i think growth is so important. when you widen life's perspective and gain the courage to change or adapt, increase in tolerance and more importantly, understand.

there are some questions in life that can never be answered and i guess at times we need them for closure. but what if you know that the answers arent there? it's about acceptance of the inevitable, and then you move on, and then you grow.

but it's always so easy in theory. it's so easy to say all these right things at the right time. i admire those who put it into practice, because it can be one of the hardest things in the world to do.

sometimes i take a step back and examine my life and i feel a little lost about where im heading but hell who doesnt go through that every once in a while. ive learn that sometimes its not so important to have a goal for the moment, and just take it step by step. i mean of course you have to plan for certain things but when times get rough and you get stressed, it's time to take a breather and relax.

i was just thinking about my friends and i marvel at the changes that they have made. they seem so much stronger, and i dont know how to explain, but they grew.

and i admire them.

let's highlight 3 of my very good friends that have made the strongest impact on me.

A.
she has to juggle work and studies. i hear her on the phone doing business and im like wow. she has studies at night. i mean what the hell i cant even handle going to school regularly.
she makes an effort for friends, family and bf. she puts up with a lot of shit.

J.
i cant say much without revealing, so let's leave it as she didnt crack under pressure. and trust me, lots of pressure. proud of you buddy.

Y.
you used to be so sheltered and you didnt even know how to take mrt and i had to order food for you. (haha oops) but look at you now.. you look after a guy, a house and a dog. you study. you work. you cook! you take out the trash. ok enough said.

i dont know.. it's like just so wow.

i feel so pampered suddenly. yet why do i feel so dissatisfied?
i like who i am, how i think etc. i am proud of myself in some ways.
but in other ways, i feel so ashamed. because there is so much more for me to achieve, yet i cant muster the drive to do it.

how does one cultivate discipline?