today is the worst day ever.

When someone you love leaves, you dont lose her all at once. you lose her in pieces over a long time..the way her scent fades from your pillow, the memories of a once in a lifetime togetherness hurts you instead of making you happy. when the day comes when thre's a particular missing part that overwhelms you with the feelings that she's gone forever..

i always thought that when it striked me, i'd fall. i thought this would be a struggle, the way you climb a mountain, and the higher you get, the more oxygen you need. this was true for the past days or so, when occassionally, i'd feel a huge urge to beg for an oxygen tank. but suddenly, i am at the top. it was almost instantaneous. but i felt free, i thought i had the liberty to live my life the way i want.... i was so wrong.

suddenly, i found myself unwilling trapped... ever heard of trappings of love..? well.. let me introduce you to a new phrase.. trappings of a one-sided love. and suddenly, i fell in love with someone else. sounds complicated? if it seems so messed up on paper, can u imagine what the inner turmoil of those involved? so what do i do now? am i entitled to self-pity? self-centeredness? i am tempted.. so tempted to be selfish.... but you know the last thing i want to do is to hurt you

somethings are just out of my control.... and when i acknowledge it.. all stubbornness and defiance rise up against the fact.. just because i acknowledge it doesnt mean i have to accept it.

To that someone very special: the late night conversations, the night spent together, the piano duets, your voice.. especially your smile... everything about you.. i dont know the reason behind the suddenness of this, but reasons dont matter anymore. things are not easy for us.. in certain ways.. i almost feel like romeo and juliet.. star crossed lovers..ha.. i never wanted things to turn out like that.. and i dont know where to go from here... i only know that.. if it's not right to love you.. then i'd rather be wrong.