I just want to do my best.... for myself.. for you.. and for us...

I am restless. I'm fidgety, I cant seem to follow trains of thoughts.

Ok.. I am here to engage in my usual disoriented ramblings and babblings to ease the restlessness and organize my thoughts.

Exams are like... next week. And what am I doing with my study week? To top it off, I have been given one week extra, so there are 2 weeks of studying for me, time given to me to catch up with a lot of things.. but what have I done? Treated it like holiday week and basically been having a great time away from school. And ... I dont feel much pangs of guilt. The only driving force in me is that private institutions are not exactly cheap. But I shrug that off by thinking that next week's exam is merely ...school. And I will really study for the london exams. And I'll try to get started. I dont want to fail. I managed to scrape through for the last one, let's hope I get lucky again huh?

Theory exam is next week too. sigh. What's with all the exams ? Not that I am suffering from any bout of stress. but ah..I play the piano.. I cant work at it.. and I like music.. I like the melody the harmony... but not when it's written down to be studied! ok bottomline is that I dont like it. but actually.. some of it is interesting. Ok.. damn i'm contradicitng myself.

I guess everything just boils down to attitude. How you derive the drive or motivation and seek inspiration. I have a lousy attitude. I dont know why. I'm just not cut out for studying. But I refuse to work. And I really do value education. And I want a degree. But I just cannot sit down and study.
And apart from studying, I realise that my attitude towards some things .. just suck. I dont know.. I realise that I dont like people anymore. I dont like interaction. I like being anti. I like being alone.
And I dont like a lot of other things.
Damn I feel like a spoilt brat.

Ah well.

I think I'm just in one of my moods.

Ok I'm done.

Jem's update
watched Honey today. Great show! Great dancing! Ah!!! I wanna go attend hip hop classes too. And I feel like clubbing. Ah.... ! Anyway go watch the show. I urge you to watch! I demand that you watch! Ah.... I dont mind watching again! ok.. I'm done gushing.

Ps: Yun.. I miss you! there seems to be so many little things that I want to tell you.. and I cant just pick up the phone to talk about those little things! And I miss walking with you at J8.. and I miss messaging you... miss talking at your playground.. miss dropping by your house.... ah........ I just miss you.