The Lord is my Shepard.

The hills are so vast, and you are but one lone sheep. Your fellow sheep looks almost the same as you, and no one gives you a second glance. You dont stand out, there's nothing special.

You wander away, perhaps in a bid to seek attention, and you end up even more lost than you have ever been.

You graze, in peace, in turmoil. A life of solitude beckons, but it is only too soon when it borders over to loneliness.

You climb the hills, there are a thousand reasons for you to give up, all looming in front of your eyes, all resounding in your head. What makes it harder is when you dont know what lies ahead.

You pause to listen for the signs, you train your senses, but all that greets you is noisy silence that you pray for to cease.

it's difficult. when your circumstances, your situation is difficult. But He promised us didnt he?
Patience is a virtue and you will be duly rewarded.

Seek and ye shall find.
One day, it will be my time.

so you find yourself sitting in bed and staring into space. or rather, your eyes may be blank but your mind is transfixed upon the memories you have recalled in your moment of solitude.

all the little things, and the big ones. ones which leave you with a little laugh, butterflies in your tummy, but generally ones which leave you wistful and yearning for more.

and then you look out of the window, hoping to see a shooting star, and seeing none, but wishing anyway.

and it makes you feel a little better. because there's no better cure than a little faith.

you sigh and then you close your eyes. the emotions felt not so long ago still raw.

and then invades the nasty memories, the inevitable that would happen each time you wish to recall memories. you get both the good, and the bad.

the bad whcih leaves you almost choked up with bitterness, which you swallow because you're supposed to be over it and you are over it.
so you let the hurt penetrate you, but then you get over it.
or you run away from it. whichever is your coping machanism.

and all is fine and dandy once again.

it's usually incompatibility that drives two people away from each other.
what matters is at the end of the day, both are able to look beyond the resentment and bitterness, and just remember the good times.
and leave it as memories.

and be civil and amicable towards each other.
and maybe one day, good friends.

influence is one of the most dangerous thing on earth. because, no exaggeration here, it can either make you, or break you.

it could even turn you into someone you are not.

and it may take some time before you slow down and realise that that is not who you are actually, but you were morphing into someone else.

your core doesnt change. but it's always so easy to get caught up.

they say it all boils down to mental strength. does it really?

probably. because one should always know when the line should be drawn.

no wonder all the schools emphasize peer pressure.
now that ive finally seen the light, i realise the importance of all the stress on this.

im glad im the one who influences.

but i cant decide which is worse, the one to influence, or the one to be influenced.

wonders of the day..

dont be amazed if one day you walk down the streets and you see a black hyundai accent blasting some techno music ok?

ive just (re) discovered the joy of techno. hwhahahaaa

dont worry i still prefer trance.

but the inner ah beng has been unleashed, along with the new inking of the dragon.

anyway, friends, you have been forewarned. if you are a passenger in my car, you get no say in the choice of music.

:D

im going to music underground tonight!

what happens when you reach a stage where you cant decide if you're leaving a truth or a lie?

and is there a difference between a half truth, and a half lie, and if there is even such a thing in the first place.

and because of this indecision, you wonder if everyone else around you is deluded, or maybe the one deceiving oneself and everyone else is yourself all along.

so they say you're hidden behind this mask, this facade. and you almost roll your eyes and the cliche of it all.

and then you begin to wonder if you really are on stage, in an opera, maybe not behind a mask, but heavily made up all the same, until you become unrecognisable.

you wish to turn to solitude, or any form of comfort, but find that being in the former is actually much easier because you dont have to deal with the complications.

and running away is the best outlet man has ever thought up.

sarah geronimo- forever's not enough.

this simple heartfelt song will become perfect,
you just need to find that someone to sing it to.

i feel as though ive grown up a little more within these few days.

because what one goes through makes you a little more knowledgeable, a little wiser.
and the actions one take, the thoughts, the words spoken, they make you realise they turn you into someone else a little older.

also from the scenes played out in front of you.

appearances dont really count at the end of the day. and when someone holds back, the other is holding back too. and in the rare moments where they dont, the moment lives on.

maybe, just maybe, that someone shares the same fears, yet the same dreams as you.

everyone is afraid to get hurt.
and no one is an exception.

so you feel the whole world lets you down,
and your feet are off the ground,
you want to throw a tantrum,
u want to start a fight
you want to show the finger
jump into a brawl in the dead of the night.
your tattoos and piercings
mask all the pain beneath
you want to unleash it all, but there's no reprieve
you realise it's all your doing
and no one is to blame
so your instincts kick in
and you're a survivor once again.

simply because surviving is all that's left for you to do.
and for all other things you fail in, that's the only one good thing you excel in.

sometimes it feels like you're a fish caught in a net. And the more you struggle, the more entangled you become. After a while, you just give in to the supposed fate, and gaze into the ocean beyond. So near yet so far.

The question is, who is the one who will swim patiently around the net. And who are the ones who will try their darnest to chew through the ropes just to get you free.

how do you fight against someone when there is no battle to begin with. And what if your nemesis, the one looking angrily at you, the one you point fingers at, is just but a mere reflection.

is daydreaming a sign of a discontented life?
is numbness a sign of acceptance, or resignation?

or have you just lost the meaning behind everything, and nothing seems to stir up any appropriate emotions anymore?

is listlessness the warning you've been hearing all along?

have you ever wanted to throw down the packages, put down the burdens, and walk towards a light, but realising in time that the light soon sets when you appear, and you're in darkness once again.

are you trapped in that abyss forever?
and the more you search, the more lost you become.

and for too many split seconds, you dont know who you are anymore.


Why are there so many songs about rainbows
And what's on the other side?
Rainbows are visions, but only illusions,
And rainbows have nothing to hide.
So we've been told and some choose to believe it
I know they're wrong, wait and see.
Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection,
The lovers, the dreamers and me.

Who said that every wish would be heard and answered
When wished on the morning star?
Somebody thought of that, and someone believed it,
And look what it's done so far.
What's so amazing that keeps us stargazing
And what do we think we might see?
Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection,
The lovers, the dreamers, and me.

All of us under its spell,
We know that it's probably magic...

Have you been half asleep? And have you heard voices?
I've heard them calling my name.
Is this the sweet sound that calls the young sailors?
The voice might be one and the same
I've heard it too many times to ignore it
It's something that I'm s'posed to be...
Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection,
The lovers, the dreamers, and me.


i adore this song.
it's one of the few songs that actually give you a form of peace.

because you know one day, it's out there for you to find.
or maybe one day, it will find you.

yup...
the lover, the dreamer, me.

it's kinda hard to explain exactly how my mind is working right now.

i know for a fact that i'm not wooly brained or whatever, but the drive ( not that i had much to begin with) has eliminated completely.

i dont know how i could have missed the paper ( ok so maybe i just took the dates for granted)

but in a secret kind of way i'm thankful.

because now i have a great excuse to skip all the rest, cause the missed paper would drag my whole grade down. not to mention i wldnt have done well for the rest anyway.

as i have reiterated, i would rather skip than fail.

it's all very well to say just try. and maybe i should or whatever.

but realistically and practically speaking, the point isnt there anymore.

plus yes, havent i always been the master of running away?

i'm not ready. maybe i never will be.
but i'm not feeling it.

im not an actor im not a star. (?)

oh but we all are.

actors and stars in our own idiosyncrasies.

it's about transforming yourselves into different people when the situation calls for it.

hypocrites?
nah, just many many lost souls wandering and wondering.

the facade finally concludes when they find someone who makes them realise who they are, and then they are home.

easy peasy as a pie.