i love being a libra.

i read horoscopes as a form of entertainment, something for me to say 'hey that's spot on' or mostly just to scoff at it. the point is, i dont read into it.
that's why i hate it when it's too uncanny at times even for my own cynicism.

because it throws me into a whirl of confusion.

anyway, as what i have come to realise, sometimes, i'm too innocent for my own good.
or maybe i should just use the word blur.

but i like to think the best in people.
i always believed that people are good and all that jazz. and we fall to the temptations of gossip at times but none of it are usually intentionally malicious.
maybe i'm too superficial, because i dont read into some things very well.
but how ironic, because i'm supposed to be mr. sensitive.

is there such a thing where a person is too sensitive to a point where he is not a sensitive?
shit i'm not even making sense anymore.

but i still uphold my belief. that people are good. and for a harmonious environment, we need to have that key factor, which is c.o.m.p.r.o.m.i.s.e.

that way, everyone can be happy.

it's always a give and take,in every situation isnt it? i dunno but i would rather clear the air,talk things through and yeah you know, compromise.

but it seems to be so difficult to acheive that? is this my innocent thinking acting against me again?

sigh.

so what do i work on? oh yes.my innocence, and oh yeah, my inability to be a team player.
my independence has just got me into a lot of trouble.

and the one thing i seriously hate, it's conflict.

especially when it was not on purpose. see what being innocent has led me to?

when you are used to darkness, you squint when light appears.
and sometimes, the haunts of the shadows beckons and welcomes. but there you will fall into the abyss of this, when what you should have done, was to give it some time.

some things need a chance before it succeeds. but our impatience in us is our greatest foe. and when not conquered, many soldiers die in battle still. is your conscience still alive to realise that?

how many times should you slap a person, before you are satisfied the message has already been put across, the pain inflicted.?

sometimes i think there is something seriously wrong with us humans.

someone friendster-ed me something interesting, and i decided to give it a go, and forced jo to do it on the way.

'feel like saying something? get if off your chest. say something to ten people, the most honest and hearfelt msg. do not leave a name, if it's meant to be, they will know it for them.

partners not included.'

readers are invited to tag if they guess that they are one of the numbered people.

here goes.

1. Dear you, i dont always treat you the way you should be treated, and i take for granted the many sacrifices you have made for me. i dismissed the concerns you showered me, and i know i gave you a lot of trouble when i was growing up, and probably still do. i guess i am the cause of your outbreak of white hair. but you know, i do love you and you really are the very best.

2. Dear you, in a certain way, i watched you grow up. or maybe we grew up together, just that we were in two different places. i am proud of you, although i still do feel like shaking you really hard, just like when we were younger. haha. but you are a very special person, and i said it not very long ago, you do deserve better than what you have, and hey, dont let anybody put u down. and thank you for saying i am a perfect gentleman i love you even more for that. haha

3. Dear you, sometimes i wonder why you have such a weird thinking, when the plain cold truth is that you really are beautiful. and your flawless skin is something i am jealous of every single day! i am very thankful you look to me to look out for you, and i know you always got my back.

4. Dear you, one in a million. enough said.

5. Dear you, im sorry i treated you so horribly back when you/we were younger. a big part of me will always feel guilty, especially since you have so sweetly forgiven me. the memory of you buying my mountain dew after my pe lesson still makes me smile! and yes, please remember.

6. Dear you, every now and then, when a sudden memory hits me, i still shudder, then i berate myself for being so foolish. but you really gave the word monster a whole deeper meaning. but you know what, you cant hurt me anymore. and though you can scare me a little bit here and there, im protected now, and you cant get to me, physically, mentally, emotionally.

7. Dear you, you lent me the pen, not the other way around. and that act of generosity sparked off a whole new level of friendship. see.... sharing is good.

8. Dear you, legends live forever. sometimes, keeping it a legend makes it even more magical, because you dont have to deal with the complications of realism.

9. Dear you, some things are forbiddened.

10. Dear you, i reallllllllly dont like you. because you make me fear, and that's one of the feeling i hate the most. im scared you may her away. and this is to you and to you and ah. whatever.

ok done.
this has been interesting.
do tag me if you feel if it is you.
dont be afraid to be BHB!

haha.

i guess the only snag working there is that i hardly get to see the sun, and therefore face the danger of turning into a white chicken.

i think my days off should be spent at the beach, doing some nude tanning or something.

;)

aside from that, work's been pretty great.
working with k is a thumbs up, but the whole experience is really great too.

i am happy.

most of the time.

let's speak metaphorically.

just because you close one eye, doesnt mean you see only half the story.

so sometimes, it's better to close both eyes.
but as someone logically pointed out, you cant see the walls in front of you.

and with one eye, you can still be forewarned.

but it is better to be fully blind for some situations.

because if you weigh having 6/6 vision and losing you, and being blind and having you, i guess i'd take the latter anyday.

i can only hope that when i crash into the walls, you will be there to comfort me.
because you are the one i would give up my sight for anyday.

would you rather be a player or a cheerleader.
sometimes, it's difficult to be the latter when all you really want to be is in the game.
how does it feel to be benched?
and how to you muster the courage to evoke team spirits when what you actually want to do is to sulk and be resentful.

take this sports analogy and apply it to the sad truth of life.

maturity? experience? how do you progress from being the centre of the universe, to one who belongs with the universe.
how does selfishness fade, and community spirit flame?

how to you work to being humane?

for the life of me, i dont know. i only know that being part of a team, rewards you with a feeling of belonging.

and i only know that life is shit, but out of shit you can always produce something worthwhile.

arent the best crops grown from shit? yes and no. they are only successful because their farmers believed that that shit actually is pretty resourceful.

so where does that leave us?
attitude? character?

attitude and character.

it's something you have to work on man. not given to you just like that.

crumble, give in, and say goodbye to the years of harvesting put in.
such a waste, and such a pity dont you think.

the fisherman, the ice-cream man.

it was my last day at the stint at the bank yesterday. although i was profoundly glad to be leaving the place, given the lack of responsibility given to me, shaky management etc, it was really bittersweet after all.

the last couple of days gave my stomach lotsa muscles, bearing in my mind the amount of racous laughter shared amongst us all.

a colleague even shed tears!

well, i know jo and i's madness will definitely be missed.
and well, they will be missed too.

:(

here's a happy belated birthday wish to jo!
and for those reading, thank you for making it a successful surprise. :)
hope you like it jo!!

and moral of the story taught by a friend last night.
it's good champagne if it's bubbly!

too bad i learnt after it was ordered.

every now and then, you come across something which makes your surface stoic falter a litte. just when you assume you dominate the situation, just a spark can ignite the flame you thought was extinguished a long time ago.

but as you struggle to regain your momentum, in the moments where your defences slip a little, you find that it isnt so bad after all. perhaps disallowing detachment can do wonders,after all not all the memories in your memory bank are bad, as long as you know how to handle it.

so you may feel ashamed of your thoughts at times, but let's face it, how often can one acheive perfection in something, and if you actually do, how long does it last. i sound cynical here, but all cynics are realists.

so worship idealism all you want, but hey, conclusion, sometimes, it's ok to be practical.

check this out!

is she hot or is she hot!

omg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

* salivates*

zen luckily you clicked on me to msn if not i would have missed out man. hahaha

i was so proud yesterday. because i woke up with ample time to get ready.
i even had the time to iron my freshly laundered black shirt.

but when i emerged from my room, i was met with a pair of baleful cat eyes staring at me.
i cheerfully went 'gd morning meow meow!'
and it replied me with cat puke all over the floor.

what the hell!
and it had green leaves sticking out somemore!

green leaves!!

the interesting part.

when i left the house, i noticed my neighbour's plants' leaves had holes in them.

:S

i hope she thinks the culprits are the birds or the snails!

the paradox of life is that time remains loyal only to your nemesis.
how else can you explain the fact that time gallops when you wish it to crawl, and vice versa.

sleight of hand and twixt of fate. u2 got it spot on.

but it is within these times that you make illuminating discoveries, or create a lifelong memory that you can hold onto forever, given that the moments are the ones which play you as the fool.
your wish, or your desperate need to grasp onto that minute of euphoria can be successfully turn into an eternal tender stirring, provided you have mastered the art of reminising.

so in your quiet solitude, or even in the peak of your social entertaining, these memories creep up, for you to view them as dark haunting shadows, or maybe one that sparks off that little hint of the smile you wore not so very long ago.

but it gets depressing when you somehow blame your reactions as weaknesses in character. the guilt from the constant transporting to the past which has affected your ability to live your present life fully begins to consume you.
and that's where the vicious cycle begins.

it is unfortunate that we keep turning our heads and misconstrue the feelings we had then were still felt now. when what we should have done was to leave them behind. but human nature has not served us this purpose. call it avoidance, detachment, or pure blindness, this self destructing methods will always suffice, unless we have enough experience to exorise the demons we have possessed ourselves.

move on, move on.simple words big actions.
but not too big for anyone to do.

and that, is the epiphany for today.

i have been tagged by yun.

Instructions: Each player of this game starts off by giving 6 weird things about themselves. People who get tagged need to write in a blog of their own 6 weird things as well as state the rules clearly. In the end, you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names. After you do that, leave them each a comment letting them know you tagged them and to read your blog.

6 weird things about me? ok here goes.

1. i am overly obsessed with duey. ( yun we can be weird together here!)

2. i have seriously warped conceptions about relationships and life, but ironically i think they reign true at the end of the day, even if no one else thinks so, and i am so adamant about them being right even though i have already admitted they are seriously warped conceptions.

3. i always get blocked ears! and then i will ask the people around me whether i am talking too loudly cause i can barely hear myself.

4. i dont like my shoes to be fitting. i like them a size bigger. that probably explains why my feet hurt so much when i squeezed them into heels.after having so much,it's like a trangression from boxers to briefs. :X

5. i love diamonds! ok that doesnt sound too weird on its own but match it up with the image that i am/was whatever.

6. i actually am enjoying going to work. at least for my last one month there anyway. enjoying going to work... now that is ultra weird!

:)

erm... so the next 6 will be... k, jan, jo, zen, dele, gwen!

the fumes have all been cleared. ladies please pardon the language on the previous post.

when you are in a job that doesnt interest you, it's the environment that is your saving grace. take that away, and you shrivel like a miserable prune. give it back, the joy is hard to mask and hard to miss by everyone.

it's always the little things that make it bearable.

kinda contradictory isnt it?
the small which means big.

and it applies to all aspects of life,especially the ones that matter.

a surviving relationship, a budding romance, a lifelong friendship. it all weighs down to the gestures, the actions, the words, so carefully chosen yet so natural.
conclusion? at the end of the day, it's not too difficult after all,when you have the little things around you.