the original plan was to not meet anyone until a significant amount of weight is lost, so i can bask in new found attention of the attractive glow and radiance slim people seem to have.

i just realised how wrong i sounded and i'll probably have arrows shot at from you know, those people who feel i shouldnt be promoting slimness and all that. which yeah, probably true, but it's not as though a whole society is reading my blog and those who read my blog are already slim and beautiful so i cant really be bothered about the whole social sensitivities thingy.

anyway, back to the subject, at the rate i am going, i am probably going to be a recluse if i am going to stick to that plan!

i tried cutting down on the fatty oily foods. ive officially bid goodbye to my chai tao kuay and my chwee kuay and all the whatever kuays there are. even more horrifying, i cant look at a pint of beer without envisioning the kind of damage it will do.

and to give up beer, hey, now THAT' s progress.
i switched to wine. im on the road to the 2 Ss. you know Slim and Sophisticated.
ok whatever.

so anyhow, i tried my hand at jogging yesterday at east coast. and i think next time, i should blade. much more fun. and shorter time to cover the distance too.
my thighs hurt. and when i collapsed on the grass after the jogging, i swear my butt just grew bigger.

sigh triple sigh.

well what did they say? butt is the new boob. right?
and fat is the new slim.

jem: sue im bored.
sue: no work to do ah?
jem: have. but i am in the 'it's friday!' mood.

it's friday it's friday! for no particular reason, i find myself looking forward to the weekend with more fervour than ever. nope, i didnt have a lousy week. and no, nothing exciting is happening this weekend either.
im just gripped by a feeling of kan-chiong-ness. you know, the i-cant-sit-still kind.

even better, i can look forward to steamboat with the vips this evening.

do not fear the repercussions, inevitable they may appear.
if you know what you have to do, do it.
if you hesitate, maybe there is something else holding you back.

the endless battle between the heart and the head. sometimes i think it's futile and pointless. because most of the time, the head is right, and the heart just takes a little longer to get there.
go with the head. your heart knows what it must be done. it will catch up soon.

time heals all, opens eyes and all that.

now the bonus question is. most of the time, the head is right. what about that little parts where the heart is actually right? and that is what humans usually bank on. i dont know whether to call it hope, faith, or just pure insanity.

id rather go with head anytime. i always felt, if your head and heart are in conflict, or it takes a long time to reconcile, then there must be something very very very wrong with the situation. and no amount of prayer is going to change anything.
and the only thing that changes is you close one eye to your surroundings. which could prove lead to very severe consequences.

dont do it!

surely there must be answers out there. or are they everywhere? just that we cannot see because of some conspiracy working against us.

maybe we should all do yoga, or go to church more often.

vestiges of toothache.
it can only mean one thing. WISDOM TOOTH!

time to brace( braise) myself for slaughter.
sigh triple sigh.

the demons of the night. time to call in the handy exorcists.
and what better weapon than knowledge of the sheer absurdity of it all.
if you cant laugh at it, scoff at it. its equally effective.

last night i had a rather weird but satisfying in an odd way kind of dream.
i dreamt that the vips and i were on a rescue mission.

we were hiding in the study, on the pretext of surprising A and B ( not A as in adele but just a symbol to keep anonymity ) but you know what they say, only behind closed doors do the true beings emerge.
so anyway, we saw the true colours of someone, and boy, talk about skeletons in the closet, they were bloody everywhere!

we did an about turn, and instead of surprising A, we decided to scare A, and use fear to coerce him into freeing B.

so we were in the study, hiding under this long black table, when D ( as in dele) had the ingenious idea of sharpening pencils and leaving them with their points up in strategic places, like the study chair. :S
we also folded paper aeroplanes and pretended that these aeroplanes crashed into the bookshelves and became all crushed. :S
and since the study was quite messy, we tidied it all up to near perfection.

anyway, it kinda backfired. cause A came into the study and he wasnt scared at all! in fact, he thought B had thoughtfully sharpened his pencils and tidied up the room. only he wasnt so amused with the aeroplanes, which in the dream, happened to be my idea. :S

so of course, B denied it right?

the next day, ( we all slept cramped under the long black table ), and after A and B left the house, we decided that more drastic measures were called for. we found a bottle of blood like substance ( like what the hell right ) which turned out to be a sex lubricant!! ( LIKE WHAT THE HELL RIGHT! we found out later that A was into some really kinky sex)

so we took the blood like substance and smeared it all over e bathroom, writing messages like BEWARE A! ( how original i know )
then Y got a bit upset and said it looked really gory and what if B saw it and got scared? no fear! D had some secret sign with B, so in the corner of the bathroom she painted that little secret sign, so that when B sees it, she'll know that it's us!

we got really excited and since we wanted to know how the drama unfolded we all cramped ourselves into the bathub this time. the bathtub wasnt like... feet level. it was a huge couldron so we all clambered into it and peeped out from the sides.

so the funny part was that B came running into the bathroom cause she was realllly urgent and then u know, we kinda got an eyeful of her pee-ing. ( but i swear i closed my eyes )
we thought that since B was alone in the bathroom alone it would be a good time to announce our presence. so D went psssst pssssssst, but she didnt hear , and i kinda think that made her want to pee even more.

so there has got to be a point where B looks up and sees the (fake) blood right?? BUT NO! she just didnt notice! she just did her stuf and left. then A came into the toilet, and omg, he was going to do NUMBER 2!
we were in agony, so we decided to scare A so that he wouldnt begin any smelly business. hur. so we started kicking the sides of the bathtub. it was metal so it made a kerng kerng kerng sound.
B finally looked up, saw the messages and started screaming for A to 'GET HER ASS IN HERE NOW!' so B came running in, and saw the blood and she was going to be scared then she caught side of the secret sign.

and then B started laughing. she laughed so hard because she knew we were there to rescue her. and A got angry yet scared at the same time. and then B told A he better let her go cause all her friends have arrived. and for some reason, A thought all friends were all ghosts and then he fled the room.

and we all clambered out of the bathtub and started hugging each other. but L was left inside for a little while cause she had pins and needles.

the end.

last night, i was having one of those thinking sessions.

i thought about where my life was going, of certain things, of certain people. and although i have always been an advocate of how we should never say 'what if', at particular points in the middle of the night, vulberability sets in, and then the ghosts of your past and present start emerging with their haunting miserable voices.

i realised yesterday, that a union between two people can be sealed by certain major decisions that you make. in most cases, that life changing moment is marriage. and in others, perhaps buying a home together.
and one fears, divorce, orthat one day that home becomes simply a house like any other on the street. and i wonder, what is that turning point that turns 180 degrees to leave 2 people back where they started. back to friends, or even strangers.

was it that love is not enough? or was it 2 people who are just wrong for each other?
was it that one is too selfish, or one's nature is a philanderer and a leopard will never change its spots and all that.

and i think, that if you made that major decision, arent you compelled, obligated to a deeper extent to make it work?
i always think so. but sometimes life doesnt work the way we want it to be. because sadly, people change, and the person whom you fall in love with doesnt exist any longer.

we should always keep our two feet on the ground. to amplify our goodness and suppress the evil. so that it makes it easier for our loved ones to love us.

a friend of mine is a strong advocate of 'outcome based thinking'. she always stressed to me that you just thinking of the conclusion, and then begin working towards it.
so in a relationship context, you view the happy image of the two of you as a couple, and then you take steps to curb the argument.

i think that's wonderful.

if the person is worth it. only if you have made that major decision with that partner.( if it's someone else, dont bother being such a saint. Hee)

but boy, do you need to be one of the most selfless and strong person to be able to overcome all emotions, and to view your relationship in a practical and logical way, for the greater good of everyone.

i sure havent reached that stage yet.

but anyway, i digress.

so there i was, thinking and thinking. and i didnt count my blessings, or let contentment seep over me. instead, i was filled with much resentment.

and after that, i was a little sad.

sigh.
oh well, we're all entitled to some weak moments here and there right?

sigh. one of the rare personal entries huh.

i was talking to a really old friend yesterday. we hardly talk, so msn was a catch up of some sorts. and how surreal the conversation was. and how grown up.
sometimes it just makes you wonder.

nobody warned me it was going to be this difficult.
sure i know all the theories, but man, i had no idea dieting is so hard!

i sense fainting spells ahead.

hehe.
and yes, i hear people going ' kua zhang!'

but it is not ok!

for someone who can eat a horse a pig and a cow at one go, depleting the daily food supply by more than half is really not funny!

and it's time to put on those jogging shoes.

support people, support me like a maximizer bra!

the beauty regime begins today.

it's diet and diet and more diet.