i sneezed and sneezed and sneezed and sneezed and i just couldnt stop!

each sneezing fit lasts about 10 sneezes! do you know how tiring that is!?

i wonder what is the cause of it. probably duey's fur but i've had him for almost 2 years. i cant possibly be allergic just out of the blue. anyhow, the reason doesnt matter.

i decided to massage my nose. ( you know, you sorta use your thumb and your forefinger and gently pinch the bridge of the nose)

it was a soothing sensation, the sneezes stopped but lo and behold! seconds later streams of blood came gushing out.

ewww.

bloody hell.
pun definitely intended.

come, let me share my bliss.

picked k about 10.30pm for a late dinner at bedok 85. supper was extra tasteful because we got lost in bedok. haha just couldnt find the damn place. thank goodness for jasmine aka eastside road map. (jas you really give such precise and accurate directions. *impressed*)

we bought dinosaur gummies and headed to east coast park.

and OH OH OH READ THIS!!!

jem
*takes out a dinosaur gummy*
*shows it to kellyn*

says, " look, this is a dinosaur right?

*k nods*

*jem pops it into her mouth*

NOW IT'S EXTINCT!!

HAHAHAHAHAHA.
oh gosh i felt so proud of myself. but hey come on, i thought that it was hilarious.

one more joke to add to jem's jokes. :D

we went heading for home, but we didnt really want to go home, so we went to mustafa!!
she bought her fleece blanket. so comfy man. and stocked up on all her snacks.

and now i am home.

sighs. i'm so contented.
dont you just love spending quality time, just walking, talking....
i sound really love sick, but in contrary, i'm really.. love healthy. haha. oh gosh there i go again.
but i'm not sick! i'm not feeling any ill effects!

:D

b.l.i.s.s.

*sings*
i dont believe that anybody could feel the way i do, about you now..

i think there should be a school where people can learn how to understand. but that will never happen, because we will always have a shortage of teachers, let alone a principal.

i reckon most people just tolerate, be it keeping it within them or brushing it away. but ultimately, if it is important, tolerance is just simply not enough.

trouble begins, because people dont understand.

but it isnt for lack of trying either. there are times when we just dont know how to understand. how do you try to understand? slow down? put yourself in others' shoes? yes, definitely, but sometimes, it's more or less than that, and sometimes, you just dont know what to do, you just dont know how to try to understand, and in the end, we dont understand.

complicated? well yeah but we all know very well about humans and their complexities.

because we havent really been taught the art of understanding. and the process to understand differs in every situation, thus making it even more difficult because right now we dont even have the theory to work with.

and then, in a blink of an eye, you get massive misunderstandings, because people read each other the wrong way. and they begin to accuse each other, and sometimes the other party was merely an innocent. can you imagine the bewilderment you inflicted?

because humans are all different, the way we talk and act can be miles apart at times, conflicts will always be there.
and it can get so bad, that sometimes you want to scream out the song 'where is the love' and belt it at the top of your voice.
really, where did the love go? or did we just simply forget? or in the face of everything else, was it not important anymore?

we can be from different planets, and our only saving grace is that special connection that 2 people share.

we cant run away from reality, that the problems of differences will go away. it will always be a haunting shadow mist to mock at every relationship, to brew into a storm every once in a while.

your only hope is to strengthen that connection. dont let it die, dont give up. there are some things in life worth fighting for.
and also.
keep the faith.

----------------------------
HRC again last night. i'm going to be a regular saturday-nighter. the live band is good, their guitarist is drool-worthy, i almost wish i am him. (note. i am him, not with him!!)
by the way, i am referring to his superb guitar skills.

they have reggae and r&b, and that's really nice to gyrate to. ahha
I LOVE DANCING WITH K!!

and they have house for the last half hour!

gosh.

see, now when i fill in questionnaires, i can state that i exercise every week for a few hours.
*nods in approval*

but seriously, i never danced like that before.
SO FUN!!

maumau when you come home we go ok!!

--------------------
when you love someone, you make sacrifices, and you do it willingly.

on friday, k and i went out and we returned home really late, in wee hours of the morning.
she didnt sleep at all, just so she can wake up early to buy breakfast, drive to bishan to pick me to drive me all the way to bukit batok to work. only then did she go home to sleep.
because she knows the dread i have, so she did it specially to make my day a little easier.
wow.
i was very very touched. thank you..

best of all, she was so happy to do this for me. wow.

watch x-men!!
i was simply fantasizing away. gosh. they really make mutated genes sound so cool.
i'm still deciding which power i should be blessed with.

watch it man, jem's a class 5. :)

yup. i caught that show, and now im just itching to watch the first 2. yes how weird. it's like reading the 3rd book of harry potter, loving it, and then deciding that i want to be a wizard too. :S
well, that's just part of the fun!

i just came home from watching 'she's the man', played by amanda-sorry-i-forgot-the-spelling.
it is super hilarious! and not just grin, but laugh out loud funny.
i'm in a happy happy mood now.

only damper is that i have work tmr. damn damn double damn.
but it's ok.

k is picking me up tmr. at least i have something special waiting for me after class. and after a hard day's work, your reward always tastes extra sweet.

:)

i want to enjoy for a little while. and then it's back to studies again.
damn! another damn damper. grr.

the similarities which intertwine our lives.

we dont put ourselves in each others' shoes aften enough. we always get impatient by others' seemingly oversentiveness, and we retaliate defensively with sentences punctuated with phrases such as 'it's only a..... why must you.... ' without first pausing to consider their position.
we always think that we are right, and others are wrong. we dont always try to understand the heartache that others go through because of our actions.

the things that often go unappreciated are the things that we are supposed to do in the first place. for eg, a mum nags at her daughter for not washing the dishes after she eats. so she begins to. but it goes unnoticed, because that's her duty that she is to fulfill. and one day, she forgets, and her mum screams at her all over again.
is it fair? for the life of me, i cant decide.
and this analogy, is practiced in more areas in our life than we realise.

we notice the ugly, but dismiss the beauty. in others, and especially ourselves. we mock the failures, and belittle successes.
we judge far too quickly.

first impressions are important. because of the above. sometimes unfortunately, you only get one chance. how you carry yourself, your mannerisms, your speech. they make up who you are, and how people perceive you. if you want to be respected, you have to be respectable.

we forget. that we only have this one shot on earth. and the candles of some of us burn faster than the rest, yet we take it for granted that we each are given the same length of candle.
yes, how quickly we forget.

^5. we are all the same.

bro bro bro bro bro..

all i can say is... YOU ARE INDEED MY BRO.

i dont know whether to shake my head or go thumbs up.

WHAHAHAHAHAHA.!

:D

slow down, smell the roses. stop looking at the damn thorns!

so some cant help but walk fast for it's in their nature. ok, dont change your speed but quieten your pace. there are sounds out there waiting to be heard, if only you'd take the time to listen.

and i wonder why we humans fret so much. is it an inbuild thing to worry?
i guess when something is important to us, we border on the line of paranoia and we obsess over the usually unnecessary fear because we're just simply afraid.

we are frightened of many things. we are petrified of loss, outcomes, what ifs...
plus the power we have been given to imagine is often abused.

but of course, everything is easy in theory, but never in execution.

sometimes we think too much, and with that excessive thinking, it inevitably leads to worry at times.
but usually, when we keep it under control, and succeed, at the end of the day, the benefits are yours to harvest.

uncertainty often gets the best of us, and soon after, we lose our way. and that's when the trouble begins. because you become a lost sheep, frantically looking for your shepard, only he's miles away from his hill. in addition, it's cold and dark and lonely.

butthough it might be dark, there is always the light of the night.
and when the sheep looks up, he sees home, and his companions, guided by that light, illuminated by that light, a shinnig beacon of hope.
suddenly, just by that gesture of lifting his head to triumph over defeat, he's one step closer to where he's supposed to be.

when you're in his position, think of that sheep. think of his bravery, his courage, which made him a sheep of significance, authority to his name. he isnt just a sheep. he is THE sheep.

dont ever hang your head, unless to bow in prayer.

look up, there are many guiding stars up there waiting.

control and conquer.
it takes practice. just like everything else.

that's what i believe in.
and that's part of my happiness.
the firm, unwavering f.a.i.t.h. that everything gets better. and everything will turn out right.

happily ever after.

all the stupid flying things are stirring up a stupid whirlwind in my stomach!
grrr.

and my nose is running continually whilst i frantically try to catch it to no avail.

my head is in a rock mood and punding incessantly with way too much force.

self pity? oh definitely.

but we're all entitled to that before every start of an exam!

thank goodness i have k to look forward to after the paper.

there are some things that others will understand perfectly. they know your exact sentiments and they can wholly emphatise with your situation.

but that's the exception.

mostly, no one will understand. sometimes, they do not even come close.

the internal frustration, the brain explosion, the breaking heart...
there are times, when you are truly alone in this world.

i think some of us have such strange mentalities.

we never seem to have any drive until we are at the final lap and suddenly we increase our strides and make a mad dash.

it's a good way of handling stress because you dont worry unnessarily but when you're too laid back, you dont have that motivation, and sometimes without that, you cant achieve much.

but, as i always say. to each his own. whatever works best for you, may be the worst for someone else.

the problem is identifying which category you fall in.

well, tomorrow marks the beginning of temporary doom for me.
your prayers are much appreciated during this dreadful time.

*gloomy*

I AM A FAN OF HOUSE MUSIC.

cant believe your eyes? not big enough?

I AM A FAN OF HOUSE MUSIC!

:)
yes i like r&b too, but the beat is so much better to dance to!
i am a closet ah beng. bring on the house music and let me show you those dances, complete with the hand moves!! hahaha...

had a great time dancing crazily at HRC last night. i simply love dancing with k. we just have so much fun.

had to wake up super early this morning for my cousin's wedding tea ceremony.
i was bridesmaid. haha collected ahg bao for doing literally nothing.

we made the groom say i love you to my cousin and why he loves her in different languages. with their accents!! haha it was so funny hearing him speak with french accent, japanese etc.

oooh madammoseille michellez, je taime, puhleeze openz ze door.

hahaha.

there were some rather cute ideas too. he and his brothers had to form a boy band and perform in the garden, with synchornized dance steps. lol...

:)

weddings always make me feel so happy.

i wanna get married to k too.

why do people stick by each other even when they fall ill, or become handicapped or disfigured?
either they have one of the strongest discipline and sense of responsibility, or very simply, they love.

it is a very simple reason, yet the power it holds is on of the things we never ever seem to try to comprehend, often we belittle it, and we dont always give it its due credit.

remember, the smallest thing, is often the biggest. and the biggest thing, is always larger than life size.

we love, and that makes us accept every single detail, good and bad.

you might have multiple scars, be bedridden, be bald because of radiation, but to the one you are willing to give your heart to, and the one who accepts your love, you are the most beautiful person in the world.

and nothing, nothing will ever change that.

wow. that's what i call love.

---------
k and i watched 'over the hedge' at great world city this evening. i enjoy watching there, because it's not as crowded as town, or heartland malls. just right. :)
anyhow, the show was cute! didnt know avril lavigne was one of the voice characters. *drools*
it was your average heartwarming pixar film.

:)

anyhow, to all who are interested, my doomsdays are out.

Jurispudence Tues 23May 14:30-17:30

Company Law Thurs 1 June 14:30-17:30

Family Law Wed 7 June 10-13:00

Commercial Law Thurs 8 June 10-13:00

to top it off.

Piano ATCL (Perfomance) Fri 9 June 15:35

i really hope i will be successful in my appeal to shift my piano to a later date. the hours that i need to put in to practise are formidable and it is matched by the hours i need to study!

do you all see that dark shadow of gloom hanging over my head?

Warning:
jem is S.U.L.K.I.N.G.
and these sulks are gonna continue till it is all over.

please love me and put up with it!

my head hurts unbelievably badly.

ouch.

sob sob sob.

m.i.s.e.r.a.b.l.e.

i have always believed that happiness and sadness should come from within. only ourselves have the power to control our emotions meter, and tune it to whatever we should feel.

i guess that's quite dumb. because ultimately how you feel is determined by many factors which leads you to experience a certain state.

but i dont believe that it should revolve around the acts of a single individual person or thing, because if your life is just dependant on it, you had better pray hard that it treats you right.

but mostly, things do not happen the way we want it to.
the words you long to hear, the acts you long to see, seem a far reach from your outstretched hand that is frantically grasping, but clutches at nothing.

i dont like it, and i should resent it should it happen to me.
because life is a beautiful picture.
that thing may take up the main portion of the canvas, but there are other accompaniments that complement the picture to create what is, its final touch.

sometimes life can get a little depressing. because we have the power of imagination, so we daydream and fantasize about how great life can be, that we tend to forget what we have is prety good.
but our mentality is always 'it can be better' and sadly, it is usually the truth.

but humans are not patient. there are many things which you have to slowly work at, with the utmost precision and skill.
we are sculptors. if you rush something, chances are, you are bound to break something, and the ultimate result which you want becomes further.

there are years ahead of us. i'm not taking for granted the promise of tomorrow, but sometimes we dont have a choice. truly, good things come to those who wait.

and sometimes, you must earn it.
to show that you deserve it, that you can handle it.

but on the other side of the picture, one must not forget that tomorrow is a gift. it is a present given to us by God's choice.
sometimes, although things take time, we must not take too long.
for when the day comes when you decide or are ready to open up, that person might just be gone forever.

i thought about it long and hard.
i know what to do already.

and i shall try my very best.

please will you be gentler with me?

please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please.

i'm afraid of you. because i dont know when you're going to scold me.

all i need from is.. is to be a little bit more gentler.

please.

sob.

how can love make one so sad?
is it supposed to be this way?

i guess it's true, for every smile you create, you sacrifice a tear.

is there such a thing as loving the wrong person?
i always believed that no matter how imcompatible that person appears to be, 'mismatch-ness' can always be rectified.

i guess it becomes an irreversible problem when it isnt being reciprocrated, the problems begin to brew.

because love makes us extra intense, we become instant myopics and suffer from something called blindness.

because we cant see the real truth in the situation that we have caught up in, and we form illusions, that ultimately damage us.

but sometimes, the journey isnt a wasted one. because everything is, a learning experience.
but it's the walking itself, that is so damn difficult.

for happiness to exist, there must be sorrow.
then when you achieve it, you learn to treasure.

it's so important to be aware of the good things you have around you.

some people dont have what you have, and yet we give it away so easily, as though it belongs to us, and when we feel like it, we can get it back just as easily.

why are we like that?

things that you throw away so carelessly, you dont always have the chance to hold it once more.

do not wait till it is too late, till the regret sets in.

i have always known before of my severely different thinking from others. sometimes i feel a little warped, a little abnormal, but at the end of the day, i lift my chin in defiance because the things that i believe in are part of who i am, and i dont think i am a fucked person at all.

sure, i fuck up every now and then. who doesnt? but i am still the best.

:)

i believe that when we are not happy in a situation, we can try to change things. but as usual, many things are out of our control. and sometimes, it gets to a point where you feel like you want to get out. many people will encourage themselves or their friends to hang on, or at least search for a back up plan.
i believe that it's we ourselves who know when the right time is to go.

eg. work.

perhaps i have never experienced it myself. sure, my work life is somewhat limited and considered immature at this point in time because after all, i am considered an undergraduate and part time work politics does not really count to many.

and yes, i am probably considered naive to turn a blind eye to the world of sharks. and how you have to turn into one to survive.
but i understand myself. i listen to the stories, and ive heard a good few recently. i am appalled by what i hear, the things that people say and do, and i wonder if they were once innocent. they had to be.
what happened? did they forget? in their instincts of survival?
or did they just get so caught up, that they just simply lost themselves without even knowing.

i will not be that.

call me whatever you want, young childish whatever, make your assumptions. but i think i know myself way better than anyone does.

many have been encouraging k to look for a job because it has almost been a month since she left her previous job. (thank god she left! wheeee CELEBRATE GOOD TIMES COME ON!)

i dont understand if i should feel ashamed that i dont fall under that category.

yes, i know the income isnt coming in and what i can help is limited.

but i also believe that when k is ready, she is matured enough to open the newspapers and begin looking. not through motivation or nagging, but from something internal, within her.

i think your parents know that too. that's why they have not been saying much. thumbs up to them.. :)

yes, a little encouragement is good of course. but sometimes the best intentions can go awry.

should i be ashamed? that i, as her gf, isnt being motivating or asking her to look for a job?

i dont know. and the traces of shame that i feel are only because i guess i should be doing it and i didnt.

but if u ask me honestly, i can tell u a straight no.

i believe,

when the time is right, we will all know what to do.

we all need a break. and there isnt any guideline to tell u how long that break should be.

one month for 7 years. doesnt seem like a good deal to me.

k is happy. and thus, i am too.

the right time will come on its own.

fun facts!

1. A rat can last longer without water than a camel.
rats are great. especially when they are a zodiac sign. anyway camels spit at you when they are annoyed.

2.The original name for the butterfly was 'flutterby'!
i never knew. i always thought it was just a victim of spoonerism!

3. A chimpanzee can learn to recognize itself in a mirror, but monkeys can't.

4. Dolphins sleep with one eye open!
why? are they paranoid?

5.While sleeping, one man in eight snores, and one in ten grinds his teeth
we know which category our maumau falls under. grrr.

6. the grizzly bear can run as fast as an average horse!
HUH! THAT FAST!?

7. A giraffe can clean its ears with its 21-inch tongue.
i hope, for its sake, that its ears hardly need cleaning.

8. A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.
ok so the next time u want to make fun of a croc, just stick ur tongue out since it cant retaliate.
;p

9. Ants don't sleep.
arent u glad ure not an ant.

10. Elephants are the only animals that can't jump
see.. God knows what He is doing. :)

last night, headed to her place after HRC. i had such a good sleep but for some reason we woke up absurdly early considering how late we slept.
but this afternoon, when i took a nap, it was so fruitful, that i actually woke up feeling more rested than ive ever felt for weeks.

when i returned home, i dropped off to sleep while reading and within minutes i had a nightmare.

sigh.

JEM'S CHECKLIST
i need to be happy before i sleep.
i must place all my pillows/soft toys properly and snuggle down comfortably.
i must not have the slightest tinge of irritation.
I MUST NOT THINK/WORRY.
and the moments where i do wake up, i must wake up to something nice before i go back to sleep again.

because we have the ability to think, we always try to understand our reasons for existence. and though sometimes we dont always get the answers we want, we find other meaningful things about ourselves along the way.

life is a series of paragraphs. it's not a very fluent story, because there are random hiccups along the way. sometimes the grammar and spelling is wrong. it is in no way perfect, because there aint any such things as editors for this book of life.

but though we blotch our pages with elementary mistakes, in this case, a book full of wrongs is more fulfilling than we ever realise.

sometimes we thumb through the previous pages and smack our foreheads in dismay. sometimes we become wistful, sometimes even laugh.

but those past chapters only serve one purpose. it is there to make us become who we are now.

but to mourn for it, or even worry unnecessarily for the future, threatens to take away the meaning that life holds for us, until we become blind to what is truly important.

to live and love. to be good.

the values that we have been taught from young should be revised everyday.

how quickly we forget sometimes.
it is very disappointing.

i think, we should put a memo in our brain. to remind us of where our priorities lie.

happy mothers' day mummy!

:)

one year ago..

friday the 13th may, 2005 wasnt a day of bad luck at all.
because i passed my driving on this date~!

and now, one year later...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DRIVING LICENCE!

i have always refused to drive with my p plate because i refused to believe that i was inferior and i always believed that if you hang a p plate you are inviting more criticism than you actually deserve.

i am not condoning this.

and i guess i just incriminated myself but please dont throw me in jail. haha
let bygones be bygones.

and of course the danger is that if you get caught the consequences are pretty hefty.

i took a gamble for 12 mths and i won!

yipperdeeduda.

5 months.

this is only the beginning. and what a blissful journey it has been so far.

k reassures me all the time, even though i know it gets tiring at times.
k gives in to where i want to go and what i want to eat, even if she doesnt really feel like it.
k gives me her share of chicken wings, because she knows i enjoy it.
k cooks for me whenever i am hungry.
k calms me down with just a simple hello when she picks up the phone.
k tells me i am the best, and she is always supportive and encouraging.
k tries to see my side, even during an argument.
k offered to pay my $650 piano exam fee, because she feels it will be money well spent.
k takes the effort to pick me whenever she is able to, or sometimes goes out of her way to do so.
k gives me random kisses and hugs.
k is cool!
k makes me feel at peace, when i am on the verge of panic attacks.
k laughs at my jokes.


best of all, k loves me.

and i love her too.

sometimes, i think i am the luckiest person in the whole world.

im happy.
you know, i really am.

thank you dele for what you wrote.
your words make more impact than you ever realise. it's always great to feel that you're worth something, and you just made me feel like a billion bucks.
you always make me feel proud of myself.

:)

hands up if you all agree that dele is irreplaceable.

*waves hands madly in the air*

lazy socks..

look at her red collar that k chose! nice right??

i really cant put it into words because i cant put my finger to it exactly.

nervy and distracted.

i feel so unsettled.

and i'm so tired of all the nightmares.

how can i put into words the exact sentiments that i have? sometimes i do not even dare to begin for i am afraid that i may not be able to do ample justice to it. Yet, i know that i must try, because too often we only have words to convey how we feel, behind them lying a quiet desperation, beseeching others to understand.

perhaps you are able to sympathise, or even emphathise greatly. but of course we are all aware of the truth that at the end of the day, your shoes fit you and no one else. tell me, when you look into each others' eyes, can we truly see what lies within.

the battle of choices isnt always a battle because there is an obvious victory before it even starts but that's not for lack of trying. we will ourselves to toughen up, so that the ultimate impact, should it ever be bestowed upon us, will affect us far less greater than it will now.

but it's a lonely fight all the way.

can you understand what i'm saying? probably not. it's too complex for even me, the author, to comprehend. emotions should ideally come without complications. *snorts*
unfortunately, nothing ever exists in its purest, empirical form. there will always be the arrival of new people, the changing or the varying of situations.

there's this saying. 'deal with your own problems, before you try to undertake others' . unfortunately, when the tree of relstionships, you had better pray that you are expertly skilled at multi tasking.
as the tree grows, roots might strengthen, but leaves and branches become even more exposed to elements which you bravely fight, but sometimes lose.

looking after the tree itself isnt any use. you have to keep and eye and an ear out for warning signals. one storm, can successfully uproot a tree.

is this paranoia speaking? no. it is merely a matter of fact manner that is accepting of the truth.

donkeys will try to take a chomp out of the tree. even bird droppings can ruin the idealistic picturesque view that has been painted.

most of the times, you're just a lonely farmer labouring on. you admire your tree, you're proud of it. but he cant keep those donkeys from returning, because like the farmer, they also see the beauty of it all.

and that. is the sad truth of life.
sometimes, no one leaves you alone.

caught 'when a stranger calls' last evening. i felt a little apprenhensive as it was a thriller and we madly caught the midnight show.

hmm, the build up of suspense was quite well done. successful shock tactics were carried out.

i guess the disappointing part came when the killer actually made an appearance. my first thought was 'oh my he looks like mr bean'
understandably it reduced the scare factor considerably. :S

of course, the effects, (such as it was nighttime and visibility was minimal) still kept the suspense somewhat.

it ended rather abruptly though. hmmm.

we played xbox at cine level 9, where i lost at soccer. grrr. i can never seem to shoot any goals or defend properly. my players just dumbly watch her players running past me and my attackers lose the ball each and every single time.

ps: gwen!! ur bish bash cant work on ps2. *miserable*

my recent posts have been rather angsty. not due to any particular issue, but i guess im just doing a catch up on my indignant ranting etc.

you know, k, we have a lot to learn, about outselves, about each other and from each other, i'm glad we recgonise this and still have enough faith that we can pull through, and we only strengthened during the last months.

our 5th month is coming. :) HAPPINESS.

that's one thing that really keeps me going. when i am with you, i am HAPPY.

my exams are just round the corner. what a damn damper. time to get a move on to those books.

havent you always known tears to be a sign of weakness?
havent you always known tears to be worth nothing?

dont u know that no matter how many bucketloads u fill, u wipe them away by yourself?

you've always known that.

did you forget.

STOP IT ALREADY.

You Are 35% Selfish

In general, you are a very giving person who treats others very well.But at times, you insist on getting your way - when it matters most to you.

How Selfish Are You?

sigh. yes, when it matters to me.
unfortunately, a rule of life is that what is important to you might be insignifant to others.

people wont understand why certain things get to you. emphathy can only get that far.

what might be a small action, a mere word to them, means the whole world to you.

if you are attracted to someone, a simple sms stating 'hello how are you' can just make your day.

take that analogy and apply it everywhere.
when you like someone, every little thing counts.

even when they shouldnt matter.

big pony day!

*sings* i'm so in love.... with you...

i think im obsessed. but who can blame me.

when you have an excitable and optimistic nature, likened to those kids whom you promised a trip down to toys r us, you had better be darn sure that you have a set of skills meant for disappointment handling.

if not, you're going to turn into your average typical cynic.

and oh yes, keep the faith too.

but im beginning to wonder if it's a good idea to have such a child-like nature.
mind you, this is highly different from having expectations.
it's just merely having the pureness of looking forward to something.

i think, in view of our pessimistic world, it's great to retain certain manners of innocence.

but i think i begin to realise why so many have 'grown up'.

oh damn, im turning into one of them arent i?

my xiao wu gui was on the floor. duey picked him up and carried him to his corner.
and used it as a pillow!

so cuteee!!

i guess the reason why they call it friendship, kinship etc. is because just like that literal mode of transport, constant maintanence is required to reach its maximum potential.

and all areas need to be covered, major and minor. of course, certain areas need special attention more than the rest, but it's crucial to have all elements working together in order for a smooth operation.

and sometimes, when something gets damage, even though you repair it, its effects might appear irreversible. but then its time to remind ourselves that the ship with the most character are often those who weathered all sorts of storms.

other things are out of control too. you might invest all your money time and energy into that ship, but come a hurricane and you're in danger of getting shipwrecked.
it takes effort, lots of skilful handling, and a lot of prayer and faith to get it through.

so thus, relationships.

aye aye captains.
i salute everyone of us.

---------------------------------------

I ABSOULTELY LOATHE PEOPLE WHO OPEN THEIR MOUTHS AND UTTER RUBBISH.

or literally bullshit.

so ive said it before and i'll say it again.

I LOOK AT YOU WITH THE DEEPEST CONTEMPT.

and i even think that calling you disgusting is being nice to you.

if you speak nonsensical rubbish, fine. probably you are dumb by nature and can be forgiven.

but to speak words with intentional malice, knowing the whole truth but deliberately twisting the facts around, can you honestly call yourself someone with a soul?

tell me, have you gone astray to such an extent that you have forgotton where your heart is and all the values it carries?

why? what are your reasons behind this?

where did you basic sense of loyalty and decency vanish to?

how can you ruin someone's goodname just like that?

whatever lies you have proudly told, without thinking about its effects or consequences, tell me, do they keep you awake at night?

or can you really fall asleep with a conscience so tainted?
you're so blind.

so blind.

i pity you.

sometimes you cry and cry but at the end, nothing changes.

except you have swollen eyes and a heavier heart.

sometimes i think that getting excited is just a waste of time.

no matter how enthusiastic you are, there will be others who wont feel the same.

and who can blame them? we cant all be similar. everyone has different tastes. and you must also account for varying situations.

sigh.

so for every hype that you build up, you're just setting yourself up for a harder crash.

hopes dashed.

no wonder that phrase was invented. it's too common for our own good. and integrated itself into part of our daily lifestyle.

a carpenter and his tools can go a long way.

imagine someone hands a carpenter a piece of raw wood.
the power the carpenter holds is formidable.

like any raw wood, it is uncut and unpolished.
too many rough edges, holding the danger of many splinters.

he can carve a shape out of it. or he can chop it up for the fireplace.
he can curse and swear at its flaws, or gently sandpaper them away.

it's not about his skill or his craftsmanship. but his patience and love.

he can work at it everyday, never giving up on its potential, or he can chuck it away for better pieces of wood.

imagine that piece of wood is a person.
a person who has given himself whollly to you.

make it or break it.
entirely in your hands.

I DONT HAVE TO GO TO WORK TOMORROW!

ok maybe i should not be proclaiming this out loud but let's leave responsibility aside and rejoice!

REJOICE!
YIPPEE YAY YAY YAY!

psst: do you know what time i have to wake up tomorrow?

NO TIME!!!

*dances* SHAKE IT.. YEA YEA SHAKE IT....

wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

do you know what i am doing tmr?
do you know what i am NOT doing tmr? i am not going to work!hurhurhur

i am going out with my number 1 girl.
yippeee! i love you. you're the best.

THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST!

ff to meet gwennie at the playground for a slurpee session...

jem goh is absolutely reeking of self pity.

stephen king says he gets inspiration from his nightmares. he dreams out his story and churns out a book. my nightmares hold the potential to turn me into a scriptwriter.

last night, i dreamt that the world was at war with zombies. life revolves around a farmer called tintin (ok so my nightmare names are not original), and how he tried to convince the government that the zarnia, the queen of all zombies, was plotting a universal scheme to rid the world of all humans.

tintin himself is a zombie, in fact he's the general. :S but unknown to his kind, every 13th of every month, he resumes his human form. and for 2 days, he would desperately try to convince the public but was scorned at.

therefore, he gave up and rounded up a group of fellow half zombies, who like him still possess a streak of humanity, and began to concoct a potion that is deadly to all zombies, with instructions of its ingredients and steps.

he hid the bottles and the receipe, as well as a dairy, in an old abandoned house, but before he could complete his quest, he zombieness got the better of him and he no longer transformed. his fellow zombies, without their leader, soon followed suit.

years later, a little boy stumbled upon it. he did not realise the value of its importance and shared the potion with his dog. following that, he realised its effects were that he could see zombies and ghosts everywhere. they tried to attack him, but upon doing so, tasted the potion that had already integrated into his blood, and therefore vanished into a stream of dust.

this little boy then told his school professor what he had done. unknown to him, however, his professor is actually a half zombie too, as well as one who is in love with zarnia. he then began to coax the little boy to bring the receipe to him, so that he could bring it to zarnia and raise his importance in her eyes.

meanwhile , the school cleaner had been eavesdropping. this elderly man, used to be part of a secret agency that deals with zombies. (think MIB). his group was involved in a fight (the one where the zombies tried to take over the world long time ago) . the zombies' plan fell apart, but at the price of the lives of many of this secret group. others, like the cleaner, were the lucky ones.

he knew at once how crucial it was to get hold of it and began to make plans to travel, all the while contacting the rest of his fellow mates.

ok let's cut the story short. im getting lazy. bascially, they managed to get government approval, brewed plenty of potion, and during a raid in the zombies' castle, managed to get rid of all of them.

----------------------------
haha. ok let's put the rest of my day in point form.

1. i was driving somewhere, and got really lost. i was so close yet i kept missing an important turning and went round and round.
2. i thought i lost my hp. i couldnt find it anywhere. therefore everyone was uncontactable.
3. i got stuck in a jam. and when ure driving manual, it's beyond a joke.
so yes, i got out of the jam, and got back in again because i kept going round and round remember?
4. i found parking (with a lot of difficulty) and ran to use the public phone to inform that i was going to be late for an appointment.
5. i saw a traffic police at my car when i returned and had to do a lot of bargining to convince him that i only parked for less than 5 mins.
6. i was speeding on the highway. looked in the rearview mirror and saw a policeman signalling to me.
7. he came alongside me and realised i was not wearing a seatbelt.
8. asked for my licence. which was not on me. nor my ic.
9. i was in shorts and t shirt, totally looked too young to drive. he was very suspicious. he kept asking if i was really jamie goh and did i give my friend's ic number.
10. got let off. PHEW! said he didnt want to tarnish my record as its my first time getting pulled over. actually it's not but wth. and DONT say it's bloody my fault.
11. still could not find e stupid place. flagged a cab and followed him.
12. at last.
13. ran for piano lesson. was 45 mins late.

now. home sweet home.
consolation: i could have got parking tickets, speeding tickets and fines, but i didnt.

yes yes trying to look on the bright side.

:S

not too very long ago.. in a land called bangkok..


they dont kiss! they suck! i was left with a love bite on my cheek from one of them.



actually it's been 3 years. man, how time flies.

the feeling of unsettledness is driving one to distraction.
the wandering has gone on for far too long.

every lost sheep is eager to return home.

sometimes
i wish i was brave
i wish i was stronger
i wish i could feel no pain
i wish i was young
i wish i was shy
i wish i was honest
i wish i was you not I

'cause I feel so mad
i feel so angry
i feel so callused
so lost, confused, again
i feel so cheap
so used, unfaithful
let's start over
let's start over

sometimes i wish i was smart
i wish i made cures for how people are
i wish i had power i wish i could lead
i wish i could change the world for you and me

box car racer-I feel so

jaded. angst. how overused vocabulary.
but how real they get at times.

but when i'm lying in your arms, i know i'm home.

even blogging several times daily doesnt help to take my mind off things.

usually any form of expression gives you a clearer understanding of things, and writing isnt any exception. but there are times where its effects are unfortunately reversed.

a.r.g.

it just hits so randomly, and then my mind begins to overflow while i frantically try to do my darndest to keep it under control.

i've been so preoccupied and it's beginning to show.

i've always been someone who thinks too much for my own good but it's spiralling way out of my hands.

i think ive just finally realize its power.

one thing that i really hate is lack of control, the inability to take in hand thoughts and actions.
so thus, i am beginning to dislike myself.

although every minute is a precious gift, sometimes we need to give ourselves time, in order to give ourselves a chance.

especially when the impact is especially hard, or hit too close to the heart for comfort, you cannot expect an overnight recovery.
and just like any injury, sometimes it comes back to hurt you when you least expect it, just when you thought you were ready to fly again.

and it's really 'gawd damn!' when that happens. because with the physical pain, you got to deal with the whole influx of memories and you relieve the whole experience again, and ultimately admit that perhaps you arent in the position to spread your wings just yet.

and then bitterness sets in. man, we're such embittered idiots.

but we need to give ourselves a break at times. i feel the problem with us is we tend to be too hard. we can provide the utmost care and say the sweetest things to strangers, but self therapy isnt a profession any of us are able to succeed although we have the capability and potential to do so.

time time time. the keyword is time. dont push it, dont force it. just let it be.

i must remember that too.

ever watched a loved one sleeping? it's one of the most beautiful pictures in the world your eyes can ever set upon.

you see the raindrops running down the window pane, and you wonder where they're hurrying to. their little journey is so short, but seems so much more fulfilling in comparison.

it's amazing, the comfort one can receive just watching the rain.

it's almost symbolic. the way it cries with you, yet holds the promises of washing those tears away.

if there was such thing as perfection, that would be a perfect remedy. after we all, we all need chicken soup for the soul sometimes.

even in a thunderstorm, the effect never wavers, but seems more enhanced.
brings you the notion that even in the midst of all the shit around you, peace isnt actaully too far away.

i forgot about the rain.

until i stood at the window this afternoon once more.

ok, previously, i could only post once a day because of some restriction on my blogger html. i've since managed to solve this, but i have no idea why my dates are so big. can anyone help!? i cant find the source in my html at all!

and i changed my tagboard because the tagboard page wouldnt open at all no matter how many times i refresh it. my com isnt recognising shoutboxes anymore.. grr..

i know that my recent rantings have been reeking of self-pity. *sheepish* my defence is that everyone is entitled to nonsensical self pity at times right?