PS: Just for the record, for those who previously followed by blog and know abt my 30 day prayer, I'd like to tell all that it worked. It didnt happen on the 30th day, but more of a few days after that, after God gave me a reminder to how I should be like. So yes, right now, whatever that I have been praying for came true. I give thanks and may God Bless all. Remember, always have faith. If it's right for you, He will give it.

GOODBYE AND HELLO
Title of today's entry:Write the conclusion to this annual story and begin our prologue for our next.
I cant wait for 2004. The time has come to start afresh.

It is blissfully sad when we bid farewell to the year where its events both significant and trivial broke us, strengthened us, shaped us, and moulded us to the each individual beings that we are now. At this point in time, we should refelct upon this course of year, on the situations which have been engraved in our skins, etched in our hearts, and learn how to write the conclusion to this annual story and begin our prologue for our next.

2003 was stepped into in a midst of confused affairs for me, and did not in any way mark a new beginning. There was that draggy relationship, taking up most of my year,and was the turning point of my attitude towards others, and which many have said changed me. There was also the disastrous, yet expected and deserving A level results, yet that created an opportunity for me to pursue my law course. Not to forget the metting of new people, fresh characters and personalites.

It is in the later course of this year that what some people did made impacts on my life, both minor and major. What I had wanted since 2 years ago was given to me when I least expected it and that made it even sweeter, and will definitely remain in my better memories. There were also the people, those that I only got to know for a short period of time but even in that time frame made me grow up a little. Therefore, the latter part of this year was definitely way more memorable than the former. To those people, I hope you know who you are, you have touched me in more ways than it appears, and I'd like to say thank you, and this gratitude extends to my greatest friends for exercising my restlessness and seemingly bountless energy these few nights, all the playing and partying and satisfying roti prata cravings.. haha.. and to everyone of you reading this, may the new year bring blessings to you and your families.

I can only say that it is only recently that I have managed to get a taste of what MY life is, and that I do not have to answer to anyone for my actions. This liberty is the one that sustains and revitalized me, and I am planning to carry this forward to the new year, for I have found myself back on the path of self finding after straying to long winding roads, be it near or far.

I shall look forward to 2004 with the best attitude I know.

To bring forward to the new year( Not resolutions, it's just to guide me.
1. Have faith.
2. Be stoic. Yet soft-hearted. I'm in danger in crossing the line to being total heck care. As what Kos said, " Be hard hearted to protect yourself, but not too hard hearted if not it'll be difficult for you to change back." Or something along those lines anyway.will try huh?
3. Be strong.
4. Nothing is ever as bad as it seems.
5. Things have a funny way of working out.
6. Be a better daughter
7. Be a better student.Erm Jo and Ralph, I'll TRY not to skip class so often huh?
8. Be the best person I can be.

And I will always remember
Dont wanna wake up from this dream
Everything was wonderful, it was just you and me
And I will always remember
When I took your hand in mine
Oh those moments, they were my perfect time.

Time was a standstill

Let myself go, lost myself

Yet I found you.

In those moments

Thank You.

'you better lose yourself in the music, the moment you own it you better never let it go. You only get one shot, do not miss the chance to blow, this opportunity comes once in a lifetime'
Emimen makes sense in these lyrics, sometimes instead of harping about consequences, you have to do certain things just for that moment itself. As long as there is self understanding and you know where to draw the line, close your eyes, and give yourself to that point in time which may never come again. Life offers you second chances, but not all the time. Why take the risk. Carpe diem

Jem serenades.......
Twinkle twinkle little star,
How I wonder what you are,
Up above the world so high,
Like a diamond in the sky,
Star light,
Star bright,
The first star I see tonight,
I wish I may, I wish I might,
Have the wish I wish tonight,

Twinkle twinkle little star,
How I wonder what you are,
I have so many wishes to make,
But most of all is what I state,
So just wonder,
That I've been dreaming of,
I wish that I can have owe her enough,
I wish I may, I wish I might,
Have the dream I dream tonight,

Twinkle twinkle little star,
How I wonder what you are,
I want a girl who'll be all mine,
And wants to say that I'm her guy,
Someone's sweet that's for sure,
I want to be the one shes looking for,
I wish I may, I wish I might,
Have the girl I wish tonight

Twinkle twinkle little star,
How I wonder what you are,
Up above the world so high,
Like a diamond in the sky,
Star light,
Star bright,
The first star I see tonight,
I wish I may, I wish I might,
Have the wish I wish tonight.

That's love. When you undertake all the suffering, acknowledging it is best for her to leave, and she is able to go in peace.

Believe in God, and believe that there is a paradise out there for all souls, a heaven and a haven for all who have suffered here on earth. The pain is all gone, and no matter how far she may seem, know that she is there all the time, watching over all of you.

I do not know her personally, but I know how it's like to lose a loved one.Her time on earth may be up, shed your tears, but remember her with a smile when you know how brave she has been. Lord know she was a fighter.

You and your family has been and will be in my prayers. Seek comfort in His presence, and know that He is always around. Just talk or cry, and He will listen.

And so will I.

Life has its ups and downs
But get stuck in the mud and what to you do
stop crying stop sulking
Give yourself a moment and take out your damn shoe.

Many times, we find ourselves immersed in unfavourable situations or have to face the circumstances that you know you may have brought it upon yourself, and in those many times, most of us get too caught up in the moments and forget that that there is an easy way out if we just simply learn how to open up to view the bigger picture and reason it out with yourself. Upon doing that, it will become easier for you to handle or let go. You might lose your shoe, but it's better than chopping off your foot. You feet might be muddy, but you can always wash it off. Everything will turn out right, if we only believe in ourselves and those around you. Life is made up of many angles, do not just focus on one point.

I cant wait for the new year to come, at least it will be a significant symbol of starting afresh, and everyday can be a brand new day. The usual resolutions and goals, I think it's great to have that tradition because it is a time when most recgonise our weak points and the point is not whether it lasted or not, but the determination to do better existed.

2 5am+ nights in a row, gee... I'm gonna stay close to home for the next few days. Ha.. but it was fun yesterday, but right now, I need to really gain new perspectives, and I'll find it while I dream. Ha... Tired tired... yet I'm still here blogging.. ah well.. ok.. gonna crash.

3 Doors Down 'here without you'
A hundred days had made me older
Since the last time that I saw your pretty face
A thousand lights had made me colder
And I dont think I can look at this the same
But all the miles had separate
They disappear now when Im dreaming of your face

Im here without you baby but youre still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time
Im here without you baby but youre still with me in my dreams
And tonight its only you and me

The miles just keep rolling as the people either way to say hello
I hear this life is overrated but I hope it gets better as we go

Im here without you baby but youre still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time
Im here without you baby but youre still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl its only you and me

Everything I know and anywhere I go
It gets hard but it wont take away my love
And when the last one falls when its all said and done
it gets hard but it wont take away my love

Im here without you baby but youre still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time
Im here without you baby but youre still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl its only you and me

Let us all please take a moment to pray for those affected by the Iran earthquake as well as the gas leak in China, of which both tragedies resulted in thousands of fatalities, not to mention millions of broken hearts.

Current mood: listless...

I cannot seem to get any rest or shut eye at all, been walking round my house zombie like for like a few hours with a terrible headache due to last night's effects and scrambled thoughts about this and that..Yet, here I am blogging. Jem jem.. sigh sometimes I just never learn.

Last night 's dancing and hanging out with my friends were fun, and hey dinner was great we should do it more often. ( yun I'm still tasting the remnants of your mum's chicken) And there was Mao's unique creation of peaches and ham, and Louey's first attempt at jelly.. Not forgetting da jie's potato salad and mash potato..yup.. yesterday was definitely not a failure.

It happened before, and it could happen once more
There's a chance you might change your mind
It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday, but it's tomorrow that we all live for. It is time to go.
Had a conversation with someone just now, a long awaited conversation which marked the closure of a chapter in my life, a short but unforgettable chapter. Guess it was the contents and the wonderment of the contents that sparked off this restlessness.But I know that in many things, be it friendship, relationship, or even companionship.... some things are just meant to end, and rather than live by memories, it's better to start writing a new story..
People come and go in our lives, and some are destined to remain only a short period but with considerable impact, but those people are fated never to stay.
I guess this friend of mine is one of them
But.. everything is gonna be okay.

Another day is goin' by
I'm thinkin' about you all the time
But you're out there
And I'm here waitin'

And I wrote this letter in my head
'Cuz so many things were left unsaid
But now you're gone
And I can't think straight

This could be the one last chance
To make you understand, yeah

I'd do anything
Just to hold you in my arms
To try to make you laugh
Somehow I can't put you in the past
I'd do anything
Just to fall asleep with you
Will you remember me?
'Cuz I know
I won't forget you

Together we broke all the rules
Dreaming of droppin' out of school
And leave this place
To never come back

So now maybe after all these years
If you miss me have no fears
I'll be here
I'll be waitin'

This could be the one last chance to make you understand
And I just can't let you leave me once again, yeah

I close my eyes all I can see is you
I close my eyes I try to sleep
I cant forget you
I'd do anything for you

Merry Christmas to all..
Let's us now take a pause in time to reflect upon the sacrifices He metted out to us so unselfishly. We should all take a leaf out of His book....

I just re-read my previous entry and felt as well as remembered the extent of bile I tasted due to that one simple phone call which lasted all but 5 minutes. It's funny how the slightest incident can trigger off such a flood of emotions and drown all the contentment and stoicness that I've been building up over the last few days. But now, all those feelings are just replaced by resignation, as well as knowledge that every road construction takes effort and time to built, and for the sake of myself, I should just let it be.

Just woke up with a slight throbbing headache,( not pig but tired ;p), last night turned out better than expected.. To you guys who were with me last night, thank you! And for fulfilling that craving of roti prata..at like hmmm 4 in the morning.. next round it's to Mount Faber for my sunrise haha.. and thank you candice for taking me home. The conveniences of car... arg.. give me a few months man.

ITS NOT YOU, IT'S ME.
To you: I am sorry for doing this to you, I guess after everything, you know how it turned me into, I was not exactly the greatest or sweetest gf, quite the contrary in fact. It is not fair for you to hold on when you deserve someone better. I am too immune to relationships, and you know how some things can bring up so many of the memories that I've been trying to kick away. As selfish as this sounds, right at this point in time, I really do not want to care about anything, and just lose myself in moments.
I do not want the commitment nor put in the effort needed in every relationship, I dont have it in me to try anymore. It's not your fault, so dont ever think it's you, because it isnt. So dont blame yourself.
I dont know what happened to me, why I became this heck care person, guess it had been building up for some time.Even writing this takes a lot. I'm sorry, that I'm like that. I just need time to think things through on my own and look for myself within myeslf. But I have to do this alone.
You can still call me or message me if you want, I still can be there to listen. Take care.

I'm a solitary person, so fuck off and leave me alone.

why does she always have to ruin things? Just when I thought things were smoother, sense of deja vu crashes back in again and hurls me back to the nightmare that I've been living in. She's right, I've changed, I'm heartless, and I dont give a damn about anyone anymore. But I've built my fortress, and no enemies are gonna do an invasion and destroy me all over again. I've had enough of that shit, cant she see that. All the expectations and demands, it has already taken its toll, and turned me into a jerk. But I dont give a shit.
Because of her, I'm too afraid of relationships, too tired of the effort, dont give a fuck about other's feelings. They said no one can change you but yourself, but she changed me, and yes I know, it's up to myself to change back. But not now. WHATEVER>
Last Christmas was bad enough, dont step into my life and mess things up all over again. I just want to be alone.
Mr Jem is Mr Nice no more.

THE WORLD DOESNT HATE ME, BUT I HATE IT.
I'll just keep telling myself that many more people have it worse, just need time huh.

JEM IS HOME

I'm happy to be home, but I didnt want it to fade, I needed the dream like escapism to pace on, although I know I live in reality.

The bangkok trip was much better than I expected, due to the interference of Fate.

Cant put my finger exactly where it should be.

Random thoughts, many thoughts.. thinking of the same thing over and over again. Yet, I smile. Sad smile.

Dont know what right and wrong is.

Maintain self control.

Scattered ramblings...

Cant put words to how I feel

Did I mention I feel lost?

Significant song. Can relate to it.
Behind Blue eyes-- Limp Bizkit
No one knows what it's like
To be the bad man
To be the sad man
Behind blue eyes

No one knows what it's like
To be hated
To be fated
To telling only lies

But my dreams
They aren't as empty
As my conscience seems to be

I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance
That's never free

No one knows what it's like
To feel these feelings
Like I do
And I blame you

No one bites back as hard
On their anger
None of my pain and woe
Can show through

But my dreams
They aren't as empty
As my conscience seems to be

I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance
That's never free

NO one knows what it's like
To be mistreated, to be defeated
Behind blue eyes
No one knows how to say

No one knows what it's like
To be the bad man
To be the sad man
Behind blue eyes

Hidden track(I wish)
All the clouds oh they're gray
I'll stay if you never go away
Concrete, tall as the sky
Movement passing me by
And the blush what a rush
Reminice
Cold crush
Next door, ear to the wall
All the tension, wait for the call

I wish I wish I wish
it was all that easy...

Prayer for Day 25
Dear Lord, Please bring your peace and help me out of this

Build a Better World
by: Author Unknown, Source Unknown
Build a better world said God
And I asked how?
The world is such a vast place and so complicated now
I am small and useless
What can I do?
God in all His wisdom said, "Just build a better you."

"Despite God's abundant blessings, we're often too slow to give thanks and too quick to complain. Maybe we're so focused on ourselves and busy with our lives that we forget to give thanks. "

Always take the time to smile and say thank you
Show appreciation for every gesture metted out to you, even if it's something that appears small and simple, whether friend or stranger, for you never know that your showing of appreciation be the thing that makes someone's day. The words 'thank you' should always be at the tip of our tongue, to show humanity that we are grateful for the gift of speech, and more importantly, the gift of heart.

Jem's Update
ok guys.. my blog is going to remain stagnant for the next 5 days because I'll be going to Bangkok with my family! ok I hear an outbreak of wails and cries of 'miss you!' Aww how sweet you guys.. aha it's ok, I know these 5 days will seem unbearably long to you but await in patience for my presence .. it's not forever! Ha ok ok stop rolling your eyes, as I have always said, great admiration for someone is often masked by a show of utter disbelief at the mere idea of it. Hur hur
To those who are interested, my flight is at 1pm tmr and I'll touch down at 10 pm on Sunday.. Mau yes, I'll look for your dark brown bikini.. Louey I'll find a pouch.. haha and to the rest of my friends, whatever that reminds me of you that I come across and I think you may like it I'll just get k? But please bear in mind that your friend here, though fantastic in many other ways, er.. shopping isnt really my kinda thing.. especially shopping for Girls. I only know sports stuff huh? But I'll do my best. ;p
On a more serious note, please pray that I'll have a safe and uneventful journey.. and should anything happen ( touch wood! *conk conk conk*) just want to tell you all that you are loved by Me.

I'll miss you baby but I'll be home soon..

Prayer for Day 24
Dear Lord, Please bring your peace and help me out of this

It is true that some people do not deserve respect or kindness, but we fail to realise that when we treat people the best way we know how to, it moulds us into the best person we can be.

Even as my fingers typed out the creation of this phrase, I could not help but think that perhaps there is a little element of selfishness in there, that it is due to our urge to increase our self worth that we do good. Isnt there a hint of hypocratic irony? But as I paused to deliberate, I realised that we should try to treat people well whether or not it is deserving, and it does mould us into the best person, because in that road in moulding, we learn the art of selflessness and simply know how to give. So let's all learn.

A Scorpion Moment
by: Author Unknown, Source Unknown

There was this Hindu who saw a scorpion floundering around in the water. He decided to save it by stretching out his finger, but the scorpion stung him. The man still tried to get the scorpion out of the water, but the scorpion stung him again.

A man nearby told him to stop saving the scorpion that kept stinging him.

But the Hindu said: "It is the nature of the scorpion to sting. It is my nature to love. Why should I give up my nature to love just because it is the nature of the scorpion to sting?"

Don't give up loving.
Don't give up your goodness.
Even if people around you sting.

Edwin McCain "Could not ask for more". Lyrics and music dedicated to You...
Lying here with you
Listening to the rain
Smiling just to see the smile upon your face
These are the moments I thank God that I'm alive
These are the moments
I'll remember all my life
I found all I've waited for
And I could not ask for more

Looking in your eyes
Seeing all I need
Everything you are is everything to me

These are the moments
I know heaven must exist
These are the moments I know all I need is this
I have all I've waited for
And I could not ask for more

I could not ask for more than this time together
I could not ask for more than this time with you
Every prayer has been answered
Every dream I have's come true
And right here in this moment is right where I'm meant to be
Here with you here with me

These are the moments I thank God that I'm alive
These are the moments I'll remember all my life
I've got all I've waited for
And I could not ask for more

Prayer for Day 23
Dear Lord, Please bring your peace and help me out of this

Forgive ourselves. For all the things we didnt do. All the things we should have done. You cant get stuck on the regrets of what should have happened.-- Tuesdays with Morrie

'If only' seems to be a frequent game that we play all the time, even though it's a self torturing activity seeking to avert deplores but nothing changes, so what's the point of playing the inevitable losing game? Looking back, if we could erase the past, or turn back the hands, sometimes we find points in our life that we want to change, but so many of us forget that it is precisely because of these situations that make up character, and who we are today.
Similarly for me, many times, I almost kick myself for taking that path when an easier path was so obviously in front of me, but due to temporary myopia that we all suffer, that highlighted way was just simply invisible to me. So I cant change the past, but I'll use it as a creation of learning experience so that maybe I wouldnt have to go through the same thing over again.

These few days, just spending time with family, friends and her.. , I can honestly say that I have been happier though admittedly there are times when the fear creeps in, but I shall not allow it to get the better of me. I am tired, but with happy times like these, and God, things are definitely looking up.

Girl you are my song.. you are my melody..
you are my harmony..

Prayer for Day 23
Dear Lord, Please bring your peace and help me out of this
I have been trying to atone and say my prayers the best way I can know how to say them..
And it's working once again.

I think I am on my way home..

Jem's Update
Examinations were met with a general feelings of panic, sulks, and of course the sweet relief when it was all over. Due to uh.. unexpected circumstances leaning towards me, I think maybe I can scrape through after all, although I grudgingly admit that perhaps it's undeserving but ah well...

I just held on and let loose myself to that little moment in time..

Yesterday marked the first for ALL of us going for dinner and clubbing together, and just thinking back on yesterday creates a smile on my face, especially the time when we were desperately trying to grab a cab and were running all over the place... or rather jogging.. due to those in heels.. and the dinner conversation too where we huddled together and I was given a lot of valuable information on uh.. a pleasurable aspect of life.. hur hur.. big o.. Thanks for the information guys...
But yes, last night was a blast~ and unforgettable.

Prayer for Day 20
Dear Lord, Please bring your peace and help me out of this

I want to raise from the ashes, like a phoenix reborn
All you muggles out there familiar with Fawkes should be able to relate to that.
Ashes... a symbol of a conclusion of a body, yet from a reduction to ashes, there is an existence of power to resurrect when our soul dies, and that power lies deep in us...

Tomorrow will be the last day of examinations! What I am looking forward to is Friday... it's been so long. Tons to catch up on. Can't wait!

Prayer for Day 19
Dear Lord, Please bring your peace and help me out of this

I belong somewhere, I'm just not home yet.

The emission of first light, is when melancholy hits the hardest, and the languishing of last light is when the potency of peace emerges in its peak.
It is reasonably presumed that the first rays depict a new beginning, and the last rays interprete a closure of the day, yet our emotions sometimes differ from what is conventionally assumed. I guess it all depends on the situation. after all, if you have gone through an exhausting day, sunset portrays the much anticiapted rest, and if you dread the embarkment of the following day, sunrise will be accompanied by trepidation of the events to come. My weighing scales on this matter would be balanced, the awaiting for the new day is mixed with fear, mixed emotions which change as each minute ticks, yet constant while it lasts. I'm just experiencing stable flutuations.
Sometimes I look at myself in consternation, yet other times I feel unassailable. It seems as though I am a lost sheep wandering about in the greenest pastures, contented, until the sense of displacement begins it haunting.
And maybe this lack of self control in life is in my control, maybe I just have to be strong enough. But I dont know how.

Had 2 of my examinations so far.. Contract and Criminal.. the latter definitely was better... due to..uh.. unexpected help. ha.. Tomorrow's exam is going to be a goner. I feel like taking flight and call in sick! But yes I know.. it's running away... but I really am very very tempted to do that.. will it be wrong if i do? I'm going to fail!!!!

And Mich is back.. thank goodness..

Prayer for Day 18
Dear Lord, Please bring your peace and help me out of this
Self rebuke the day before, sparking the reminder that the companion of prayers should be fervour and ernestness, and my conversation with Him should be focused, free from other worldly distractions. I am ashamed, I seek forgiveness and will continue my prayers with utmost sincerity and may He help me.

I hardly started on my revision, and I'm taking a gamble and banking on pulling through, and act that I am no in the least proud of. But the past week where I minimised contact with everyone, the avoidance enabled me to spend quality time with myself, and the experience of solitude was so soul-enhancing, no regrets whatsoever.
Will be leaving the house now for my first paper! Never mind... I shall just exercise confidence and see how it goes.

Prayer for Day 16.
Dear Lord, please bring your peace and help me out of this

Do not let familiarity breed contempt
Ever realise that we are usually civil and respectful to strangers, but to others closer to our hearts we lash out and are sometimes unconcerned by how they would feel? Ironic isnt it?

Anyway here's something for all of us to think about.

Are You Blessed?
by: Author Unknown, Source Unknown

If you woke up this morning with more health than illness..........you are more blessed than the million who will not survive this week.

If you have never experienced the danger of battle, the loneliness of imprisonment, the agony of torture, or the pangs of starvation.......you are ahead of 500 million people in the world.

If you have food in the refrigerator, clothes on your back, a roof overhead and a place to sleep...you are richer than 75% of this world.

If you have money in the bank, in your wallet, and spare change in a dish someplace....... you are among the top 8% of the world's wealthy.

If your parents are still alive and still married........ it's rare . not as common as you think.

If you hold up your head with a smile on your face and are truly thankful.....you are blessed because the majority can, but most do not.

If you prayed yesterday and today........you are in the minority because you believe God does hear and answer prayers.

If you can read now, you are more blessed than over two billion people in the world that cannot read at all.

This is just to serve as a reminder to all that we should not take what we have for granted, for the many times when we think we have less, we actually have so much more.

Jem's fast update
Hmm let's see.. my rashes are fine.. my exams are on Monday and I hardly started.. no inspiration.. no motivation.. but strangely not very worried... not because I am so confident, quite the contrary actually but ah well..
Michele has gone to malaysia for 4 days! it's been ages since I saw her.. miss you soo much baby..sigh sigh..

To Cheryl: all the best for your run tmr.. fly girl!

I wake up in the morning to thoughts of you... Feel you in my arms.. and know this is exactly where I want to be.. so hurry come home!

Prayer for Day 15.
Dear Lord, please bring your peace and help me out of this

A tribute to Mum

After all the brief storms.. love will remain
During arguments which arise from trivial differences, it's strange, and rather shameful to know that from a matter so insignificant, heated hostile debates accompanied by surges of anger take over and control us, which is followed by cold wars and a mouth full of bitterness. We should realise how inconsiderable this kind of experience is, and in the sadness that follows the momentary fury, recollect the incident with an open heart and know that there is no love like a mother's love.
Many claim that our parents do not understand us, but on the other side of the dispute, few of us stop to think that we never really tried to understand our parents either. The sacrfices, the work, the effort, and all the intangible things that they gave which do not take a physical form yet matter most of all. Maybe a part of it is responsbility, an obligation, or a duty as a parent. But in the first place, they could have just put you up for adoption. So no matter how seemingly minute the things that our parents do for us, let us be thankful for them.

I never really understood the way things are until I was older, I went through the usual phases of thoughts of my mum being a nag, she expects too much, she wants this and wants that. And no matter how cliche this is, wiser adults have been constantly telling us that it is all for our own good. And finally, I beginning to grasp what they were saying, through life with my mum. The sacrfices that my mum made are plenty... and every single thing she did, she always had me in mind. Her children were first priority in life, and well... she loves us.. and it's mutual.
Teenage pride (?) has been a barrier in communication when it comes to words. She hugs me and stuff, but it's never returned. Not because I dont want to, but cause I dont know how(?) And well...all those mushy words.. not me to say them.. dont know how as well.. ha... But yes.... I just want to tell you guys.. dont take your mum for granted.. or your dad.. you never know when they are gonna be taken away from you.

I love you mum!
( as sadistic as this sounds, should anything happen to me, someone please print this out and give it to my mum)

Prayer for Day 14.
Dear Lord, please bring your peace and help me out of this

The intrinsic worth of gem resides in the hearts of many, with appreciating values as the interiors increase in the wealth of goodness.
Many philospohers debate about the inherent selfishness of humans, and the source of most of our seemingly philanthropic actons lie in the promptings of selfish desires or self centered reasons. Interestingly, this is known as as psychological egoism. Quite sad isn't it? That humanity has evolved into such a situation where every action is questioned and accused to have a dark motive behind it.

I maintain that to a certain extent, this holds true, but to say that all our conduct is based on instinctive selfishness and pleasure is rather extreme and goes rather far. I am not standing up for humanity, just in my beliefs, that we do possess an innate capacity to show benelovance and altruism to others. I would like hedonism to be my guide in life, the doctrine that happiness is the sole or chief good in life.

We all have the gift of judgement in good or bad, so let's not exploit, and in fact let the gems in us grow.

Brought to you by Jem the Gem (*smirks* haha)

Baby I'm a-want you.. baby I'm a-need you...

Prayer for Day 13.
Dear Lord, please bring your peace and help me out of this

Music in the background: The road is long.. with a many a-winding turn.. that leads us to who knows where.. who knows where... but I am strong.. strong enough to carry him.. He aint heavy.. He's my brother.. So on we go..

A tribute to friendship

If we were to spent all our time revolving around ourselves, that solitude would indefinitely and inevitably be replaced by loneliness. Thus to curb that malady or syndrome, we turn to the many faces around us with the aim of quelling lonesomeness whose only knowledge is depression and an imagination that is far from creative or wild.
Each individual lives connect with other souls, a bond by the name of friendship and there is a very fine line between friendship and companionship. How many of you out there are familiar with the phrase 'friends forever'? Most probably, in fact, I would dare wage a 100% bet that all of you reading this would know this famous cliche. Friends forever....
So many of us have made the wrong turn in mistaking true friendship, only to be shattered later on in our maturing that most friends come and go. The many people that we meet and talk to, relate to each other because of circumstances such as school that bring them together, and as soon as those circumstances change, people change too. It is easy to forget that not everyone is destined to stay in your life, and forever is not just a word but a period of time in which anything and everything disappears, reappears or continue to stay.

Scenario:A says: ' hey do you know who B is?'
C replies: ' oh yes I know her. We used to be really good friends but not anymore.'


We all know this scenario. Maybe some of us would have said this at one point or another. What is it to really know someone? Same interests? Same style? or simply same class? If you say you know someone, wouldnt that knowledge prevail even through changing times? Or maybe in the first place, you never really knew them at all, and you were just drawn to each other just for that phase in your life.

I appear cynical. But I am realistic. I met people, same stay some go. I met new friends, some stay some go. And it's hard to say who are the ones that will remain. I am fortunate, to have met really special people. They might be far away in distance, but when things go wrong, or when I just need a listening ear, they are there. Even to confess a deep dark secret, or pure gossip, or just simply an outlet for panic and stress. When I need a friend.
You know who you are.
There are many in my life now whom I am not sure will stay or go, but only time will tell. But it's ok, because the most important thing to do is to appreciate the people around you, and if they go, it's alright, because you will still have the fantastic memories to keep that friendship alive, it does not matter if that time was long or short.
So, I would like to thank every single one of you reading this. yes, everyone... You have made a difference in my life, and I know that my life would not be the same without you guys. Cheers.
And if there is someone out there who played a part in your growing up, and is constantly in your thoughts, it is alright to just let them know that you miss them. Things will never be the same, but maybe something new can start. And if it doesnt, it's ok, cause in you, you know that that person is important enough for you to understand that people move on and things change, and that is what is most important of all.

And to all the IJ girls, here's a popular quote:
You can take a girl out of IJ
But you cannot take the IJ out of a girl
And this will reign.

Damn it.. it's 1 in the morning.. and I miss you like crazy.

Prayer for Day 12.
Dear Lord, please bring your peace and help me out of this

You might have many pillars of strength, but the strength you search and find within yourself will be the main foundation and the largest structure of all. It is this building that you construct through life's issues, it is this building that will prevail and stand erected through it all.
I confided my most innermost ponderings and musings to myself last night. Through meditation and comtemplation, I found in myself the consolation and elevated myself through the dark, and will continue with the upraising. It's funny how in life, a sudden twist of events can occur, parallel with equally twisted thoughts which leave you thoroughly confused and directionless. But it is only up to myself to straighten up, pick up those loose thoughts and channel it to enhance my building of strength.

Prayer for Day 11.
Dear Lord, please bring your peace and help me out of this.

Love is like an antique vase, hard to find, hard to get, easy to break. Pick up the pieces, cut your hands, wounds, scars. It's a vicious cycle. But love is definitely difficult to forget. And well.. love is... love.

Even as I type the prayer, I cant help but experience a throbbing doubt at the back of my head, something which I cannot comprehend even the slightest bit. I do not even know how to pen it down into words, the nagging uneasiness that started to grow, the reason unexplained, the source unknown.
I guess I am in one of those phases we go through in life where it suddenly strikes you that you do not really know what you want in life, whether it is relationships, educaton, or any other aspects of life. And I didnt see the strike coming.
It seems like when you do not want something, somehow you just cannot throw it away,it gets on your nerves, but when finally when it is gone, suddenly you just cant help but feel a tinge of loss. No jubilations, but more of mixed emotions between serenity, and the blue devils in the background. Sigh.

Spiralling thoughts which I cannot fathom, plauge me with their relentless pursuit of haunting and mocking> The suddeness of this finds me unprepared, and I feel as though the plug for my brain sink has been pulled, and all those thoughts are sucked away, leaving me dry, yet the remains of dirt stains.
I am fickle-minded, yet I know what I want. Contradiction. Again. If only life was straightforward, away from deliberation, decisions, self censure...
But I know I know.. the grass isnt always greener on the other side. Most of the time, the lushes are on your side, if only we could take the time to breathe in the fresh air.
I guess I'm just in one of my moods.. mixed emotions plus this and that... but I know where I am going.. kind of.. I just need to brace up, lift my chin and defiantly face those irritating thoughts which are dragging me down.
Random and objectless thoughts.
Man... what is wrong with me? Maybe I am pms-ing.
Arg.. what the hell. I shall just turn my back on everyone and trudge on this road with solitary strength.