for every event that happens, awaits a lesson to be learnt.
do not make repeated mistakes, because you dont always get a second chance.

who can say what went wrong?
things just have a nature of spiralling out of control, often when you least expect it.

so when it's all over, look at it from afar.
and ask for guidance and strength and patience, and if it's meant to be, one day, you will make it.

do not foolishly throw away your treasure.
it holds more value to its name.

dont wait till its too late till you realise its value.

they probably can succeed because they had something the average relationship lacks -- a special meeting.
Perhaps special is not enough to do justice to the beauty of it, for it is the epitome of a fairy tale, highlighted by its quinessentials, the magic of romance.

was the message meant to give all cynics a run for their money?

The Lake House.
A tale of a simple love, hindered by complications, and the fight that one goes through. They won, they triumphed, all because they never lost sight of what is important to them.
it is best described with 'good things come to those who wait.'
well, they waited. and were duly awarded.

Do you remember how you met your loved one? Maybe it was a seemingly insignificant event, maybe even a chapter out of a Disney story. But the moment you set eyes on each other, the one second which you knew in your heart that life will never be the same, have you forgotton it all in the face of the current mess?
Are you able to look beyond, and view love for love itself, a love not tainted or marred by each others' imperfections.

Perhaps there was too much promise, too many expectaions. In our quickness to shift the blame,we forget that sometimes the problem lies within us. we are always frustrated by the other, we never remember that maybe it was we who created it ourselves.

selfishness is innate.
it destroys us.

it is a constant war, waged between ourselves and ourselves.

battle on all you soldiers in love.
there is someone waiting for you at home.

the pincers of fear hovers around, and you get your moments when it grips you cruelly and mockingly, and you get a taste of how it may be like should it come true.

you break out in cold sweat, you begin your endless list of questions of what ifs and if onlys, and all statements which succceed in doing only one thing: regret.
you recall times when you could have said something else, done something else, maybe given in a little more, swallow your feelings push your pride away a little more .

so many 'little mores' .

we get ample opportunites every day, yet we never seem to see the blessings right in front of our eyes.

instead we always wait.

we wait till we are forced to do it, and sometimes we wait till its too late.

we are lucky. so many great things, great people. yet we never know the art of treasure, the value of keeping.
we are careless, irresponsible, and then we cry and blame the whole world when it's taken away from us.

spiteful words.
violent anger.

how awful those words look written down, much less carried out.

are human beings always so selfish in their misery?
the pointing of fingers, the indignance of being misunderstood, leads to multiple chain events which should have been broken midway, but didnt.

we need to be on a quest.

a quest to treat people the way they should be treated.
and also to treat them in a certain way, even if they dont deserve it.

we should learn that.

stolen from jo's blog.

Sometimes when you want something so badly, ur heart aches as well. you fall on ur knees and pray the most sincere prayer with tears streaming down ur face so painfully slow. u feel it drench ur broken and down trodden face. yet you keep silent n pray and speak to no one about your pain because it is the only way you can grow emotionally and learn to take blows after blows after blows. what amazes you more is that even ur shredded heart seem to emote and feel pangs of pain. the yearn to be loved becomes so strong but yet you remain resilent n be patient to listen to His great plans for you.

beautifully written.

funny how words can pierce right through you during vulnerable moments.

it's also ironic how the only one who can make you feel better is the one who made you feel sad in the first place.

when you look into anothers' eyes, sometimes you read a story. sometimes they shine with happiness, sometimes they tell a tale of lost loves and you can almost hear the dull thudding of their heartache.

with each pair of eyes that you encounter, you learn lessons, some which gives you a brand new light, and others you find yourself empathising with.

what do mine say?

mine is written about love, faith, and hope. 3 great attributes, destined for great things. but only in the right hands.
it speaks of a deep desire, a hunger, a longing with gritted teeth and bated breath of a wish borne out of the 3 attributes.
it harbours confusions of lifes' complexities, and the cruelty of humanity.
it contains compassion, a growing understanding as one matures emotionally to be able to look into people's lives and step in their shoes.

these eyes that seem to well up too often these days, because of exhaustion. because of the frustration.
i need gentleness.

love me tender love me sweet?
just love me.

sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff.

i just need to openly declarely this.

i abolutely cannot stand-sit-squat-whatever- guys ( ok fine let's be fair )people who think they understand why the world works in a certain way.

most obvious example would be,
girls turn lesbians are because they got hurt by guys.
or it's a phase. and it's really admiration and they dont know how to differentiate between real love and crushes.

come on come on please update yourselves. maybe that applies to secondary school but there are some things in this world that arent as shallow as your stupid mind!

sadly, this is not a sole example. there are so many-- too many-- examples of bastards --pardon the language-- who think they know it all!

dont you know people are rolling their eyes at you?

most of all, i cringe at people who think they understand you. and they're all smug about it. and they speak with such an air of authority and are so pleased with thEIR stint at analysis that you can practically see them handing themselves gold medals, and worse, wearing the medals around their neck and then pointing to it and saying 'see i got this because i am so right.'

please, you are so far from the truth, that we dont even know how to point you in the right direction.

yes, the word is really C.R.I.N.G.E.

you have no idea how much you are embarrassing yourselves.

come on, surely being humble shouldnt be so difficult right?

who says there is a right setting for prayer?
even in the midst of chaos, the moment of spiritual peace that descends on you suddenly catches you by surprise, and leaves you filling more fulfilled and yes, perhaps that sense of relief you have been hankering for so long.

what turns you away? so many reasons, many of which you hope isnt the one. you plead for understanding, you seek for signs which you never want to be revealed, for fear of the repercussions of the answers the questions you never wanted to ask.

so many have forgotton its real meaning. they follow the rituals methodically and carefully, they study the word with all intention of scoring, but are they listening? or is everything a mere facade, a way of life that you're proud to get used to.

they point fingers but pretend to empathise with those whom they deem sinners. they criticize but pour out well-rehearsed verses of supposed sympathy.

the attendace is regular, yet they laugh at those who find handphones and return it instead of keeping it for themselves.

tell me my brothers and sisters, are you superior?

arent we all supposed to be the same, on the similar journey of finding the light?

and tell me, was your heart touched? or was your mind influenced?

leave me alone. my relationship is sacred. it is my personal quest to seek, and im not ready to share, or be helped.

let me tell you this. i am a christian because i believe. it's as simple as that. not because i attended church and got amazed.

and i am a believer not because i have read others testimonies of salvation.

it's because i have my own testimony, i have experienced divine intervention far too many times that what i deserve.

i feel blessed, because i value the blessings i have been given, and not because others have told me i am blessed.

i might not have the most perfect eyesight, but i am most definitely not spiritually blind.

i have a relationship with Him.

significant changes, yet why do i not feel the jolt of nervousness that should accompany me? am i not anticipating them with the right attitude? is apathy more appropriate because i am more uncomfortable than excited?

i cant decide.

my water baptism is due in august, and though i feel ready, maybe i am not.
i am only ready because i know my faith is staunch and unwavering. however, i fail to recognise the importance behind the christening, or maybe i just dont see why these gestures or actions are in some way vital to elevate your status as a christian.

many baptised people i know lack the most fundamental value, which is the relationship between Him and them.

how can they boast with such pride to be baptised, yet when it matters, all they do is criticize, or at the end of the day, they simply do not have that spiritual strength to overcome obstacles when it matters.

perhaps i need to do more growing up. perhaps i am immature in the religious sense.
but i beg to differ.

i have my opinions, my thoughts, and most importantly, i have a relationship with Him. True, i may disappear at times. just like how you can love someone but you neglect them because you got your priorities wrong.
but if my version of being a christian is somewhat warped, i think i shall leave it to Him to teach me, and guide me. i dont need anybody else imparting their interpretation.

on the other hand, i guess i have all the right feelings in beginning work next week. save for the part where jo aud and i are going to take plenty of pictures. haha we are treating this like an adventure. give us 1 month and the fun of taking pictures at work will probably be replaced by s.t.r.e.s.s.

the timing is good. at least my finances are more or less better controlled.

just a random thought.
what's the use of being in a relationship where you cant encourage your partner to recognise and act upon his potential?
the sweet words are 'you can do it'
but the sweetest part is when you find that actually do mean every word you say.
:)

another even more random thought.

best friend yun loves hello kitty.
gf k loves powerpuff girls.

what the hell.

if you cant beat them, join them right?

ok let's see.

um....
i love my melody!

:D

we all emote in differing scales and there are moments where the sitution calls for extra sensitivity, a little more touch of patience that what is usually required. when a knife is plunged in, you may assume its a small cut, because no force was used, and you dont understand why there was so much pain involved. i'll tell you why. it's because you cant literally see the damage you have caused. you assume the hurt should be minimal. but did you realise that in your carelessness, you actually touched a delicate nerve? or perhaps you tweaked that raw wound that has not healed.

ah, there is always more than meets the eye.

just like how there are always 2 sides to every story. your version versus his version. who is more accurate? none. there are both true, because they were told in the voice of someone who felt something and therefore related the story to how he felt.
and because of these different 'feel' levels, you end up with conflicts.

but the similarity lies in the thread where someone was made to feel something. perhaps something that he ought not to feel, but felt anyway.

oooh what sordid and sometimes unnecessary complications.

anyway, i was playing yahoo pool just now. ( i am getting increasingly addicted to the game!)
so i was playing with this girl, ( i assume it's a girl because you get to choose a cartoon icon to rep you and hers was a girl) and i won her 3 times. hahahahah oops.

anyway, at the end of the 3rd game, she typed this 'i dont know how i bet u r cheating somehow. u suck !'

oh man how wounded i felt. the indignation!!! haha

how to cheat in yahoo pool.? it's just aim the bloody thing and shoot! ( oh wow sexual innuendo)*wink wink*

and to top off the humiliation, she booted me from the table.

HAHAHAHAHHHA

i was highly amused.
talk about first class bitches and sore losers.

the best days, are the ones either spent simply or elaborately, with your loved one's hand in yours. sappy? cheesy? maybe.
does everyone want it? definitely.

i'm no exception. and today. i got it. :)


it was refreshing waking up at 2pm this afternoon after relatively uninterrupted sleep, and it was even more gratifying that it was not a panic induced awakening.

i need to readjust my biological clock in order to suit office hours. i bid goodbye to nocturnal jem.
it's going to be a major change though, i'm rather fearful that my adaptation wont happen fast enough, but no matter what, it cant be a grudual, it's gotta be immediate, even if force is needed.

its the price to pay. cheap? expensive? well , like everything else, sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad.

anyway, k and i went for our post 7mth celebration. see those tickets above? they are our boarding passes for the DHL helium ( not hot air as i was corrected) balloon. they resemble flight tickets and they even have a boarding announcement. cute.

k: we are like going overseas.
jem: well, we are flying.

haha. okok. ;p

so how was the experience?
*pause*

mmm... let's just say, i'm afraid of heights.
10 min flight? wayyy too long.

on the balloon, i wanted to take a picture of k. but obviously that means i have to let go of the handrail. wanting to be a hero, i claimed that for her, i will get over my fear with the courage and spirit of a warrior, and take her picture!

the result? and incredibly blurred photograph. ah, even the braviest of all warriors tremble at times huh?

;S

we had dinner at some steamboat place after that, just a place we chanced upon in passing on the way to the balloon. soup was yummy! they didnt have a wide variety of food though. i didnt see any beef or chicken, just pork or mutton. they have crab, but each time the tray was refilled it would be snapped up before you can even turn your head.

met joeybro for a short while after that! bro! was happy to see you you're looking good! :)

next was basic instinct 2. wanted to watch pirates but tickets were all sold out. anyway, sharon stone pulled of her role as a seductress. wow. even after all these years, she still beats lotsa women hands down.

i wonder how the coming teener bopper generation are ever gonna turn into someone like her.

sharon stone, demi moore...
and the one who acted in speed with keanu reeves.

that was not sharon stone right?

basic instinct is really intriguing. plots and twists.
no regrets.

i'm back at k's place now after a stint at mustafa buying groceries because she had a craving for cabbage soup. :S ( yes yucks right??? haha)

sigh. so blissful.

no special date, another ordinary day. until something happens, and it's forever marked as the day it all went wrong.

sometimes i look at them, and i wish to ask aloud the questions that they ask in their mind.
i can almost see them running through the endless list of possibilities.
i can almost feel their self inflicted guilt when they rebuke themselves.

at night, the loneliness that consumes them gets so overwhelming, i can almost hear the sound of their heartbreak. in the mornings, it is painstakingly mended, only to be left more fragile than ever. at a loss of comfort words, and too many cliche phrases, sometimes one can only stand at the sidelines and feel their despair.

'do you hear the words that i say, the songs that i sing. the lines that i wrote?'
i hear them. but the one who needs to hear them is deaf.

yet who should accept the blame? things just ran its course, things fell apart.
maybe there might be a turn in the weather, but for now, their lives are led with dark overcasts.

a sunny day, is a rare day.

such is love. that the ones around you feel the pain as well.

-------------------------------------------
today is the 12th.
it's our day.

i love you.

you know something is wrong when you've havent had a day in the longest time where you can sleep in, and you look so forward to the morning that comes to offer you this opportunity.

only to receive a phone call in the morning, and the first thing you do is get into a really panicked mode, and the first words you utter that morning are 'what? what? am i late for teaching???'

man.

it seems like any phone call i receive while i am sleeping sends me into panicked mode when i am jolted from my sleep.

gwennie, now you know why i sounded so alarmed. haha..

oh well on the bright side, i just awoke from a 5 hour nap. another rare chance, because lately i havent been able to fall asleep in the afternoon.

and on a brighter side, i dont have to wake up in the morning tmr!

also, tmr is a special day. because k and i turn 7mths tmr! wow...

when france missed the penalty, 3 faces darkened.
when italy succeeded its last penalty, woah! thunderstorm!

k, jan and i caught the match at east coast macs after much deliberation and plenty of driving around.
( to think that before the start of the match they bought lots of food as pre-celebration)

ah!

poor cute zidane.
his head butt looked childish. let's not go into whether it really is childish because you never know what happened on the field, you know, provocation etc etc etc.

but in that minute, he transformed into a little boy!
he should have thrown a punch. wayyyy cooler.

so the world cup is over. do you know the italian players received a cool USD21.5 million.

sigh. give me a miniscule fraction of that and i'd be one happy lark.

happiness is feeling superbly famished, and then you go to the kitchen and you find your favourite cintan spicy mee goreng, chicken in a biscuit, coke, and kinder bueno.

and you eat it in the dead of the night, when everyone else is sleeping, and you have all the quiet and peace to yourself.

and to top it off?

you've got a really great book to read while you are eating.

sighs.

k and i were having a conversation last night, and she was telling about an ex classmate of hers who has a rather unfortunate name. due to the rising effects of blogging consequences, sadly i am unable to reveal the name which i deem as a great pity because it's really funny! oops im gonna get ulcers tmr.

anyway that led us to the topic of names. and here's the top two names you reallly dont wanna name your kid.

if your surname is Gan, please dont name your kid Nina.
if your surname is Chow, please dont name your kid Ji Bai.

obvious reasons. imagine the scene at the clinic's room, and the nurse comes and announce those names in the 'nurse voice'. *sniggers*

:D

italy v france.
i think zidane is cute. so.... :)

it's important that a couple tune into each others' needs. certain degree of dense-ness is forgiven, but if you really just dont get it, get out of the relationship.

man..that's harsh. but it's true. when you make the decision to enter a rel, you're not alone anymore. all that romance hype about it's not 2, it's 1 etc. didnt evolve out of the blue.

no man is an island. time to learn people!

there aint no room for selfishness, it's give and take, and be aware.
yea.. those are the keywords.

be aware.

so ive been a temporary recluse from the internet because my com was recently down. anyway, it's back up and running i'm back in touch with e-world. (the world. E world. E-mail world. GET IT? AHAHAHAHA)
some things just dont change.

8 july- happy birthday shaun. you're 24!

anyway, i think i do need a diet plan. not because i am planning to lose weight, but i need to get my health on check. it's spiralling downhill, and when i begin work at UOB plus teach on saturdays, well, it's gonna get beyond a joke.

i'm thankful for the opportunity given, and blessed that i grabbed it, and i'm trying to ignore those iotas of doubts and try focus on that instead.
no one likes growing up, i'm no exception.

it isnt the increased responsibility etc that gets most people down.

it's the changes.

changes in yourself, your life, and in others. you've been thrown out of your comfort zone, and into one that you barely had any experience in. and you have got to deal with the ones around you who have to cope with the same changes that you will go through.

they say the most important things dont change.
i say they do.

after all, isnt it a well known fact that the only thing that doesnt change is that everything changes.

it's tough when you dont know where life is going to take you. and feeling helpless is one of the worst feelings. when you dont have a direction, many things lose its meaning. and then you see your happiness go flying out of the window but you've got no wings to grab it back.

when that happens, sometimes you have to allow your loved ones to get it back for you. even if they dont have wings, you know they will try their gawd damn darndest.
support is very important.

dont look so far. sometimes, it's right in front of you.

m.i.s.c.o.m.m.u.n.i.c.a.t.i.o.n.

taxi driver: so miss, what do you think of the taxi raise?
jem: taxi race? oh.. i didnt hear about it... who is in it? *imagines pierre png driving taxi*
td: comfort, citycab...
jem: oh ok...

*was about to say 'so exciting' when taxi driver interrupted with talk about erp fares and flag down rates....

*lighbulb goes off in jem's head*

OH. TAXI RAISE! NOT RACE!

he meant the price hike in taxi prices. i thought there was some charity taxi race or whatever driven by tcs actors..

hehe. how was i supposed to know!

wow LUCKILY I DIDNT SAY SO EXCITING!.

-------------------------
the passing of the lame

k: let's have a nice dinner tonight
jem: ok to celebrate my job?
k: to you becoming a raffles girl....

jem: *slaps forehead*

hahahahaha
ok la i appreciated the joke. so funny!

its times like these when sometimes i really think k and i are made for each other.

------------------
anyway, we had a feast at crystal jade. relatively expensive one too but yummy! the talipa (i think tt's it) fish that we ordered was so fresh and mouth-watering too.
yay.

a hungry man is an angry man.
a feasted man is a super duper happy man!

food makes me happy.
--------

oh yes i wanna get a laptop
any recommendations?

i want a mac.... because it's soooooo nice to look at!

which is better?
too much time on your hands until you face the sin of sloth.
or too little time on your hands that you risk suffocation because you barely have time to breathe?

well at least no one can say i am wasting my time now.

i have always been someone who tires easily, and yes i know my weakness lie in discipline problems.
but recently, ive been so busy!

at least my piano exam and school is out of the way so now i can concentrate on other matters.

i found a part time job at this pub located at upper thomson and it was my first day yesterday. thuogh i've had no prior experience, and may be considered somewhat naive when it comes to working in a night life (clubbing and working are worlds apart) i think i pretty much survived this virgin experience pretty well.

of course it helped tremendously its location is at a neighbourhood so you pretty much meet only the regulars and family oriented men. the night is still young, but ive yet to encounter any sleazy characters which one would associate with working in a pub.

colleagues and boss were nice. i was really relieved, had certain doubts and was definitely apprehensive. great that all my fears diminished adn was replaced by a smile.

i dont know how long i'll be working there though, because ive just landed a job at UOB! gwennie and i are gonna be colleagues! haha

thanks to joanne who recommended me, the two of us will be working in the legal department. my education came in handy!!i feel so blessed, the pay is quite attractive plus i have the company of joanne so i wont feel like i'm being thrown in some unknown world.

k says i will begin to resemble the 'shenton way face.'
:S

so my finances are looking up..one step towards my car??? haha ok let's settle all the bills first. :)