last night, i was having one of those thinking sessions.

i thought about where my life was going, of certain things, of certain people. and although i have always been an advocate of how we should never say 'what if', at particular points in the middle of the night, vulberability sets in, and then the ghosts of your past and present start emerging with their haunting miserable voices.

i realised yesterday, that a union between two people can be sealed by certain major decisions that you make. in most cases, that life changing moment is marriage. and in others, perhaps buying a home together.
and one fears, divorce, orthat one day that home becomes simply a house like any other on the street. and i wonder, what is that turning point that turns 180 degrees to leave 2 people back where they started. back to friends, or even strangers.

was it that love is not enough? or was it 2 people who are just wrong for each other?
was it that one is too selfish, or one's nature is a philanderer and a leopard will never change its spots and all that.

and i think, that if you made that major decision, arent you compelled, obligated to a deeper extent to make it work?
i always think so. but sometimes life doesnt work the way we want it to be. because sadly, people change, and the person whom you fall in love with doesnt exist any longer.

we should always keep our two feet on the ground. to amplify our goodness and suppress the evil. so that it makes it easier for our loved ones to love us.

a friend of mine is a strong advocate of 'outcome based thinking'. she always stressed to me that you just thinking of the conclusion, and then begin working towards it.
so in a relationship context, you view the happy image of the two of you as a couple, and then you take steps to curb the argument.

i think that's wonderful.

if the person is worth it. only if you have made that major decision with that partner.( if it's someone else, dont bother being such a saint. Hee)

but boy, do you need to be one of the most selfless and strong person to be able to overcome all emotions, and to view your relationship in a practical and logical way, for the greater good of everyone.

i sure havent reached that stage yet.

but anyway, i digress.

so there i was, thinking and thinking. and i didnt count my blessings, or let contentment seep over me. instead, i was filled with much resentment.

and after that, i was a little sad.

sigh.
oh well, we're all entitled to some weak moments here and there right?

sigh. one of the rare personal entries huh.