circle of life. karma.

what your thoughts inspire and actions create are part of your reaping, and you bear your harvest accordingly.

the trouble begins when it's one folly after another.

you trudge uphill, only to tumble down all over again, not because of the rocks on the hill, but because you carelessly did not avoid them, and skipped with all the confidence of a goat on a mountain. you find out the hard way that you are responsible for too many of your stumbles.

but that's experience. because then you begin to be little more careful, and anticipate the next step.
but it's a continual learning process.

you walk alone. that much is true. your comrades have their own battles to survive, their own rock climbing to do.

but ever so often, there might be someone there. just silently rooting you on. not helping, but simply being there, a shadow of encouragement.
too many are blind to its presence, either due to lack of faith, or unnecessary doubts stemmed from personal reasons.

but take heed the words of shakespeare.
'Our doubts are traitors, and make us lose the good we oft might win, by fearing to attempt'

why do we fear, when there is so much to benefit when we dont?

f.r.u.s.t.r.a.t.i.o.n.

each day i wake, i want to bang my head against the wall.

people dont know about the things i say and do
they dont understand about the shit that ive been through
it's been so long since ive been home
ive been gone for way too long
maybe i forgot all things i miss
oh somehow i know there's more to life than this
i said it too many times
and i still stand firm
you get what you put in
and people get what they deserve

still i aint seen mine no i aint seen mine
ive been giving just aint been gettin
ive been walking that there line
so I think i'll keep a walking
with my head held high
i'll keep moving on and only God knows why

everyone thinks they understand everyone else. but everyone is wrong. i dont understand you. you dont understand me. i dont understand them, they dont understand me.
everyone is misunderstood.

i.am.no.exception.


disclaimer:pic taken from postsecret.blogspot.com

i am tasting the bile of bitterness and i spit and i spit and i spit but it still leaves a nasty taste in my mouth.
but i know i am only feeling this way because to me anger triumphs over sadness.

being in despair is directly proportional to those hot surges that i thought i was on my way of getting rid of or at least being in control, but as usual, i am wrong.

the previous post was an impulse entry so thus i have decided to remove that rather tragic post.

i have decided to tender my resignation of my teaching post in august, after my kids have taken their exams, and i think the wistfulness that accompanies any departure will be overrided by plain joy.

after almost 2 years, it has begun to become a chore. i can feel that my dedication towards the job has started to dwindle, and when you're in a line that is teaching, you need to revive the passion constantly if not it isnt fair.
i admit recently my heart has not been at the right place, and it has become a weekly struggle, hence i decided it was time to leave.

i know there are many people out there who think i have it good, because i only work once a week, and the pay is rather substantial for a part-timer.

i acknowledge the perks, it's not as though i am not silently appreciative that i am qualified to teach piano and all the benefits i obtain.

but if you have never taught before, 12 straight hours in a row with only minimal breaks in between , i say, dont judge me.
and make that 25 kids, one after another, ranging from ages 5-15.

i have met so many different types of kids, it amazes me.

every other hour, you get the emotionally matured kids. the ones who understand the sincerity behind piano.

but mostly, you get the spoilt ones. the petulant ones. the ones who throw black faces.
the ones who do not do their homework week after week or practise, despite everything from cajoling to threatening.

and ok let's face it. i was once there too.

and it isnt just that. it's just.. everything. every single gawd damn thing.

you cant choose your students. you take what the school gives you. and the level of frustration irks me. it dampens me, and beginning to kill my love for piano.

too extreme? think again.
you've never been in my shoes. you just simply dont understand why people say that teaching heightens your stress level. hell, it rockets it skyhigh.

only a teacher can empathise with another teacher's plight.
because if seen from the sidelines, it just seems too dramatic to be true.

but trust me.
welcome to my world.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
headed to zouk last night! i think the last time i stepped in was last nov, and i kicked myself and swore over the crowd, the heat the everything and vowed never to return.

and last night, i realise everytime i go to zouk, i would say the same thing. :S

was initally reluctant plus i was in BERMS! i mean it was fine but i was wearing a jacket that didnt match and ok yes yes vain whatever.

i didnt mind zouk actually because i love house music but the crowd kinda scared me. we headed to phuture next where the crowd scared me even more. haha

but it was fine after a while because we found a space where we could actually dance, and not tiptoe in a reatarded circle.

and i had fun after that. had a nice workout. haha

but waking up was pure tortureeeeeeeeeee.

i love dancing with you, and feeling you lips on mine as we dance. happiness. sigh.

how can there be such a thing as selective amnesia? the truth is that we cant forget the past. it might slip our minds temporarily but mostly it will return, either by self invoking it or an unintentional work of your mind.

the sad side is that often the memories are either negative, accompanied by the whole gamut of emotions that you felt then, at that particular point in time.

well, i say. for every sad side, there's always the good. we may not forget, but behind every memory was a lesson learnt.

do you feel at times that you dont actually feel you belong any where? people say home is where the heart is. a cheesy line but carries the potential of some in depth reflection.
do we feel the longing to be part of something because of that innate comaderie that we carry within ourselves?

humans cant live alone. solitude can only go that far before loneliness sets in.

but your sense of belonging doesnt have to stem from a place does it?
maybe we should give ourselves a chance.

yes, we all need roots. but too many of us forgot to plant the seeds. and roots, like everything else, takes time to grow too.

-------------------------------------------------
ps:
i had no nightmares yesterday. a good sleep. how easy we take that for granted.
hey you'd be relieved too.

it was a perfect night. in every sense of the word.

duey -dog- wannabe is so sweet. he came running to kiss me when i came home today. we spent a good few minutes kissing each other. whahaha

oops. no i am NOT into beastiality! :S

over time, i have discovered a pattern which previously i was unsure of but now is confirmed.
if i fall asleep in an uncomfortable position or dissatisfied mood (let's not even talk about being in a state of happiness) , chances are, my sleep would be ruined by nightmares.

also, i get really grouchy when i am tired, and thus if im not in bed by a certain level of tiredness, the above would happen.

and that's just what occured yesterday. irritability, discomfort etc led to a plague of nightmares.

needless to say, i woke up feeling like i never slept a wink at all.
and so here begins the chain, where its spooky rattles and difficulty to break makes me just want to kick out at the world.

m.i.s.e.r.a.b.l.e.

therefore, i prostrate myself and really thank god that i have someone to sleep and wake up tonight. just the thought brings such immense relief, that the dread of the night is dissolving into non existence.

and with every negative issue, there's always a good one to take your troubles away.

so on a very happy note...
recently i bought jo a polo ralph big pony pullover for her birthday. and i was eyeing the short sleeve white polo shirt for myself but yes, due to financial constraints i had to content myself in admiring it from a distance. (dont you just hate that??)

but when i met k today, she handed me MY BIG PONY RALPH LAUREN SHIRT!!!!!!
can i just boast that i simply have the most generous and even better, the most thoughtful gf anyone can have. she knew how much i longed for it and forgo her own stuff just to get it for me.

you know, i do love this girl. not because of big ponies or small ponies or whatever size ponies, but simply because she's just so damn wow.
and you know how i always advocate that happiness is really important? i'm never short of it when im with her.

i implore that people understand. you dont give this kinda thing up just like that.
people fight for love and happiness.
and im a gawd damn one helluva warrior when it comes to her.

all things, tangible or otherwise, are ephemeral.
some last longer than others, but ultimately, they fade to something that we cant touch or fight against, they dissolve into something known as memories.

we have been repeatedly taught how to savour every moment or we experience its bitter after taste.
but as usual, everything is simpler in theory than in its application.

how to live our life. the burning question that flares every so often and no solution will hold its weight in water to put it out.

but esteem and confidence play such major roles in determining our outlook of life.
it's almost frightening how perspectives can change in relation to these factors.

we look into the mirror and what we see reflected isnt always our true self. it appears that we see what we want to see and choose to ignore many features, and the sorry side to this is that too often we taint ourselves and we form distorted and untrue images. we magnify our flaws tenfold and brush our positives brusquely away and emerge from it a greatly wronged individual.

it's such a pity. especially as most of the times these insecurities are uncalled for. there is so much beauty everywhere, external and internal. we always talk about opening our hearts to others, but first we must extend it wide and far to ourselves first.

blindness, like everything else, is ephemeral too.

and we must always remember, we are god's children.

thought my previous layout was getting a little messy so thus!
a change can always be refreshing and this is not an exception.
------------------------------------------
:)

k's friend, lifang celebrated her 25 years of existence yesterday. :) we had dinner at cafe cartel, a place where it's been years since i last patronised.

next came a cake surprise! haha hey i bet she was secretly jumping for joy. ;p

to top it off, a group of us headed to 'five ten' located at prinsep street where we opened a bottle of whiskey. i forgot how strong whiskey could taste till last evening. the mixer was green tea and those who know me know i dislike green tea.

it was a lose lose situation. whiskey or green tea? whiskey seemed the softer option haha.

anyway lifang, i hope you had a nice evening! i bet you did. haha


happy birthday lifang!

hahaha so bloody true!
narcissistic me. and im proud to be one.

You Should Get a Tattoo of Initials

Modern and expressive You're proud of who you are (or who you love)!

What Tattoo Should You Get?

whahahhahaha i think this is damn funny.

You Are a Lace Bra!

Dreamy, romantic, and ultra-feminine You're a womanly woman who makes guys feel like men Your perfect guy is strong, determined, and handsome With a softer side that only you can draw out

What Kind of Bra Are You?

K, IS THIS TRUE!?

You are a Great Girlfriend

When it comes to your guy, you're very thoughtful But you also haven't stopped thinking of yourself You're the perfect blend of independent and caring You're a total catch - make sure your guy knows it too!

Are You a Good Girlfriend?

*wink wink*

You Are a Natural Flirt

Believe it or not, you're a really effective flirt. And you're so good, you hardly notice that you're flirting. Your attitude and confidence make you a natural flirt. And the fact that you don't know it is just that more attractive!

What Kind of Flirt Are You?

----------------------------------------
the world is indeed a stage, the difference being you are cast in dual, triple, quadraple roles instead of a single one, to make your play the equivalent of a international broadway standard.

are you the playwrighter, the director, the lead actor, supporting actor or backstage props manager, each of which are extremely crucial. unlike the literal theatrical world, you dont get assigned to jobs, you have the opportunity to pick out what you really wish to do, and who you want to work with.

but similiar to many other careers, you meet people from different backgrounds whose perspective differs greatly and conflicts begin to arise. so this makes living a little more real, but sometimes we can do without all the complications.

you learn how to adapt to the other actors' quirks and idioscyncrisies, you begin to respect that each individual has their own personal style of doing things. you eat humble pie when you realise that no show is a ever a hit without their co-stars.

and you teach yourself how to be a little bit more unconditional.

as we progress through the show, it is only then we begin to create the programme because we arent fortune tellers (cant decide if that's a good thing or not)and we cant rewrite or re-act a scene.

but with all these difficulties which can sometimes amount to a little too much for us to take, we learn a great lesson.

and that it is to truly savour the essence of life.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
ah, the overwhelming intricacies of life

we are all generals waging our own battles, and we are all soldiers triumphing or surrendering.
we hold not machine guns, but ammunition in our hearts.
we do not strap parachutes, but we carry our crosses on our backs.

the burden of war threatens to override our strength too many times.

life can be a series of one battle after another, sometimes before you had ample time to recover.

we claim that some people are more fortunate than others because life is like a gawd damn king size bed of roses that they are rolling around in.

but life takes control in subtle ways.

i believe that we all are lying in those beds, only some of them have stumbled upon the thorns , a silent creation existing in every bed.
there will be a procession of setbacks, minor and major, which will ultimately change our outlook in life and force out a side to us we have never known before.

life's adversities are for everyone, but in different times, and in different ways.
God is fair.

so the thorns prick you, make you bleed. but once you pull them out, you throw them off the bed. and you have to really fling them off, a half hearted one aint gonna work, those thorns will just simply cling right back to you.

and at the end of the day, when all those thorns are flung off,
your final resting place is indeed a bed of roses.

and you lie there, a wise person of dignity, and most of all, a person
of significance.

ah, the overwhelming intricacies of life

we are all generals waging our own battles, and we are all soldiers triumphing or surrendering.
we hold not machine guns, but ammunition in our hearts.
we do not strap parachutes, but we carry our crosses on our backs.

the burden of war threatens to override our strength too many times.

life can be a series of one battle after another, sometimes before you had ample time to recover.

we claim that some people are more fortunate than others because life is like a gawd damn king size bed of roses that they are rolling around in.

but life takes control in subtle ways.

i believe that we all are lying in those beds, only some of them have stumbled upon the thorns , a silent creation existing in every bed.
there will be a procession of setbacks, minor and major, which will ultimately change our outlook in life and force out a side to us we have never known before.

life's adversities are for everyone, but in different times, and in different ways.
God is fair.

so the thorns prick you, make you bleed. but once you pull them out, you throw them off the bed. and you have to really fling them off, a half hearted one aint gonna work, those thorns will just simply cling right back to you.

and at the end of the day, when all those thorns are flung off,
your final resting place is indeed a bed of roses.

and you lie there, a wise person of dignity, and most of all, a person of significance.

the world is indeed a stage, the difference being you are cast in dual, triple, quadraple roles instead of a single one, to make your play the equivalent of a international broadway standard.

are you the playwrighter, the director, the lead actor, supporting actor or backstage props manager, each of which are extremely crucial. unlike the literal theatrical world, you dont get assigned to jobs, you have the opportunity to pick out what you really wish to do, and who you want to work with.

but similiar to many other careers, you meet people from different backgrounds whose perspective differs greatly and conflicts begin to arise. so this makes living a little more real, but sometimes we can do without all the complications.

you learn how to adapt to the other actors' quirks and idioscyncrisies, you begin to respect that each individual has their own personal style of doing things. you eat humble pie when you realise that no show is a ever a hit without their co-stars.

and you teach yourself how to be a little bit more unconditional.

as we progress through the show, it is only then we begin to create the programme because we arent fortune tellers (cant decide if that's a good thing or not)and we cant rewrite or re-act a scene.

but with all these difficulties which can sometimes amount to a little too much for us to take, we learn a great lesson.

and that it is to truly savour the essence of life.

sometimes wishes come true because they are in your hands.
sometimes wishes come true because they are in God's hands.

and sometimes wishes dont come true, for reasons that are not within our means to understand.

and it's a shame when that happens. but sometimes, somethings are not to be, and everything has their own personal reason which cant be divulged at times.

but when wishes do come true, give your thanks, and give yourself a pat on the back.

if you want something badly enough, more than often, you'll get it.

To: K
:)

Till the end

all these precious moments with u by my side
must be a gift from heaven
that's holding me all night

i dont know how i found you
im thankful that i have
and that i have a love so true
to hold to keep to share

in the heart i can no longer hold inside
all of the love i used to hide
i'll always be with you till the very end

in this world there is no place id rather be
you are my life my soul my girl
and through it all
i know you'll come to see
that you're the one till the end

all our friends around me they
say you'll be gone too soon
baby im gonna make them see
we've found our way back home

we'll always be till the end.

You Have a Melancholic Temperament

Introspective and reflective, you think about everything and anything. You are a soft-hearted daydreamer. You long for your ideal life. You love silence and solitude. Everyday life is usually too chaotic for you. Given enough time alone, it's easy for you to find inner peace. You tend to be spiritual, having found your own meaning of life. Wise and patient, you can help people through difficult times. At your worst, you brood and sulk. Your negative thoughts can trap you. You are reserved and withdrawn. This makes it hard to connect to others. You tend to over think small things, making decisions difficult.

What Temperment Are You?

the world works in the strangest ways.

i wonder why it's almost a basic innate mechanism in us which makes us listen to comments from strangers ( or acquaintances/surface friends) and not to the ones cloest to us.

and how affected one gets from a discouraging word said by them, yet positive opinions from our loved ones seem to slide off our backs.

makes you realise how screwed up our emotional priorities can get.

ok, i know ive been going on in recent entries about how i dislike it when people open their mouths and talk nonsense.
but bear with me, i need to rant and this is the best outlet.

I BLOODY F***ING HATE IT!

esp when it is to people i love.

it aint even nonsense. it's sheer foul-mouth-insensitive-feeble hopeless stupid dumb attempt at being charming and obviously failing dismally.

are some people blind or are some people blind?
are they that visually impaired to the damage that their words can do?

and GOSH!

im just so indignant now im practically hyper ventilating. grr.

and no, its not a one-off thing. that's forgivable.
it's just too many gawd damn times.!
like hello! just leave it ok? GO AWAY!

to all the guilty. please sign up for jem's school of mutual respect and tact.
you have a lot to learn.

im not perfect, but im not that imperfect either.

THANK GOD!

random pics for priviledged viewing :)


at the zoo.

swensons. KL.


ahem. ;)


duey dog wannabe!


lazy cat


woohoo!



taken from gwen! so tt shld switch the names to jem, mau and gwen!

sometimes changing your mind isnt the same as being fickle. it just means you had the measure of thought and the courage to alter.

i said in my previous entry, one thing i am dying to comprehend is why people do and say the things they do. at the risk of sounding like a self righteous and judgemental bitch, i cannot for the life of me why how people can be so spiteful.

hurting someone is one thing. deliberately hurting is a totally whole new form. and i'm not referring to hot blooded angry words spurted out in a heated moment.
i'm talking about an almost measured calculation, and intentional threat to cause fear, and trust me, fear is one of the worst tortous imprisonment that ever was because it binds you, it stamps and spits on personal liberty, and freedom? hah. non existent.


a friend of mine was in a relationship which in my opinion-- (yes no one asked but im givnig my 2 cents worth anyhow) --she's well shot of now.
of course, it takes 2 hands for a break down of a relationship, and no matter how either party may have acted in the course of the relationship is due to their factors as a couple and individuals.
but the aftermath?

'i know too many things about you that people would be shunned away by. i can put it all up here but i wont. because im not like you.'

correct me, but i cant help feeling there's an oxymoron somewhere. kinda like a contradiction. i mean, this just seems like an introduction to more.

threatening to divulge secrets, and i dunno! everything else of the above.
and you know the scariest thing is, this is probably the mildest.
it disappoints me. am i living in a fairy tale land? maybe but i believe most can too.
being vile is NOT necessary. what happened to love, and perhaps more aptly, respect?

you know, as confucius says 'before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves.'

all i can say is, grow up kid. the world is bigger than what you see before your eyes. you need to try a little bit of kindness and stop being one the big bad wolves.

you can shoot me and say i dont understand your position for you to be driven to this stage. yup i dont. i can understand crimes of passion but i dont understand your actions which appear to be out to hurt her. some thing arent what they appear? oh but some things arent that complicated.

i dont understand. and i hope i never have to.

and to my friend.
hold your head high and keep that chin up. you have many friends who can see through lots of things and will remain immune to his whatever-ing.
be big and dont let him triumph.
you're you, and no one can take that away unless you allow them to. he may have, so get it back.
cheers.

obligatory to hl.

here we go!

1 my ex is: uh.... breathing? haha
2. maybe i should: stop saying i will begin to study and really start. and the same goes for exercising.
3. i love: the immense innate potential Man posseses within them.
4. i dont understand: why some people do and say the things they do and say.
5. i lose: too often when i gamble. so much for my secret wish to be 'du shen'
6. people say i am: lame, but i know they are just too shy to laugh at my jokes. or they dont have the capacity to appreciate them. SO THERE! haha
7. love is: found and given in different ways but remains the most powerful tool on earth.
8. somewhere, someone is: wishing they could swap your problems with yours.
9. i will always: love k.
10. forever is: something that falls under the category of phenomenon and miracles. almost impossible but you just never know.
11. i never want to: end the day on a bad note in case i never get a second chance the next morning.
12. i think the current US president: should send me 20 complimentary first class tickets to US, all expenses paid. i want to see Niagara falls.
13. when i wake up in the morning: i go back to sleep till the afternoon or rush off to whatever activity which made me wake up in the morning in the first place.
14. my past: is past.
15. i get annoyed when: people open their mouths and all that comes out are nonsense.
16. parties are for: kids! which we all have in us.
17. my dog is: my rabbit who's called duey-dog-wannabe!
18. my cat is: sleeping on the dining room chair
19. kisses are the best when: you dont have a mouth full of ulcers. :(
20. tomorrow: will take care of itself.
21. i really want: the world to change in certain ways to suit me.
22. i have low tolerance for: see number 15.

tagging: k, yun, zen!

walk that path. but sometimes, there isnt anything wrong with walking on the grass.

look far ahead into the horizon and perhaps you can see your destination. but what matters is the route you take and the steps that lead you there.

are you stopping to smell the roses?

stability and security. they mean so much. but dont we all know that too much of a good thing has reverse effects? sometimes, when you need that change, when you feel a yearn, a desire in you to switch to different footpaths, you experience something internally that cannot be explained in depth.

because even though you cant see your near future, you have found a little more meaning in your life.

and it isnt necessarily felt by material things, or an organised life or knowing where or what you're going to do next.

sometimes you gotta get lost before you find yourself.

and if you get too lost, dont fret.
home is never too far away.

most of us open and spend our angbaos the minute we receive it right? hell people like me sometimes plan on how to spend it before it's even in our hands!
k began packing her room yesterday. and she started handing me angbaos from a bloody few years ago!!! WTH! who on earth keeps their angbaos and only opens it during spring cleaning.

WHY!! THE INJUSTICE OF IT ALL!

when I clean my stupid room, all i find are 10cents or 20 cents and if i came across 1 dollar i'll probably weep in ecstasy. if i find 5 dollars its practically a goldmine. yet SHE (@#$%^) finds $*censored*.

it's like she's being paid for cleaning her room.

oh well but it's okay. i'm keeping all the money anyway since i opened it for her. whaahhaa
come people! im giving a treat! sharks fin? abalone??

oh fantasies bloody fantasies.

on a lighter note, happy easter!

remember Jesus, and eggs and bunnies.

Everything happens for a reason and everything has their own unique miraculous way of falling into place.

We meet people whose roles in our lives are to teach us a lesson about life and about ourselves. Because it is from them that you realise and understand certain things which you would never have had the chance to if it werent for them. Sometimes it is good things, and sometimes not.

But it's a lesson taught which we all must learn.

I was always an advocate that there isn't a soul mate created for you --it's 2 people who mould each other, 2 people who look in the same direction.

I always felt that differences can tear you apart, because it makes the journey together too challenging, and sometimes its obstacles are just too much on a weary heart.

But I always knew that if you continue to walk the same path together because you choose to and you both want to end up at the same destination, sometimes you can make it.

Holding each other's hands aint enough. At times, it will get loose, and at times you have to grip it tighter than others. But never let go. Because you never know what dangers you and your partner might run into.

I am growing to understand that everyone's behaviour and views are different, and one should not blame for it, but instead try a little patience in finding that right compromise and adapting to each other's styles and needs.

I am beginning to feel fear that I have never known before, because it stems not from paranoia but something which runs deeper and too real for me to be comfortable with.

I'm learning new things everyday.

Good and bad.

But 'the more I learn, the more I love.'

I am also starting to fully grasp the essence of unconditional love.

And in time, its application will get easier and easier.

i also understand what a man's desperation is , his desperate wish for his loved one's faith and belief in him to remain intact.

ok so the problem lies with me.

it's me.

it was never her or them all along.

spot the fat rabbit.


OMG IT'S THE SAME DAMN DRAGON! i'll never admit duey is big until i'm forced to.


i love you duey-dog-wannabe


a number of months back, a little cat began coming to to my gate for daily feedings.
she started to come into the house but my mum would scream the house down. haha
but she's such a good cat she doesnt mess up the house or claw our furniture. and my mum either softened or grew tired of chasing her out.

presenting socks!

jem's friend: oh i went to the butter factory. it was quite fun.
jem: butter factory? oh so u mean you learn how to make butter? hey sounds interesting i dont mind going.
jem's friend: not literally butter factory....... it's a new club!
jem: oh.
jem: i knew that!
jem's friend: so you think making butter is interesting?
jem: yeah what...

man i really am out of the clubbing scene.

but to my defence, how could i have known. it was a mistake ANYONE could have made so there.
grr.

the sad truth to humans is that even when something is right in front of our faces, we still choose to live in seriously deluded states of bliss, until it advertently increases tenfold until even the blindest of us have our eyes forced open, and depressingly its impact more than hits us -- it practically punches the living daylights out of us.

which makes us question why we create our own sufferings when it could so easily be avoided.
do we have that much hope is us that circumstances and situations might change if we just hang on long enough?

or do we stay, because the other choice of leaving isnt much of a choice at all.

how do people find that courage to rule with their heads and is that always the best way?

everything is ephemeral. and i believe that the sentimental hopeful side to us always triumphs over the cynics. because we always believe the bad is going to be over soon, and we hide our hearts against the other side of the story which is that the good might be over soon as well.

so it's all about a game of hiding and the inevitable seeking us out.

but seriously, whats life without hope.
i always believed and will always believe that everything will turn out okay in the end, and if it doesnt, that's cause the end hasnt come yet.

things have their own funny little ways of falling into place.

and ultimately, everything will be fine and dandy once more.

The Libra woman loves beauty, style and elegance. But don't let that fool you into thinking she's shallow or superficial. She has a mind like a steel trap. This woman is not some vague, fluffy bundle of mascara and stiletto heels that will stare in open-mouthed admiration at your mental acrobatics. She's probably either got a string of academic degrees or might as well have, and has already worked out the solution to the problem in ten minutes which you've been struggling with for two hours. haha that is so majorly patronising.

Libra women can be quite unnerving. They often show a huge contradiction between their appearance and their real nature. Some Libra women prefer to find their beauty and elegance solely in the world of ideas. But even here you can see the style and grace at work, and most Libra women are usually very aware of their appearance. The appearance of the Libra woman often belies the capacities and capabilities of her intellect. She is, however, generally too tactful to allow this to be immediately known. You might not find out for years that she's a lot smarter than you are.

There's often a strong intellectual drive in the Libra woman, whether this shows itself as a love of theoretical knowledge or a love of organising. yes i love everything to be properly planned. The Libra woman may need a strong career to allow expression of her gifts. There is often a real ability to work with groups and get people together in cooperative action. Her goal-orientated qualities are expressed through the Libra woman's ability to work with structures, forms, organisations and concepts. This can be very disconcerting, as this is also usually the woman who will happily spend a day being pampered at the beauty salon and throw away a fortune on designer clothes. haha sounds so true. Dunhill suits anyone?

No Libra is simple. The strong mental bias of the sign means she may tend to suppress her emotions. Whatever conventional stereotypes society might expect of women, the Libra woman generally prefers to reason things out rather than reacting out of instinct.

This is both a great boon and a great problem. It's a boon in terms of potential achievement in the world and in terms of establishing clean, strong friendships. It's a problem because her powerful intellect can make an insecure type of man feel very threatened; and dealing with children and intimate relationships can be difficult because the Libra woman may find it hard to show emotion spontaneously or respond freely to a partner's or child's emotional needs.

The key is romance. Libra's tightly corseted, over-civilised emotions can usually be freed through the ritual courtship of romance. And the Libra woman is definitely a romantic, even if you find her displaying those frighteningly rational tendencies and claiming to be a logical, reasonable person.

A bunch of flowers can go a long way; but a heartfelt compliment goes an even longer way, and best of all is a genuine interest in and attraction to her mind. If you want to relate to a Libra woman, you have to accept both the man and the woman in her. For she possesses both, and the Libran woman who has found her own balance is comfortable in all worlds. i think ive found it. lucky me.

conclusion: i am a typical, i possess all its traits, and you know what! I AM A LIBRA AND PROUD TO BE ONE.

*sticks nose up at all other astro signs* ;p

i have a crush on the zara mannequin.

*drools*

he's just soo darn hot!

so he aint real.. but who cares.

let's go zara!

speaking of zara, i want my white vest.

to me....happiness is....

pouncing on your favourite brand of instant noodles in ntuc when you have been looking out for it.

having k coming to get me at the end of a hard day's work
going to get k from work or wherever

snuggling down. either with k or that special soft toy or under a nice comfy comforter in an air con room.

duey.

coming home.

paycheck. ( sorry la a little materialistic but hey as long as its not over indulgence who cares. *sheepish grin* )

happy endings to movies and books. i'm sentimental and i like it.

chicken in a biscuit.

mummy's love.

k's love.

friends' love.

the ability to love them back.

smiling literally ear to ear at jarkata airport when i saw her.

listening to nice piano music.
playing nice piano music.

the emotional capacity to laugh and smile with abandon.

my lame jokes. *defiant* haha

all the big things.
and all the little ones.

man. i'm so gawd damn lucky.
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help me out here guys. just out of curiousity's sake, what makes you happy?

isnt life always created or ruined by the choices we make? is our universe revolved around our decisions, our sacrifices and ultimately our consequences.?

sometimes the responsibility that comes with making one weighs too heavily on us, turning what could be a good thing into something likened or a burden.

most of the time, they arent made on our own, but instead taking into the external circumstances that we happen to have fallen in at that time. and all too often, people get hurt. at times we put it down to thinking it is for the best, but perhaps it becomes a mere facade, a mask of the truth, just to convince ourselves that it was necessary and it was right.

the problem arises when right and wrong cannot be differentiated, which happens too many times.

one person's happiness can be the opening the door another's hurt.
one person's action can be the breaking of another's heart.

but that's just the circle of life aint it?

trying to be happy isnt the same as being happy. and being wholly supportive usually comes with something called swallowing personal emotions.

can anyone ever decide to love unconditionally? i believe so.

because it all boils down once more to making that choice of putting aside your feelings, sacrificing your feelings, and the consequences? you dont suffer anymore. you actually enjoy them. because you have actually done a deed to be proud of.

like that chinese phrase ' ta kai sin jiu hao'

of course it cant happen all the time. no one is that perfect.

but we can all do it sometimes.

i have returned, (*sings* so im back.. from outer space!) safe and sound, in one piece. quick give your thanks now! haha

trip was great, albeit too short. would have liked to remain for another 10 days or so.
it was so comforting going 'home' with k.
it's almost a simple act, yet how its idyllic nature gets overlooked so easily.

we bought ps2 games, including my much soughted for bishi bashi, ninja turtles and time crisis3. thought that by leaving them in my jacket pocket (the inside lining mind) and leaving my jacket in the bus they could be safe. but by trying to outsmart them, we paid the price. haha and come to think of it, one stupid jacket on the bus looks so suspicious. *smacks forehead*

sigh. goodbye games!

hey ladies,

i'll be away from monday 3/4 to wednesday 5/4.

please do not call my house phone and get me at my hi card number.
thanks.

and should anything happen, *touch wood jump on wood bang wood* , please print out my blog entry written a while back and give it to my mummy. (pls search i'm too lazy to know which one it is)

and remember you are all loved by
ME.