crossed the imaginery line between youth and adulthood!

happy birthday to me.

26 sept 1984
Liling was born!
i know the first thing we said to each other was to agree on how sex-oriented joey's mind was. haha plus we were total strangers. see bro! ur sex craze brings people together! whaha just KIDDING. i must be nice to joey now cause she was so nice to me on my bday celebration. heheh.
anyway liling, i hope your 21st is a total blast!

27 sept 1984
bet this baby was crying super noisily when she was born cause this girl talks like an express train! (so all you have to do is smile and nod) hahahaha ok oops i have to be nice to you too.
:D
i'll be seeing you tmr pooja! wooppee. cant wait to give you my present. you must like it ok?

initial plan: jem ends work at 9. will be at the hotel at about 915. friends and family to be hidden in the hotel room to surprise me when i walk in.

happily, jem goes and takes mc for half day, faking stomach problems which then turned out that she really is sick, and hell! with stomach flu!
:S

cher the organisor panicks inwardly but remains a calm exterior, thereby changing plans to 'meet at the hotel lobby at 8' then march in!

-------------------------------------------------------
jem and cher in hotel room.

ding dong!

jem: who is that? damn can i pull on my jeans first?

cher: for what! it's probably just the concierge or somethign with a message.

jem: oh yeah.

-jem opens door-

and sees a video camera ad thinks 'wow! im on tv!' (haha like real) only the cameraman seemed a little familiar. too familiar.

joeybro!

haha and then the marching began.

joey, jeab, louey, gen, crys, gwen, faz, joanne, gerri, jas, pooja, ange, pz, kos, uncle oliver, mummy, shaun (my bro) kelvin( my cousin)

and i was happily in a black singlet which i usually wear under my shirt anddddd andddd andddd get this, my so glamourous cjc pe shorts.

:O

so much for conceirge right?
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this is the fantastic genius who planned it all. and SHE BELONGS TO ME! so back off you buggers. ;p thank you darling! i love you! :D


executive room! :D The scarlett hotel. 5 star! might look a little dodgy upon first impression but my my never judge a book by its cover. it's breathtakingly lovely. im going to be a loyal fan of theirs. plus plus plus their service is first class. my balloons flew up to the ceiling and the technician had to come get a pole for us to get it down. ;p
and they gave me a little cake! so sweet right!


mummmmmmy! the sponser of it all. besides paying for everything, she bought me a tag heuer watch!! i feel so bad, her spending so much on me. thank you mummy i love you!


my hagen daz ice cream. ;p pity there wasnt enough for seconds.


you lovely people!
i think this photo is so happy and spontaneous.
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last night, before i slept, i thanked God for His blessings, the whole fantastic evening was on my mind.

:)

zen came later on thank goodness! how can i not have a party without zen around.
;p

but thank you everyone of you for your presence, your presents (;p) and for those who couldnt come, your thoughts! you were greatly missed. i hope you know who you are!

sand surroundings. :)


look who i spotted dancing..
Dale a tu cuerpo alegria Macarena
Ehhhh, Macarena!


:D

it'll be a sad waste if you dont download this.

tiger lily- matchbook romance

we drive tonight, and you are by my side
we're talking about our lives
like we've known each other forever and time flies by
with the sound of your voice, it's close to paradise
with the end surely near

and if i could stop the car and hold on to you
and never let go, i'd never let go
as we round the corner to your house you turn to me and said
'i'll be going through withdrawal of you
for this one night we have spent'

and i want to speak these words but i'll just bite my tongue
and accept someday somehow, as the words we'll hang from

and i, i dont wanna speak these words,
cause i, i dont wanna make things any worse
and i, i dont wanna speak these words
cause i, i dont wanna make things any worse

why does tonight have to end
why dnot we hit the start, and pause it at our favourite parts
we'll skip the goodbyes
if i had it my way, i'd turn the car around
and run away, just you and i.

isnt being loved one of the greatest gift to be received from mankind?

supposedly.

but now,

just like a couple, love holds hands with comparisons.
it kisses sacrifices.
hell it has sex with romance!

maybe that's cause our current society has opened our eyes to the bigger and better things out there, love cannot be kept simple anymore.

what ever happened to faith, hope and endurance?
the true essence of love lying in 1 Corinthians 13.

which has sadly been dismissed in the face of so many other supposedly higher prioritized feelings.

maybe we should all take a good hard look at ourselves.
scrutinize every aspect and every angle.

we all are lost sheep, apt to wander. tend to get the basics of love a little screwed from time to time.
but wander that far and the shepard nor the best sheep dog can ever find you.

and trying to find your way home grows more difficult in time.

for all our selfish desires, maybe we should recall what love really is from time to time.
in order to keep things from becoming complicated.

nothing to do with paris and nicole, but seriously, yearn for that simple life.

think about it. why do fairy tales always have a happy ending?
and all you sceptical people claim that there is no such existence.
but if you really read them through again, you'll realise that the problems they deal with are always about issues outside the relationship.

you dont see prince charming getting insecured over Dopey do you?
or... i dunno. but you get the gist huh.

fairy tales can come true. but you make your own miracles.

how easily we forget.

love is one of the greatest gifts. but how often to we treat that gift so callously. and if you give, give with your heart. you dont give a present to someone expecting something in return do you?

oh yes, you do.

well maybe it's time to stop people.

the downfall of man, caused my man himself. how heartbreakingly humorous.

Rememberance with a touch of wistfulness...

i learnt the technical and theoratical aspects of the electric guitar for my first lesson on wednesday. all i can say is, i definitely know why i always do so much better for practical. it was/is the same for piano!
i just like to enjoy the music and pretend i'm some rock star you know?

i know i know, to become an expert you gotta start from the rules, like learning how to hold a pick the right way, which i think my fingers just cannot grasp the concept.
i dropped it a few times during the lesson and it fell into the hole (you know the hole in the middle of the guitar) and i had to shake my guitar while praying feverishly that it'll drop out.

some led zepplin huh?

soon soon.

happy news to share my joy -- my hp is back in action.
sad news to share my misery -- i am broke.

*grumbles*
it was only 2 months! i dont get it! ive NEVER not paid my bill before!

but you know singtel gives some vouchers during your birthday month and i have to say they are pretty good~!

how contradicting jem.

i miss our balcony breaks maumau. going to meet gwen in a while!

*pauses to think*

started school on a more regular basis. you will all be glad to know that my attendace is better. long may it last. hey this is my final year. not to mention my honours year! haha
pretty interesting subjects, such as family law!

dont think id' make a great lawyer in that field though. you know how lawyers shouldnt rule by their own personal judgements or feelings? i dont know if i can detach myself just like that when it comes to families because yes i'm a softie cause all the emotions are just so raw and real. i might just sob through the whole interview with my client.

:S

it hasnt been a very fantastic week. but hey, to appreciate your good you have to put up with the bad. that's my motto. get angry, get miserable, get frustrated and f** *beep beep beep* up, but at the end of the day, you need these feelings if not you'll never be able to value the good feelings in life.

right?

it's just gone past 12...
cher is clubbing at momo. gwen is going to o bar. the night is young and youthful!
not for me. it's late. i have to sleep soon.. because....

it's off to work tmr! sigh. i am officially working a 12 hour day from now on. plus if you know me, i'm someone who gets tired easily. hell by noon i'm already zombified.

but we all gotta do what we all need to do...

life right?

oh so responsible me.

god bless you all.

it started off with a partial cut.
incoming calls and sms-es were still received.

but now it has become absolute!

sigh.

my handphone, as delicately put, has been frozen.

i really might as well put it into the fridge.

grumbles.

shall enjoy its silence while i can though. better to make the most of things.

but it shall be back in action tmr.!

see what dire actions that have to be taken to egg a procrastinator on.

but i only didnt pay for 2 mths what!

if someone made you angry, and you got super pissed, yet you still feel for the person, is that a contradiction?

i always thought it was just loving the person despite everything.

yes. im speechless. not to mention feeling fucked up like you wouldnt believe.

maybe it's just me.
maybe it really is just me.

but for the life of me, at this very point, i really cant see that at all.

it's a fascinating process when you work out what you believe in.

people are usually afraid of what people think of them.
it's perhaps unusual to find someone who is afraid of self judgement, which is exactly which category i carelessly reside.

i just completed a book called 'im a believer' by jessica adams which turned out to be one of the most interesting novels i have picked up in a long time. (and to think i picked it up because i thought it was one of those dumb escapism but undeniable funny books. yes yes i lost the taste i acquired for 'healthy' books'.)

i dont know if the author's intention was to be one of serious thought provocation, but that's what it did for me, for its contents focused on the theme of believing.

or faith.

not strictly about religion though there were some jibes at chrisitianity which showed successfully how ignorant an average man can be yet how --dare i say this-- certain christians have their ideas a little warped.

anyway, briefly this story is about how a man lost his girlfriend to a car accident and how he starts seeing her ghost everywhere.

no i'm not encouraging any poltergiest activities. my faith only goes tt far. haha.

digress.

it's a good book for one with appalling cynism as it can be accurately identified with the main character.

and though i would say i believe in faith, it is really an eye and heart opener to reexamine what ive always believed all along and revive it from its stagnant position, hence my title for the entry.

more importantly, it reminded me how critical believing is. because when gloom looms up upon your world, what else do you have?

i always felt that faith is perhaps one of the hugest (is there such a word) factor in my life. how else would i have gotton through all these years?

dont you know? i am the king of self deception.

i kid myself all of the gawd-damn time.

in the olympic realist races, i am a helluva gold medalist. i dont even push reality away, -- i sprint, and in that superb performance, i am shouting 'eat my dust'.

i dont even know how i get away with things.

grow up jem. time to face responsibilities and start behaving like an adult.

i spit at that phrase, yet shudder in its presence.

in my defence, no, it's not that i want to submerge in eternal childhood--perish the thought!
and no, it's not an immature mentality at work here. -- i'll bash you up if you even thought about that! (yeah see so mature right. haha joke people joke)

actually, i dont even know what it is anymore. i try to blame it on my upcoming 21st as a horrifying signal that actions are gonna have consequences but i know that's just a pathetic excuse. i am looking forward it actually.

i guess it's just the new duties i have undertaken. like paying my own school fees cause i feel so guilty about my mum paying so much for me. :S
yup.. jem is trying to behave like a superhero here and failing rather dismally actually.

and you know how you sometimes get hit by phases where you think and you remember and you reflect and you analyse about anything and everything and nothing?
i just got whacked in the head with it!

on a happier note, i just signed up for private electric guitar lessons! yay!
because knowing classical guitar is such a far cry! plus i only know the basics.
so now i am going to learn to do all those cool stuff guitarists do with their fingers.

i am going to be the next led zepplin. *sticks nose in the air*

;p

have a good weekend.

should all aquaintance be forgot and never brought to mind?

for some absurd reason, auld lang syne twinkled in my head in a swift sudden moment, and perhaps for the first time i found myself listening to its lyrics and appreciating the depth it actually holds.

and i found myself classifying the people in my life. --yes i know a little evil but these are facts of life and one must always accept the facts of life. --the important ones, the not so important ones, the ones whom i care for on a level of a stranger and the ones i dont give a bloody damn about.

and then i started to feel melancholic.

because nostalgia set in and i found myself reminising and just remembering about minutes of pure ecstacy (omg i dont know how to spell this drug name!) , moments of savouring content, and times of well, friendship. (let's not go into the definition of friends. as far as i'm concerned all levels of platonic relationships can be called that)

how often do you remember...

the other friend whose temporary existence was because circumstances were too complicated?

or that friend who still is very close to your heart and you still think about from time to time. and you wonder whether she still remembers the late night conversations, the outings, the stayovers, or walks, and you hope with a hope so big that she still thinks about it the same way you do.

or that friend who is sooo naive and gullible that you can bluff her about everything and she'll swallow it, only to make you feel guilty because the only reason why she believed it in the first place was because you are her best friend. :S
yet a friend soo loyal and trusting to the max...
how we take all these for granted.

how about the other friends... THE friends...

or those friends who fit the bill of the phrase 'friends come and go' so well....

people would say take a good look at your relationship should you ever feel the urge to cheat on your partner.
people come to an automatic conclusion that you dont love your partner that much after all, because simple logic says if your love your partner, you wont hurt her.

yeah so simple right.

but do you realise that there are many angles to the word hurt?

it takes 2 hands to clap for almost everything under the sun. why is the one that got cheated on always the injured party? why is the one that cheats always the scum, the despicable one that deserves to burn in hell.

you. yes you the injured one. did you ever stop to think that you played a big role? through your incessant demands and expectations which your poor guy never seems to be able to fulfill? through your complicated emotions and your senseless insecurities? through the accusations, the rake ups, the break downs? through the stirring up of everything when your guy was more than happy to keep things simple and happy? through your self pity and self sympathies and wishing there was more? through that discontented aura you hang around yourself making your guy feel that he'll never give you enough? that he'll never be good enough cause all you ever do is point out all the mistakes and the things left undone and unsaid instead of the efforts and sweet words given so willingly out of love.?

did you ever stop to think about how and where you are going wrong?

did you ever stop to give him a break?

you hurt him too. you've been hurting him through the course of the relationship. but how easily you forget the minute he does something to hurt you which stemmed from your rantings in the first place?

you just wail and the whole world rushes to your side because 'oh, another bastard who cheated on his girlfriend.'

...................

so who's at fault? isnt it both?

someone tell me why why why is the guy the bastard? the guy who despite all the ups and downs never failed to love his girlfriend any less despite what all those people say.

he made one big mistake. but you made many small ones. just because they are small ones doesnt make it easier for him. yet he never ceased to love you.

yes he was wrong to find momentary comfort. yes it was a huge shitty thing to do.

what about you? did you drive him to it? did you push him further away? arent those small shitty things too?

but the one who cries always wins. the seemingly weaker ones get all the votes.

so some may ask, why didnt the guy just get out of the relationship? hell! he loves the girl for god's sake. he loves her more than he ever loved anyone before and he really believes that he wil not find another girl whom he will ever love more.

have you every been in the guy's position? if you havent, you wouldnt understand. not even close to it. you have to be in that same exact shoes to fully understand the turmoil and conflict and trust me it's not pretty.

i'm not condoning this. neither am i saynig it's wrong. all i'm trying to explain is that sometimes, things arent black and white. and when these kind of things happen, it's a tragedy, a love gone wrong but still a love nonetheless. it's not a matter of cold bloodedness or cold heartedness or judgement anymore. it's about feeling that ache in you in reading about how a love so deep has to go through such shit.

so he took the final step. and it was a tragic mistake.

but stop it. the one who cheated is human too. the same anger, the same bitterness and the same sadness everytime you hurt him, just like how he hurt you.

no, for those wondering, i am not the guy in question. this is merely random entry.

disclaimer: the above does not include bastards who naturally have a cheating streak in them, which sadly i also have to agree that many guys do have it in them. and also, no, for those wondering and those who ever wondered, i'm not one of them. i'm a girl. and there's a reason why they say girls are more sensitive. i have feelings too you know.

everything has a beginning and an ending.
what can i say? all is ephemeral.
all good things must come to an end.

therefore it's time to snap out of my depression and start facing all my responsibilities.

let's talk about the shit things in my life first.

1. remember my little suzuki i mentioned not so long ago? it got into a serious accident, not worth repairing and therefore got scrapped. no one was hurt in the accident, because little suzuki bore the brunt of it and ended its life. see.. all good things come to an end.
and now i have no bloody car to drive around. i'm so pissed off with HIM.
stupid guys.

2. i'm still feeling overwhelmed by the amount of stuff i have to settle.

3. i'm still feeling lost.

4. i miss mau. i miss saying maumau.

OK! TIME TO GET OVER ALL THESE ALREADY.

on to the good sunshiny stuff.

1. on my return home, i stepped into my bedroom and saw a white electric guitar on my bed. BIG HUGE GRIN. advanced birthday present from darling cher!! yay!! time to erm.. rock the world!

2. I PASSED MY EXAMS! double relief. was super shocked. i'm not a lost sheep anymore. i thank god..... really.

3. got a few little teachers' day presents from some of the kids. sweet.

4. my piano kids who took their exams all did rather well.

TIME TO CONCENTRATE ON THE ABOVE.

today is a very special day.
because my best friend LOUETTA ONG turns 21!!!!
louey my chio and kan jiong best friend, i love you.!

WARNING: entry contains wallowing and self pity.

i thought that this entry would be one that bellows to the whole world that i'm back and proclaiming all to rejoice for the return of my joyous presence.

i thought that this entry would be exclamations of how excited i am to be back.

so much for thoughts.

to put it in an exaggerated manner, the feeling is a literal ache everytime i recall any moment that happened and needless to say, that means i am experiencing that ache almost every minute currently.
you know what it's like? to have something to surreal in your hands, only to have to let it go with all its finaility. and the airport is depressing enough without the added closure which totally sucks!

and the best part is, it might sound exaggerated but this is as real as it gets. raw to the core.

yes it's normal to feel disorientated and a little empty after the euphoria of the past week.
but it's not exactly normal to feel something lk that so strongly i guess.

but just cause it's normal or abnormal doesnt mean i gave up my rights to feel.

it's to such an extent that when anyone asks me how my trip went i want to burst into tears! and the horrifying thing is that i am not exaggerating again!

to yun: a very a HUGE THANK YOU to yunnie! for your wonderful hospitality and chauffering. haha as well as your treats when we ran out of cash. we owe you dinner! and your jackets! tell joel we give him a kallang wave. haha.

gwennie: what would i hv done without you at the departure lounge that's all i can say. if i was alone i would really have ran back out and lied to everyone abt the hailstorm cancelling my flight.

mau: all i can say to you is...... maumau.......
hahahhaha! i will miss your hugs (ahem) and your elbowing me in the face and your teeth grinding at night.
btw my lip is still swollen!! (mau punched me in the club. sigh sigh. ;p)

debbie: just want to say thank you for everything too. for driving down late at nights just for a while to see us! it's really really appreciated. and sending us off too. i think u might have had a scare to see us like that huh? first and last time you see me cry man! haha see you in nov babe.

the 3 guys: ok they definitely wont see this but i think i shld mention it too cause i think it was a really nice gesture of them to come down to see us off. they took a cab! and cabs are so freaaakking expensive.

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anyway dele if you'r reading this, i'm sorry i couldnt reply any messages it's just that it's not a normal singtel line, it's a hi card where my value is super limited and even if i'm willing to pay i dont exactly have a means to do so.

oh and yes! are you going for louey's thing tmr?

and while we're on the subject, people my handphone is not working. my sim card cant be read i have no idea why. you can still call cause i diverted the number but then my hi card value is low so i cant pick up so basically i am ratehr uncontactable at the moment.

ok no la, you guys just give cher a message if anything.