ok, ignore the previous post. that was panic nerves speaking.
by the end of the night, i was majorly relieved that my brain aint that wooly anymore.

-----

i had a sudden revelation last night. or maybe i always knew it all along, but it never came up the way it did.
i realised why people say that sometimes love just aint enough.

because you can love someone with all your heart soul whatever, but it isnt how you want to be loved.

you can say the right words, execute the right moves, but ultimately, it all boils down to how you treat your partner and whether it is the way he wants to be treated.

-----

i've been getting too many sudden revelations. but it's good, because things are finally put into perspective.

im not interested in seeking answers anymore.

all i know is, ive never been a genius, but i got by.
but now, ive gone all wooly brained.

and im going insane trapped in my own thoughts.

sometimes, those endless questions raging through your mind can be answered by just a simple gesture or unknowing action.

they are called affirmatives.

because they make you enter a deeper level of understanding. and they make you realise that whatever you have hoped for or believed in for so long, isnt really just an existance in your mind.

but in truth, it's right there in front of your eyes.

even the most enthusiastic travellor would find his energy waning after a while. especially when his destination becomes foggy, and the boulders in the way are no longer attractive challenges but obstacles which are beginning to wear him down.
There are times where you cannot summon the energy to continue, taking the easy way beckons, yet you fear repercussions, for you know the consequences arent gonna let you off lightly.

but being brave doesnt always work. the one who came up with 'fortune favours the bold' didnt exactly get it right. because as usual there are too many factors, centering only around you but your closed ones too.

making a choice to lead double lives has its expensive price.
but whoever said choices were easy.

sometimes it isnt even a choice. it was just soemthing you fell into, or couldnt help. maybe it was a nature, or a nuture.

at the end of the day, you have happiness, but you have sadness too.

no wonder they say God is fair.
cause you really cant have your cake and eat it too.

i couldnt resist this.

look at the kind of conversation i have with jo early in the morning.
or rather, it's so nice to wake up to someone declaring their love for you.

--Because ur mine, i walk the line-- ™ says:
JAMIE
--Because ur mine, i walk the line-- ™ says:
PLS MARRY ME.

there's comfort in routine.
and excitement in mystery.

people always claim at the end of the day you will end up wanting the former. maybe it comes with age. or wisdom.
or maybe it just comes with insecurity.
or fear.

because you're afraid to step out to what may give you a better life, a happier smile.

or maybe it isnt because you're frightened.

because in too many situations, you're in too deep to get out of it.

it's the same logic why addicts cant kick the habit.
and im not only referring to drugs and nicotine. i mean addicts in the general sense of the word.

does it all boil down to strength at the end of the day?

the triggers are everywhere.

and in a flash, your memory bank goes into overdrive to release a particular scene, and you are able to relive the moment.

the trigger could be something tangible, something physical which you hold or touch or see. or it could be just a thought which sparks off a reaction chain of thoughts and ultimately becomes the trigger.

some triggers are good, some bad. but there's no denying them.
because they are omni present in the world. sometimes you evoke them, sometimes they hit you unexpectedly.

you may squeeze your eyes shut. but your visual imagination will never go blind.

a trigger may not only recall a memory. it could also make you daydream. in both instances, you may experience an emotion so raw, it's almost as though you've been transported to another realm of living.

too much triggers isnt good for the mind.
but sometimes perhaps there isnt much to hold on to.

* pauses to think a while*

the present should keep us contented.
and sometimes it does. but in our lower moments, vulnerability causes to think and imagine a little more.

and i guess, that's ok. cause after that, you do feel a little better.

at the concert.

( and yes yun, it is cao meng! )

at one point in time, a girl from the audience was picked and the 3 of them dirty danced around her, AND AND ANDDDDDDD she got to kiss one of them!

you could feel the mounting jealousy.

when he kissed her, i heard a voice ( full of bitterness) saying ' did he kiss her? omg did he just kiss her!?'

it was full of disbelief. and hard core jealousy.

i wanted to laugh out loud, but then i realised the voice was coming from me.

:S

thanks to kos, i had a grasshopping good time!
and they are good. shit i wish i could dance like them.
i wish i could dance with them!

thanks to kos's thoughtfulness and generosity,
K AND I ARE GOING TO THE GRASSHOPPERS CONCERT TMR!

yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!

time to practice some dance moves. haha

but seriously, thank you so so much kos!

---------
and hey all, sunday 10.3pm channel 8, that documentary, go watch it!

mediacorp came to my workplace to film all of us. ( please bear in mind it was my first day of work)
i may not even be in it, but just watch it anyway, it's interesting.
:)

im currently immensely in love with the song 'yue ding' by guang liang. ive already been informed that im a bit slow, but hey, better late than never.

somehow i kinda feel a part of me is turning into a romantist. They say it happens when you're in love but i say that's perhaps only one possible scenario for it to happen.
sometimes, it's because you let the bad things slide off your back, and i dunno, you see the world through rose tinted glasses simply because choosing to do so is the easier way out.

fine line between denial, detachment, or pure ignorance.

And a romantic, can come from any of the above categories.

That's my two cents worth anyway.

chip of my shoulder.

heightened feelings of displacement with increasing uncomfortable notions of emotional manipulation. the spooky chains seem to rattle louder than ever.

nagging headaches, nagging voices. lack of paracetemol, inability to swallow pills.

replays, rewinds, repeats.

beckoning dates, past deadlines.

did i mention im feeling a little overwhelmed right now?

..A spider web, and I'm caught in the middle,
I turned to run,
The thought of all the stupid things I've done....

battle of the ultimatums.
i wonder what the conclusion will be.

what is it like being caught in a tug of war situation? and perhaps one which you created yourself.

someone once told me you dont need reasons to make choices.

and that really struck a chord with me.

because sometimes you just decide on something, without any need of logic or rationale behind it.
and it's too tiring for any lengthy explanations.

My logic still stands. Sometimes, when you really open your heart to let someone in, it's true you become a different person. To be able to have the gift og giving oneself to another changes you. But as with every good thing, the bad accompanies. When you do open up, you allow yourself to become vulnerable, and sometimes you succumb to what i call the weaker side, and eventually, because you lowered your defences, the hurt anyone bestows upon you increases tenfold.

it's been strange days, coupled with stranger dreams.
i'm a dreamer, but surely this is getting out of hand.

it's been weird days, coupled with weirder thoughts.
i'm a thinker, and yes i think way too much for my own good.

the dreaded E for exams is coming up. enough said!

on to greener pastures..
K and i caught Spiderman!! ( after a fulfilling meal and satisfying shopping)

randoms.

black spidey is sexy.

but echoing my friend LP's sentiments, toby's dancing is a little painful to watch.

venom's snarling sounds like a vacuum cleaner which sucked up a plastic bag.

marcus flint looks like harry's father.

harry looks exactly like his father. ( are they the same person??)

this means marcus looks like harry. but that isnt exactly right either.

the photographer is soo ironic. how can you go to church and ask Him to make someone die? that's like writing your own judgement.

mary jane's voice is nice!

i feel like watching spidey again.