it's not easy to be me..

you lead a double life. you have to mask certain areas of your life and your orientation to adapt to others, to survive. because there will always be a problem of discomfort.

and there is also the matter of breaking a family's heart.

you have to begin their endless debate with yourself whether to come out or not because you are ready.
you have to be aware of their feelings. what will they tell their friends, their relatives. they have to come to terms that it is no longer a phase.
but you have to accept that they will sit down and try different angles of pep talks to see things in their light, and to convince you and maybe themselves that you are still young and therefore will grow out of it.

but all those lies are bad for one's soul.

you cannot change people's minds. that's the problem with stigma. it takes too much work and too little result to get people to empathise. you cant really teach these sort of things. you can only create tolerance. at the end of the day, it is up to that particular individual.

you have to deal with cynics who say 'oh that was expected' because you come from a convent.

you have to deal with the Church. because you are a sinner.

yet you stubbornly are convinced that as long as you are a good person, God will see you in that light. and you will face thousands of people who will go all out to prove you wrong.

nature vs nurture? no. they go hand in hand.
but does it matter why it happened?

you have to spend the rest of your life explaining.

you cant claim to give a flying F*** about what the world thinks because you do care and quite rightly so because you need the world and many of its aspects to survive.

*thinks*

is it all worth it some may ask. that's not even as issue. it's just.. love happens.
why must love ever be limited to a particular gender?

everyone is different.

homosexuality is almost like a race at times. you gotta deal with racism and all its shit. yet who can blame anybody?
it's just the way the world works.