BUTT!' haha so funny right!!
36. Watched sunrise/sunset: sunset once... watched it alone when i was 12 when i was at the fishing kelong.. sunsets when ure right in the middle of the sea itself... is a once in a lifetime experience.
37. Went to the beach at night: all the time
38. Read a book for fun: yes all my escapism books
39. Ate meat: i am a hard core carnivore.hey.. this ryhmes
40. Lonely: not at all..
41. R u talking to someone online now: nopez!
42. Who named u: my daddy and my mummy chinese name picked by my grandmama
43. Backstreet Boys or N'sync : uh.. can i pick the eagles? ok fine. bsb. some of their songs are nice.
44. What r u listening to now: oops.. i'm singing to myself.. haha so im listening to jem's greatest hits live
45. Last thing u said when u talked online: complainging that blogger screwed up one of my entries.
46. Whats right nxt to u: darling duey is lying at my feet
47. Whats on ur computer desk: my computer. books. papers. phone. pretty boring actually.
48. Last thing u drank:kickapoo
49. Where would u wan to go on ur honeymoon?: actually, it doesnt matter. even a resort at our neighbour's is perfect too. it's the company that matters right?
50. Do u think everyone is stupid?: does stupid equte to being brainless? well everyone has a brain. just whether they exercise it or not. but no i dont believe anyone is stupid.
51. Do you think you're smart: erm! i'm not a genius. i need to study. but all i need to do is try. so im not smart but i'm not not smart. :>
52. Weather right now: unpredictable
53. What did u do last night: sleep and awoke to nice rainy weather which unfortunately i cldnt relish cause i had to go for piano
54. looking forward to: PERTH! HAVE YOU SCRUBBED AND WASHED MY RED CARPET YET? HAVE U HIRED THE LIMO? hehe
55. All time fave tv show: oh this is hard.ok not very. i dont have one.
56. Dream car/bike : BMW 7-series, Mercedes S Class ( I have something for big cars as you can see) erm... but for now just any car will do. really. im not fussy so give me a car now! haha i dont have a bike licence so let's not go into that. wait i dont have a car licence yet. YET. YET YET YET YET YET!
57. What do u want to be: looking at the present looks like im on my way to being a lawyer. but i'd like to set up my own pet store. and have a cafe with my friends. which WILL serve pet gourmet too!!!!
58. Fav Music: piano. guitar. cello. r and b! anything.
59. Fav Food: too many to name.
60. Fav Drink: water. and coke. though it's been a very long time since i drank coke. im getting off my addiction.
61. Fav day of e week: sunday.
62. If u could change ur name, what would it be: i'm happy with jamie jem thank you very much. i love myself and that includes my name and my nickname. and to set all records straight, the name jem is not another name to replace my original or whatever name and it was not taken from 'to kill a mockingbird!' it's just a shortened version of my name which i have used for many years and it stuck. that's all really.
63: what does the world need now? WORLD PEACE!!!!!!! this just reminded me of ms c. but well... *sings* what the world needs now... is love sweet love.... it's the only thing.. that is just .. to little of......

slow down a little listen to all that music out there that is so readily available to us but which we cannot hear....

i think that's really important. we should all have some sort of a similiar mantra to live by.

ANYWAY,
i just finished reading Dan Brown's 'Angels and Demons' and it's FANTASTIC!!!!!!!!!!!!! *raves raves raves*
the book deals with the conflict of science and religion and thumbs up to mr brown for his research done in writing the book. the extent of the hard work done in the research was what made the book such a page turner. (by the way, the origin of thumbs up actually is the reference to the virility of the male organ. so yes! next time you use that phrase think of the origin and suddenly you wont want to use it anymore. and that's soemthing that i learnt from the book too!)

the information found in the book are entirely factual, and im disappointed i had not read it before when i was in jc when fahy(my home tutor) made us write an essay on the conflicts of science and religion. dan brown's book made all the essays i ever read abt this topic seem amazingly amateurish.

joey zen and zi! read it!

cher darling i await Da Vinci's code.

oh and please dont watch 'son of the mask'
and PRs of son of the mask please do not sue me this is an opinionated statement.

if you could have one thing to represent yourself, what would it be?

i dont know really.

so i take a look around me and ponder.
some animal perhaps? since every morning we wake up to a rat race, with some contenders being mere social butterflies gracing the event, others with the power of animal magnetism, not to forget those with quirks of beastiality. or them(damn) bitches?

self portraiture... how can anything ever capture the very essence of you? other than yourself.

but what if sometimes you feel you're in danger of morphing into one of those that you previously disagreed with because of a natural progress of evolution. it's not intentional, it's just going with the flow. or admit it, maybe you're just so caught up that some priorities have shifted.

and so they say, take time to find yourself. dont lose yourself. dont forget yourself. and all the other wordly advice that the wise have bestowed to us. those are the ones who would choose owls to represent themselves.

i wonder how owls became the epitomy for wise anyway?
but reason aside, they ARE the stature of experience. and maybe it's ok to heed them every once in a while.

wisdom comes with age.
maybe to some extent because of better experience blah blah blah.

but there are some wiser beyond their years. and thumbs up to them mr owls.

no really. that was not meant to be sarcastic because sometimes i wish i were a bit more owl-y.

maybe if i change my name to hedwig? (digression: i ordered the 6th book!!)

so back to the topic.

well i guess if i could choose anything to represent myself, i would just choose me.
for all my imperfections, i think most of the time i try my best.
not only to be owl-y, but other things as well.

and that's the most important isnt it?

cheers.

WORLD PEACE PEOPLE!
im sorry.. im still hung up over ms c.

good night everyone. may you get up on the right side of bed, to glorious sunshine and a bright cheery morning.
but even if you dont, it's ok. because as long as you are smiling inside, nothing else can matter.

ps: and if you can, please have a minute of silence on your own for the pope and pray for his family ok?

miss congeniality 2 surpassed my expectations!

been such a long time where i caught a show where it isnt just grins and smiles but a want-to-clutch-your-stomach-and-roll-on-the-floor kind of laughter.

digression.

i am such a light sleeper that every single night i have interrupted sleep which leads to fatigue, which in turn leads to increased fatigue which concluded in resulting major fatigue.
ok yes you get the point.

anyway, remember the anti stress medicine given to oh so anxious me? it's half the size of your nail on your little finger. and i am only allowed to take half of that, which makes it one quarter of the size of your little finger. ok everyone go look at your little finger and measure a quarter. that's the size that i take.

and it knocks me out.

to the extend that from hearing people getting up in the middle of the night to go to the washroom, i sleep through an alarm that's right beside my ear.

how marvellous is that!

makes me wonder how i ever got through all those years having all that interrupted sleep.

sigh.
im in bliss.

world peace people!!
(*music background* peace out, A town... yea! )

things arent always what they appear to be. what is on the surface is nothing compared to the underlying complexities that lie beneath.
so instead of jumping on the wagon so quickly, why not save some of that critcism and judgement for something more worthwhile?

you shouldnt let others' words or actions hurt you because they dont matter.
because they have inadequate knowledge of the story and thus they form their own assumptions and plots to keep themselves interested.
which most of the time is far from the truth.

but every now and then, it's easy to forget. and it's easy to feel wronged and frustrated.

so you gotta keep reminding yourself what's most important to you.

life is too short to bother about comments.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
rouge was a blast.
ok louey, i promise i'll upload the pics real soon ok?