Jem looks at the shape in front.

Dawning realisation.

OH MY GAWD DUEY YOU ARE FAT!

Duey hops away... offended.

Oops.

I think it must be all the treats. And the constant topping up of food supply.

oh well.. what's that Chinese saying....
the chubbier the more prosperous or something right?

They say real detachment is when you let the pain wash over you and penetrate you fully, so that when you emerge from that grief you are then fully able to gain its experience, learn and let go.
I have never played by the rules, and this is no exception.
Call me a coward, but I love to run. Not literally. But I love to run away. Sprint off with such a speed that the dust I leave behind me smogs over and hazes over everything, so that when I look back, they are hidden from view.And each time the dust threatens to settle, I just continue that whole vicious cycle all over.It appears foolproof, but my stamina dwindles.
Yes it does appear that it's easy for me. But just because of that additional word appear doesn't deny that fact that it's a groundless accusation thrown.
My heart clouds over at the mere memory of you, but it will rarely show on my face, and even if it does, I will turn it away.
Old habits die hard. And it's also difficult to shake off the companionship that has been built. Plus what we had was so much more than that. It was actually called love.
But love, in all its greatness, only acts as a shadow, a mask to hide all the personality conflicts., and sadly, that mask isn't permanent. In truth, we both knew that the relationship was dying before us, and neither of us could summon the energy . Maybe you claimed you could, but you also know that it has reached a stage we leave with happy memories and heavy hearts, as opposed to one overridden with bitterness and soreness residing in the hearts.

But for now, this is how I choose to handle this.
Excuse me while I go run..

Hermit.
Hibernation.
Hiding.

That's me. For now.

Confusion propells you to pull yourself from the ruts and incline towards life's expression of leaning towards the light.
That's what it says theoratically anyway.
Because sometimes, life is so disturbing, with its unanswered questions, the sheer complexity of issues just makes you distinctly uncomfortable, that it's near impossible to apply what is it on paper.
But sometimes, maybe we look too hard for the answers, and we forget to acknowledge that some questions are better left unseeked, for its solution will gradually reveal itself. We are expected to live those questions, for it is through its experience that the truth will be given.

Sigh.

So the key is patience.

Like right now, I dont even know where I am going in life. Sure, I'm taking law but somehow I dont see law as a career.
I like law, but I dont like studying it.
I want a degree, but I dont want to work for it.
I dont want to go to school but I dont want to work.

JEM YOU CANT HAVE EVERYTHING.

I know.
But I am entitled to sulk every once in a while right?

To someone: Have a bit of self respect for yourself and stop tagging. Because I really cant be bothered, and I dont think Raine is either. It's juvenile.

It's the end of the week, and I must add that it was met with relief.
Maybe because the start of another week leaves the impression on one that you can put the past week behind you.
But to do the week justice, it hasnt been all bad.
Just that it's my turn to indulge in bit of self pity, like everyone needs every once in a while.
But little perks here and there made it bearable.

WHAT WOULD I DO WITHOUT LOUEY.
*sings* how do I live without youuuuuuu.. I want to knowwwwwww.....

Ahem.

By the way Louey, my friend Raine says that you're pretty. Wink, nudges, grins... haha Mr Slurpy should be proud! I know I am..
But thanks for rescuing me on Fri.. and walking all over town with me, and putting up with all my nonsense..

AND RUINING MY NAME WITH JOS! haha kidding it's just Jos.
AND INSISTING ON TAKING MULTIPLE PHOTOS WHEN I WAS IN UGLY SPECS AND RUMPLED CLOTHES AND WHATEVER NOT....
AND SUBTLY HINTING THAT MY PHOTO TAKING SKILLS SUCK BY MAKING ME TAKE THE SAME PHOTO OF UNCLE EZ OVER AND OVER AGAIN..

but I still love you.
haha hugz
No seriously aqua lover... thanks. :)

Duey's Update
He's pooing and peeing better now..at least he does it on the newspapers.. though with an occasional lapse here and there..
I think I feed him too much.. he's fat..
He wakes me up every morning by jumping all over his cage.. so his feet thumps the cage and it's sooo loud.. and I am a light sleeper..
He's able to jump from the floor to my bed now..
He tries to chew everything he can.. and once mistook my arm for a bit of wood.. hellllo I'm tanned.. but not woody!
but I love him so.

Jem and Mummy's oh-so-silly-but-so-hilarious! moment
Mummy: Darling! quick sms Uncle Oliver and tell him that he left his phone at home.
Me: orh ok. *takes out phone. types.. uncle oliver you left ur phone at home*

30 seconds later
*handphone message alert tone goes off*

Mummy and I look at each other.
HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHA

Mummy: quick take his phone and erase the message!

ps: and I bloody failed my advance theory! haha ok expected I always do better at practical stuff. ahhhhhhh I'm dying to drive! I'm all ready to take my practical test but I cannnnttt! My next test is on 3rd dec.. sigh... help me someone....

PRESENTING D-U-E-Y!

GO CLICK ON THE WORD DUEY THAT IS ABOVE MY

SHOUTBOX AND VIEW THIS FAMOUS PERSONALITY

I can fly higher than an eagle...
NO WAY! The Eagles are tops..

Jem's oh-so-stupid! moment

In the ladies' washroom
Jamie Yeo: Hi! Is this the queue for the toilet?
Jamie Goh: ( *thinks* OMG Jamie Yeo!)
Jamie Goh: ....er.....
Mummy to the rescue of the mentall challenged gaping goldfish of a daughter: yes this is it!

WOW SO ELOQUENT JEM

BUT contrary to what you all may infer, I was NOT star struck. Rather, I was still in a daze -- it was the interval of the Eagles concert! and I was still mesmerized by the earlier scenes... still trying to drink it all in you know?

Anyway, the age group, needless to say, was mainly in the 40s and 50s, but even so, their music has extended to reach out to younger people ..like me... who had the opportunity to appreciate them due to parents' exposure.

And tonight! My gawd.. As cliche as this is.. I will take this experience with me.. I dont know how else to phrase it for none seem to be as appropriate.. but everyone.. and seriously everyone, was a true Eagles fan, considering the effortless manner in which they shouted and hollered the lyrics of EVERY song. Uncles and Aunties on their feet, same dance floor and singing the same songs as youngsters.. that's something you dont see at all.
Amazement is an understatement.. The 'eagle' level was so fully charged up that their first time to singapore, which also marks their farewell tour, was held high like its name, so that for tonight, the entire audience transformed into desperados...

The Eagles... will be held high on the pedestal for all who attended tonight... A true classic.
*kowtows*....

Jem has been struck by an eagle...

The song of a kid..
Like any good mother, when Karen found out that another baby was on the way, she did what she could to help her 3-year-old son, Michael, prepare for a new sibling.
They find out that the new baby is going to be a girl, and day after day, night after night, Michael sings to his sister in Mommy's tummy.The pregnancy progresses normally for Karen, an active member of the Panther Creek United Methodist Church in Morristown, Tennessee.
Then the labor pains come. Every five minutes, every minute. But complications arise during delivery. Hours of labor. Would a C-section be required?
Finally, Michael's little sister is born. But she is in serious condition. With siren howling in the night, the ambulance rushes the infant to the neonatal intensive care unit at St. Mary's Hospital, Knoxville, Tennessee.
The days inch by. The little girl gets worse. The pediatric specialist tells the parents, "There is very little hope. Be prepared for the worst."
Karen and her husband contact a local cemetery about a burial plot. They have fixed up a special room in their home for the new baby now they plan a funeral. Michael, keeps begging his parents to let him see his sister, "I want to sing to her," he says.
Week two in intensive care. It looks as if a funeral will come before the week is over. Michael keeps nagging about singing to his sister, but kids are never allowed in Intensive Care.
But Karen makes up her mind. She will take Michael whether they like it or not. If he doesn't see his sister now, he may never see her alive.She dresses him in an oversized scrub suit and marches him into ICU. He looks like a walking laundry basket, but the head nurse recognizes him as a child and bellows, "Get that kid out of here now! No children are allowed. The mother rises up strong in Karen, and the usually mild-mannered lady glares steel-eyed into the head nurse's face, her lips a firm line."He is not leaving until he sings to his sister!"Karen tows Michael to his sister's bedside.
He gazes at the tiny infant losing the battle to live. And he begins to sing. In the pure hearted voice of a 3-year-old, Michael sings:"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy when skies are gray..."Instantly the baby girl responds. The pulse rate becomes calm and steady.
Keep on singing, Michael.
"You never know, dear, how much I love you, Please don't take my sunshine away..."The ragged, strained breathing becomes as smooth as a kitten's purr.
Keep on singing, Michael.
"The other night, dear, as I lay sleeping, I dreamed I held you in my arms..."Michael's little sister relaxes as rest, healing rest, seems to sweep over her.Keep on singing, Michael.
Tears conquer the face of the bossy head nurse. Karen glows."You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. Please don't, take my sunshine away."Funeral plans are scrapped.
The next day, the very next day, the little girl is well enough to go home! Woman's Day magazine called it "the miracle of a brother's song." The medical staff just called it a miracle. Karen called it a miracle of God's love!
Never give up on the people you love.

*sniff sniff*

A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the doctor book-Irish Proverb

A Chinese man walked into a pub in New York with his pal.He says to his pal, "Hey! That's Jurassic Park director, Steven Spielberg over there! God, I wish he'll come over to say hi."

Spielberg suddenly walked over and gave the man a heavy punch on the nose."Hey! What's that for?"
"You bloody Japanese killed my granddad when you bombed Pearl Harbour!"
"I'm not Japanese! I'm Chinese!"
"Chinese, Vietnamese, Japanese, you're all the same!"Spielberg walks back.

The Chinese man calmly walks over and gives Spielberg a really heavy punch on the face."What...?"
"YOU BLOODY AMERICAN! YOU SANK THE TITANIC!"
"No, no, an iceberg sank the Titanic!"
"Iceberg, Carlsberg, Spielberg, you're all the same!"

ok.. so here's the joke. Now go off for your long sleep..
Haha I thought it was pretty hilarious...

Jem's Update
I collected my bunny!! He is dual-coloured.. black and white.. therefore I called him DUEY. Haha
Breed: holland Lop.. those dwarf bunnies with ears which flop over to the side..
But I am having a difficult time litter training him.. He just wants to poo everywhere but his litterbox.. Ahh..
Oh yeah.. and I want to upload photos.. advice advice!

Allow me to ramble...

Went to SGH with Kos and Raine yesterday to donate our platelets. Never knew Raine was a B+ too. Now I know who to look for should I get into an accident. okok touch wood. ( Girls! Let's do a Louey impersonation here!!) Hah ok sorry private joke. It's just that Louey gets really anxious about this touching wood thing.. she shrieks at us and says 'pantang ah pantang!' and forces us to actually touch the wood and say touch wood loudly and clearly. Haha cute louey.

but I digress.

Anyway, I couldnt donate, cause I am...well.. I'm underweight. But the nurse did believe me initially when I claimed I was 51kg!

But I would like to extend my thanks to all who have prayed for this boy. (sorry I know I said it was a girl but it's actually a guy) But there really are good people in this world! Who sacrifice time and blood for strangers. So proud!

:D

ok I might sound overly mushy but I think credit should be given when it's due.

I'm so exhausted. I dont know why. It doesnt seem like a Thursday.

I have a whole week of break next week. Yay! Time to catch up on my work. Ha so rare to hear this from me. but my course is a direct honours programme. So this year and the next is ultra important.

Sigh.

I think I'm just in one of my moods.

IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT

Hi everyone, my friend Joanne's godsister's friend who is currently in hospital due to blood cancer.
She is in need of B+ blood platelets, and this dialysis is similar to that of a blood donation.
If your blood group is B+, please do give me a call.

They are several requirements.
1. You did not give blood from up to 3 months before.
2. You must weigh above 50kg. ( But a few kg short I dont think they would mind. I'm 48!)
3. You did not go to India or Nepal recently.

OK these are some basic requirements.
Do spread the message around. It is very much appreciated.
And please keep her in your prayers.

God Bless.

PS: I think I gave a few people wrong info them that it was actually Joanne's godsis. SORRY!! It's her godsis's friend. But still a person right? And a very young girl too, probably around 17. ok just wanted to amend that mistake.

Also to my best friend Louey, hmm shall not say much here but you know I'm always around. If you need company even at 5am in the morning, you know you can call!

You are officially looking at Ms Goh a.k.a. Piano Teacher Christofori Music school.

Hahahahahhahhahhahhahahahahahhaahahahhahahahaha
What a riot.

But believe it.

Cause I went for the interview today.

And got it!

And today turned out to be jobhunting day. Cause I headed down to Junction 8 Cafe Cartel.

I aim to be Employee of the month remember?

manager: Oh yes! You want to work part time? Sure! Of course. I hire you now
Me( wow! I have the employee of the month face!): really? oh ok thanks!
Manager: ok but you have to work at our Serangoon Gardens branch.
Me(employee of the month face falling): what? so far? ok nevermind it's okay then.
Manager: WHY!? Just travel down la! Serangoon and Bishan not far!
Me: Not far!? Very far!

So obviously I didnt take the job. I firmly believe in I interview the job, not the other way round.

There goes my employee of the month.
There goes my big happy smiling face bearing down on all cafe cartel customers which of course will aid digestion and enhance their content.

*shakes head*

I need money! I was just evaluating my expenses, and I realised that half of my allowance goes to cab fare. It's very hard on the pocket. And I know, everyone has been telling me to cut down. I've been telling myself that too. But right now, it remains as something that was being told.

I have 2 porsches, 3 mercedes, one audi convertible all residing at my home right now.

Too bad they're all merely models.

Anyway, I need the extra cash cause my brother and I are getting our licences soon and we're gonna buy a car together!

Any recommendations?

Right now, we're looking at Mitsubishi Lancer.

boohoohoo... I want my Toyota Camry.

WAIT LONG LONG JEM.

Thought of maybe Mazda3, then I can join the Mazda gang! ok inside joke. But my brother says it's a very feminine car and have to say I agree with him.

Ah sod it.

We'll just buy a Lexus.

*nods* yup that will do.

It will make a fine addition to my collection.

basketball... not necessarily the best sport, but definitely the best team.

Just returned home from having dinner at Marina with some of the B-boomers plus our water girls. And what a surprise! It was actually a birthday celebration for me. I was so touched because it was so unexpected! Wow!

Went down to East Coast after that, got some drinks.. shiyi rolled down the hill!! Ok not hill but just a little way down from the grass patch to the sand. And we were all like ' Haha! shiyi..erm..hahah! are you..hhaha! ok? hahahha '

Poor shiyi. Hope you ankle is fine!

*sniggers*

oops. so evil

Anyway to my beloved team and water girls, thank you so much! It's ice skating next round!

And Syl is in.Which isnt surprising.
And Daphne is in. Which isnt surprising. ( I support her too!)
And Christopher is in. WHICH IS SO SURPRISING!
And Jerry is in. WHICH IS SO SO SO SO SO SURPRISING!

But not really if you think about it.

It just goes to prove how far you can go if you have a large support group --they really have some very loyal friends behind them.

Wow.

Actually they're very fortunate to have such great friends.

But I'm sure if I was in Singapore Idol my friends would do the same for me.

Right?

Right?????

Right!!!!!!!????

This is also going to be straightforward and true.

The many details that you missed out from the other side, does not outweigh the mistake that you made. I never once blamed you for going out with K, and I dont think anybody blames you for that, or anybody having the right to. What I find to be a pity is that you didnt check to see if you were allowed to break that rule. You made an attempt to find out if Z was alright with it, but sincerity can be measured, and your sincerity appeared to be one of a very low score, simply because of the reason that you went out with him without the assurance of whether Z was absolutely okay with it.

If you have been deceiving youself about the proximities of all of our relationships, maybe you should stop. Because it is apparent that what we have is a mere branch in our own trees of life, -- maybe yours was sturdier than others, but we all have other branches of our own, other people who, sad to say, matter more. But that's not to say we have nothing. We do have something, which can continue to be built, but if you measure closeness by quantity of time, as I said, we do not have that at all. 4 years, yes, but it does not amount to much.

Yes, we hardly talk anymore. And I admit, it was mainly because of E that caused this. But I also feel that we could talk about anything under the sun last time because the quality that we put together was not so much of effort on our parts, but because school had given us that opportunity. Things were fine after we graduated for a while, but maybe distance drove us apart. Maybe Z felt the same distance as you did. But what you may not understand, and maybe Z might not agree with me, Z and I went way back. We used to be able to talk about everything under the sun as well, but the difference is, we still can.

Nobody is caught up with anybody else. The truth is, as harsh as this may sound, other people matter more. Life is about prioritising, and sometimes our relationship with each other dont take top priority. It's sad maybe, but as I said, importance of a person has to be built up.

Now, we probably drifted even further. But I've got issues on my own to deal with concerning trust and everything else in this relationship. Because frankly, to tell you the truth, I feel that you dont think very much about consequences before you do something.

Yes it is highly pathetic that we have to communicate this way. But it isnt because we all are busy. It's because, simply put, we dont have the heart to put in the effort, that may be needed, but unsure of whether it is wanted.

I'm not a big big girl in a big big world...
I'm a not very big adultteen in a strange strange world...

Natural disasters stomped mockingly on my life.
Raging storms, hurricanes, whirlwinds....
But always look at the good thing right?
They are temporary. Non permanent.
And they're gone. Vamoose.
I hope this will stay.
Cause when you deal with these kinda things, you need to have a whole lot of strength. And as proven in my basketball games and anything else,
stamina is the one thing I seriously lack.

Strange things happen for strange reasons.
You may like someone you arent supposed to like.
And the gamut of emotions that flow along with that are complicated. Cause you have to conceal innermost feelings, and put on a front.
Or you may suddenly realise that maybe you dont really like that someone after all.
And then it gets even stranger.
You may feel things you're not supposed to feel. Do things you arent supposed to do.
But you feel and do them anyway.
And when asked for the reason? You cant give anything, except maybe a damn good excuse.
And the way things spiral out of control, makes it even stranger.

But sometimes when you're looking at it from the outside, it doesnt seem that strange. In fact, sometimes it's even crystal clear.

Speaking about stranger, there are times when you feel so alone, and that's strange, because you're supposed to have friends and loved ones around you, yet you feel you hardly know them, and they become a stranger to you.
And that's a strange thing on its own.

Right. Whatever. I'm talking strange strange talk again.
Ok shut up this strange shit is getting out of hand.

Aint that strange?

hurhur. Cldnt resist.

Archie: What kind of food do tortoises eat?
Jughead: Bugs!
Archie: Oh yeah? What kind of bugs?
Jughead: Slow ones!

Company does not love misery.

Please excuse me while I transform into a recluse....... going into hiding....

hidinghidinghidinghidinghidinghidinghidinghidinghidinghidinghidinghidinghidinghidinghidinghidinghidinghidinghiding

If we choose, we can live among comforting illusions.

I choose:-
To turn away from those memory points that flash past and mock me.
To let go of how you hurt me.
To back away from the phone which holds temptation.
To quit thinking of the future, and imagine someone else holding you instead of me.
so many other things...
But most of all.......

I choose to forget how I love someone, and have that someone love me back.

But, it seems like I dont really have that much of a choice at all.

Comforting illusions?

As if.

I need you.

Anyway guys my grandma is very very ill.

Please do keep her in your thoughts and prayers, that He will keep her in His care.

Lord knows she needs it more than any of us.

It is very much appreciated.

Thurs
Singapore Idol's outcome was expected with Beverly and Jessea out. That's not saying I didnt feel sorry for those two. They can sing. And Beverly just radiates passion. Too bad she just rubs others the wrong way. And Ken was right, Jessea is too guarded. The 'oh miss mysterious' image doesnt go well with her somehow.

But it's all very well to blame Singapore. That they support the wrong people. Actually, I dont think they do. It's just that some of the contestants have guaranteed votes already. Like if you belong to this certain organistion, of course they will vote for you. But if you hardly know anyone in this country, the sad thing about this country that the number of people who are willing to make that extra movement to pick up their phones and vote instead of merely applauding from their seats are simply not enough to outweigh those who already have a guaranteed number.
Kinda like some people have a higher basic salary than others. And even if they have higher commission due to their talents, it isnt enough to overcome the former. Unfair. oh well.

Have to say that I'm guilty of being one of those who arent getting up from their seats.
Shall do something about that.

But Zen was right. The singing this week was mediocre.

Did you guys hear Syl serenading to me though? I bet he had me as his 'brother' in mind while singing.
Hahahahahahhahahhahahahahhaaa

Fri
White chicks is funny!

Met my VIPs last night and hahahaha we found Mr Lee Hsien Loong's house~~!! Ok we seem a little insane huh but we are er... politcal fanatics. Right. Anyway, we couldnt really see his house properly cause it was dark and there were all these tall trees but Gwen caught sight of a painting in his house. Hhaa erm good for you Gwennnniepoo.

Thanks Dele for driving us!
Tahnks Mau for buying my 8 days.