THIS IS WISHING 2 OF MY VERY GREAT FRIENDS A VERY HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY CRYSTAL AND ZEN!!

Prayer for Day 10.
Dear Lord, please bring your peace and help me out of this

Just returned home not too long ago from celebrating Zen's birthday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY ZEN! I thought dinner was great, matched by an equally fantastic company. We should do this more often. :)

Dont love a person like a flower, cause a flower dies in season. Love her like the river, cause the river flows forever.

It's been raining incessantly. Well alright, that remark was obviously an exaggerated one. But the weather has recently required a habitual routine of pouring in the afternoons. And only the afternoons. Do I sound as though I am complaining? Actually, I love the rain... yup.. whether I am out there walking in the rain (if it isnt a thunderstorm) and taking the opportunity to reflect, or curled up indoors and listen to the sounds of the rain, I feel that it is during a rainy day where the setting is perfect for self deliberation and thoughts. Ok, I sound a little abnormal talking about the weather, but I'm serious, where else can you find a time when all around you, inside and outside, where most sounds cease and all you hear is only one constant and continuous melody? Ah well...

dumb joke for all:
Every Saturday. a keen golfer left home early in the morning, regardless of the weather, to play his beloved game-- except for one day when the wind and rain were too much even for him.
He returned home, undressed and snuggled up to his wife in bed, saying ' It's terrible out there.'
" I can hear it" she said. " Can you believe that my stupid husband is out there playing golf?"

haha.. okok lame I know.. but well.. it's apt for my entry...

I'll do my best.. and give what I can..

Prayer for Day 9.
Dear Lord, please bring your peace and help me out of this

As long as we have memories, yesterday remains. As long as we have hope, tomorrow awaits.

I came across thhe following story, and think it fully describes the phrase above. Take the time to read it, for it speaks of a love and hope so significant and meaningful, it really did touch me.


The Tablecloth

The brand new pastor and his wife, newly assigned to their first ministry, to reopen a church in suburban Brooklyn, arrived in early October excited about their opportunities. When they saw their church, it was very run down and needed much work. They set a goal to have everything done in time to have their first service on Christmas Eve.

They worked hard, repairing pews, plastering walls, painting, etc.and on Dec. 18 were ahead of schedule and just about finished. On Dec 19 a terrible tempest - a driving rainstorm hit the area and lasted for two days.

On the 21st, the pastor went over to the church. His heart sunk when he saw that the roof had leaked, causing a large area of plaster about 6 feet by 8 feet to fall off the front wall of the sanctuary just behind the pulpit, beginning about head high.

The pastor cleaned up the mess on the floor, and not knowing what else to do but postpone the Christmas Eve service, headed home. On the way he noticed that a local business was having a flea market type sale for charity so he stopped in.

One of the items was a beautiful, handmade, ivory colored, crocheted tablecloth with exquisite work, fine colors and a cross embroidered right in the center. It was just the right size to cover up the hole in the front wall. He bought it and headed back to the church.

By this time it had started to snow. An older woman running from the opposite direction was trying to catch the bus. She missed it. The pastor invited her to wait in the warm church for the next bus 45 minutes later. She sat in a pew and paid no attention to the pastor while he got a ladder, hangers, etc., to put up the tablecloth as a wall tapestry. The pastor could hardly believe how beautiful it looked and it covered up the entire problem area.

Then he noticed the woman walking down the center aisle. Her face was like a sheet. "Pastor," she asked, "where did you get that tablecloth?" The pastor explained. The woman asked him to check the lower right corner to see if the initials, EBG were crocheted into it there. They were. These were the initials of the woman, and she had made this tablecloth 35 years before, in Austria.

The woman could hardly believe it as the pastor told how he had just gotten the Tablecloth. The woman explained that before the war she and her husband were well-to-do people in Austria. When the Nazis came, she was forced to leave. Her husband was going to follow her the next week. She was captured, sent to prison and never saw her husband or her home again.

The pastor wanted to give her the tablecloth; but she made the pastor keep it for the church. The pastor insisted on driving her home, that was the least he could do. She lived on the other side of Staten Island and was only in Brooklyn for the day for a housecleaning job.

What a wonderful service they had on Christmas Eve. The church was almost full. The music and the spirit were great. At the end of the service, the pastor and his wife greeted everyone at the door and many said that they would return. One older man, whom the pastor recognized from the neighborhood, continued to sit in one of the pews and stare, and the pastor wondered why he wasn't leaving. The man asked him where he got the tablecloth on the front wall because it was identical to one that his wife had made years ago when they lived in Austria before the war and how could there be two tablecloths so much alike? He told the pastor how the Nazis came, how he forced his wife to flee for her safety, and he was supposed to follow her, but he was arrested and put in a concentration camp. He never saw his wife or his home again or all the 35 years in between.

The pastor asked him if he would allow him to take him for a little ride. They drove to Staten Island and to the same house where the pastor had taken the woman three days earlier. He helped the man climb the three flights of stairs to the woman's apartment, knocked on the door and he saw the greatest Christmas reunion he could ever imagine.

True Story -- submitted by Pastor Rob Reid

baby you're all that I want, when you're lying here in my arms
I'm finding it hard to believe.. we're in heaven

Prayer for Day 8.
Dear Lord, please bring your peace and help me out of this

It's been 8 days.. and wow.. I really do feel a difference in my life -- my attitude, my thinking... In a mere 8 days, I feel that He really did make some difference in my life. I guess all along He's always been there, and it is only now in my time when I need Him so much that my level of appreciation towards His doings for me elevated.
For the past few days, and for the next few days that I can forsee, I get to have an increased taste of being unchained, and feel free to live my life without undue obligations towards anyone. Although this has yet to be improved, I cherish what I have now, and shall not expect anything more, for it is already much better than I have hoped.Praise God! ;p

The Other Doors

Our 4 year old son has some fairly serious health problems, so we are "frequent fliers" at the local children's hospital. Two weeks ago, our son was there for several days having surgery.

As stressful as that was for us, my visits to that hospital almost always leave me feeling grateful. Why? Because of "the other doors."

As I walk the corridors of that hospital, I pass doors leading to many different departments. I pass the department where surgeons reconstruct children's faces. I pass the department where specialists treat children who have been tragically burned. I pass the department where children with cancer spend their childhoods battling a disease that terrifies most adults. Every day, people walk through those doors. I keep walking.

Occasionally, I walk through a ward, past the room of a dying child. I look in at the child, unconscious amid a mass of tubes and machines. I see the family, staring blankly into space, grieving for what is to come. I keep walking.

On the fourth floor, I pass the "catacombs" where parents with children in ICU watch their days and nights stretch into weeks and months, hoping against hope for good news. I keep walking.

It's late one evening, and I walk to the waiting room. Only one family remains, and their doctor arrives from surgery. He begins to tell them about the patient's injuries....a shotgun blast, self-inflicted ....massive facial damage.... a dozen more operations to come....a lifetime of disfigurement...a lifetime of asking "why?" I sit, half-listening, considering the doors this family will face in the years ahead.

I stood up. I walk back to the preschool ward, to the one door I seek. Behind this door, our son is slowly recovering from surgery. And in a strange way, I am grateful for the "situation" that we live with.

Because there are a hundred other doors in this place that are far worse. And we could just as easily be in one of those rooms.

As you pray for strength to open the doors you face, be sure to thank God for the doors he has spared you

Once in your life you find someone.. who will turn your world around...
pick you up when you're feeling down...
Nothing can change what you mean to me
OH there's lots that I could say
but just hold me now.. cause our love will light the way.

Prayer for Day 7.
Dear Lord, please bring your peace and help me out of this

A new wind is gonna find your sail, That's where your jourey starts.

Melancholy sets in, slightly after the witching hour, the nightwind blows and strips me of all exterior defences, leaving me raw and vulnerable to outward forces and inner reflections.
Perhaps it is the infulence of the dark. They say it is when are you are in solitude where you find out who you really are. I know who I am, it's just that at times, my navigation goes awry. In the dark, what light do I follow?

Sometimes I feel that deep down, I'm not the person I want to be, nor as good or unblemished as the person that I may portray. I set high standards in terms of character and values, and live by my set of moral rules, the only regulations that I confine myself to. At times like this, I wonder perhaps my sense of pride (?) in myself has marred my altitude in reaching greater heights. That I can be a better person. That there's always room for improvement.

But then I realised that this isnt a theory examination that I am sitting for, testing or evaluating my merits. I should aim and strive for a goal yes, but not to the extent where not reaching it would deem me as failing. I should just remove the pressure on myself and work at my own pace in bettering myself.

You know, this 30 day prayer that I am doing? It's okay even if ultimately it appears that on the 30th day nothing changes. Recently, my faith has reached a level where I can put my trust in Him and know that He will do what is best for me. Ok, maybe it's not quite really there, but it's getting there...

In the dark, what light do I follow? It's alright even if there is no sun. I will use the stars as my source of navigation. If there's a stormy night with no stars, that's alright too, I'll just sail by faith.

My wish for all: May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrows to make you human, enough hope to make you happy.

Lady.. I'm your knight in shining armour and I love you
You have made me what I am.. and I am yours
My love, there's so many ways I want to say I love you..
let me hold you in my arms forever more.....

Prayer for Day 6.
Dear Lord, please bring your peace and help me out of this

Forgiveness.

Robin Casarjian, author of Forgiveness, A bold choice for a peaceful heart, said this " Once you forgivem you are no longer emotionally handcuffed to the person who hurt you. Forgiveness extricates you from someone else's nightmare and allows you to live in a state of grace.". Even more important to note, this author didnt write her book just out of sheer inspiration. She was a rape victim who forgived her predator to whom she was the prey.

But so many out there lug around the burden of resentment on their backs, making them hunched over so badly. Even Me. Why? It's not doing anyone any good. It's not doing you any good. Perhaps this animosity towards everything is to compensate for the sense of powerless experienced when we get hurt. But we all forget that we all have the power to choose, and we have to reclaim the power to be big enough to forgive.

Whether it is someone or people whom you feel have let you down, or dragged you down to the deepest depths of emotions, or circumstances and situations which have taken a turn for the worse and you bear the brunt of it-- when you forgive, it does not mean you give in, it just means you let go. These people and surroundings, they cannot wholly comprehend the extent in which you feel, so do yourself a favour and pull that knife out of your gut. It doesnt matter if you feel that the person does not deserve forgiveness. Sometimes, they wont even care whether they are being made enemies of.

And remember, maybe somewhere in that chain, you were a link in doing wrong. Just Maybe. So do not be so quick to anger. Take some time to analyze everything. But dont think too hard. It's vital.. go easy on yourself and everyone else.

It's ardous and operose, and it takes time. But let's all take the first infant step in trying. After all, it will leave our soul at peace

Prayer for Day 5.
Dear Lord, please bring your peace and help me out of this.

When you cruise down life's highway, do you feel that you have no direction? Or when you speed down the lonely roads, are you headed for a crash?

There will be periods of time in our life where we subconsciously reflect on past deeds and evaluate our lifestlye, leaving us with sudden depression that we lost ourselves and we cannot seem to find any ultimatum in life, or simple feel a sense of self loss and loneliness. This is a fact. But it doesnt make us any less forlorn.
Why do these things happen?

Problems are in existence for a reason. Christians believe that God gives us problems because He's trying to tell us something. Sometimes God uses a problem to protect us from a bigger problem. If you are one of His, He does that whether you understand it or not.
I used to think that God gave me problems to toughen the relationship. I see now that maybe He was trying to tell me something.
If you are having problems right now, what are they revealing about you? Are you trusting God, that He knows best, or are you complaining and murmuring to God?
Sometimes, problems are a blessing in disguise.
Problems test us. True, it's difficult. It's darn hard sometimes. And it's so easy to give up. But shed a few tears, then wipe them away. Some times, things just happen. Let them happen. But dont let it get the better of you.
I always try to tell people, it's okay to feel sad, angry, bitter, It's normal when things go wrong. But when you let such feelings control you, the only one that ends up hurt is yourself, and worse, it's self-inflicted. You are the one in control, not them.

No one ever said anything was easy. But just take a step back. One day, everything is going to be ok.
I'm waiting for that day to come, and I put my trust in Him. As each day goes by, I can feel my faith increasing. A little wavering, no doubt, but it's getting there.

Waiting, waiting, waiting... I have all the time for you.

Prayer for Day 4.
Dear Lord, please bring your peace and help me out of this.

Music in the background: David lanz's 'Courage of the Wind'
The wind blows, regardless of complaints, admist grumbles. It just simply blows. But why does it have to be so cold sometimes? Or blow so hard that it brews up a storm?

I grew. It hurt.
I understood, and felt its pain.
I loved, I hated.
I love, I hate.

When an old flames dies, smoke gets in your eyes. I await the clearance of air. I have been waiting. The haze fogs over. Yet I still wait cause I do not have anything else left to do.

Complex inferiorities arise. Am I weak?
I thought I possessed a fine strength of character.
I see the light, and it flickers out.

The old me does not exist anymore. The new me will never be in existence. But the improved me is dying to declare its presence. But I live in the ghost of the old, a ghost I cannot exoricse.

Everyone has a limit, and everyone's stretch differs. Patience and tolerance can only go that far. Driven to the edge, I sealed all entrances. I slammed the door and locked it. But I misplaced its key, perhaps even deliberately. And you picked it up.

Look at the flower.
The blind replied " I cant. But I can listen to the song of the birds with you."

Hear the child's laughter.
The deaf replied " I cant. But I can feel its touch against mine."

Run with me.
The crippled said " I cant. But I'll hold the string of the kite while you run."

Talk to me.
And the mute held out her arms. We had a really long conversation.

We all have the hearts to love. Majority of us have the basic everything that we conveniently overlook. Learn to appreciate the little things. It's only a little thing. But some little things matter most of all.

Prayer for Day 3.
Dear Lord, please bring your peace and help me out of this.

Actions speak louder than words but it's the thought that counts. Isnt our life wrought with irony and contradictions, which are obvious yet subtle, imperfectly perfect?

I'd like to make improvement to myself by distinctions, free myself from moral imperfections, free myself from uncouthness, but then maybe I'll be changed into a person that is not real. After all, who doesnt have flaws? Someone said recently that I was heartless. And for a period of time, I thought that maybe I had thought too much about myself and how I did this and that and maybe I didnt spare enough thought for that other person. But then, my senses kicked in. No, not narcissism, nor self praise, but acknowledgement of self worth, receipt of self love and consideration of the balance of circle of nature, that I cannot please everyone. I will just do my best for everyone and everything and simply love me.

We sail through our journey on life, if your're fortunate you have the luxury of a yacht; sometimes we get a speedboat and thus the reason for early departures; but many of us are just in a boat, hence the phrase 'we are all in the same boat' . But lots of others stepped onto slow moving sampans through sheer force of circumstances. Our mode of transport through this life, we cannot really control. Just like we cant change the wind. But we can always adjust the sails.

I think about you all the time.. it's only right.. to think about the one you love

Prayer for Day 2.
Dear Lord, please bring your peace and help me out of this.

Star light, star bright, wish the wish I wish tonight.. I wish I may.. I wish I might..
If you could be granted one wish, what could it be? Many equate wishes to fantasies and they dont come true if you dont work for it.. but hey.. miracles do happen. Who knows huh?

Do you believe in soulmates? The One?
Hmm.. a very debatable issue, almost as complex as asking what love is? The sentimental angle of me sparks off an incisive and explicit downright agreement; the disdainful perspective almost jeers at the mere possibility of it. No wait.. I retract that. No matter how cynical, I do not condemn the probability of it. Yes, I use the word probability. I guess all each couple have to do is to mould each other into being the one. There is no perfection, but there is bliss.

Do you believe in love at first sight?
i would say this is where my sardonic humour kicks in, although agreeably I am being too harsh. I have always felt that love takes time to grow, but why would the term falling in love come in? After all, when you fall,as in literally losing your balance, you dont plan to fall, you just fall. So perhaps these people fell when they least expected it. There should be a basis for that metaphor isnt it? And hey, maybe I just never experienced it.

I caught an SSO concert today, and I am so inspired to pick up the violin all over again. I took it up when I was younger, but for some forgotton reason, I gave it up. Still know the basics, but the sound is so raw, it sounds like a cow in pain. Ha.. oh I just insulted my violin playing. Oh well.. maybe I'll polish it up.. then i'll sound like a singing cow. And then we'll talk about other animals.But anyway, not to digress, yeah! the guy was reallllly good, very talented, one of those rare gifted types. Either than that, the whole concert was well.. you know.. my first love is piano and not orchestra so.. it kinda got..a little dreary.. but I applaud them all the same!

Update on jem's health: oh my rashes are reallly better!! Gonna continue to put the cream though..thanks for the cream Mich.. I'll apply it tonight.
but I still think I have my complexion needs serious work.. gonna go into hiding! shall try out the tomato remedy as soon as I get down to buying the tomatoes.

When I'm lying in your arms.. I know I'm home.

Pray to God sailor, but row for the shore.
God can help you, but you have to do your part too. They say that if you pray hard for 30 days, your prayer will come true. So I am going to pray with unwavering faith, but also do what I have to do.
Prayer for Day 1.
Dear Lord, please bring your peace and help me out of this.

Oh no.. my exams are approaching and this time I am actually getting the jitters! ha.. probably its importance has struck me, not because I need to pass it to continue but also lots of money are involved and I wouldnt want to waste any.. But I still dont seem to be getting down to work.. haiz.. have to grab my discipline...
oh.. my rashes are getting better! yupz can cut down on my long sleeves already..
ok.. I'm just rambling unorganized thoughts....
I feel so... arg inside.

dedicated to YOU:
When I am down and, oh my soul, so weary;
When troubles come and my heart burdened be;
Then, I am still and wait here in the silence,
Until you come and sit awhile with me.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up: To more than I can be.

There is no life - no life without its hunger;
Each restless heart beats so imperfectly;
But when you come and I am filled with wonder,
Sometimes, I think I glimpse eternity. JOsh Groba 'you raise me up'

It appears that each word and each line have been so carefully and distinctively chosen, and its blending and harmony expresses the melody of love of us. It seems like right from the beginning, we've never had the chance to experience a smooth sailing; on the contrary it's been plagued by so many overridding boulders, and our path has been waylaid by jagged and evil stones, pebbles have resided in our shoes... yet.. through it all.. you stood by me, gave me the faith that I asked for, and more importantly, the love with you that made me share glimpses of perfection, and the stability and sanity in my life which I have been hungering after. We may seem to be a long way from getting where we want to be, for our journey is still darkened by shadows of my past, but gradually through those clouds, the sun is shining for us. Thank you for not giving up on me, on us. Damn.. I am in luuuuurrrrrvvvvveeeeee..... :)

oh.. I didnt realise I was so mushy. covers face.. and runs like crazy....

I've been clinging onto all sorts of escapes, procrastinating for as long as possible before facing this calamitous day. But the time has come for me to turn around now.

Splinters of what we had and fragments of conversation crowd around me as I sit here, garnering the will that I will need later, when I face what I have been dreading and say the wretched words. How do I tell her that what we had survives only in the past, and not the present. How do I say that we are not one but two? How do I turn around and walk away, and experience a certain sadness so physically tangible that once again I just want to fly away.
I pray that Lord will give us strength to do what we have to do.

I've been listening to the song 'The voice within' by Christina Aguilera. Very very meaningful.
Young girl, don't cry
I'll be right here when your world starts to fall
Young girl, it's all right
Your tears will dry, you'll soon be free to fly
When you're safe inside your room you tend to dream
Of a place where nothing's harder than it seems
No one ever wants to bother to explain
Of the heartache life can bring and what it means

When there's no one else
Look inside yourself
Like your oldest friend
Just trust the voice within
Then you'll find the strength
That will guide your way
You'll learn to begin
To trust the voice within

Young girl, don't hide
You'll never change if you just run away
Young girl, just hold tight
Soon you're gonna see your brighter day
Now in a world where innocence is quickly claimed
It's so hard to stand your ground when you're so afraid
No one reaches out a hand for you to hold
When you're lost outside look inside to your soul

Life is a journey
It can take you anywhere you choose to go
As long as you're learning
You'll find all you'll ever need to know
Be strong,You'll break it
Hold on You'll make it
Just don't go forsake it because
No one can tell you what you can do
No one can stop you
You know that I'm talking to you

The days of deja vu are fast approaching, and I await them in anticipation of the relief and trepidation of repetitive hell all over again. Will the lingering taste of the past finally be swallowed or spat out? or will it continue to dawdle? Does everything really depend on me now? If I stand firm and hard can the long-awaited former finally occur? Or am I going to threatened or remain captured by the chains of hmm.. I dont know either. For the past few weeks, I think all the guilt or responsibilites that I felt, and took away much of my freedom, have since been disannuled by all the trying or giving in, and most of all, the incessant storms that brew up, and I dont care anymore. I dont want to care anymore.

I said this, said thatm but in the end, nothing changes.
I tried this, tried that, but in the end, nothing changes.
I did this, did that, but in the end, nothing changes.
Now, I am going to say this,try that, and do it, and in the end, maybe everything will change.

I do not deny that I am afraid, that I fear, and I am disquieted and apprehendsive about everything. Give me strength.

When I hurt, just hold me and I'll be ok...

I fell headfirst into the caliginous pits and waited for darkness to envelope. By way of will, it transformed into lush gardens where I was illuminated by the light.

I was churned downwards into the unmerciful waters with a necessity for oxygen, and waited for the them to conceal me in its sinous cache. By way of will, I swam up and embraced safety.

I climbed the mountain, with every ascending step I descended 2 steps. By way of will, I was at the summit.

By way of will, I will triumph.

I refuse to go to school today, my eyes refuse to look at any notes or books, and my body refuses to go anywhere that is outside the boundaries of my house. I just refuse.
I've been kept up half the night by the itching.. although admittingly it's been better for the past few days. But I'm tired.

There is nothing that could ever change it
There is nothing that could every change me
I am yours, and you are mine
Tonight love.. and through time

Dear Jamie,
I understand you feel enervated, fatigue has been seting in and you are drained of almost all the fight that you have. The frequent constant arguments weighs heavily, the blame is pushed here and there, and finally the giving in because the remembrance of responsibility and guilt overclouds. You need to brace up, and look for a form of invigarator for stimulation and enliven the smiles the crossed your face so easily before.
Deep inside, I can still see the optimism and animation that make up you, and beyond the haze, that strength and gist in you will never subside nor succumb to situations or circumstances that arent on your side. Your load might be dragging you down, but your load does not have to be that heavy. Mentality counts for half the battle. You have someone special who is willing to stay by your side, friends that stick by you, ears who listen, eyes that see and hearts that love.
When I look into the mirror, I see a Jamie whose face wears a perpetual frown, sometimes with a downturned mouth. Yet these expressions are wiped away and eliminated so readily and effortlessly at the little things around you. And then I look into the mirror again and I see the mischevious glints in your eyes and the wide grin that you used to carry around, and still do.Hang in there....
Here's a song...

When the day is long and the night , the night is yours alone ,
when you're sure you've had enough of this life , well hang on.
Don't let yourself go, everybody cries and everybody hurts sometimes .
Sometimes everything is wrong . Now it's time to sing along .
When your day is night alone ,
if you feel like letting go, (hold on)
when you think you've had too much of this life , well hang on.
Everybody hurts . Take comfort in your friends .
Everybody hurts . Don't throw your hand . Oh, no. Don't throw your hand .
If you feel like you're alone , no, no, no, you are not alone
If you're on your own in this life , the days and nights are long ,
when you think you've had too much of this life to hang on.
Well , everybody hurts sometimes ,
everybody cries . And everybody hurts sometimes .
And everybody hurts sometimes . So, hold on, hold on.
Hold on, hold on. Hold on, hold on. Hold on, hold on.
(Everybody hurts . You are not alone .)
R.E.M. Everybody hurts.

Love, Jem

Sometimes I wonder, am I that worth it for you to stay by my side.. going through all this with me.. Then.. maybe I shldnt think that much.. and just be grateful for you. And I am.

I am the lead actor of my life, with drama, suspense, stability, madness and love all written in the script. I am also the director. But some of my co-actors dont seem to cooperate to fulfill a fairy tale ending.

Our dramatic lives seem almost parallel to those of soap operas; we scoff at the absurdity of its exaggeration, yet to our horror, it seems like the very things that we had previously mocked at were now being reflected in our very own lives.

I think by now, many of us have realised that happily ever ending rarely happens and it is just another aspect of illusion that our hearts trick us into believing. But with the perfect end, we cant fully appreciate or experience those pure minutes of happiness. Our lives are like 3-dimensional soap operas at times, yet it is through these seemingly far fetched moments that we understand the full gamut of emtions, and build ourselves up to restore our balance.

I talked about detachment before, and stoicsm, yet knowing that remaining removed from experience misses you out on the primary objective of love. Perhaps I fear the penetration of emotions. Perhaps I lack the courage. Perhaps. However, I feel that I just simply know how to affirm. By turning negative thoughts into...well.. not exactly positive thoughts.. but by just remaining indifferent from what I cannot control. It is one of the remedies for negativity.

I lived in my dreams with you, and my fantasies. Now, I have you in reality... and you are one of the best things that happened to me. For everywhere I go, you are always there.

I feel like a monkey damn it.. The irritating, annoying and !@#$% itch is so persistent and unremmiting and relentless, it's driving me crazy. Ha.. update on Jem's physical health.. Rashes. Possibly allergy rash on my arms, ears and neck. Went to the doctor, was given celamine lotion, and the problem with it is that it is pink, and it stays on the arm and so it looks like I have dried paint all over me. Thus, I have been wearing long sleeve to hide those ugly stains and you know what, I want to disappear for a while and be a hermit!! Please pray for me...

Let the sun shine through

Always Remember...

Your presence is a present to the world.
You are unique and one of a kind.
Take the days just one at a time.
Count your blessings, not your troubles.
You will make it through whatever comes along.
Within you are so many answers.
Understand, have courage, be strong.
Do not put limits on yourself.
So many dreams are waiting to be realized.
Decisions are too important to leave to chance.
Reach for your peak, your goal and you prize.
Nothing wastes more energy than worrying.
The longer one carries a problem the heavier it gets.
Do not take things too seriously.
Live a life of serenity, not a life of regrets.
Remember that a little love goes a long way.
Remember that a lot .... goes forever.
Remember that friendship is a wise investment.
Life's treasures are people together.
Realize that it is never too late.
Do ordinary things in an extraordinary way.
Have hearth and hope and happiness.
Take the time to wish upon a star.
AND DO NOT EVER FORGET .
FOR EVEN A DAY
HOW VERY SPECIAL YOU ARE !

Hmm... remember the above, and how exceptional we are, even when we are amidst disconveniences or distress. There are moments when life truly suck, but certain things are out of our hands, and let's just concentrate on feeling better about ourselves, and not worry so much.

You're coming over soon.. waiting waiting.. haha

I've been caught in a storm, but I am under the shelter.

Let your faith not waver
Let your strength not fail
Believe and Persist
The waves might be ten feet
The currents might pull you under
Reach out your hand and be saved
You will not drown
For He will watch over you.
The calm will come again.

Storms are an intergral and inevitable in our lives, whether we revolve around routine or dwell in a monotonous lifestyle. When there are calm waters, one must learn how to appreciate, yet empathise with those who have been caught in life's hurricanes and tornados. But the main question is, are you prepared when things spin out of control both inside and outside of you, and since we acknowledge that we have to weather the natural disasters, it is essential for us to see if we have what it takes to endure and perdure through the crisis that have sunk so many people.

I hate carrying umbrellas.. but I dont want you to get wet. So I'll bring one for you whenever you need it..cause... I want to be your shelter!

I can sing the melodious song of a canary, but I sing from a cage.

Life is like a rubber band, with varying degrees of elasticity. Sometimes, you want to do this thing, yet you are compelled to do something else, so therefore, you try to run from the truth, escape your original shape, but a rubber band can only stretch that far. If you pull away too much, you'll snap, and result in a vacant life. Yet, when you decide to return to ur original, you'll end up snapping your own fingers. So either way, you get hurt.
Solution: Life is like a rubber band. And when you stretch, you are able to gauge how far you can go, and when you let go, you can let go slowly so you dont end up getting injured.
ok.. does it make sense? basically, I guess what I am trying to say is that above everything else, you have your attitude and character to fall back on even if the odds are against you and it's up to you to find your own balance that suits your the best. Like right now, i'm just gonna concentrate on each day, and not give a damn about what's going to happen next time.

Ok children, it's storytime. Haha.. well.. I think these stories really are very sweet, and hopefully it helps each of us in different ways and think about how we can become the best person that we can be.
Are You God's Wife?
by: Author Unknown, Source Unknown
New York City: It's a cold day in December. A little boy about 10-year-old was standing before a shoe store on Broadway, barefooted, peering through the window, and shivering with cold. A lady approached the boy and said, "My little fellow, why are you looking so earnestly in that window?"

"I was asking God to give me a pair of shoes," was the boy's reply.

The lady took him by the hand and went into the store, and asked the clerk to get a half dozen pairs of socks for the boy. She then asked if he could give her a basin of water and a towel. He quickly brought them to her. She took the little fellow to the back part of the store and, removing her gloves, knelt down, washed his little feet, and dried them with a towel.

By this time the clerk had returned with the socks. Placing a pair upon the boy's feet, she then purchased him a pair of shoes, and tying up the remaining pairs of socks, gave them to him. She patted him on the head and said, "No doubt, my little fellow, you feel more comfortable now?"

As she turned to go, the astonished lad caught her by the hand, and looking up in her face, with tears in his eyes, answered the question with these words: "Are you God's wife?"

A meaningful and significant mathematical equation. 1 cross + 3 nails = 4 given
Wow isnt it? Came across it somewhere and decided to share it! :)

I received 2 of my school test results today! Criminal Law 26/50. and English Legal system 41/50!! haha okok not shy I know I know. For those ardent, loyal, fervid, fiery fans of mine who are breaking into thunderous applause right now, *cough cough* thank you thank you my gratitude to your unyielding and appetent and red hot support is ineffable.. *bows low* But I must ask you to exercise some control over your raging hormones and quench your cheer eruptions because you see, I am very modest. Your truly humble friend awaits you.
ps: for those who knelt in reverence, you can get up now. ;p

Haha ok fine! Those rare few who are rolling their eyes, hmph to you! Hurhur kidding huh? okok rather undeserved marks I know but hey, bullshitting is an art and a skill, so it deserves its due credit. ;p

Hmm.. it's only Tuesday but damn.. I just cant wait for the bbq on friday! No particular reason, more of a combination of many many reasons. let's see.. there's the food of course... chicken wing.. and sotong ball... and oh.. I dont really excel in culinary skills.. so... it seems like I may have to go hungry.... and then I'll be ravenous.. then I'll keel over from lack of nutrition leading to void of energy.. and then I'll faint.. and then you'll be sad... so I submit that in order to prevent such a dismal and afflicting conclusion to this lighthearted occasion, you guys will have to cook for me... It's for your own good..! I'm just obstructing those negative senses which arise when I faint.. and for those who claim they wont give a damn.. it's ok.. I know you are just too bashful to admit it.. hurhur
Then of course.. there are the people.. my friends!! socialising is beneficial to our E.Q... and of course, talking to me.. ah.. truly an opportunity not to be missed.. and an unforgettable experience. Ok.. I just made myself sound like some tourist place of interest.. oh well.. I am a tourist-person-of-interest.

And also.. of course.. there's.. Mich.. ;p ;p

AHHHHHHH! I just cant wait.

"Remember the time that you did a favor for someone, a favor that was totally unsolicited? The person looked at you with a mixed look of surprise and gratitude, and those who witnessed the act praised you. How did you feel then? Anything less than great?"
Let's all try to start giving a little more shall we.

Mistakes..The cliche that everyone makes mistakes does not reduce the self disappointment, nor does it taper off the declining self worth felt by the particular individual who did himself or others wrong. It's just like how everyone will die anyway, but when death actually occurs, all these overused phrases (though no doubt they are not baseless), doesnt diminish the grief or make it any easier for mourners.
Throughout, I have always tried to be detached and remain foolproof and console myself that everyone goes through their own obstacles and make mistakes, and I am not immune from any bad decisions. But this senseless conviction offers no solace whatsoever.
Isnt it rather funny that sometimes you are in the middle of a mistake, yet you are unwilling to do anything about it? For so many of us, we remain in denial about our current and past mistakes, and unfavourable circumstances even though it is obviously steadily unfolding in front of us. Yet many choose to turn a blind eye. However, one must ascertain, is what I am doing really a mistake?
I would say I have fallen, or rather, hauled and thrusted upon a situation that would be deemed as a conventional mistake. After all, I didnt choose my path. Yet there is this nagging notion in me that though my steps were forced on this road, I have been the main constructor of this tunnel. Perhaps this is the mistake that I have made. I cant demolish this, so guess I'll just have to do some reconstruction.

The best things in life are priceless.. that's why I'll never be able to put a price tag on you... not that i want to anyway...
;p

I might be turning my back upon the harsher realities, but it is not my time to turn around yet.

Everyday holds a promise, and today, I have been given the gift of beautitude, and I shall revel in this priceless gift and let tomorrow worry for itself. Though there may be overhanging draperies that block the sun, I shall instead lose myself in its cosiness and not let the dark overwhelm me.
Temporary bliss, yet the felt delectation and happiness overrides everything else.

It does not matter what the future days might bring, though I know that there is impending dare-i-use-the-word-perils.
What matters is now, when I have you, and we can truly escape.. and not give a damn about the rest of this complicated world.

I felt a sense of exhilaration, elation, and most of all, I tasted and felt the freedom that I have been hankering after. But then...in that split second, everything got annihiliated.. I woke up. Damn.

Can our dreams ever cross the realms of fantasy to reality? Dreams exist in another dimension of experience, offering a private means to inner reality. Sometimes I wish that some of my dreams come true, but I know that would be rather disastrous, cause that may mean my nightmares may come true as well.
Actually, nightmares are often (not all the time) an indirect warning that certain behavioural patterns or emotional imbalances need to be taken in check and preven further similar recurring nightmares. Hmm...

"Renown psychologist Carl Jung observed that portions of our whole personality which we knowingly or unknowingly judge become disowned, and are frequently projected outward in dreams, taking the form of aggressors, devils, monsters, intimidating animals or natural events (e.g. tidal waves), and so on. Jung referred to these symbolic figures as "the shadow". Whether we become aware of such elements of our shadow through nightmares or daymares, re-accepting these judged and disowned portions of ourselves is the message and the awaiting gift."

Hmm.. so it seems like nightmares have their good as well. since they provide us with a natural tension release antidote, as well as the valuable insight and evaluation that dreams bring us, and instead of running or denying them, we can simply reassess our lives and turn these nightmares into more beautiful dreams instead and truly have a good night's sleep.... hmmm................ok.. why do I keep hmmm-ing away....

Just smile for me and let the day begin
You are the sunlight that lights my heart within
I'm sure that you're an angel in disguise
Come take my hand and together we will rise
On the wings of love up and above the clouds
The only way to fly is on the wings of love
On the wings of love only the two of us
Together flying high
Flying high upon the wings of love
You look at me and I begin to melt
Just like the snow when the ray of sun is felt
I'm crazy bout ya baby can't you see
I'd be so delighted if you could come with me.......Clay Aiken 'On the wings of love'

oh I'm flying flying flying high.....

Jem's fast facts!

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain. ok.. that's really quite sad. but is this where the phrase bird brain come from? hurhur.

A snail can sleep for three years. And some people make so much noise when I sleep for 14 hours.

Most lipstick contains fish scales! what are you wearing.. and what are we kissing...

It is physically impossible for you to lick your elbow. haha how many of you out there are trying that now!?

The only married couple to fly together in space were Jan Davis and Mark Lee, who flew aboard the Endeavor space shuttle from September 12-20, 1992. Mark Lee?? haha Mo Bing Hao-ge?

Haha we all need a little chuckle here and there, hope this brought at least a flicker of a smile. ;D

The puppet's legs are free to kick and struggle or even run, but its hands remain tied..

I apprehend that I have a vast amount of resentment stored in this reservoir of feelings, and they arent going to go anytime soon. I know for my sake, it is for the best to let go of such enmity for all it does is grow into colossal bile of bitterness, for me, and not anyone else to taste. But I cannot release it, it is a prisoner in my dungeon- all I can do is let it remain in hibernation mode, let it be dormant and when or if it explodes, I can only hope the eruption will result in no fatalites or injuries, but instead bury the past, and I will use the volcanic ash to grow my flowers again.

Why does it appear as though every beautiful night we have together has an ending the very next day? Why does it seem like every happy moment shared has to be marred and tarnished by overshadows? Why is it that it's my life yet I am reluctantly dominated? And why do all the answers to these questions lie with me yet I cant comprehend the absurdity of it all....

Last night, this morning.
Body against body, connected souls. A hopeless romantic? No.. just sincere words.

I cant ask you to wait. And I dont expect anything, and I know it's mutual. I cant predict the future yes.. I might end up happy. You were right.
But how can I feel something for someone when my thoughts and heart and everything is with you. This was confirmed yesterday. Whatever I felt, I still feel.There's no turning back for me now.. I'm just pulled sideways by no choice of mine. But you know I am always looking at you. I love you.

Baby, I'm sorry.

I know it's hard believing
the words you've heard before,
but darling you must trust them just once more.

Baby goodbye.. doesnt mean forever..
let me tell you goodbye.. doesnt mean we'll never be together again
If you wake up and I'm not there,
I wont be long away.
Cause the things you do my goodbye girl
will bring me back to you....
Song: goodbye girl by david gates.

Lately.. something here dont feel right..
This is just a half life
without you I am breaking down..
o wake me.. I wanna see the daylight
save me from this half life...
let's you and i escape... escape from time..

"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." Martin Luther King Jr.
J. Lubbock once said this. "When we have done our best, we should wait the result in peace."
perhaps finding peace in the midst of disturbance is also courage.

Dear God,I am tired. The mental wars that have been battling arent going to terminate any time soon. I feel that I have exhausted much of my human capacity to struggle against the issues that I want, I overexerted my energies and strengthen my weaknesses, all with the staunch desire for stability and contentedness in my life. Yet, I realised that currently, and temporary, I am not in a position to be in full control. Yes, no one is ever in full control, but it seems like I do not even have half the authority. I'd like to think that I am steadfast and audacious, that I am able to direct myself through all the bleak situations. And I can. But I guess I need a bit of your help. Sometimes, this bravado can be a false front, a mask to blur all the misery that I go through sometimes. But I always tell myself, it's beyond the power of my will, so I should cease worrying, this is an experience that will grow my soul, and I know that amidst it all, there is always something beautiful out there.
Amen.


Anyway guys.. here's a little story. thought it was meaningful.

Cupcakes and Rootbeer
By Julie A. Manhan
There once was a little boy who wanted to meet God. He knew it was a long trip to where God lived, so he packed his suitcase with cupcakes, several cans of root beer and started on his journey.
When he had gone about three blocks, he saw an elderly woman. She was sitting on a park bench watching the pigeons. The boy sat down next to her and opened his suitcase. He was about to take a drink from his root beer when he noticed the lady looked hungry so he offered her a cupcake. She gratefully accepted and smiled at him.
Her smile was so wonderful that he wanted to see it again, so he offered a root beer as well. Once again she smiled at him. The boy was delighted!
They sat there all afternoon eating and smiling without saying a word.
As it began to grow dark, the boy realized how tired he was and wanted to go home. He got up to leave but before he had gone no more than a few steps, he turned around and ran back to the old woman, giving her a big hug. She gave him her biggest smile ever.When the boy arrived home his Mother was surprised by the look of joy on his face. She asked, "What has made you so happy today?" He replied, "I had lunch with God." Before his mother could respond he added, "You know what? She's got the most beautiful smile in the whole world!"
Meanwhile, the old woman, also radiant with joy, returned to her home. Her son was stunned by the look of peace on her face. He asked, "Mother, what has made you so happy today?" She replied, "I ate cupcakes in the park with God." And before her son could reply, she added, "You know, he is much younger than I expected."

moral: God exists in each of us.. and He is everywhere.

2 days... just 2 more days...

Do you blame me for this long and winding road

Our course is meandering, indefinite destination

It's set in a tunnel

It appears dreary and forbidding

Yet we have the light at the end of our journey

Can I take your hand

Will you walk with me?