Everything happens for a reason...

Prime Example: Yesterday, I was debating ' To go to school or not' Ok no prizes for guessing which one I chose. But last night, while watching the news, I realised that the MRT incident that occured in Bishan was at the time that I would have taken the train, therefore I conclude that my truancy yesterday was beneficial because if I had gone to school, I would have taken the MRT cause I have no more cash for cabs and who knows I MIGHT HAVE WITNESSED THE INCIDENT and be TRAUMATISED FOR LIFE.

*nods* Everything happens for a reason...
 
But let's take a moment to pray for his soul and his family ok? Not to mention the train driver and all the other witnesses.

Jem's Dream
One of my front teeth fell out, plus my incisors and some others. Went to the dentist with my teeth in hand and she agreed to screw it in for me. Zen was with me at that time cause it apparently happened to her as well, and Zen kept warning me that it was going to be 'painful to the max'. as quoted. Right.
 
But in the dream, I woke up just as the dentist was going to screw it in. As in, I woke up but I was still dreaming. So I was dreaming in the dream. Ha ok.
Then in the dream where I woke up, I kept reassuring myself that it was only a dream.
 
And then I woke up. Again. For real.

Adventures in Ang Mo Kio SSDC...

Monotonous reptitive droning is the lullaby that puts us to sleep. BUT IT'S NOT FINE WHEN YOU'RE DRIVING A CAR!  ok so maybe I exaggerate a little, but that instructor reminded me of a talking robot..( I, ROBOT) . no.. make that one dead  robot.( I, DEAD ROBOT). chanting.. turn left.. turn right... u turn.. ( I turn where? hurhur. )
By the end of the lesson, I was in tears not only from sheer relief but downright boredom.
*sniffle*

At least today it wasnt so bad.

There's another instructor, who each time he meets me, persuades me to become a distributor for 'forever living' products, advertising health supplements such as aloe vera and bee pollen. Have to admit it sounds rather creditable, but he practically shoved the booklet into my hand.. Ger ah, must read, then join. Earn pocket money, ppl sure buy one.'
 
Right. Ok. I'll read it.

Further adventures in Tiong Bahru...
 
Spent a nice relaxing day at Cher's place after the lesson, and she cooked me my favourite fried rice! My fried rice has to have chilli padi in it and it was puuuurrrrrfect.

Yummy yummy yummy yummy yummy yummy yummy yummy yummy yummy yummy yummy yummy yummy yummy yummy yummy yummy yummy yummy yummy yummy...

*burp*

ooops.

Excuse Me.

The impetus that spurs you to increase altitude should be centralised around yourself, trouble is, you cant decide if you are really motivated to reach a goal, or is it a merely a delusion created by mass motivation.

Incentives are always given to encourage you to complete a task -- parents reward their children for acing their exams, the status of a certificate holder at the end of a course of studies, or even procuring pride and satisfaction. Incentives, they are everywhere.

But the difficulty lies within the boundaries of doing it because you want to, or doing it because you think you want to. When you start the endless questioning of whether, by some strange twist of events, you were somehow brainwashed into feeling that whatever you felt you wanted all along isnt actually what you want all along.

Does this make sense?

But sometimes, analyzing too much like this can make you truly dysfunctional.

ah.......The certainties of life.

hilarious joke....
 
Did you hear about the cannibal who arrived at the party late?
 
They gave him the cold shoulder.
 
Hahah hahaha

The law of the universe is that we dont always show our loved ones how special they are to us.
 
The irony lies in the field of ' if we love them, we should treat them right'. But yet, when we love them, deeper feelings versus superficial ones, it's that depth that urges us to reach the way we do. But it differs from indivuduals whether it should be good or bad.
 
To me, it's undecided.
 
 

Jem's Update
 
I was updating my template last night, and in the process of meddling, all my photograph links disappeared!! And the worst thing is that I cant remember the passwords and everything else for pbase.. so adios to the pictures....
 
I still have them in my computer though. :)
 
I nearly knocked down a motorcyclist today! Was having driving, and it was so not my fault! The stupid guy didnt give way when he was supposed to and was going so fast. he just zoomed out of the intersection without even checking and I was on the main road and he was on the side road so I have the right of way! It was really close --I had to do the emergency brake... Gee.
 
Went to Sungei Buloh Wetland reserve this afternoon with Cher and her Daddy. haha so cute right? And Mr Jem Goh, whom mosquitos usually respect, was bitten everywhere! They were just having a feast on me.... All the female mosquitos.. I guess they just couldnt control huh? haha Not shy! Cher's dad spotted kingfishers, herons, woodpeckers, Jem spotted spiderwebs, ants and er.. grass. haha initially!! Then Cher and I started to get the knack of spotting birds. And we saw a HUGE monitor lizard. highlight of the day...
 
headed down to Causeway point after that, the arcade is so fantastic! They have this game show trivia game where you compete against other contestants and the winner wins 40 tickets at one go, and if you hit the jackpot it can go up to hundreds. We won about 200 tickets today!
 
Tired...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY RAINE!
 
* clears throat*
 
happy birthday to you.. happy birthday to you.. happy birthday to rainneeey.. happy birthday to you..
 
 
Joke
One day an evil witch took over the forest,''One-by-one, all of you useless animals have to come up here and tell ajoke... if everybody laughs, you will be spared... or else I'll cut off your head!''
 
The monkey went up first and told such a funny joke that all the animalslaughed except fot a tortoise.. so the witch cut off his head.
 
Next, a giraffe went up and she, in turn told a joke that set all theanimals off laughing... but still, the tortoise did not laugh...so the witchcut off her head.
 
Then, the rabbit went up... but before she could say a word, the tortoisestarted laughing...''Why are you laughing you stupid tortoise?'' the witch asked.
 
"The monkey's joke was very funny...'' was the reply.
 
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
ok.. I was seriously tickled by this joke, sent to me via email!  Thought of sharing the laugh with you!!

Your High School : CHIJ Sec. Nothing beats an IJ education.

1.. best subject? Best? Well I loved Physics although I'm not exactly a scholar in that.. English?
2. worst subject? Definitely accounting. I had a bloody F9 for O Levels!
3. a teacher you owe lifE lessons to? None. But this does not mean the teachers were not good or anything, I guess I just dont listen.
4. a teacher you wanna kick in the ass? None. Because I cant be bothered to. Haha
5. Describe sec 1 year: Class prefect. *angelic smile* Other than that I cant remember I was a first class NERD who doesnt study. ok does that make sense?
6. sec 2 year: Class prefect. *another angelic smile* Haha Belt started going lower, exploration of sexuality. Haha!
7. sec 3 year: Hmm class prefect no more. haha *maintains angelic smile* Let's see, I got suspended for freaking 3 days cause I skipped the vice principle's civic lesson (how ironic) to go out and buy jelly. Ok. Yes I was young and dumb. Grades were an all time low!
8. sec 4 year: I would say this is the best year of my sec school. The formation and bonding of the VIPs in my life were made in this year, especially due to that gambling episode which cost us one week of in house suspension which was SO DAMN FUN! haha
9. your best friend was? Yun. Still is.
10. cafeteria food sucked? Errr.. actually I cant think of any food that sucked. The nasi lemak's chilli was really good though. OK out of point.
11. most hilarious school rule? Yun was right! The WIG! All those who shaved their hair had to wear that. But you know if you look back, I think it's better cause they sort of made the uniforms look more presentable.
12. wore uniforms? yes.. Each with our own styles. I usually had my sleeves folded. And the shoes! Wearing them like slippers.. Man so sloppy.
13. how was the prom? #$%^& I was banned from going.
14. who was prom king and queen? Yun and Louey. Hhaa But of course man!
15. any achievements? Hmm.. well I was table tennis vice cap. Haha yes go on laugh. Hmm would say making it to jc cause I never expected to do under 20.
16. were you popular? We all were. Haha not shy.
17. best song that reminds you of high sch? Vitamin C's graduation. Do you know it was penned by Pachebel? The guy that wrote Canon in D. That's why if you listen the chords for canon and graduation are exactly the same.
18. unforgettable high school crush? I was sec 2, she was sec 4. Haha guess maybe only Yun remembers.
19. most embarrassing moment? Hmm I dont really know!
20. memory you'd like to forget? None I savour ever bit of it.
21. best memory? Hmm.. would have to say our cleaning services to the school. *winks*
22. any regrets? none at all. Thank you Mummy for choosing IJ!

Sigh. That was 4 years ago, but so many memories are fresh in my mind. I'm sure every IJ girl knows THAT feeling.

The IJ spirit's living on...
It's living far and far beyond..
It's never gonna die, it's gonna live, in each of us... (at this point the tune is so high most voices crack haha)

Joke of the DayyyDear Father,

$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply can't think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.

Love,
Your $on.

After receiving his son's letter, the father immediately replies by sending a letter back.

Dear Son,

I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.

Love,
Dad

If tomorrow never comes
Will she know how much I loved her
Did I try in every way to show her every day
That she's my only one
And if my time on earth were through
And she must face the world without me
Is the love I gave her in the past
Gonna be enough to last
If tomorrow never comes

'Cause I've lost loved ones in my life
Who never knew how much I loved them
Now I live with the regret
That my true feelings for them never were revealed
So I made a promise to myself
To say each day how much she means to me
And avoid that circumstance
Where there's no second chance to tell her how I feel

How many of us actually do that? I think the last 2 lines are very significant. That was the basis for my decision too.

Jem's Update
Woke up at 12.35 this afternoon, and my driving was at 12. 45!!! So let's see I had officially 10 mins to brush my teeth and wash up -- dont even talk about showering. Anyway, in my haste, I left my house and guess what! The minute I closed my door, I went 'SHIT!' Cause why... my wallet was inside... and I couldnt open the door to get it cause why.. my keys were inside.

So there I was stranded.

THANK GOODNESS for friends that live a block away!

GWENDOLYN PAN XINHUI! THANK YOU FOR BEING MY LIFE SAVER!!

I have never appreciated 10 bucks so much before.

My flyer job has been extended to Thursday. I have to be up by 5.45 am tomorrow.. or make that later.... and what am I doing online?

Hmmm. I am singing. Yeah.. along to Barry Manilow....la la la la la...

*strums guitar*

ok. I'm just feeling musical now alright.... want to play the piano... but kinda too late. Maybe I should play phantom and wake the neighbourhood up. Now.. THAT's a thought.

I had an internal debate this afternoon, being the rope in the tug of war in decision making. And I am worn out. Hours of gruelling mental exhaustion with both sides shouting at me, weighing pros and cons, considering trade offs, struggling in between the battles, I'm all ready to collapse.

But I came to a decision.

I decided that life is short. And perhaps love does deserve one more chance.

And we shall give it.

I love you Cheryl.

At least we know that we try.

I feel so messed up......

Jem's Rubbish to YOU

Some refer to the uncertainty of life as delicious ambiguity. And as we skip or plod on our path, we learn that stories do not have fairy tale endings, because although we remain the author, the final conclusions and the content are created by different characters with their different attitudes.

When we are propelled by our discomfort, we search for enlightenment, and they say it is through these dark periods that we find that inner knight within us to fight our battles.

When an event occurs, whether you saw it coming or it came at you unexpectedly, your reaction would be likely to stay in that similar range, and will not vary to any extremities.

But you have to continue to love yourself, that's crucial in healing. Dont blame yourself because it will never get you anywhere, and if you search long and hard internally, you'll find that these inferiorities have no basis. Drop the self pity and know that shit happens.

They say relationships should bring out the best in you, and yes it should. But that doesnt mean it happens all the time, and then it's time to think. Life is a bed of roses, and you have to look out for the thorns. And if those thorns are sticking into you, no matter much you value the beauty and the happiness that those roses give you, maybe it's time to pull those thorns out. It's no good being sentimental because although love makes the world go round, love is not everything.

When you love someone, anything is possible. You would give everything up, you could sacrifice anything. It sounds so easy on paper. But then resentment comes in, bitterness arises, you start questioning yourself. And even if you are willing to do all the above, you have to think and ask yourself whether it's worth it. And more often, it's not.

All you need to do is reflect.

Remember all I have tried to teach you. I love you.

WHAT IT MEANS TO BE ADOPTED
Teacher Debbie Moon's first graders were discussing a picture of a family. One little boy in the picture had a different color hair than the other family members. One child suggested that he was adopted and a little girl named Jocelynn Jay said, "I know all about adoptions because I was adopted."

"What does it mean to be adopted?" asked another child.

"It means," said Jocelynn, "that you grew in your mommy's heart instead of her tummy."

I dont know anyone who is adopted, and I doubt anyone reading this is adopted but then I cant really say that's an absolute certainty. Nonetheless, I felt an urge to share this because I felt that it has so much potential, and the wisdom that the child posseses should serve as a reminder to us that every situation can be seen in a good way.

Caught up in a vortex of swirling emotions....

They say when you allow yourself to penetrate wholly into a situation, you entrap yourself in the gamut of emotions that threaten to spiral out of control. And even if you pride yourself in disciplining your senses, your supervision can go awry.

And then you start to wonder if apathy is a solution. Perhaps it cannot be the answer, for one must always strike the balance between penetration and indifference. But when it comes to feelings, it gets so complex, so labyrinthine, that you can just screw up completely.

You then find yourself at the crossroads, asking the dreaded question that we all face every now and then. You know what should be done, but it opposes what you want. That tug of war.

I feel so..............

Sometimes when I look into the mirror, I dislike what I see. Because I see that frown, those worry lines, that surly mouth. Yet other times I see that sparkle, that dimple, but those times are getting rarer by the second.

The patience that's wearing thin, the intolerance....and especially that temper that blows up ever so often..

What kind of !@#$%^ have I turned into?

The following is not of any referral to anyone or any incident in particular.

Sometimes during a conversation, the other party might casually mention something. Innocently said, no ill intention, but for some reason that you cant put your finger to, you cant help but feel a pang. It doesnt even have to be words, sometimes seeing someone do something, or reading something, or just seeing someone can make you feel that pang too.

What the hell is 'that pang' anyway?

It brings forth so many emotions, some of which you arent supposed to feel. Something like a forbidden fruit. You see it, but you know you cant eat it, and then you feel 'that pang'. And because you arent supposed to feel it, it brings guilt with it. gee.

And 'that pang' only lasts for a split second.

Life is complicated.

They say your life is made up of many choices, that we are fortunate to have the wisdom or the liberty to do as we want. But having the choice and making that choice doesnt necesaarily come with happiness. You got to deal with the experience and mould your own outcome, and when you make a mistake deal with the consequences. And sometimes you make that choice because taking the other path isnt what you are supposed to do. Face it, we cant always be selfish, there are always other considerations. so.. deal with it.

The only absolute choice we have is our attitude.

Oscar Wilde says that experience is the name that people give to their mistakes. Well, with all due respect Oscar Wilde, how else can you put your temporary failure to a positive light. Experience is learning.

Sigh.

You know what happened today!? I was giving out economics flyers right? At this certain JC right? AND GUESS WHAT! The students are so F-ING RUDE. R.U.D.E. Rude rude rude! They took the flyer, glanced at it, and tossed it to the ground. DID they even bother to turn around and give it back to me? NO! Did they even throw it in the dustbin? NO! ALL THEY DID WAS TO TOSS IT ONTO THE GROUND WHERE IT LAY ON THE GRASS! LITTERBUGS! RUDE LITTERBUGS! And all this was done right in front of me. They cant even be discreet.
Their behaviour disgusts me. DISGUSTING RUDE LITTERBUGS! WHERE IS THEIR SENSE OF RESPECT? WHERE IS THEIR SENSE OF CIVIL DUTY? NOT PRESENT AT ALL! Notice I used the word 'they'. This wasnt a sole incident. And stunned me, said nothing at all, because why? I was stunned. Stunned that such people exist. That I dont even know what to say anymore.

I AM PISSED!

I am deeply disappointed.

I'm returning to anti-people Jem.

I shall go make friends with aliens.

ps: but of course, there are still lovely people in the world. Shall not condemn the community just because of some disgusting rude litterbugs.

sigh.

Everyone faces confusion along the chosen route they have undertaken periodically. But sometimes, possessing a knowledge that disarrangement is not a minority problem doesnt not erase that just because one million other people can empathise with how you feel, your reaction to this is just to shrug your shoulders and go 'so what'.

Sigh. I think I'm just in one of those melancholic moods due to mental exhaustion. Sometimes I wish the driver of my brain train will just pause along the tracks for a while and let the exhaust cool and the engine to revive again. You know how it is, at nights, when you should be in a peaceful slumber, but although you body is dead to the world, your mind hasnt stopped working.

And this leads to really strange dreams.

But on a lighter note, I've had several dreams where I am saving people! And fighting with monsters! I checked it out on the dream dictionary and it says that I have hidden qualities which I would like people to know and I have a thirst to prove myself in the face of danger and I deal with my problems by fighting against it. Wow.. I feel like a superhero. SPIDEY! ahhaa here we go again...

I'm giving out economics flyers again at unearthly hours, and this has severly disrupted my biological clock! Sigh. Plus I have a piano recital this Sunday and I'm not ready. I'll be hitting all the wrong notes.. *gloomy look*
Year 2 has started this week too. But instead of the usual refreshed determination and new goals one usually has when a new semester starts, I feel nothing. In fact, it only increases my sense of displacement. Because my year 1 results will only be out at the end of Aug, and I have no confidence is getting a pass. Therefore, I'm left hanging. I feel like a lost sheep.... sigh.
I dont know what I'll do if I dont pass. I dont deserve to anyway. But I am really praying for divine intervention.
And I'll deal with it when it comes. Superhero remember....

Here's something I came through, thought these phrases were kinda cute!

Some people are only alive because it is illegal to kill them. So evil!!
We have something in common. My personality is funny, and your face is funny. So evil again!
Gone crazy... be back soon! :D
You're the dumbest smart person i know. If someone says this to you, is it a compliment or insult? I cant decide!
Poof, be gone! Your breath is too strong! Poof! Come back! I found a tick tack!!!! :X
Girls are like butterflies,pretty to look at,hard to catch, but worth the chase. But of course.

Sometimes I feel like I'm all clogged up, and when I'm not all clogged up, I'm all drained out.

Sigh.

We boil at different degrees. ~~Ralph Emerson.
Notice that everyone reacts to anger in varied ways. I dont boil, I think I explode. But at least not to the point of physical violence, so you cant call it an eruption.

Not something that I am proud of at all.

But certain things get under your skin, and threaten to pull you apart, so I need to get it out of my system before it starts gnawing at me. I am extremely anal in certain issues, hence I have multiple degrees of boiling.

Temperature went sky high yesterday.

I hurt her, I hurt myself.

Temper never gets you anywhere. It will never improve your heart.

But it takes 2 hands to clap isnt it. If everyone just puts in more thought to what they do, anger can be avoided. The equation is balanced.

That's the trouble with us. We dont think enough about other peoples' feelings, whether you are the one who feeds the anger or the one who gets angry.

Hmm. That makes sense.

Jem's Update
Bbq yesterday went quite well. DID U ALL ENJOY CHER'S AND JEM'S MARINATED CHICKENS?? haha. After a sticky bbq, we were wondering where to head to as the night was still young and by some impulsive decision, we decided to go clubbing. haha freshened up at Cher's place first then went down about 1 to Hard Rock! I still want to be a guitarist in a band. So cool.

Ps: Dear: I'm sorry about last night. Glad we ironed things out. Think you are one helluva gf to put up with this cranky mood swingy too serious hot tempered me. hugz.. we start anew right? I love you.

Ps: Jo! I'm so sorry you got stranged outside at some unearthly hour! Next time we should all plan properly all the sleeping arrangements and double check with our parents first. haha anyway COOL! I finally got to dance with you! :D see ya tmr babe.

Jem's lame joke:
Cher: I dont like bleeding chickens.
Jem: uh... ok put a plaster?

Jem's Update

Caught Spiderman 2 yesterday. (SPIDEY!) haha I really do like him! *my hero.....simpers* by the way this is not a reference to Tobey Maguire whatsoever. Anyway so back to Spiderman 2, (SPIDEY!) I think it was worth every cent and I think the sequel is better. Excitement almost throughout the whole show which really keeps you with a held breath and you hardly realise it! Although I was sitting in the front row and kept shifting my position to avoid leg cramp back cramp neck cramp everywhere cramp, I give it thumbs up.
5 popcorns for Spiderman 2. SPIDEY!

Headed to Rouge yesterday and I love it! For once, NO CROWDS. Ok yes, the fun part about clubbing is the people, granted, but we all have to nod in unison when I say that too many people can spoil it, not to mention my CLASUTROPHOBIA~! And Rouge was not empty or anything. The ambience is nice, both for chillout and clubbing, oh and a must-eat is the provided chips!!! It's black pepper and you cant find it anywhere else. If I was rich, I'd propose an investment in those chips and I'll make a bundle.
5 erm... cant say popcorns... ok butt wiggles to Rouge!

Next, met Maureen at ECP. Hmm we didnt really talk much though. Mau is going to Sydney on Saturday for 3 weeks! Gee... cant imagine how next year would be like when she goes off for years and years. Crys is also going. Gee half the group is on another continent! You know what I need right now? I need a private jet and a personal pilot. PLus lots of dough to get out there whenever I want to.

ok anyway guys, go catch Spiderman 2 (SPIDEY!) and soak up Rouge (remember to eat the chips!). Oh and one last note, in referral to Yun and Mau's current posts about services, the service at Rouge is fantastic. Friendly, accomodating, keep refilling you chips basket.... *Sigh*