To :_______

Look at what is in front of you, what you are in right now. Not the past, not the future. You have to reascertain to yourself what is the most important at this point in time, what should take priority and when you determine those priorities, act on it. Deep down, you know that that your being affected is unjustified. You may argue on the grounds of principle, but if you search inside, you know that this is something that you have to let go, taking into account the positons you both are in right now. In life, they say dont sweat the small stuff. And this is one of them, if only you open your heart and mind to the possibilities and learn to let the matter the rest, for the sake of both. Love prevails.

From, Jem

Jem's Update
I'm surviving the lengthy school hours.. I'm alive... but I miss you.

Hmm.. perhaps not very surprisingly, my night lectures are really useful! I'm sort of using them as a revision and I think I learnt more in these lectures than in the past few months. Oopz. ha. Yup, it's tiring but I'm coping...

I'm sorry.. guess we havent been able to spend much quality time together, and maybe due to the mental exhaustion I may have been less patient and more demanding than usual..
I cant wait to see you tomorrow morning.. at least we're given a chance to spend quality time.. I love you.

"Make crime pay. Become a Lawyer."
Will Rogers.

Ha... gee I thought the above quote was so cute.. at my expense... But it just has that kind of.... subtle humour.

Jem's Update

let's see.. my weekend was spent with family and loved ones.. just catching up on some quality time.. Tomorrow will be the start of my long week.. Actually now that I have stopped whining and complaining to everyone, I'm sort of .. well not exactly looking forward to it.. but it'll be some kind of revision, and then I wont feel so bad about myself slacking. And hey.. when I really want to, I can concentrate! Jo! Remember that contract day when I really concentrated for the whole session?? *proud* Ha..

Joke Time! Just to put a smile on everyone...:)


A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat.
She asked if it was dead or alive.

"Dead," she was informed.

"How do you know?", she asked.

"Because I pissed in his ear and it didn't move," said the child innocently.

"You did WHAT?!?", the teacher squealed in surprise.

"You know," explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'pssst' and he didn't move."

Ha.. cute right?? Ok hope that made you smile.. If it made you smile, tag me NOW! :)

Love me for me... for what I give you now.. not for what I couldnt give you then...
Love me for me.. . for what we see together in the future.. and not for what I did in the past...

Who doesnt wish for a perfect past....

Life for the present and the future, they always say. No sense dwelling in the past. No logic wishing it could have been something else. No sense in thinking that you might have chosen a different path.

For all those experiences have done a huge part in growing that character that you possess now.

You shouldnt be ashamed of it.

Or should you?

Because sometimes your past catches up with you. Actions that you took last time, decisions that you made in an impulse. It was all in the name of fun, no romantic feelings involved, mere flings. Mere things to do to fill time. Dumb things.

You shouldnt really care. right? I didnt. But I do.

I know I was a jerk. And a part of me wishes that I hadnt been such a philanderer last time. Maybe a huge part. For it made you feel the way you feel now.
I was young and restless, and they were just flings. yes, it was easy for me. They responded and so did I. But that was then. And yes.. I wish it neednt have been this way.
I'm sorry if you dont feel special. But there is a difference between making love and sex. You should know where you fall under.

You mean a lot to me. I love you.

Dear Girls,

Brace yourself.

I would have to do a disappearing act for the next couple of weeks or so, due to my new school shedule for the coming exams. Ok now dont cry yet. I'm supposed to be arranging our dinner date but I dont think it's gonna happen for sometime yet so you guys have to do it in my absence ok? Hear's a tissue. When our exams are done, yup! we'll go on our holiday, but I do feel that driving up to Malaysia is kinda dangerous you know. *eyes widen in fear* Waha. Not that I dont trust the driving skills, just dont trust the sticky situations we may find ourselves in! But we'll plan it real soon k? I miss you guys loads... it's been sometime since we last met up to have fun.

Louey: Hey! When's our gym appointment? I have serious issues. Flab issues. Chubby issues! Ha. And ok! If you need any help to get rid of that pest, I am a certified and guaranteed exterminator.

Crys: Dont be sad over neville k? You can still arrange to meet him in dreamland! Go meet the rest more! Damn.. wanted to say come meet us more.. *grumbles*

Gwen:Let us know when your night safari training is over and we'll go visit you. And eat Bongo Bongo Burger. Haha. And despair over our depleting rainforests. Haha. Anyway I know you've been worried over some stuff.. but hey, guess relationships are always likes that. You tend to wonder if it's right! Dont think so much ok? hugz. I can still meet you!! Haha thank god for Bishan.

maureen: Hey.. so sorry couldnt meet you the last few times you called me up. You always call at the wrong time la! When I have to go to school or something. Ha. Sorry k! Glad you had your sushi buffet in the end~! Drive safe.

Sureen: Hey how are you man! LAst I spoke to you, you were saying you had a lot of projects! Poor thing hope it's all been done!

Dele: If su's having projects, guess you might be having too! Did you use the British India net file thingys that we got for you?? * threatening look* Haha. :)

Yun:Sweetie!!! Miss you sooo much. Damn it man why the phone charges must be so ex! There are so many times when I wanted to pick up the phone and scream to you when I hear something exciting. haha oh wow so bitchy. Ha .. Dont stress k? hope everything's better now.

My school shedule to all that is interested.

Mon- Fri 2-530. 7-10. Yes.. can you believe it!~?
Sat 2-5 Sob.. my life is gonna revolve around school.. arg..

ok guys.. now you know why I cant have dinner. or meet you guys.

It's ok.. you can stop crying now. It's not forever.

Hurhurr ;p

BY THE WAY. IMPORTANT INFORMATION

Hey guys, you know the Tioman trip? I have an aunt working with the Tioman er... thing. Anyway the point is, she can get us good packages us and free upgrades of room. So yeah.. if you guys are really serious we got to go meet up and book soon. Will anyone have problems going without any adult supervision? Cause my parents offered to go along. But if it's just us they wont go! Haha Let me know if it sounds good yeah?

The following is a mood extract of Jem. Any seemingly accusation is merely coincidential. Jem is just ranting. As usual.

Life= theatre

My plot doesnt seem substantial. My direction isnt clear. I'm stuck in the scene. And this playwrighter doesnt seem to be doing her job.

I'm not stressed.. Neither am I succumbing to pressure. It's just that I have the most major exams coming up, something which I deem even more important than As. To hell with As. No one would get hurt if I dont do well except myself. But now there's more feelings involved, more finances involved, and it's not something that I'm used to. I'm used to breezing through everything, used to taking responsibility for my results. But not this time.

So for the first time in my life, I have to deal with it. I have to recognise and accept the gravity of what I am facing. And I have.

But then now I realise the meaning of splitting myself up. Into my different duties and obligations. But there is only one Me. how do I split myself up for so many different roles. And it is pressurizing me. to succeed in all the roles. But I cant.

Please lower your expectations. I cant do so many things at once. Especially when I'm not used to it.

I dont like pressure. I hate pressure. I like to do things MY way, do it in my own time, do my own thing.

But I have a great cast. Only right now, this director sucks.

Ah well. I changed my layout! I got bored with the last one. I need changes. Give me changes. I want to experience new things. Unless of course, you are in the league of the great cast mentioned above.

Life= Theme Park

You know how life is. Sometimes, you're right on top of the ferris wheel enjoying the scenary and basking in the sun, the next minute that peak becomes the top of the rollercoaster, where it's just merely the top before the fall. Or to look at it from the optimistic point, you feel the fall, and the next minute adrenaline overtakes the fear and you're up there once again. Rollercoaster emotions.. now thats scary. There's only how many times you can go for the ride isnt it?

Or at times, you're just relaxed on a merry-go-round. There's no stress, you enjoy the music. But then, you never get anywhere. You listen to the same song, you sit in the same place, there's no destination, no challenge, no rush for you to look forward to. Merry-go-round emotions.. that's boring.


So... strike a balance man!

Sigh.

Ever had periods in your life where everything everyone says seem to confuse you? Your views become distorted, yet you remain aware of what you believe. There's just something wrong with their argument, yet there is nothing wrong with it, only it just opposes and contradicts whatever that you have relied your life upon. BUt it doesnt throw you off balance. Not to me anyway. I still firmly stand my ground. It just makes me think more. And I've got enough of that to do. Sometimes I think I think too much. Ha. Point proven.

But it's true. No one can truly understand your situation. They might attempt to try on your shoes, they might even fit your shoes, but the level of discomfort or comfort differs. Empathy or sympathy can only go that far. And where does anger or bitterness direct you to? Or do we just accept? But what if it's someone close to you? What if you can only sacrifice that much?

They dont understand. But maybe we dont understand either.

So the answer? Shrug it off. I guess. What else is there to do? At least for now.
Just... simply enjoy what you have.

Love isnt about 'why are you being like that?'.. but 'is there something wrong?'.....
Love isnt about ' you never do this..'... but ' It's ok.. I'll do it.'

If anyone asks me what love is.. I'll just say.. you and me baby... just you and me...

To love means to commit oneself without guarantee..to give oneself completely..

Is anyone really capable of such a commitment? To be able to hold your head up high and say that you love the person even though you know the person may not reciprocrate the same level, to give your all knowing you might even probably get hurt in the end?

In life, we arent promised much, and in the game of love, victory is definitely not promised. So do you just love, and enjoy the game regardless or whether you win or lose? But then, why do people call it a game? Kinda gives love a competitive kind of feeling. But what better imagery to use? At the end of the day, it's true, you might win the person over, or lose the person.

I guess all you have to do is take it as it comes, the good and the bad.... And in everything, you win some, you lose some. But who knows, you might emerge the victor. Quit worrying. Life is short.

I guess I'm a winner. =>

People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when darkness sets in, their beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.

Thought this was beautiful, to put people parallel to stained glass. There's always some sort of mystical aura surrounding stained glass.
But anyway, yup just wanted to share this with you guys. It's just simply so true.

Jem is currently : crippled by cramps.

Supposed to be at school now.. but only going for my later class..Cant seem to sleep it off either...

Jem is feeling: sorry for herself.

Just let me whine and wallow in self pity for a while.. I'm sure every girl is entitled to that.. *ahem* once a month. Ha.

Jem is : going to prepare for school for now.

Grumble like crazy.. ceaseless complaints.... Ahhhhh *wails*

Today is a happy happy day.....happy 1th month to you..and many more to come.....

You Do Not Exist For Yourself
The only hurdle between you and what you want to be, is the support
of others. Your success depends on the support of other people.

Put yourself in another's place, and you'll know why they think and do
certain things. You can succeed fastest by helping others to succeed.

Always think in terms of what the other person wants. You'll get everything
in life that you want if you'll help enough people get what they want.
Doing things for others always pays dividends.

You're not an isolated island.
You're a piece of the planet, a piece of the universe.
Personal relationships are the fertile soil from which all advancement,
all success, all achievement in real life grows.

Help someone's boat across a river, and you'll find, your own boat has
reached the shore too.

Thought the above was meaningful. so would like to share it with you guys! :)

Jem's Update
Friday: Watched Raising Victor Vargas, as it was highly recommded to be hilarious.... Verdict: Uh... well.. it did have subtle humour.. and er.. I did laugh.. but... it was uh.. let's just say it was... ok nevermind forget it. I think I can never be a movie critque. Not critical enough. ;p And yes, that was a subtle hint about my account of the show. ;p

Saturday: It's the 20th of March. ;p Gpnna watch My Girl later. Looking forward to it~!

Hmm.. it's back to school tomorrow.. yes .. It's a Sunday and I have to be in school by 930 for some lecture by some hot shot lecturer from London.. it's freaking 930 in the morning.. and it lasts for about 3 hours.. yes yes I know it's for my own good. But it's Sunday! What happened to rest on a Sunday? Ok nevermind just whining.

I just bought my new piano!
Come, let me be a salesman for a little while. It's a German piano... uh.. upright... uh... selling outside in stores for almost 10K.. but I got it through a private deal so it was cheaper.. about 6K? *happy grin* Went to test it out and stuff, nice touch, elegant, oh and the piano keys cloth is black and so cool! Haha ok never mind.

Jem's Salvation....
I was on my way home, and held the lift on the ground floor when it came for a crowd of people coming out, and there was this woman who beamed at me, smiled and said 'thank you!' in this really sincere and chirpy tone, as if my little action meant a lot. And there arrived a general feeling of goodness in the atmosphere, you really could feel it. I mean, it was such a hot and humid day, I couldnt wait to get home, and the heat was enough to make anyone grouchy. And her obvious appreciation for a little act was just so lifting. See? Little things do matter, and saying thank you to a stranger can really make that stranger's day sometimes! Ok maybe not day, but at least for quite a while.

Anyway, to add on to it, she took out this leaflet, which was about God's Word, a story was about this greedy Man who travelled to a foreign land to obtain the ultimate jewel. But on his way home, tradegy strucked and as he breathed his last, it was then he realized that the gift of life is far greater than the most precious of jewels. After that the passage went on to talk about the soul, and to speak of God's sacrifice of His Son.

Anyway, the moral is, I guess He knows when His child is drifting, and He finds ways to touch us and bring us closer to HIm. A simple act of a lift door, and a simple show of appreciation, goes a long way. And we should all learn this lesson.

As she walked away, she exclaimed, ' Jesus loves you!' how true... and how timely. Praise God!

Ups, downs, smiling frowns, This is just me.....
Control, stable, young and free.... I just want to be...

More Random thoughts....

An attempt to come home to myself.. to find my individuality among the mob, to understand actions and words, to slow down and ease up in intensity, to gain insight... valuable, priceless, but so easily given away

I must be myself before I can be another, to learn and study my feelings in depth. Adverse and extreme, I have been described. I can be so sweet, so patient, the Jem that was in existence before. But in its place is a mixture of both, but with an instability that throws me off balance and perhaps the ones around me.

People change and people move on. I cant return to who I was before, because changes and circumstances mould me into someone else. But I can and will be moulded to one that is similar to who I was, but will never be an exact replica, because there is no sense in living in the past, no sense in bringing the dead back to the present. The present brings with it new life, new love, and adaptability to this will be the souce that creates the moulding.

I just need a little bit of time.

On a lighter note.....
Jem's Update
had Joanne's surprise birthday dinner at Thai Express Esplanade outlet just now! *grin* Know you dont like surprises but was quite sure this one would have a different reaction~! haha Anyway, sorry had to tell white lies here and there.. and to keep you from being suspicious.. and sorry for instigating Ralph to steal Gerri's number! Ha.. but anyhow it was so great seeing the HPB colleagues again and laughing at old times! At my expense I may add. *grumbles * Haha But hey hope you had a blast~! See ya soon buddddddy.

We grow partially. We are relative. We are mature in one realm, childish in another...

Jem's Thoughts... at Random. With no reference to anyone or anything in particular.

I want a perfect beginning, a clear end, in everything. But through experiences, the hard way, I've learnt that stories of life do not follow a pattern, poetry of life do not rhyme at times, and the music of life usually has imperfect rhythm. Some then start to fear, but I'd rather see it as a tasteless delicious ambiguity.

Most of the time, I analyze and worry too much, sometimes get bogged down random thoughts which fill up determined to sink me, yet it is during moments where I feel unnerving or sad that ironically, it is this discomfort that propells me to seek an answer, and in it is during our down moments where every single little thing can make it and up again. Which enables me to hold on to what is seemingly insignificant, and treasure those tiny moments which embed themselves into my heart.

For everything that is unsolved in my heart, I seek the patience to not find the answers, for they arent ready to be revealed yet, and it is only through experiencing and living that their revelation occurs slowly but surely, and the truth will come to light.

In the broad spectrum of feelings, I cant grasp what is mine..
They said wait, I'll find out in due time..
But the nagging doubts persists, confusion I cant resist...
Into waters I look, to find where I belong..
The answer was staring back.. it was myself I found.
But in this game of __ , it seems I always lose
Maybe I shouldnt learn to fight, and learn to read the clues....

oh no. I think I am in one of my moods again. Damn.

2nd attempt at preaching...

Jem's Guide.. little ways of life...
1. To embrace the sun and warmth, you must also endure the thunder and lightning. Shit happens, but good stuff happen too. You cant expect things to flow smoothly all the time, and when you hit an obstacle, dont be angry at how life is treating you, if you didnt bother to thank life when everything was smooth.
2. No race, religion or culture is above the other.There is no religion that teaches us bad, no race that behaves any different, and no culture that intentionally harms. Accept and understand, and dont pass judgement. After all, our way of lives are all different from each other.
3. Remember to say please and thank you, and be polite even if they dont deserve it. While it is true that respect needs to be earned, graciousness should be a gift given from one to another. It does melt a hard heart, and a little patience can go a long way.
4. Faith. The continuation of believing even when it doesnt seem possible. For the most precious things are the ones that cannot be seen but felt. Trust yourself.
5. Pray.Have a relationship with Him. Cause when no one seems to listen, you'll know that He's always there beside you. ( This was in my last 5 in my last entry of guides. It still reigns to be one the most impt!)

PS: Yun! Hey sweetie how's everything? I miss you!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.... :( :(

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY BUDDDDDY JOANNNNEEE WEEEEEEEEEE! *whee!* hurhur ;p
Let's start with birthday wishes from a teenager to young lady. Wahaha Sorry dude just let me rub it in for a few months k? Anyway, what can I say? We've known each other for like a year now.. went from basketball rivals to acquaintances to colleagues and finally to friends! Whaha what comes after that?? *wink wink* Haha you're my BABE remember?? Chio bu ah! Ha.. you've proved to be a really great friend.. can tell you anything knowing that somehow you will understand and never judging me, (such as the Dec incident and right now -hope you know what I mean!), nagging at me to study,( I will I will!). ;p You've talked to me and seen me through bad times ( I'm sure you know what I am referring to) and my good times too! You've always be encouraging and supportive, and hey! You're one hellava friend. :)
Anyway I'll end this by declaring that.. -how cliche this is but it's perfect- I'll always be there for you. Will bitch with you, gossip with you, rant with you, laugh and cry with you, listen to you and stand by you and basically just stay right here beside you. Cheers to my buddy and more good times to come! happy birthday once more. *bombastic hug!* hahah

In Jem's arithmetic of love, one plus one equals one. I've found my other half in this equation. And it equals to one. I've got the right anwer.

We glanced at each other once, gazed at each other for a while, and looked past each other. But finally, never knowing how it begun again, we are now looking in the same direction. Externally appearing to have committed crime in the name of friendship, internally we hold the same views, and know it to be real. Some of the past may hold us back, some past may dwell on consciences, ( *sings from a rip off of limp biskit* but our dreams arent as empty.. as our consciences seem to be.....;p)but we hold in reverance the fact that we are doing this together, which may be the most important of all. Expectations, flaws, exchanged words may have made that doubt once that maybe we cant work things out, but hey.. communication. :) And that makes all the difference. There is no perfect person, but love is learning how to love an imperfect person perfectly. And hey.. that's what we're doing huh? :)
And you know... I am.. and I will do my very best...for you.. and... I love you.

This song goes out to you.

Angels have brought me here
It's been a long and winding journey, but i'm finally here tonight
Picking up the pieces, walking back into the light
Into the sunset of your glory, where my heart and future lies
There's nothing like that feeling, when i look into your eyes
My dreams came true, when i found you
I found you, my miracle...
If you could see, what i see, that you're the answer to my prayers
And if you could feel, the tenderness i feel
You would know, it would be clear, that angels brought me here...
Standing here before you, feels like i've been born again
Every breath is your love, every heartbeat speaks your name
My dreams came true, right here in front of you
My miracle...
Brought me here to be with you,
I'll be forever grateful .... forever faithful... (*ahem* please note ;p)
My dreams came true
When I found you
My miracle...

I'm not supposed to love you - I'm not supposed to care - I'm not supposed to live my life wishing you were there - I'm not supposed to wonder where you are and what you do - I'm sorry I cant help myself - but I'm in love with you...
it's strange how life works.

Take each day and make it a masterpiece..
We are all artists in our own way, we paint our world from the colours of our own palette, we can either make an imcomplete sketch or a mind blowing classic; we can use bright colours to depict or control our mood, or use dreary colours to equate it to how we feel.
I think my art work would be one which of mixed colours, but majority of bright colours, yet with blotches of emptiness of it that display the things that I didnt do. Some part of it will be applauded, yet some scantily done, signifying perhaps a lousy attitude. Yet it's one thing to know what needs to be changed, and another to change it.

But looking back, I cant say I have any deep regrets. Certain issues, yes. But I am a firm believer that tt's the journey, the destination, and all points in between, that made me live life. It's not just about life and how badly or well it treated me, but living life and how I coped with the good and bad. And I think I can safely say I appreciate the good, and I learn not to dwell on the bad.

Life is a road, a very long road, don't drive too fast, but don't drive too slow, remember to always look ahead, but don't forget to look around you at what's there, and occasionally look into your rear view mirror to once again see what kind of terrain you have been through, and what it was like, stop and pick up hitchhikers once in a while, but be careful about who
I try to live by this.. I've made mistakes, many mistakes, taken many a wrong turn, crashed the car, but in the end, I'm just trying to make the best of things.. I'm just trying to do my best huh?...
I'm not a person who cries because it happened.. I'm one who smiles because it happens. It's true when they say everything happens for a reason.

Jem's Update
I've been eating and eating and eating... I think I'm stressed and worried... over.. I also dont know. Maybe Im just overwhelmed by the amount of work I have not done.. Had an exam paper today.. which I didnt go for. And yesterday's paper went so badly, I left early. But on the bright side, MOnday's criminal law was better than expected. And I hope tmr's paper will be too.

Anyway! I loveee my blog song! meaningful lyrics... and this goes out to anyone who's ... sad? Plus a big hug...
Hold On
This world...This world is cold
But you don't..You don't have to go
You're feeling sad, you're feeling lonely, and no one seems to care
You're mother's gone and your father hits you (this line is so sad!)
This pain you cannot bear
But we all bleed the same way as you do
And we all have the same things to go through

Your days..You say they're way too long
And your nights..You can't sleep at all (dont we all always experience this..)
Hold on
And you're not sure what you're waiting for, but you don't want to no more
And you're not sure what you're looking for, but you don't want to no more

Hold on if you feel like letting go
Hold on it gets better than you know
Don't stop looking, you're one step closer
Don't stop searching, it's not over
Hold on.....

Came across this interesting sort of article.. and it's quite ME!
Sept 2th to October 03 ---hazelnut tree
Hazelnut Tree (the Extraordinary) — charming, *flashes a heart melting smile* need I say more? wahah
sense of humor, Hmm guess it is true in a way. I appreciate lame jokes. :)
very demanding yes.. that is true... I expect a lot and demand a lot.. esp from loved ones.. but I'm trying to mellow a litte
but can also be very understanding, *blushes* hey I think tt's true too!
knows how to make a lasting impression,
active fighter for social causesand politics,
popular, hmmm.. *flashes another winning smile*
quite moody, oh yes definitely. I have my moods.
sexually oriented, that is sooo not true! damn Jo is gonna call me se lang again.
honest, yes I value honesty
a perfectionist, hmm I'm rather a slacker but when I want to do something, I'll do it MY way.
has a precise sense of judgment and expects complete fairness.oh well.. I do my best. :)

"It's the friends you can call up at 4am that matter"---Marlene Dietrick
How true this reigns...
Anyway, below is a collage of happy times, courtesy of Crystal! Thank you for the effort! But looking at this never fails to bring a smile to my face, so want to share this with all you guys! These are MY friends.. :) the VIPs of my life.

I met you all as a stranger.. and I leave you as a friend....

Procrastination is the thief of time. I'll probably be handed a life sentence.

Exams are on Monday. Enough said already.
Let's change the subject!

Thursday night: Headed down to cheeky's with Lenny, Cheryl, Gwen, Louey, Angela and Antoinette. Music was great.. was a little mad on the dance floor.. but you know what? After spending a few nights at hetrosexual clubs, I think I'll just stick to Monks for a little while more, even though.. well.. I'm not exactly a huge fan but ... at least there arent any..erm.. too put it bluntly, disgusting guys who ..hmm.. are just so sexually oriented. Ha. . Louey got hit on! Wahaha... and boy, was he persistent. AND his friend.... well.. persistent is too mild a term to describe him. Bugging me like crazy for Louey's number.. following me out of a club.. AND while pestering me for Louey's number he was putting his arm around me and whatever.. I mean ..!!?? *speechless* You're trying to get my friend's number and you're trying to get friendly with me? Where's the logic in that?
Anyway, I stayed over at Cheryl's place and caught Something's Gotta Give the next afternoon. It was alright. Just.. alright.

Saturday: Studied today! *beams proudly*

Here we go again..
Name: Jem Goh
D.O.B.: 28th Sept. Hey I see you guys are all noting it down tt's so sweet. haha
Location: Bishan
Religion: I believe in Him..
Occupation: Private student
Contact: Take a queue number people. ahah ok.. getting shameless again.
STYLE
Clothing: Hmm..berms.. pants.. shirts... sleeveless with jacket over is my fav at the moment. Oh.. and I am into white right now.
Music: piano( all time fav), guitar, hip-hop(love dancing!) , rock... oh go listen to Good Charlotte's Hold on.. nice lyrics nice tune what more can you ask for.
RIGHT NOW
Listening to: Uh.. the whirring fan.. and the clicking keys.. and my breathing? Cause it's really quiet now.
LAST THING YOU...
Ate and drank: Ah! My mushroom minced meat noodle at Longhouse. Yummy... *contented smile* I've been craving for it for days.
Read: Um.. Archie comic. Cover reads:- Archie: Veronica makes my stomach do flip-flops! Jughead: You had her brownies too? whahaha
EITHER / OR
Club or houseparty: Hmm.. gee why must it be either/or? well what the heck I like both depending on my mood
Tea or coffee: Tea. I dont like coffee.
Achiever or slacker: I am a slacker yet achiever?? haha wow what a nice answer!Ha ah well.. if I want something badly enough, I'll work for it.. eventually.
Beer or cider: Er... what's cider? *innocent*
Drinks or shots: Hmm.. tough. I'll take a shot at this and go for shots. ha. oops. ok lame.
Cats or dogs: Dogs! But I can love cats too.
Single or taken: ha.. hmm.. sorry girls.
Pen or pencil: Er... pencil I guess. I lost my $8 pencil!!
Gloves or mittens: Gloves
Food or candy: Food. I dont like candy.. except Candy! my favourite girl. ha :)
Cassette or CD: Cd.. more convenient.. but cassettes brings back memories.
WHERE DO YOU...
Eat: Anywhere is fine. I'm a fussy eater, I'm picky, but I'm simple.
Cry: I dont wanna cry no more. Cried in public and private before... and no where.. I'm over that. No point crying. Now I just shrug my shoulders and be heck care. Till the next time I cry again. ha.
Wish you were: well.. a little to private to mention.. but generally I do love myself. It's just you know.. some things.

HAVE YOU EVER...
Drank alcohol?: Yes... No favourite type though. OK not like the question is asking me but ah well.
Done drugs: Does medicine count? ;p
Broken the law: Ha.. uh... I guess. When I entered clubs while I was 17? Bro remember how we always used to borrow ID when trying to get into les night? Ha.. gee..we're old now.
Ran away from home: No..I'd be homesick.
Cheated on a test: Er.. yeah last time back in secondary school when I didnt give much 2nd thoughts abt it. Nothing to be proud of though.
Played truth or dare: yes.. I had this dare once at a chalet.. had to knock on some guy's door and tell him tt there was going to be a cut in water supply and could I take water from him. And he just gave me this weird look and pointed to the water cooler.. that was like just next to me. Damn embarrassing. Remember Yun??
Cheated on your boy/girlfriend: No comments. Although by saying this the answer is obvious too huh? Nothing to be proud of too though. but ah well. As jerkish as this may make me sound, I have no regrets. .. oh man suddenly I feel like William hung. Hurhur. No malice intention there.
Had a nightmare/dream that made you wake up: Yes.. few times in fact.
WHAT IS...
The most embarrassing CD in your collection?: ?? I dont know... None. I like all my CDs.
Your bedroom like?: my girly pics have just been hung up all over my room. ha. It's got a bed.. table.. cupboard.. piano...
Your favorite thing for breakfast?:Chee Kuey, with my downstairs carrot cake.. plus my 2 eggs and tea. Traditional chinese breakfast.
Your favorite thing for lunch?: er.. anything is fine. remember I am simple?
Your favorite thing for dinner?:Anything.. as long as it's home cooked.
Your favorite Restaurant?: Home.
ARE YOU...
A Vegetarian?: I dont like veg. So though I do feel guilty at times, I cant be a vegetarian cause then I'll starve. Unless I turn into a cannibal. But uh.. nah.. human meat.. nah..
Wakeboarding/snowboarding: Snowboarding!! Though I've never tried but I'm just waiting for the opportunity.
A deep sleeper?: Light sleeper.. I wake up at the slightest thing.. but recently, though I remain a light sleeper, I dont wake up to the sound of my phone.
Shy?: ha.. anti-social kind of shy I guess. I just need time to warm up.
A good storyteller?: I hope so!

I was going through my life, thinking of what I do not have, but suddenly I thought of you, and suddenly life seems complete once again.
We're obsessed by what we do not have, that we fail to notice what we have. We choose to sutbbornly shut of eyes to what is in front of us, yet open them wide to those far away. The irony is almost ridiculous. Yet the phrase 'treasure what you have' has been condemned by over usage that its impact isnt that much a big deal after all.
Life really isnt too bad when you consider the alternative, when you know that roses have thorns, but thorns have roses too.

Share a special moment with yourself, find the essence of who you are.. do this all in your own private hidden realm.
Follow your dreams, they always say. Yet this path of dreams cripples us with big boulders that block our way, or sharp pebbles in our shoes. And that's where the temptation to stop pushing the boulders, and settle down to remove your shoes arises. We hear of so many success stories, mainly cause the failures dont speak out. But it doesnt have to be this way. Sometimes, your dreams are the one which strengthens you, and that's how dreams are being realised.
You gotta keep your chin up, and do what you have to do. Many tears of frustration will be shed, but our vision is clear only after our eyes are washed away with tears.
And hey, most of the time, you gotta listen up for that little voice telling you which step to take. It's not instinct, neither is it your intuition. It's the voice of your calling.

To my very dear friend
For everything you have missed, you've gained something else.
I guess this should be the basis for our choices, to be able to reaffirm this to ourselves and brace ourselves for what we have decided. But choices are so damn difficult sometimes, for it means sacrifice, and even if you benefit elsewhere, it doesnt take the hurt away.

So what happens from here? How does one brace up to face the downs of the decision? That's where the difficulty comes in. Cause it's not easy to just make a choice, no matter how obvious it may appear, and sometimes even though the truth is right before our eyes, it's only innate that we choose to close one eye.

Perhaps the only answer to this is to move on. Yup sounds so cliche and juvenile, but sometimes squaring your shoulders and gritting your teeth helps. And enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things. But there shouldnt be room for regret. It's just a lesson learnt.

And you know I'll always be there.

I just want to do my best.... for myself.. for you.. and for us...

I am restless. I'm fidgety, I cant seem to follow trains of thoughts.

Ok.. I am here to engage in my usual disoriented ramblings and babblings to ease the restlessness and organize my thoughts.

Exams are like... next week. And what am I doing with my study week? To top it off, I have been given one week extra, so there are 2 weeks of studying for me, time given to me to catch up with a lot of things.. but what have I done? Treated it like holiday week and basically been having a great time away from school. And ... I dont feel much pangs of guilt. The only driving force in me is that private institutions are not exactly cheap. But I shrug that off by thinking that next week's exam is merely ...school. And I will really study for the london exams. And I'll try to get started. I dont want to fail. I managed to scrape through for the last one, let's hope I get lucky again huh?

Theory exam is next week too. sigh. What's with all the exams ? Not that I am suffering from any bout of stress. but ah..I play the piano.. I cant work at it.. and I like music.. I like the melody the harmony... but not when it's written down to be studied! ok bottomline is that I dont like it. but actually.. some of it is interesting. Ok.. damn i'm contradicitng myself.

I guess everything just boils down to attitude. How you derive the drive or motivation and seek inspiration. I have a lousy attitude. I dont know why. I'm just not cut out for studying. But I refuse to work. And I really do value education. And I want a degree. But I just cannot sit down and study.
And apart from studying, I realise that my attitude towards some things .. just suck. I dont know.. I realise that I dont like people anymore. I dont like interaction. I like being anti. I like being alone.
And I dont like a lot of other things.
Damn I feel like a spoilt brat.

Ah well.

I think I'm just in one of my moods.

Ok I'm done.

Jem's update
watched Honey today. Great show! Great dancing! Ah!!! I wanna go attend hip hop classes too. And I feel like clubbing. Ah.... ! Anyway go watch the show. I urge you to watch! I demand that you watch! Ah.... I dont mind watching again! ok.. I'm done gushing.

Ps: Yun.. I miss you! there seems to be so many little things that I want to tell you.. and I cant just pick up the phone to talk about those little things! And I miss walking with you at J8.. and I miss messaging you... miss talking at your playground.. miss dropping by your house.... ah........ I just miss you.