sometimes you toy with the idea for a while, weighing the pros and cons. you think about how much you can benefit, at the price of many sacrifices.
one day, you begin to ask yourself, 'it this all worth it'
and there will come a day when you will answer 'no.'

who can say why and when it happens? it does not need a significant event, it could very well be a built up. or maybe it stems from nothing at all.
so many reasons, but ultimately they dont matter,
because when you want to go, whether they are reasons or excuses, your heart has already been set.

i have been at that job for almost 2 years. what started out as part-time fun began to take over as indisposable income. the reliance on this income was the main prevention of me going, the coaxing factor willing me to stay.

i wanted so badly to walk away, drop all responsibilities, and when i decided to end my contract come november, i had worries.

but they say money is not everything.
and yesterday, i learnt that lesson again.

being in that job, robbed me from any passion and interest i had for music. my students' grades went up, mine spiralled downhill.
i no longer viewed it as enjoyable, i looked upon the instrument with much distaste.
my piano, a newly bought german piano, was only instrumental in collecting dust.
i refused to practice, and it showed in my playing, my results.

when others tell me i play well, it is met with much disbelief and scepticism.

my art suffered because i turned it into a job which i no longer look forward to.

come november, i will celebrate. and the best part is, i can celebrate with a big big smile, on the outside and on the inside.