uncomprehensive recent feelings that i cant seem to grasp.

in this universe in which we reside, i am but one amongst the billions. i stare out at the vast world which surrounds me, the complexities which it contains and i find myself trying to answer that endless questions of the meaning of life.

suddenly i am gripped by fear of the very existence of us. the facts of how fragile life is looms larger than life than usual.

what if something happens to you or me tmr?
wld i have said all that i wanted to say?

treasure life, yet ironically i defeat its purpose by throwing paranoia in.

to live by such, is not healthy.

i look at strangers around me, familiar faces. and i want to tell them life is precious. that sometimes we waste to much time and energy on things that dont really matter. yet i dont practise what i preach.

i look at my lifestyle, certain vices that i indulge in. healthy? duh no. regret? im sorry to say but no too.
does treasuring life mean we should live healthier? maybe. maybe not.

i step into a room full of confidence. that hasnt changed.
yet, insecurity has been seeping in through cracks that have been allowed to appear. yet the mind is full of self defence mechanisms. the emotional make up that i wear far exceeds the literal make up i ever will put on.

i used to be so detached, devoid of emotion, heck care whatever.
needy? clingy? i scoff at those words.
yet i almost feel like i may turn into that.
ok not to that extreme but characteristics of those anyway.

suddenly, im just afraid that my loved ones might leave, in some way or another.

that's my greatest fear you know.