have you ever heard the story of David and the Goliath? the goliath was terrorizing people in town, and one day, small david, little strength but immeasurable courage and faith, defeated the mighty giant with a simple slingshot. makes you thnk doesnt it?
in life, we meet people who terrorize us, who try to break our defences, wear us down till we feel so cornered. there are goliaths everywhere. drives you crazy.
but gues what? there's a david in everyone of us. small in size, big in heart, faith to move mountains.
and in our hands, lies the slingshot.

david, the boy that fought the goliath, and won.

calvin asked hobbes why people dream. and hobbes reply was people dream because it makes the time spent apart shorter. dont we all love a sensitive tiger?

when we fall into a pit, we're supposed to climb out. and then we're supposed to fill it up to prevent another fall. that's how we learn from past mistakes. as you go on, you evolve into another person, and sometimes roles change. you learn to look through the eyes of another, and it helps you to understand why people did the things they do, and why you did the things you did.

people call this the most vulnerable stage. i say, i'm just tired of looking after. i just want to fall into arms and be caught.

then i realised something.

God was there all along.

i wonder if the reason why we dream is because dreams are a way of keeping someone alive. maybe it's a communication to your heart and your brain because you have consciously blocked something out, and a gentle reminder is needed to be served.

is it a coincidence that the rawest emotions are only protrayed in dreams because your brain knows you cant deal with it? or is it a silent mockery at your lack of courage, and a sadistic inner rage in you that robs you of that temporary happiness felt because you deserve some form of punishment. i wonder, too, whether they say you dream of someone because you keep thinking of that person.

i keep dreaming of forgiveness. and the peace i crave for is handed to me in those dreams. i'd like to think that i am being forgiven, and there's some kind of divine intervention, or some terrestrial communication, or telepathy being carried out here. yea, i'd really like to think it's this way.

but i know better.

because after all's been said and done, this is all it comes down too.

d.r.e.a.m.s.
i dont know which is more sad, the dreams, or the dreamer.and i dont mean sad as the opposite of happy, but sad in the pathetic form.

there are so many more words unspoken, too many questions, too little answers. we had so much, and it was gone just like that.

it's easy to point fingers, to say i took it away from myself.
i probably did. but arent we all schizos in our own idiosyncretic way.

when i pointed my finger at everyone else, what reigned wasnt the pointer. i couldnt get over the fact that my third finger was pointing right back at myself.

you see, let me explain.

we are all split in many different ways. And i'm not talking about the basic good and bad either.

a part of us feels anger, remorse, bitterness, bile. The kind of fury undercurrents within each of these monster emotions.

and a part of us feels light, happy, benelovent, contented. The kind of peace that umbrellas all these butterfly emotions.

And as much as we try to hide, they all exist in the same person, but different parts of the heart. And these different parts of the heart are all placed in different worlds. that's why in this particular world, we may feel more angry than happy. and in another world, there is minimal sadness, although the same events have occurred to the same person.

and when those events occur, the angry emotions take up more space in your heart, that's why you exist in that world. only when it threatens to overtake all the space, you struggle to switch to a different realm of living, and you enter the other world where the happy emotions rule.

it doesnt mean the other world doesnt exist. it just means that's not you, and you dont exist there.

you get my drift?

They say you are beginning to heal when you brave to face the things you've been dreading head on.

I say it's nothing to do with healing. well, sometimes anyway.
Sometimes, it's because you're too tired from holding up all those armours and shields, and the minute you allow your defences to drop a little, it all comes crashing back to you.

you revisit the past, and it's a little startling to realise the emotions are still too raw.

and that's when you struggle to build up those walls all over again.
anything to block it out.

--
the birthday came and went. i'm so fortunate. for the people in my life right now. got a gf who loves me, friends who watch my back, a family that's always supporting me, a hello kitty birthday card all the way from down under.

how come it's during your birthday, that you feel a little more old, a little more wiser.
because i really feel all of my 23 years.
not many? too much.

I thank Him though, for all the blessings undeserved. for what i could have lost but didnt. for all that as gone wrong and put right. for all the bad, there was something good.
and for all the good, the bad to keep my feet on the ground.

it's always about perspective.
i've learn that humans are too small, and not meant to understand the bigger scheme of things.