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JEM


Thursday, December 09, 2004

Maybe I've already been through my share of hard knocks in life, leading to the belief that a lonely desperate night will eventually give way to sunshine when you are ready to open the curtains that have kept you in that dark forever.

When you experience a trial in life, everyone knows that you emerge from it stronger than before. But what I cannot comprehend is that during that misery, everyone gets too caught up
in it, they wallow in it, they spill their hearts out about the issues closest to them, but when that misery is over, suddenly the affirmations that they held then has since been changed.
Well it's funny how one can change their perspective so easily.

So maybe we're back to that big debate. What the hell is love?
There are so many different opinions, but of course, the one that most people hold on to is that love is never impossible. And that love can see a relationship through everything. I used to believe in that, but yes, the word is used. Past tense. Because love, for all its greatness, has one flaw. Which is that love has different measures.
I love my mother. No matter what she does to me now, or what she has done, or what she will do, that love will never run out.
If someone pointed a gun at her, I would still willingly take that bullet for her.
but then, it led me to wonder, if my mum wasnt the kind of mum she is now, would I have that same unconditional love for her.

The theory holds for other relationships.

Do we love someone a lot because the other party shows us and proves to us their love?
And if the other party, though claiming lots of love, and you know it to be true, yet it has never really been proven because you were let down time and time again?
Do you stop loving them?
I dont think so.
But I definitely think the love is not enough anymore.

I have made this very clear to whom I had a serious relationship with. Do not take me for granted. And do not take a break up as a game. Towards the end, there will be many warnings, many danger signals. And I would tell you they are danger signals and warnings. If you fail to respond, one day, I will snap. I will walk out and go. No matter how much it may hurt me to go, I will walk. And I will never return.Because for me to reach that ultimatum, it means there were countless of chances. It's as simple as that.

I can walk away. perhaps even easily. Because I dont let my emotions control me. because yes I am a practical person. Because I am always in control. Yes I am strong. Because hurt doesnt stay forever.
You break up, you hurt, you let go you move on.
heartless maybe? But as I said before, maybe I've already been through so much that I know I can handle it. because all these years I have trained myself to be the one in full control.
never to crumble to my feelings.

For all their misery, in time people realise things.
That whatever happened may hurt but it's ok to move on.
That life can go on, and you have moments of happy times with others.
That's what people realise , in time, that things dont have to be so bad.
That things arent so bad after all.

It just takes me a shorter time than an average person.
Because I heal faster due to my putting things into perspective more quickly than others.
Because I realise all the above more easily than the rest.

Is that so wrong?
Apparently.

shrugs. whatever.

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