there are some things that you have to live with everyday. you dont let go of it, it becomes a part of you. and it isnt always a bad thing, because it serves as a stark reminder of something important.
and dont we all need reminders every now and then?

once you blush and stammer through, now, you just say it matter-of-factly. no better way to realise the both of you have indeed come a long way.

today is the 29th. it is a special day.

it's like a mirage. u look from afar and it looks like soft sand, almost like velvet. you step nearer and you realised it's mud. still you step into it, albeit many squelches. to your dismay, it turns out to be quicksand, and you find yourself sinking fast.

thank goodness you are able to pull out. and fresh air has never felt so much better.
neither has solid firm ground.

you would probably never read this, and even if you do, you probably would never know these words are for you.
i practised my speech often, about what to say when i finally meet you. but we all know there are some things which are futile. i was nervous, perhaps it was guilty conscience.
it took a single drunken night to set us on the right path. i dont know exactly why looking in the same direction means so much to me, maybe because we once had something in common, the one thing which mattered the whole word to us at almost the same time.
i would like to tell you so many things. in life, there are some cryings you do alone, and some you share with others. but i will hold back, because i made a choice never to turn around anymore, and even if i do, it will be a private temporary moment.
perhaps i was overimagining things, but when we spoke that night, there were times when i thought i saw your eyes soften because you understood. i wanted to explain so much more, in detail, but i didnt, because there was no point anymore.
i dont know why i'm writing this. but i really wanted to say something, and if i cant say exactly how i feel, i'd like to say it this way. and if i cant tell you, i'd like to say it here.
sometimes when we meet, i look at you, and i wish we could talk. but even if given the chance, i would be at a loss for words.
we both got lucky once. we both didnt know how to treasure. and we threw it all away.

what with the latest news plus the gum inflammation which means there is a constant metallic taste in my mouth, it's no wonder my head feels like it's gonna explode.

i only have this constant niggling feeling that things can go horribly wrong, but other than that, i'm as detached as i always am.
i'm not that worried. probably cause the weather is too imbalanced to make me feel too hot and bothered.
BUT ive got lots of foul words just aching to come out, and hands itching to hit something, or someone, no, make that people, but other than that, i'm still as cool as mr cucumber.

no sweat. whatever happens happens.
let me know if you see bushes moving while you're out with me.

ive always been a 'moment' kind of person. a moment where something happens and it just lasts for that short period of time, no strings attached, no conditions. now i wonder if i put in this clause in the definition to save me from any future liability.
now i think ive grown up a little. moments are only meant to happen when you are not attached.
because if you throw away a lifetime of happiness and opportunities for one lousy moment, you had better make sure it's darn worth it.
because some consequences are dire. and sometimes you dont get a second chance.

no reason for the epiphany. just one of those random thoughts which occur to you and makes so much sense. and you realise how different you are now from then.

she used to tell me, the most important thing is that you are happier now than you were before. and i used to think, it reigns so true. but a truth i once held so high on a pedestal,im not so sure anymore.
i realised that we cant place a value, a volume, or any form of measurement on happiness. if you keep comparing, or if you regard happiness in a relative term, you're bound to run into trouble one day, cause you wont be able to catch up anymore.
and there are certain periods in your life you keep under lock and key, places where you do not wish to revisit anymore. and it doesnt mean that your current life is better, hence you let go of the old one.it just means, you've entered a whole new different phase altogether.

in 2007, i think i went through some major milestones.
i had that relationship.
i have this relationship.
surprisingly, i'm actually hoping it will work out this time.
i understood some things about myself,things i liked,and things i hated.
i became impatient.
i became more insecure.
i am tired.
i finished school.
i entered the work force in full force.
meetings and clients are no longer foreign words.
i stayed in ritz carlton for the first time in my life and now im a fan!
i started my own company.
some things just dont go your way, but it's not the end of the world.

new year resolutions for 2008? let's keep things simple. no more traffic offences, or parking fines. at least this, i suppose it's pretty easy to keep to. i'd like to say do more this,do less that, or do this or do that and all the other snazzy resolutions, but, nah, some things should not be a resolution, everything in its time.

and the fever rages on, but the dragon is flying high.
and that begins the virgin day of 2008.