i realised on wednesday that i lost much inclination to club.

wrong crowd. or rather, too much crowd. i do not like, in fact i strongly dislike-- jostling my way through. trust me, a simple 'excuse me' wont do. wth, it cant even be heard! therefore i usually am stuck at a certain point at one point wondering how to squeeze through because im far too much of a gentleman to elbow my way through. till i get fed up and just bulldoze .

in short, i need my space.

and i like people, but not too many at once.

the clubbing experience, albeit after a long time was.. mediocre, save for some great moments with great company. (bessy if you're reading this *wave wave wink wink* hahahah)

but i really couldnt help but count down the minutes to k's picking me up. fresh air, ample space--i savour.

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ps: HL
i dunno whether to call you funny or cute or laugh at you. :) you text me, asked me to reply, but left no forwarding number!! so how to reply??

but my dreams., they arent as empty
as my conscience seems to be..

is it just an oversensitive me, or do i detect traces of hostility?

shrug.

you know what the problem with people is? everyone is just so quick to draw conclusions and form assumptions, and based on certain actions, suddenly they become experts on a particular individual's character. or lack therof.

judge if you must. every normal being does that.

but draw a line yeah? there is such a thing as too much.

leave that margin, for the chance that you may be wrong.
try a little understanding for once. you're never in that shoes of that person.

yes i dismay at this. Life IS too short. channel all that time and space to something else.

no one knows what it's like to be the bad man..

nothing like good sound reflection to put things back to perspective. it's scary how our dramatized emotions thrreaten to control us. all in the willpower? i dont know. i only know that most of the times, things are never as bad as we claim it is, or will be.
the power of faith? no. just plain truth. which is sometimes quite easy to swallow.

and after all, the heart has its reasons which reason knows not of.

some call it craziness.

well... its a crazy little thing called love...

i read lizard's blog and discovered that ang mo kio actually means red tomato. armed and excited with this piece of trivia, i told my gf with all the air of teaching her something new.

but she laughed at me. :(

so, in order to prove that i am not as er.. well informed as she is ( i just so refuse to call myself suaku) , pls partake in this survery and pray tell me who is as well -informed as her, and who is as.... ok fine whatever -- suaku as me.

and be honest! dont pretend!

ps: actually i have a rough idea of who knows and who doesnt, but.... some things are better left unsaid. ;p

the pink panther tickled me pink!

;)

all that talk about valentines' day being too commercialised and only-showing- love- cause- its -valentines- day is just pure nonsense.

i wonder why no one ever questioned the purpose of mothers day or teachers day or christmas, you know, goodwill towards men, season to be jolly and all that.

come on you cynics. there's no harm in having reminders.
what harm did the aim of valentines' day ever do to anyone?

it IS true that everyday can be valentines day. but how many of us actually remember that.?

you know, there really isnt enough loving enough in this world. too many of us are so blinded by each others' flaws, expectations, that they allow all these to eat into them, and the true essence of love is conveniently chucked aside in the face of all these.

we truly have a lot to learn.

and so do I.

how can one bring himself to say dont go, when he knows that if he opens his mouth to say that, he will be robbing her of an opportunity, and standing in her way to embark on what may be a fulfilling mission.

how can one bring himself to be selfish, when it is only irrational fear that wants her to stay?

he knows that this would be a test. a test needed for a relationship such as theirs.

he's almost convinced that they wont pass. and then he asks himself 'why?' to which he cant answer. and then he begins to udnerstand that if they dont pass, he will know that it isnt really meant to be after all.

yes he knows they need this.

but he is just very very afraid.
no one wants to lose one of the best things in his life.
no one wants to throw happiness away.

but yes, they need this.

and because he loves her, he will not stand in her way.

he will wait. and wait..

and pray that he will not be waiting in vain.
pray that she still loves him and needs him more than ever.

and pray she doesnt come home in somebody else's arms.

----------------------------------------------------
so this is what love is. not to grasp on tightly so that she will never leave.
but to let go when needed.

and swallow all that's eating him. and do it all on his own.

just so he can let go with a smile, hug her and say have fun, i'm proud of you.

ive got one more month left..

life is just so damn unexpected. you just never know when you get whacked by something really bad, or given something really beautiful.
some things you see it coming. and some thing just zoom up to you just like that.

the uncertainty of life. take it. you dont exactly have a choice of leaving it.

i realise that there is no such thing as an open book relationship.
white lies, secrets -- the unspoken truths.

the question to ask yourself is, 'does it matter?'

and the lesson to be learnt is, sometimes, they're harmless.

and dont argue about the principle that its the lying, not its content.
we're talking about reality here.

and understanding this, is the next lesson to be learnt.

there's a thin line between being possesive and insecurity, but what polar opposites they are.

possessive is when you're being selfish, and you hate it when she spends time with other people because you want her life to revolve around you.

insecurity is when you're being selfish, and you hate it when she spends time with other people, because you're afraid someone may take her away from you.

and they say the latter stems from self esteem. or rather lack thereof. because u just arent confident enough. but that's only half the picture.
nothing is absolute on its own.

people, show those loved ones of yours how great they are, how loved they are, and how no one will ever be a threat, and how you wont even look at anyone else because your eyes are of him/her alone.

and make sure you dont do it just when you feel the moment is right.

sometimes, the situation calls for it. and you REALLLY need to learn how to take initiative.

i always believed that at times you exist only in your memories, where you transport yourself back to a certain moment or period or time. is that called reminising? i wonder what sparks off a whole set of recollections. irritating bliss. oxymoron to the fullest degree.

and i realise that the ones you remember arent necessarily the ones whom you entered a relatonship with. contrary, you think about those which slipped through your fingers. which can of course lead to the debate of a person's significance because you just simply never had the chance.

makes sense?

it does to me. and yet it doesnt.

anyway, I AM HAPPY!

im meeting my jo for some buddy bonding! she's gonna accompany me to get long over due presents *sheepish* but i love shopping for presents. no wait. i love giving presents but i dont really like shopping .. especially for GIRLS.

first of all, shoes. how the hell do i know what kind of shoes you like.
secondly, make up. enough said.
thirdly, bags. .....

have problems with yun, dele and mau's presents. im going to give you guys encyclopedias.

jojojo im hungry... stomach growls....

and TONIGHT, im having steamboat with my VIPs!! which mau has said she's gonna cook for me. grinz. followed my presents and bday cakes. yummy.

YAY!

to top it off, i'm meeting k after that to stay over and we're gonna go out tmr! like out out. not town that kind. but out out. i neeeed that man.

it's a happy happy day..

boy am i lucky to have all these people in my life.

omg i think this photo is damn funny!



i love my vips like crazy man.

which triumphs over the other? ignorance or apathy?
or are they really 2 evils holding hands?

can you really be prepared even if you know its full details?
and does it really hurt less if you practice detachment?

whatever it is. the truth fucking stinks. holding your noses doesnt help one bit.

you can turn away to hide, but you can never really run that far.

so i brace myself. for what i may call the inevitable to what some people may say it's only possible. irrational i am, but clumsy reassurances do nothing for me.

but in this bid of temporary insanity, i begin to lose myself up to the amounting pressure, tension and spoken and unspoken expectations. demands, obligations just add to the happy family.
so everybody gets a piece of me.

you know, i feel that right now, i am the perfect epitomy for the cliche 'there is a time for everything'

because it reigns true.

there are times in life when people belong to you wholly. but sometimes, they drift.

there is a time where you laugh with joyful abandon, yet times where you weep with heartrending sorrow, mixed with built up grief.

there is a time where tender kisses are shared, but times where hurtful exchanges fly from one another.

there are times when you are convinced you can pull through, yet many times feel like you're ready to give up.

there are times where you can miss someone so much, yet times where you feel you can live without.

there are times to keep, and times to throw away.

this is life isnt it? it's all about moments and how you feel at that very exact second..