sexy and sophisticated.
i like that yun!

anyway, the last post was really random! it wasnt sparked off by anything. it was a sudden realisation that the people that i intensely dislike all begins with the letter S. but it's childish ranting, to be ignored. anyway, i would like to declare that the S does not refer to Sureen! haha
how could it be? she must be the only 'S' that i love.

note: the 'S' i like refers to the alphabet in sureen's name. not sureen's ass. whaha
or maybe i like that too. *wink wink*

i've been down with a viral infection for the longest period ever. phlegm, drowsy medicine, going weak in the knees ( which so has nothing to do with any hot people walking by), makes Jem one very grouchy person.

i think k must have some kind of mutant immune system or something, because she did not contract the virus from me, but jo succumbed! haha oops. and so did my brother.

so i am on mc, sleeping the day away, before waking to head to the soccer finals between singapore and thailand! all my previous soccer matches, though live, have always been in front of the screen. and now i am going to soak up the atmosphere right at the stadium itself. :)
how's that for patriotic duty.

first, you get a stagnant blog because of packed schedules thus limited internet time.
suddenly, you're in a bedroom and thanks to a sleeping partner, your only source of entertainment is a laptop, and hence multiple entries or pure bullshit and randoms.

1. you pride myself in coming a long way, but there are still too many moments where emotions have to be suppressed and then you recite a mantra in a bid to calm yourself down. can one ever seek total peace in situation where he is not comfortable with? but that's quite an irony, because if you're not even comfortable, how can you be at total peace! ok so let's rephrase. can one ever be totally comfortable with a situation, which then leads to total peace.?
arg . whatever.

2. you want to write a letter. you've got the envelope, the stamps, the addresses all ready.
you just have a huge problem with writing the letter itself.

3. so it leads us to, how do you say the words stuck in your throat, when your brain doesnt even recognise the total gibberish.

4. and what's the point anyway!

5. ive been having dreams about a certain 's' person and it irritates the shit out of me. the marvel of it all is i dont even know how this 's' person looks like and thus my oh-so-genius brain has somehow conjured an image for me. thanks a lot brain!
s. shit. ass.
whatever.

6. if it's the past, it's the past. how come we humans always love to look back and go what if what if what if. and oh it could have been. GEE! look at your track record. and i'll tell you the outcomes of those what if. IT WOULD HAVE ENDED IN DISASTER!
it doesnt end in those fairy tale romances you stupid people dream of.

7. all those people who write about chasing dreams. sometimes we need to think about what happens when we actually catch it.

8. i am a peace-seeking person. yes go ahead laugh. holler with laughter. but it is true.
you cynical mindless idiots

9. but i think, in this world, i dislike 2 people. :(

10. which is bad!! it's bad!!!

11. omg.

12. i just realised it is 3 people.

13. this just gets worse and worse huh.

14. AND YOU KNOW WHAT!

15. THEIR NAMES ALL BEGIN WITH THE LETTER 'S'!!!!!

16. I PRAISE THE POWER OF COINCIDENCES!

17. ok i so need to get over this. but you know, i am so anal now that every 's' letter i type, i grimace! i actually grimace! i need P_YCHIATRIC HELP. PROFE_ _ IONAL HELP! TO GET RID OF MY PHOBIA OF THAT DREADED LETTER.

18. i wonder how long thi_ will actually la_t. becau_e i am quite a_hamed of the ridicule of it all.

19. _uddenly, the letter J ha_ never looked more beautiful.

20. and the letter k too.

dont say you havent been warned. i already said that this was going to be pure bullshit and randoms.

ps: i havent gotton over the phobia. i just got tired of pressing the dash.

it's not a search, it's a realisation, that happiness is not given to you by what others do, but a feeling which grows within you because of the things around you. it's not a waste, but a sad pity, when you reach a stage where you allow your happiness to stem from one factor. you have more than one root, nurture the others.

time is subjective. perhaps it took too long, perhaps you have been drained from whatever resources you had long ago. you put too much hope, too much life into it, that you neglected the most important aspect of it all, which is yourself.

so you either leave, or you wait. but whichever decision, hold your head high, and look elsewhere, and in the meantime, find yourself.

there is a reason why they said you should love yourself before you love others.

in some of ridiculous moments which we dont care to admit, we come to question life's essence and the promise of hope yet to be fulfilled. do not even mention cross roads, hell, sometimes we belittle our very existence in this world.

but do you know, for every doubt that you harbour, there is someone out there who actually thinks about the simplest things you give, even a half hearted smile can make a day more worthwhile.

maybe it's difficult to believe, because of a nurtured insecurity created by us and fed by our complicated lifestyles, but take all of it away, and the essence of you, is seen by someone.

what do birthdays mean.?
leave all that cynical talk about wrinkles, less men, more headaches... oh gosh u horrible people out there.

all it means is that, unfortunately for those strangers who have yet to know you, they are one year short.

and for those who do, it's a celebration of life and a gratitude that they have come to know you.

so, here, i would like to say, it's a pity i didnt know you earlier, because that would have meant more birthdays spent with you.
but i am glad that so far, this is the second birthday song i have sung to you, and looking forward to the rest of the years to come.

i'll always be grateful for 14th jan, because it was the day that would lead to a time where my life would be changed forever.

happy birthday k.
i love you.

i love you!!

before the clock strikes, i would like to declare that today is a happy happy day.
:)
because k and i are officially 1 year and 1 month.
( yun this is your cue to wish us yet again haha)

and in 2 days time, it's someone's birthday!

:)

but i will leave that for the next entry.

bless us.
:)

i love you.

:)

many smiling faces. cause i am happy.

you open your mouth to say 'that's great.' and you actually do mean it, although something in you broke a little upon hearing the words you selfishly dreaded to hear.
perhaps this is the final act of letting go, on what could have been, but never was.
except for perhaps one moment in time when all was at a standstill and you were given a gift you didnt know how to treasure only because you still could not believe that it was given outside your dreams.

unfortunately, some people come as a package deal. and as much as they dislike being part of one, some circumstances are, as usual, out of their control. so the best compromise that can be offered, is to work around it. perhaps it becomes too tiring, perhaps it was never worth the bother.
but whatever the outcome, it's always up to all involved. where does that person stand, and when you look at the person, who do you see? maybe this is one time to be narrow minded, and focus on the one in front of you.

a package deal sometimes comes in the form of history. if you took that leap of faith to be with a person with that kind of baggage, act on that faith, as well as the power of forgiveness and cease faulting each other.
the remnants of the baggage that that person carries, has been additionally burdened by you.
which is a pity.
it's too sad.

if only sometimes, we can only be a little bit brighter, and i dont mean this in form of intelligence.

a prayer, can do wonders. as i have come to know.

so the virgin entry of 2007.

come 22nd Jan, i will be transferred to the Tampines branch.

both K and my mummy have received good news in terms of career wise, so looks like we all got on a rather promising start.