Cheryl,

In the time we parted, there hasnt been a day where I didnt wake up overwashed with memories and had to struggle to hold back tears, for Jamie doesnt cry.

There has been situations where I reach for my phone to tell you something funny or cute, only to realise that I cant readily punch in your number anymore.

I read your entries and your emails, and let myself succumb to the whole emotion of it in the privateness of my room.

I dont normally talk about what I'm feeling. I prefer to keep it to myself, handle it my own way. I guess right now, Louey is still waiting for my call.

Time to time, I just gaze away from what I'm doing and wonder what you are doing now.

Time to time, I give in. When I'm not strong enough to hold back the tears. When I simply cant take the whole gamut of emotions one has to experience at a time like this.

But at the end of the day, I am always in control. Because Jem doesnt cry.

But there will come a day, where I'll break down and cry for us 2.

I'ts been 9 months. 9 trying months. But all the arguments were ok, because we both felt in us to carry on. To relish the thought that we have managed to come so far despite all that. But it has been draining. I asked myself, to be brutally honest, if we were going anywhere. Were we just hanging on for the sake of it. There are moments in between that we both wondered if staying together was the best thing to do. But no one took a step. I'd like to think it was love. But it was also stained with fear.

yes, it's over. Just saying the words or hearing them is just simply indescribable.

You see it as how I portray. Well, this will be the rawest letter to you yet. Away from the angry and bitter entries that I blogged after I needed an outlet.

Only time will tell what happens. Love might remain, love might fade. But memories never leave you. Unless you develop amnesia. And those memories, can still bring a painful smile to my face.
Life goes on. We had a stage in life together, but our story has ended here. You might choose not to see it as a fairy tale ending, but to me, there are only happy times. And we have to part, because of how we are. And we should never be sorry for the way we are. We can improve, but dont apologise, or feel lousy about yourself. If you were different, we might never even have had a beginning.

Maybe right now we still are not in the same frequency level.
You think I proclaim to her how tired I was. No I didnt. I might have said I was tired, but not tired of you. nothing was said against you. Why you sprung up that sort of relevation on me and what exactly happened doesnt change a thing. It doesnt matter. Not because I dont care, but because it is time we let go of all our conflicting issues.

I'm sorry. For the times I lost my temper. I'm sorry for that one particular time I lost my temper. I'm sorry things turned out this way.

You hurt me before, and made me angry. But that's not why I'm leaving. That's not why I made the decision. You know I made the decision because it was time to choose a path for us. And given who we are, we cant walk that path together. It is better to leave with happy memories, than let the love die out.

I love you, no matter what you did, no matter what you said.

And that, is my unconditional love to you.