let's bare our souls.
or rather, let me bear mine ok?

when we first broke up, the voltage of anger surges through me honestly scared the hell out of me. everyday, i had to fight to keep myself in hand, battle to keep it under control, because i never knew i could be capable of such anger.
i was bitter, resentful, and whatever vocabulary you can get from the thesaurus.
someone also thought i didnt have a right to cry, because i broke up with you anyway.

see how wronged i was?

and yes, i blamed it all on you. i pointed every gawd damn finger at you.

i harboured this for a long time. i was emotionally exhausted, i didnt want to see anyone, didnt want to meet anyone because all the spoke about was you. i didnt want to pick up calls, dreaded to read messages in case it concerned you.

then there was that guilt trip. because i didnt know how to be there for you when you needed me.

and then there was that anger all over again because you forced me to a point where i didnt know anything anymore.

and now, im just sad.

sad that even after a break up, we still seem to be staring daggers at each other. so full of hatred, where love once was.
how did things reach this stage?

yes i still think about you, not thing we used to do, but just you. and those times i have to look up and will the tears not to fall. and then, that makes me angry. you know me, you know how im like. i just dont want to go through any of that emotional stuff. im not used to it and im not planning to get used to it.

i try not to think about you with someone else. but i guess i resigned myself to the fact that you will find someone else more compatible. we both will.

you are irreplaceable to me. i thought you would know that. ive never loved anyone else the way i love you. remember some things dont change? we may move on, love someone else but we'll never forget this right?

now, im just sad. plain sad. maybe im too tired to be angry anymore. but yes it makes me fucking miserable to know that you hold untrue thoughts about me or whatever else without asking me or whatever. so you're bitter. but is it fair? dont i have a right anymore? did i forgo that right and respect when i gave it up?
i want us to reach a mutual understanding, a simple agreement of 'hey we loved each other, we always will but it just couldnt work out.'
that's all.
no more talking about lies or illusions or how you were blind and never saw things coming or whatever.

we love each other. cant we let all the bad stuff go?

please. no more fights ok?