it's funny how the memory of someone isnt really who you thought he was.
weird how you can be left with that particular impression, with noone setting you straight.
until out of the blue, interesting revelations cause you to become even more disoriented than you already are.

and that full gamut of emotions that you feel, that surge of protective anger, that loss of respect which you arent sure is temporary of permanent.
everything is ephemeral. bullshit.

and then you suddenly feel ashamed of how you feel, because it just isnt right. it's almost disloyal. and no point.

conflict. dont you just hate that?

In life, there are so many stages. And i dont mean stage as in phases, but stage as in theatre stages. because there are just so many roles to play, so many faces to you.
and even if life has moved on, a sudden incident draws you back to particular scenes happening years ago.
but because you are no longer who you once were, you replay that scene as a stranger, you become one of the audience instead of the actor.
yet, what's done is done.
you cant buy back yesterday, but you can promise tomorrow.
to yourself.

we're supposed to create our garden of dreams.
it's more than a matter of finding the right seeds.
you gotta have the right tools too.

after that tiring week, i finally have the opportunity for a breather. and boy am i breathing!
:>
you know what im really forward to? MAUMAUS 'COMING HOME!
:D